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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 1:48:54 PM   
BamaD


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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

It would depend on what he meant by 'pushing limits'.

I love to push my own limits by taking more than I think I can take, playing well beyond safewords, and well into the realm of consensual non-consent.

If he's to eager to go there, I'd back off, because it means he isn't considering how risky it is for himself to go to a place with me that could potentially land him in jail if it turns out I'm full of shit. That by itself would indicate that once thinking with his dick he stops thinking with his head, and would mean we're not a good match.

If he's talking about pushing my actual hard limits (which deal with stuff like "no amputation of body parts, or pieces of body parts without very rigorous prenogotiations" then I'd also loose interest, for similar reasons as listed above, and additionally, signs of serious mental instability.

The possibility that she is full of it is why a smart Dom will not run straight out to her limits. You have no idea how many times I have heard "I love to" A B C D followed by "well no I've never tried any of that"
As for person B run , run fast run far

_____________________________

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 1:59:41 PM   
deliriuminabox


Posts: 135
Joined: 2/25/2013
Status: offline 		I've been following the thread and reading everyone's replies. Thank you all for your input!

Most of the men who contact me mention, at some ealy point, pushing my limits or more specifically pushing my limit against being fisted. Evidently this is a silly thing to say no to? I dunno. But it got me to wondering ...... Why have limits in the first place? Especially since no one even mentioned wanting to fist me until I specifically stated it was off the table.

I feel like my head's on a bit more straight now. No hands in my bush, tyvm.

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 2:27:52 PM   
AaNiMaLl


Posts: 78
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		I saw one post talking about hard and soft limits, and I liked that.

I am what I am what I am what I am. I am always going to push for what I want, it is in my nature. Although, I do it tongue in cheek sometimes. Almost all the time, she blows my mind and goes beyond what I expect. And I don't see what the difference is between a 'first meeting' and long term relationship. I think that if you want to discuss something off the mark then we should be allowed to. Honesty, all the time. However, I can see that it wouldn't be prudent to walk up to a girl and say, 'I am going to push your limits and fist you'. There has to be a build up of trust first. Two maybe three drinks and then you can ask that.

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 3:52:32 PM   
littlewonder


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quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox

I've been following the thread and reading everyone's replies. Thank you all for your input!

Most of the men who contact me mention, at some ealy point, pushing my limits or more specifically pushing my limit against being fisted. Evidently this is a silly thing to say no to? I dunno. But it got me to wondering ...... Why have limits in the first place? Especially since no one even mentioned wanting to fist me until I specifically stated it was off the table.

I feel like my head's on a bit more straight now. No hands in my bush, tyvm.



If you're looking for a long term committed loving relationship, why are you talking to men who the first things they talk about are sex and limits and all that bdsm sex kink stuff? If that's all they can talk about, why would you want to be with them?

Now if you're just looking for someone to play with then ok...carry on.


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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 3:56:22 PM   
deliriuminabox


Posts: 135
Joined: 2/25/2013
Status: offline 		Alas, most men don't make it past the second email for that very reason, littlewonder. I was starting to wonder if I'm just being unrealistic in my expectations and should I just suck it up and give these guys more of a chance. Evidently, that is not the case.

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 3:58:34 PM   
littlewonder


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quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox

Alas, most men don't make it past the second email for that very reason, littlewonder. I was starting to wonder if I'm just being unrealistic in my expectations and should I just suck it up and give these guys more of a chance. Evidently, that is not the case.


I was on here for 8 years before I found Master. It's no different than looking for someone for a relationship.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 3:59:25 PM   
deliriuminabox


Posts: 135
Joined: 2/25/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AaNiMaLl

I saw one post talking about hard and soft limits, and I liked that.

I am what I am what I am what I am. I am always going to push for what I want, it is in my nature. Although, I do it tongue in cheek sometimes. Almost all the time, she blows my mind and goes beyond what I expect. And I don't see what the difference is between a 'first meeting' and long term relationship. I think that if you want to discuss something off the mark then we should be allowed to. Honesty, all the time. However, I can see that it wouldn't be prudent to walk up to a girl and say, 'I am going to push your limits and fist you'. There has to be a build up of trust first. Two maybe three drinks and then you can ask that.



The only reason I even posted limits in my profile was to warn away those who would be interested in things I am simply unwilling to do. Ever. It wasn't intended to be an advert for awesome things we can try someday or possibly discuss after I've had a few drinks in me.

_____________________________

“Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes.” ~Tori Amos

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 4:00:36 PM   
deliriuminabox


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Joined: 2/25/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox

Alas, most men don't make it past the second email for that very reason, littlewonder. I was starting to wonder if I'm just being unrealistic in my expectations and should I just suck it up and give these guys more of a chance. Evidently, that is not the case.



I was on here for 8 years before I found Master. It's no different than looking for someone for a relationship.



You're right.

_____________________________

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 4:13:41 PM   
UllrsIshtar


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quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox


The only reason I even posted limits in my profile was to warn away those who would be interested in things I am simply unwilling to do. Ever. It wasn't intended to be an advert for awesome things we can try someday or possibly discuss after I've had a few drinks in me.


Because fisting is not a kink Collarme has listed in its checkbox list, a lot of people interested in it will do a keyword search on it.

That means that because you mention it in your profile, your profile will necessarily show up to all the men who keyword search on it specifically because it's an interest of theirs.

Considering that lots of guys are very lazy when it comes to reading profiles, or think that as soon as they can get a woman to talk to them, everything else is up for negotiation, by listing it as a hard limit you'll get more mail from men who are going to want to fist you than you would if not mentioning it at all.

I'd leave it out of your profile, and mention it in private mails as a hard limit to those men you have an interest in after talking to them for a while.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 5:57:54 PM   
BamaD


Posts: 20687
Joined: 2/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox

I've been following the thread and reading everyone's replies. Thank you all for your input!

Most of the men who contact me mention, at some ealy point, pushing my limits or more specifically pushing my limit against being fisted. Evidently this is a silly thing to say no to? I dunno. But it got me to wondering ...... Why have limits in the first place? Especially since no one even mentioned wanting to fist me until I specifically stated it was off the table.

I feel like my head's on a bit more straight now. No hands in my bush, tyvm.

Men always want what they are told they can't have.

_____________________________

Government ranges from a necessary evil to an intolerable one. Thomas Paine

People don't believe they can defend themselves because they have guns, they have guns because they believe they can defend themselves.

(in reply to deliriuminabox)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 6:02:00 PM   
BamaD


Posts: 20687
Joined: 2/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox


quote:

ORIGINAL: AaNiMaLl

I saw one post talking about hard and soft limits, and I liked that.

I am what I am what I am what I am. I am always going to push for what I want, it is in my nature. Although, I do it tongue in cheek sometimes. Almost all the time, she blows my mind and goes beyond what I expect. And I don't see what the difference is between a 'first meeting' and long term relationship. I think that if you want to discuss something off the mark then we should be allowed to. Honesty, all the time. However, I can see that it wouldn't be prudent to walk up to a girl and say, 'I am going to push your limits and fist you'. There has to be a build up of trust first. Two maybe three drinks and then you can ask that.



The only reason I even posted limits in my profile was to warn away those who would be interested in things I am simply unwilling to do. Ever. It wasn't intended to be an advert for awesome things we can try someday or possibly discuss after I've had a few drinks in me.

Even if they want to discuss it ultimately no still means no (except in the middle of rape fantasies when safeword means no, but I drift).

_____________________________

Government ranges from a necessary evil to an intolerable one. Thomas Paine

People don't believe they can defend themselves because they have guns, they have guns because they believe they can defend themselves.

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 8:40:47 PM   
MrRodgers


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Joined: 7/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox

I've been following the thread and reading everyone's replies. Thank you all for your input!

Most of the men who contact me mention, at some ealy point, pushing my limits or more specifically pushing my limit against being fisted. Evidently this is a silly thing to say no to? I dunno. But it got me to wondering ...... Why have limits in the first place? Especially since no one even mentioned wanting to fist me until I specifically stated it was off the table.

I feel like my head's on a bit more straight now. No hands in my bush, tyvm.

I think limits might actually be a bad word. I am thinking taboo. Taboos are something we will not do, limits are arbitrary and personal...almost number like.

I think that's where the idea of pushing limits comes in. How long have you ever been bound ? Ever been bound for hours ? Ever been bound all night ? How many have you taken with say..a crop ? Have you had your blood drawn intentionally ? Some only accept the rare accident. Those are just examples of what might be 'limits' all of which could possibly be changed.

No guns, no knives, no electric, no animals are taboos...things one will simply never do and have made that choice.

< Message edited by MrRodgers -- 8/11/2013 8:48:01 PM >

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 8:46:44 PM   
OsideGirl


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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

I think limits might actually be a bad word. I am thinking taboo. Taboos are something we will not do, limits are arbitrary and personal...almost number like.


Of course, they're arbitrary and personal...because every person in different. My limitations, phobias and morals will not be the same as the person standing next to me.


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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 8:54:45 PM   
MrRodgers


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

I think limits might actually be a bad word. I am thinking taboo. Taboos are something we will not do, limits are arbitrary and personal...almost number like.


Of course, they're arbitrary and personal...because every person in different. My limitations, phobias and morals will not be the same as the person standing next to me.


But leaving off 'number like' in the examples I give and an important qualifier, leaves off the concept that those personal, arbitrary 'limits' are or can be described as a measurement. Measurements can be pushed.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 8:59:02 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		It seems from everything I have seen in the circles of BDSM that there is some sort of badge of honor to be pushing limits. People talk about being a heavy player etc etc etc. the irony is... How much said people have in that experience is rather limiting. Lots of ego at stake with these types of comments. I think one needs to learn to stiff through the chaff and find that one seed that is worth ones time.

I love to have fun in play. I love that not just I am having fun but the person I am playing with has fun. I also love to dance on their edge! It's not s much about pushing limits. It's finding the edge where it gets them nervous excited as compared to nervous fearing and doubtful. Oh one other thing.... I really like to have a relationship with the person. Causal play just doesn't do it for me. I want to be In their head and heart as I want them in mine. I love intensity! Sometimes that pushes ones experiences! My new girl Danielle is scared about a few things. Guess what I am doing? I remember kyra telling me way back before she was mine how she would do knife play or fire play. Guess what I did within the first week she was mine? But guess how much experience I have doing the things I do? Some things I would do. Interestedly I wouldn't do fisting....too big of hands frankly! Not to forget it hurts my hand to hold it closed for any significant amount of time.

So. When someone wants to push your limits... Start questioning about their experiences on doing that very thing. Get detailed with your questions! Push them on it... And hard! In short turn the tables! Ask them what could go wrong? What did they do when it went wrong? How do they get to that edge pushing... Question and question and question.


Oh yeah..... Ask them one finally question......have you done this to someone that you deeply cared about? And where are they now?




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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 9:00:57 PM   
deliriuminabox


Posts: 135
Joined: 2/25/2013
Status: offline 		The problem I have with "taboo" is that it implies that I find the act abhorrent. I don't find fisting to be abhorrent at all. I know that lots of people enjoy it with no ill effects. I've done it to others myself but when it comes to my body, I say its a limit because I am physically incapable of handling it. Its a line I cannot cross without causing serious physical damage.

ETA

I really don't want this thread to become about my personal limit of fisting, btw.

< Message edited by deliriuminabox -- 8/11/2013 9:05:04 PM >

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 9:05:50 PM   
wittynamehere


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quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox
The problem I have with "taboo" is that it implies that I find the act abhorrent. I don't find fisting to be abhorrent at all.

Then fisting isn't taboo for you.
What is taboo for someone may not be taboo for everyone. Many people consider D/s relationships to be taboo. Some consider nothing taboo except underaged and scat. Some say that S&M is taboo but consensual nonconsent isn't, and so on.
If you will never do fisting, then fisting is a hard limit of yours. If you don't consider it taboo, then that's another matter entirely.

On the OP topic, no, I never push hard limits. I believe the word "limit" has a meaning, and it doesn't mean "not really a limit". It means, well, a limit. It's kind of cut and dry.
If someone says their hard limit is being sliced open and scarred, I will NOT slice them open.*

* I'd never cut anyone anyhow, as it's a hard limit of MINE. :)

< Message edited by wittynamehere -- 8/11/2013 9:07:54 PM >

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 9:09:58 PM   
getoutnow


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/5/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox
I really don't want this thread to become about my personal limit of fisting, btw.


too late lol.

I don't like fisting either. It's a hard limit for me also. When a sub approaches me and she says she likes it and wants it from me. bye bye. Go find another.

As to KOM question. Yes, I once did a deuce into (the mouth of) a long time gf and sub. It was her idea, she got deeply fascinated by the idea of it after reading so many other profiles on CM from other women. Her long term goal was to serve another Domme which we would bring into the relationship at a forward date. However she wanted to experiment with me.

It's a limit for me. I had to get drunk and then do it. I found it gross to be honest. It eventually did lead to the breakup. I think she is now living the dream of serving a Domme and eating her poop.

< Message edited by getoutnow -- 8/11/2013 9:10:31 PM >

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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 9:19:16 PM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox

The problem I have with "taboo" is that it implies that I find the act abhorrent. I don't find fisting to be abhorrent at all. I know that lots of people enjoy it with no ill effects. I've done it to others myself but when it comes to my body, I say its a limit because I am physically incapable of handling it. Its a line I cannot cross without causing serious physical damage.

ETA

I really don't want this thread to become about my personal limit of fisting, btw.

According to the meaning of our words...taboo does not imply anything but what it means, simply prohibited. Even though I never use them, I don't think using knives is abhorrent as with skill they can be very...penetrating shall we say.

(in reply to deliriuminabox)
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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/11/2013 9:31:46 PM   
vield


Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Two questions, and as a switch, I have thoughts for both sides.

As a submissive, anytime anyone starts talking about pushing limits before they even know me or know what my limits are is of no interest to me.

If you want to push my limits without knowledge, you might be interested to know that I may have limits which can involve YOUR health and safety too. LOL "no biting off domly body parts without a very clear command from that dom to do so!" for example.

I have very few hard limits, and I expect these to be totally respected unless I ask you to cross them.

To me, something I dislike a lot or even hate is a soft limit. Someone IN a relationship with me can decide to push these if that Pleases her.

As the dominant, my hard limits are any play with anyone under 18, and any play without a partner freely giving complete knowing consent to the things we may do. That means I respect her hard limits, and she can withdraw consent if she chooses.

I have also learned that always making a sub do things they much dislike or hate usually ends up "breaking my toy.

Making her do things she enjoys very much is a lot of fun! I will push the soft limits at times to teach her things I like, and to learn her better, both when she bravely endures something for me that I know is hard for her there WILL be rewards soon.

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As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to deliriuminabox)
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