RE: How Do I get my wife to agree????

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (Full Version)

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NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/15/2013 10:24:06 PM)
Oh wow. Okay, I admit I didn't read the whole thing. I got 5 1/2 pages in and gave up. Sooooo quote: ORIGINAL: trustandesire I am a straight Dominant man. Not much experience. My wife is 100% vanilla, .01% bi. Totally old school. We have very limited sex life due to her asthma and other issues. Both 50 yrs old. How do I get her to suggest or welcome a younger slave into our marriage of 30+ years. I'm looking for simple dominance, a sex / domestic slave who obeys. My wife has no idea of my desires of dominance but knows I am dominant as she also is. She has no idea of this lifestyle or that a "slave" even exists. First of all, I think calling yourself "TRUSTandesire" is more than a bit misleading, since you are anything BUT trustworthy. Wanting to cheat is not trustworthy, regardless of the reason. In your quote here, you ask about getting your wife to "suggest or welcome a younger slave into our marriage of 30+ years." That makes it sound like you're really trying to be honest and straightforward with her, but you're not. As soon as anyone reads your profile(I did), they will know you're looking for a piece on the side, and you'd rather your Mrs didn't know about it, hence the word "discreet." I know for a fact that, every day, there are people with asthma who also have sex. Asthma and sex are not mutually exclusive, so I call B.S. on that statement. Looking at it from her point of view, why do you think a hot, younger woman will want to move away from everyone and everything she knows to set up housekeeping alone and support herself, just to be a married man's piece on the side? You won't be around when she needs you, you'll be with the wife & kids. She gets to spend all her special days and weekends alone while you are with the wife and kids. She will be supporting herself and sleeping alone while you sleep with the Mrs. If your wife is also dominant, as you say you are, maybe she also needs her own submissive....some hot young beefcake who's hung like a horse and knows every position known to mankind, with the most talented tongue in all of Rhode Island, who also excels in yard work and keeping her kitchen spotless. How does that sound to you? Maybe you should offer her that idea before asking for your own sub? If she likes the idea of having her own sub, then ask her about you having one also. I hardly think it's fair to expect her to agree to you having something on the side if she can't. If you are really dominant and you "like being in control of all aspects of my life and of my female partner both in and out of the bedroom. I like things done my way, by my decisions," then you should have the cojones to just come right out and tell your wife how you want things to be and go from there. One of several things will happpen: a)she will agree to it and you can stay married and have your young hottie on the side. b)she will say no, so you remain sexless and stay married. c)she will say no, then you both go to marriage counseling and try to salvage what's left of the marriage. It sounds to me like there might be way more problems than just her asthma. d)she will say no, you get divorced and have your young hottie instead. Of course, all the young hottie references are assuming you will be able to find one in the first place. Good luck with all that. NBMG

LadyPact -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/15/2013 10:51:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam I think one of the problems is that you're supposed to attack the post, not the person. I don't feel that rule has been followed very well on this thread. I think it's hard on threads like this because there is such a fine line between the person and the topic. Plus, it becomes more complicated due to the very fact that a number of people on the forums are very outspoken. That's where My hang-up comes in.

Hillwilliam -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/16/2013 5:52:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam I think one of the problems is that you're supposed to attack the post, not the person. I don't feel that rule has been followed very well on this thread. I think it's hard on threads like this because there is such a fine line between the person and the topic. Plus, it becomes more complicated due to the very fact that a number of people on the forums are very outspoken. That's where My hang-up comes in. Rules is rules and let's face it. If this kind of personal attacks on an OP had happened in the "supposedly" wild west of P&R, there would be a lot of [AWAITING APPROVAL] Just something to think about kids.

MasterCaneman -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/16/2013 7:23:49 AM)
The weird thing about this whole thread is, waaayy back on page 5, post #94, the OP responded with what I thought was a conscientious observation to the answers given. How did this thread go for eleven and a half pages beyond that is puzzling to me.

kalikshama -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/16/2013 7:26:02 AM)
quote: Just because you have virtually no desire doesn't give you the moral authority to condemn others who do and who sometimes err in their judgment regarding sex. It's like being the sex police. Get a grip and get a lay and you (the general you, of course) might have a different perspective My voracious sexual appetite does not prevent me from believing that cheating and lying is wrong. In retrospect, I should have had the conversation with my (now ex) husband about having an open relationship earlier or divorced him earlier.

Hillwilliam -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/16/2013 7:30:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman The weird thing about this whole thread is, waaayy back on page 5, post #94, the OP responded with what I thought was a conscientious observation to the answers given. How did this thread go for eleven and a half pages beyond that is puzzling to me. It got side tracked to a discussion of whether men or women have a harder time with the group here regarding adultery and why, on this particular subject, the rules regarding personal attacks seem to be suspended.

MasterCaneman -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/16/2013 8:08:53 AM)
I see. That's what I get for staying away for a couple days, huh?

evesgrden -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/16/2013 8:18:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman The weird thing about this whole thread is, waaayy back on page 5, post #94, the OP responded with what I thought was a conscientious observation to the answers given. How did this thread go for eleven and a half pages beyond that is puzzling to me. Thanks for menitioning that. When I check in on long threads I tend to just go to the last page and I hadn't seen it. You're right.

LadyPact -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/16/2013 9:32:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam Rules is rules and let's face it. If this kind of personal attacks on an OP had happened in the "supposedly" wild west of P&R, there would be a lot of [AWAITING APPROVAL] Just something to think about kids. I'd have to go back and check My posts, but I think I'm still in there. Hopefully, I remembered the avoidance of "you" statements and such except for in a generic sense. I haven't receive any gold mail up to this point. (I admit to not having checked yet this morning.) Then again, I don't know if anybody has reported anything, either.

Hillwilliam -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/16/2013 9:43:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam Rules is rules and let's face it. If this kind of personal attacks on an OP had happened in the "supposedly" wild west of P&R, there would be a lot of [AWAITING APPROVAL] Just something to think about kids. I'd have to go back and check My posts, but I think I'm still in there. Hopefully, I remembered the avoidance of "you" statements and such except for in a generic sense. I haven't receive any gold mail up to this point. (I admit to not having checked yet this morning.) Then again, I don't know if anybody has reported anything, either. Actually, you (I had to use that word) were one of the ones who refrained from attacking the OP as nearly as I could figure. As for Gold letters, I'd be willing to go on record and say Id guess there were none sent in spite of some of the language used.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/16/2013 9:55:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman The weird thing about this whole thread is, waaayy back on page 5, post #94, the OP responded with what I thought was a conscientious observation to the answers given. How did this thread go for eleven and a half pages beyond that is puzzling to me. I was thinking the same thing. While I understand that the thread digressed, what confused me was why some kept arguing points (e.g. "we don't know that the OP wants to cheat" or "We don't know that his wife doesn't know") even after the OP had come back and confirmed the true nature of his situation. Perhaps they didn't realize that the follow-up comment had come from the OP himself. It's obvious that this topic became very personal for some, and their responses had little to do with the OP or the original topic. Moreover, some felt the need to defend the OP when his own response showed that he wasn't as offended as some seemed to be for him. Moreover, he indicated that the comments were helpful and gave him much to think about. Anyway, back to the digression........

ResidentSadist -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/16/2013 11:58:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl . . . First of all, I think calling yourself "TRUSTandesire" is more than a bit misleading . . . I truly think that sums it all up in a nice bundle. If his handle was "cheatingwannabe" this thread might have gone a different direction. LMAO

OsideGirl -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/16/2013 12:17:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl . . . First of all, I think calling yourself "TRUSTandesire" is more than a bit misleading . . . I truly think that sums it all up in a nice bundle. If his handle was "cheatingwannabe" this thread might have gone a different direction. LMAO Yanno....sometimes you just make me laugh out loud.

descrite -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/16/2013 12:20:26 PM)
I have to add another observation. In the past, there have been threads on this board where regular posters have remonstrated people for not "being there" for partners who become sexually unavailable for lengths of time (often through medical or other external factors). These "partnerships," in at least one thread, even constituted just dating someone for a month (at which point one member became sexually distant, and expected the "partner" to continue dating activity sans sexual contact-- indeed, all physical contact). I made mention, in at least one of those threads, that a person who becomes sexually unavailable owes it to their partner to allow the partner to seek outlet and gratification outside the relationship (ESPECIALLY in the case where dating was only 30 days, and the sexual hiatus was going to last 90 days or more). I was reviled for suggesting that a partner not getting sex be allowed to search elsewhere, because, "It is just sex." Well, here's the flipside, in this thread: many regular posters state that they would ditch a partner, even a partner of over a decade, a partner who (contrary otherwise unstated) has presumably been there for them, through financial hardship and family problems and bringing up children and living life and building a home and all the other things partners do for each other, if they determined that the partner had had "just sex" with someone else. So-- it's just sex. Except when it isn't. Spiffy.

LadyPact -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/16/2013 12:31:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: descrite I have to add another observation. In the past, there have been threads on this board where regular posters have remonstrated people for not "being there" for partners who become sexually unavailable for lengths of time (often through medical or other external factors). These "partnerships," in at least one thread, even constituted just dating someone for a month (at which point one member became sexually distant, and expected the "partner" to continue dating activity sans sexual contact-- indeed, all physical contact). I made mention, in at least one of those threads, that a person who becomes sexually unavailable owes it to their partner to allow the partner to seek outlet and gratification outside the relationship (ESPECIALLY in the case where dating was only 30 days, and the sexual hiatus was going to last 90 days or more). I was reviled for suggesting that a partner not getting sex be allowed to search elsewhere, because, "It is just sex." Well, here's the flipside, in this thread: many regular posters state that they would ditch a partner, even a partner of over a decade, a partner who (contrary otherwise unstated) has presumably been there for them, through financial hardship and family problems and bringing up children and living life and building a home and all the other things partners do for each other, if they determined that the partner had had "just sex" with someone else. So-- it's just sex. Except when it isn't. Spiffy. Why is it that some folks on this thread don't get that the cheating issue isn't the "just sex" part? Is it really hard to see that dishonesty is the problem here?

FrostedFlake -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/16/2013 10:08:51 PM)
You can always tell which is the good thread. It has socks. I am surprised this has gone on like this and surprised the direction it has taken. I note I've been called on my post #32, and wouldn't want it thought I'm embarrassed by my lack of respect for the OP. On exhibit, we have a man my age who thinks he is Dom looking around for someone young, hot and horny to stand around 6 & 3/4 or so days a week for the honor of jumping when he says how high. I say, good luck with that. But that's not enough, he also wants the money side of things to take care if itself. I say, good luck with that. But that's not enough. He also wants his wife of 30 years, who is totally straight to say that's great. I say, good luck with that. My read on this is, the only thing this guy seems firmly attached to is his dick. Not one to unnecessarily abuse my audience, here is a cute cartoon, starring the OP. There is a certain amount of metaphor, but all the main characters are there. I think it covers all the major points.

descrite -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/16/2013 11:50:06 PM)
quote: On exhibit, we have a man my age who thinks he is Dom looking around for someone young, hot and horny to stand around 6 & 3/4 or so days a week for the honor of jumping when he says how high. I say, good luck with that. But that's not enough, he also wants the money side of things to take care if itself. I say, good luck with that. You've just described me and my primary. I, too, wish him well. And I would inform you, in case you haven't been looking for a while, that age disparity in relationships is becoming trendy at moment...and that this is not exclusive to the cliched older-man-yougner-woman; the flipside is now similarly commonplace, as younger men are finding the joys of women who have more to offer and know what they want (and it isn't kids), and all the permutations that genderbending and homoflexibility allow. OP is not searching for a mythical creature; he's actually looking for something fairly ubiquitous and abundant in any American city of any reasonable size. (My secondary and quanary also fit that description, although the secondary is slightly older...my tertiary is married to another man who enjoys cuckoldry to some extent-- and both members of that couple are very young. All these women have their own jobs/income/living situations; they are all educated and becoming more so. OP, I assure you, what you bring to the table is highly sought-after by the women you seek. I met all mine via OKC or FL-- I have not even had one date with anyone I've met from this site.) quote: Why is it that some folks on this thread don't get that the cheating issue isn't the "just sex" part? Is it really hard to see that dishonesty is the problem here? Is it really so hard, therefore, to be honest in relationships, and let your partner seek sexual release externally when you are unable to fulfill that aspect? Ten years of picking up groceries. Twenty years of wiping kids' sniffling noses. Thirty years of getting the oil changed on the the minivan every 3,000 miles. You're telling me that having a piece on the side so dramatically outweighs these things that it tips the apple cart straight into divorce court? You think the dishonesty is a bid deal? Gosh. You sure don't seem to put much value in those other things, then. Would that I had the pulpit, I would teach all American men to reduce the performance level for relationships-- if those things don't buy credit, then we ought cease doing them. If the sole measure of "good SO" is monogamy/honesty, we should just concentrate on that, and stop wasting energy on that other crap. [Pro tip: women, you don't want honesty. You think you do. But you don't. Because, really: yes, you look fat in that dress, okay? Stop bugging us about it. But it's cute that you lie about honesty.]

searching4mysir -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/17/2013 5:52:19 AM)
quote: Is it really so hard, therefore, to be honest in relationships, and let your partner seek sexual release externally when you are unable to fulfill that aspect? Has he even had the stones to bring it up? Why should she be required to be a fucking mind-reader? Some people are wired for monogamy, others are not. She deserves the right to know if he is sticking his dick elsewhere if for no other reason than to protect her health (he never said sex was non-existent in their relationship). Informed consent. Condoms aren't foolproof and not all STDs are passed through body fluids.

chatterbox24 -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/17/2013 6:09:17 AM)
30 plus years? That's a long time to be married, and you should be very proud of that. In my personal opinion, under direction of my own experience, it is not a good idea to cheapen this long standing union by doing it underhandedly. Man up and talk to her. After 30 years you should know if this is something she will accept or not. If you already know the answer, and that answer if she will not accept it, I think it would be in your best interest to talk to her about your needs, and try to get them met through her. Use complete honesty. As far as bringing a young slave into it, do you have any idea how much that would hurt a middle age woman with health problems if she is not in agreement? Your male parts are speaking to you, not your spirit. People do what they want to do, follow their own wants, but it might be a good idea to consider disciplining yourself against your weaknesses, armor up, before you possibly destroy 30+ years of a dying and failing vow in society.

evesgrden -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/17/2013 7:25:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: descrite Is it really so hard, therefore, to be honest in relationships, and let your partner seek sexual release externally when you are unable to fulfill that aspect? Ten years of picking up groceries. Twenty years of wiping kids' sniffling noses. Thirty years of getting the oil changed on the the minivan every 3,000 miles. You're telling me that having a piece on the side so dramatically outweighs these things that it tips the apple cart straight into divorce court? You think the dishonesty is a bid deal? Gosh. You sure don't seem to put much value in those other things, then. Would that I had the pulpit, I would teach all American men to reduce the performance level for relationships-- if those things don't buy credit, then we ought cease doing them. If the sole measure of "good SO" is monogamy/honesty, we should just concentrate on that, and stop wasting energy on that other crap. [Pro tip: women, you don't want honesty. You think you do. But you don't. Because, really: yes, you look fat in that dress, okay? Stop bugging us about it. But it's cute that you lie about honesty.] Clearly it truly is very hard for a lot of people to be honest enough to ask for an open relationship so that they can get sexual release. In this situation, it appears the OP had failed at getting it secretly over the last 10 years or so, and is now considering asking his spouse for her ok. As for all those years of groceries, runny noses, and oil changes (while she was going to spas, this was a one way deal... only you worked and did family stuff?) --- I in my 56 years have yet to meet or hear about the guy whose wife has been screwing around on him and he's good with that. The lying.. no problem, just tell me from now on and I don't mind that I'm not satisfying you and you've been going elsewhere. We're assuming a non-cuckold type here. Lying not a problem and infidelity not a problem. Has that happened to you or anyone you know? Someone not into kink, or even kinky but got lied to, and their partner screwed around, and the dishonesty was not a problem for him, it didn't threaten the relationship? I never heard that story. But you know on the other sideof the apple cart, she did laundry, and cooked, and stayed home from work with sick kids, and ran a household, and went shopping on Saturdays to make sure the kids had clothes and shoes when they outgrew or wore out the current wardrobe. She took care of hubby when he was sick, he still golfed when she was sick. Tell me how a guy would not have a problem with her being romanced and fucked by someone despite 30 years of her contributions. Or lying that she was out with someone who treated her like a woman instead of babysitter/maid/nurse/girlfriday? btw.. I have no skin in this game. No kids, this didn't happen to me or anyone close to me. I'm just putting the shoe on the other foot. No guy I've ever known would shrug and just work it out with the wife when she screwed around on him. Every guy I've know would consider that a betrayal, and if not a dealbreaker, bloody close to one. Do you really picture male dominants being ok with their submissive lying to them about screwing around on them? Do you really think that's only because they're dominant that this would be a problem. I don't. By the way, I know it's not the dress that makes my ass look fat, it's my fat ass that makes my ass look fat. So memo to you: When asked about the dress, the question is actually "does this dress help or hinder?"

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