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RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 4:56:01 PM   
Extravagasm


Posts: 230
Joined: 9/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

UllrsIshtar post56: Though the chapters/lectures I'd be most interested in is "After finding the unicorn: how to make a loving lasting triad (quad, whatever) work long term".
Second the motion.
Sustaining poly requires quite different skills than Obtaining poly. Plus IMO entails yet more organic dominance. Can't let it go to sleep. Real character in the family members also is key.

_____________________________

BDSM operates on submission. Not on love, fairness, or convention.

The way to a Dom . . is to follow his karma, wallow in his grime, Swim in his heart.©

Yeah, fantasy is not reality. That's how it gives direction to the truly gifted.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 5:27:30 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It's sad to see that in this day and age that so many men still have no idea how to seduce and woo a woman. I find that it's one of the biggest problems we have in our dating society. We've become so reliant on technology that people have forgotten how to act in a real life way of interacting.

Everytime I see these threads it's one of the first things that goes through my mind and makes me glad I don't have to go through the whole single thing again.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Extravagasm)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 6:51:39 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
It's sad to see that in this day and age that so many men still have no idea how to seduce and woo a woman.

I've never known how to "seduce and woo a woman". I just meet them and things go from there.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 7:09:36 PM   
DanielleofMists


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		I completely agree, sustaining a poly relationship (or any relationship for that matter) takes people with good character and excellent communication and relationship skills. The relationship has to be built on a solid foundation of honesty and transparency with people who are compatible.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Extravagasm

quote:

UllrsIshtar post56: Though the chapters/lectures I'd be most interested in is "After finding the unicorn: how to make a loving lasting triad (quad, whatever) work long term".
Second the motion.
Sustaining poly requires quite different skills than Obtaining poly. Plus IMO entails yet more organic dominance. Can't let it go to sleep. Real character in the family members also is key.

(in reply to Extravagasm)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 7:41:11 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
It's sad to see that in this day and age that so many men still have no idea how to seduce and woo a woman.

I've never known how to "seduce and woo a woman". I just meet them and things go from there.


I will send you my entrance application to my unicorn hunting academy and we will fix your problem

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 7:49:19 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I love when men always courted me, wooed me, seduced me...bought me flowers, took me out to a really nice dinner, smiled, made great conversation, listened to me, said sweet nothings to me, held my hand as we went for a walk, etc....

To this day Master still does things like that with me.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 9:13:13 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I love when men always courted me, wooed me, seduced me...bought me flowers, took me out to a really nice dinner, smiled, made great conversation, listened to me, said sweet nothings to me, held my hand as we went for a walk, etc....

To this day Master still does things like that with me.




I love it, too.
You know you have a good one, though, when the wooing never ends. Otherwise, I just feel as though it's entering into a relationship on false pretenses.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 9:21:29 PM   
getoutnow


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/5/2013
Status: offline 		Honestly, this is whats so wrong with American dating.

I know lots of guys here. All running around with their dicks in their hands trying to get laid. Women see right through this and well, the odds are in their favor, they have so many to choose from.

However, if only the guys actually traveled and became cultured, they might have something to learn and stand out.

I've traveled all over, you name it I've been there or near. I also get hated on for my accent. I get told that its well nice either over the phone or in person, be that in a bar, club, coffee shop wherever. My friends are seething because thats what I use for an intro if she's hot and within 5 minutes I'm walking off with her number. Most of the time it goes into the trash as she's not my type.

But guys really, grab a womans mind and the rest will follow. Make sure you stand out from the crowd. Don't appear needy, make them work for you. Make it seem you have all the options in the world. Right now, within 5 minutes, I could book a flight and be in asia and boning a japanese girl. It's just so easy. That's the difference, when you have a pool the size of the world. Well, it starts to show and suddenly, you are the unicorn. The women are fighting over you.

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 9:47:52 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I love when men always courted me, wooed me, seduced me...bought me flowers, took me out to a really nice dinner, smiled, made great conversation, listened to me, said sweet nothings to me, held my hand as we went for a walk, etc....

Oh THAT. I just never would have thought of any of that as either seducing or wooing. I do those things because I love her and that love NEEDS to be expressed. I don't tell Carol I love her 20 times a day because I want her to know I love her. I do it because I'd burst otherwise.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 11:01:13 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox

For the submissive types: how does it make you feel when a prospective dominant immediately (or very early on) begins talking about pushing your limits? Do you want your limits pushed or do you feel that limits are for your own protection?



Immediately? I'd move on and not look back.

When the Mister & I began talking, it was to get to know each other as people, not as objects with buttons that could be pushed. More importantly than limits were things like character, history, goals, humor, how we liked to spend our time, etc. - you know, what kind of people we were/are.


At some point, way down the line, he said at some point he'd like to understand what my limits were. And, well, at some point we got to that. He never set out a goal to push them. Some of them just changed on their own as we grew closer. Some of them I wanted to let go of and struggled to. One of them I dug my heels in the sand over (and that particular one had nothing to do with play). But geez, all this has been over a period of 4+ years. We evolve together. We change together. What was difficult and/or important for me a few years ago might not be so difficult or important today.

Had he greedily rubbed his hands together and set out to break these limits from the get-go, he wouldn't be someone who stayed in my life.



PS: Welcome, Danielle! And it's good to see you again, KoM & Kyra - bout time you came around again!

< Message edited by NuevaVida -- 8/12/2013 11:02:10 PM >

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to deliriuminabox)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/12/2013 11:31:11 PM   
DanielleofMists


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		Well thank you for the welcome!
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox

For the submissive types: how does it make you feel when a prospective dominant immediately (or very early on) begins talking about pushing your limits? Do you want your limits pushed or do you feel that limits are for your own protection?



Immediately? I'd move on and not look back.

When the Mister & I began talking, it was to get to know each other as people, not as objects with buttons that could be pushed. More importantly than limits were things like character, history, goals, humor, how we liked to spend our time, etc. - you know, what kind of people we were/are.


At some point, way down the line, he said at some point he'd like to understand what my limits were. And, well, at some point we got to that. He never set out a goal to push them. Some of them just changed on their own as we grew closer. Some of them I wanted to let go of and struggled to. One of them I dug my heels in the sand over (and that particular one had nothing to do with play). But geez, all this has been over a period of 4+ years. We evolve together. We change together. What was difficult and/or important for me a few years ago might not be so difficult or important today.

Had he greedily rubbed his hands together and set out to break these limits from the get-go, he wouldn't be someone who stayed in my life.



PS: Welcome, Danielle! And it's good to see you again, KoM & Kyra - bout time you came around again!


(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/13/2013 3:31:21 AM   
WarMachine904


Posts: 123
Joined: 8/2/2013
From: Jacksonville, FL area
Status: offline 		Excellent input from everyone, and very interesting.

I feel that good communication between the Dom/Domme and sub/slave is paramount. As stated earlier, this communication may involve the Dom/Domme having to illicit the sub/slave's limits from them by asking a lot of pertinent questions. I definitely feel that limits should be pushed as this process teaches you a lot about yourself. I DO NOT however, believe that it is something that would be discussed early on, and I also DO NOT believe that it should happen on the Dom/Domme's time table. I believe it will happen when the time is right and the relationship between Dom/Domme and sub/slave is ready. My two cents...

_____________________________

WarMachine904
"I am not a Dominant by choice, I am Dominant by nature's design!"

(in reply to DanielleofMists)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/13/2013 11:34:27 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
He's probably got a great white stallion somewhere <grumble>


LOL he actually has two stallions... They are named Clyde and Dale and they are miniatures ;)


You have miniature horses? I'm so jealous. I've always wanted one.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/13/2013 12:46:06 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I love when men always courted me, wooed me, seduced me...bought me flowers, took me out to a really nice dinner, smiled, made great conversation, listened to me, said sweet nothings to me, held my hand as we went for a walk, etc....

Oh THAT. I just never would have thought of any of that as either seducing or wooing. I do those things because I love her and that love NEEDS to be expressed. I don't tell Carol I love her 20 times a day because I want her to know I love her. I do it because I'd burst otherwise.



Unfortunately though you and Master are the rare types. This just simply does not exist in our world anymore.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/13/2013 1:00:12 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I love when men always courted me, wooed me, seduced me...bought me flowers, took me out to a really nice dinner, smiled, made great conversation, listened to me, said sweet nothings to me, held my hand as we went for a walk, etc....

Oh THAT. I just never would have thought of any of that as either seducing or wooing. I do those things because I love her and that love NEEDS to be expressed. I don't tell Carol I love her 20 times a day because I want her to know I love her. I do it because I'd burst otherwise.



Unfortunately though you and Master are the rare types. This just simply does not exist in our world anymore.



If that's true then I must live in a little bubble. Almost all of the men in my circle are like this. My husband. My father. My best friend's fiancé, my uncles... my grandfather still makes romantic gestures to my grandmother and they've been married 63 years.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/13/2013 1:04:17 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Master is the only one I've been with that has ever been like that and most of my friends complain about their husbands or wives or girlfriends/boyfriends not giving them attention, especially after they have been together for forever. They just seem to get comfortable and take each other for granted. I don't ever want to be that way.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/13/2013 1:45:46 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		The Mister says it was his experience when he was married before that they just stopped being boyfriend and girlfriend and he doesn't want that to happen with us. He promised I will always be his girlfriend :)

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/13/2013 1:47:19 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP


quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
He's probably got a great white stallion somewhere <grumble>


LOL he actually has two stallions... They are named Clyde and Dale and they are miniatures ;)


You have miniature horses? I'm so jealous. I've always wanted one.


Clyde is on left and Dale is on right




Attachment (1)

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/13/2013 1:58:38 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		OMG!!!

/runs off to look to see if there are more pics on the profiles/

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(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Pushing Limits - 8/13/2013 2:31:17 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		There aren't any under this profile, but I do have some on fet... Even a photo of a unicorn ;)

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 80
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