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ORIGINAL: Gauge

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ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

You guys are talking past each other. Arturas isn't saying to beat the crap out of her or to browbeat her into submission, he's simply saying to be a Dom and that in being a Dom, she will be overwhelmed by how manly and awesome you are, because hey, male Doms are pretty manly and awesome and overwhelming. Y'all are reading way more into his words than what he was trying to say IMO, and then he is responding to the responses and it's pure chaos. Everyone stop and take a breath.

Basic courteous interaction with an actual male Dom can be quite overwhelming to many a female sub.

On the other hand, no, don't beat her black and blue. Duh.

You may well be right, however that is not what he said initially in response to "Breaking in a completely beginner submissive." He said:

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ORIGINAL: Arturas

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So the last thing I want to do is the first play date, session or whatever you want to call it is overwhelm her.

Oh contraire! Overwhelm her since experience taught me that overwhelming is exactly what submissive look for outside a vanilla guy! Overwhelm her and leave her begging for more! Serious.

Do you think this is the best, most clear advice to give someone who is asking the original question? I don't. Overwhelm might mean anything from spanking with a hairbrush to hanging her from her tits from a skyscraper crane... One simply does not equal the other. Both may well overwhelm, but one is fairly innocuous while the other is outright dangerous. His responses have either been dismissive or vague or they contain an underlying tone of haughty superiority. There really has been no clarification or guidance. So, the responses have been addressing what was said and the resultant snarky, dismissive attitude.

This is a text based medium, clarity in thought is imperative. Leaving things open to interpretation especially regarding this subject could be inherently dangerous.

EDIT: You posted your other question while I was writing and posting this one, but we are saying the same thing in general.

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ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

You guys are talking past each other. Arturas isn't saying to beat the crap out of her or to browbeat her into submission, he's simply saying to be a Dom and that in being a Dom, she will be overwhelmed by how manly and awesome you are, because hey, male Doms are pretty manly and awesome and overwhelming. Y'all are reading way more into his words than what he was trying to say IMO, and then he is responding to the responses and it's pure chaos. Everyone stop and take a breath.

Basic courteous interaction with an actual male Dom can be quite overwhelming to many a female sub.

On the other hand, no, don't beat her black and blue. Duh.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl



We have more experience with Artie .................. about Artie's post.

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ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl



We have more experience with Artie .................. about Artie's post.

You shouldn't call him that. He whines to the mods. I have the letters to prove it.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl



We have more experience with Artie .................. about Artie's post.

You shouldn't call him that. He whines to the mods. I have the letters to prove it.

Ohhhh.....a spanking......

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ORIGINAL: VideoAdminChi

Allrighty then, let's return to the topic at hand.

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ORIGINAL: Arturas

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ORIGINAL: lizi

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ORIGINAL: Arturas

You have to watch the forum posters, they like to spell check and correct the use of words. It is amusing.

The only one to reply here other than forum women how hang out here about most of their time is a successful Dom with actual experience. Think about it.

Yes OP, think about the fact that not one person on this thread including yourself thinks it's a good idea to overwhelm this woman with Domliness. Also think about the fact that success and experience in one's kinky life is very subjective to the one who is living it - what is a measure of success? What constitutes experience? Certainly not everyone would find the same meanings to be a universal standard.

Sometimes people make spelling mistakes and they're rather run of the mill; when the mistakes become funny is when it's something that the writer professes to be....that IS amusing!

I'm not impressed that not one other person feels you must be a Dom when meeting a submissive looking for a Dom.

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

You guys are talking past each other. Arturas isn't saying to beat the crap out of her or to browbeat her into submission, he's simply saying to be a Dom and that in being a Dom, she will be overwhelmed by how manly and awesome you are, because hey, male Doms are pretty manly and awesome and overwhelming. Y'all are reading way more into his words than what he was trying to say IMO, and then he is responding to the responses and it's pure chaos. Everyone stop and take a breath.

Basic courteous interaction with an actual male Dom can be quite overwhelming to many a female sub.

On the other hand, no, don't beat her black and blue. Duh.

We have more experience with Artie than you do and we have seen posts about his philosophies. I could post some previous threads that would give more insight, but at this point, the OP is asking a good question and has already come to his own conclusion about Artie's post.

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1


Sometimes, being dominant is a whisper rather than yelling.

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ORIGINAL: Arturas

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Tell those who present at events and those who attend the classes that they aren't teaching.
Did you not TEACH your sub your preferences in food, how the home should be arranged and what you enjoy?
Maybe you just beat her until she figured it out on her own.

It's obvious you think this is clever but it is just plain wrong.

If you actually attended events as you so cleverly worked into this discussion, you would know that events don't teach submissive women and men. They teach Doms. The only class presented at the Mark for a submissive female was pole dancing. Now, there are events targeted toward Doms that involve submissive males or females but I assure you they are not taught to be tied up or taught to be flogged or taught to be hot waxed, instead the Dom is trained.

Now, on the second part, no, I don't "train" an intelligent woman my preferences. We explore and share each other's preferences. When you attempt to "train" a submissive some day let me know how that goes, eh?

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

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ORIGINAL: Arturas
well intentioned "advice" is interesting but not to be taken seriously by a Dom.

If my eyes roll back any further I think they just may pop out.

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ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

FR

The first time will feel amazing and intense even if you stick to relatively light activities. Get some ideas about what she likes - cuffed to the bed? Blindfolded? Spanking? Stick to the activities she agrees to, but don't tell her which things you'll be doing or when. Give her a safeword and makes sure she understands that you will not be in any way disappointed or mad if she has to use it, you'll be pleased that she let you know she needed to stop. Watch her closely and check in that she's ok, in case she gets floaty and forgets about safewording.

A kinky fantasy which involves heavy bondage and hours of beatings doesn't compare to a much gentler play with a real-live person. The chemistry, the novelty, the apprehension. As long as you are trying and she trusts you, you don't need to have to pull out all the stops. Chances are it will be amazing and overwhelmingly good just the same.

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ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

You guys are talking past each other. Arturas isn't saying to beat the crap out of her or to browbeat her into submission, he's simply saying to be a Dom and that in being a Dom, she will be overwhelmed by how manly and awesome you are, because hey, male Doms are pretty manly and awesome and overwhelming. Y'all are reading way more into his words than what he was trying to say IMO, and then he is responding to the responses and it's pure chaos. Everyone stop and take a breath.

Basic courteous interaction with an actual male Dom can be quite overwhelming to many a female sub.

On the other hand, no, don't beat her black and blue. Duh.

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ORIGINAL: tammystarm
Exactly so. Doms are in control of themselves and must look and be the part and must overwhelm the submissive with who they are in substance.

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ORIGINAL: Gauge

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ORIGINAL: Arturas

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ORIGINAL: Sheela22

Take it from a sub who was overwhelmed by her Dom , ended up bleeding an ran away from him , DON"T RUSH IN TO STUFF! TAKE YOUR TIME EXPLORING HERS & YOURS DESIRES... and COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE!! I was madly in love with him but ended up leaving him..go figure which side is right

Someone apparently wants to paint a picture of someone beating and even raping a submissive in the process of "overwhelming". Such a picture is a complete distortion painted with personal agenda and ignorance. A woman is overwhelmed not physically but in other ways by a Dom. Of course.

Yes, this person had a personal agenda... which could well have cost her her life. Think I exaggerate? Search her posts.

I say this with all of my heart, mind, body and soul. You sound like one of those people that ends up giving dominants a bad name. If you think your first encounter should overwhelm someone without first communicating with them just because you are a magical dominant and they will be enthralled with you, then I question your validity or sincerity.

Being dominant does not equate to being a Neanderthal. I don't care if it is a "no limit" slave, you still discuss what you will and won't do and you discuss what you are going to do before you do it... not after. Just because you thought it was right because your Domly cup runeth over doesn't mean you cannot hurt someone emotionally or physically. You have to take that time because too many people use "no limits" and when confronted with something that they are unwilling to go through find out right quick that they do, in fact, have limits. Being a dominant does not mean that you cannot make mistakes. The dominants who are good will own their mistakes, correct them and then never let it happen again. But clear communication will go a long way in preventing any problems.

Dominants also can differentiate between what it is to dominate someone and being dominant. Guess what? Spelling counts because the meaning of the entire word changes. Know the difference and don't be dismissive when someone tries to correct you. You can dominate a submissive, you do not dominant them. You are a dominant, you are not a dominate. It is fine if you cannot see the difference, everyone else can and it speaks volumes about who and what you are.

The last thing I would like to say is that people should ask questions. It is how they learn. Being a dominant does not make you an instant genius and you know everything. I dare say that most dominants have asked plenty of questions or have been shown what to do and how to do certain things. Any twit can hold a flogger, how to use it, when to use it and why is something you have to learn. The rewards of being a dominant are when you can take a submissive and watch them melt in front of you by just looking at them. That takes work, practice and communication.

Someone wise once said, "Do not judge a man by what he says, but by the questions he asks."

To the OP:

You seem like you are on the right track with communicating. Communicate before you even go anywhere near a set of cuffs, or rope. Communicate when you have them in cuffs and helpless. Communicate after you release them. You are doing this to another human being, not a brick so they deserve to know what you are doing at all times. There will be time for mystery and surprises, but if you destroy their trust you will never get that chance. Also, know the difference between dominant and dominate, image is everything.

I wish you the best.

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I've never really dealt with a complete beginner .... So the last thing I want to do is the first play date, session or whatever you want to call it is overwhelm her.

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ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

I'm sure all of this is great advice for others.

For me, I like a guy to go for it. Too much talking and planning bores me. Give her a few little activities and see if she likes them. Gentle stuff - maybe get her to write you something about what she is hoping for, get her to go to sleep in a particular way, or say your name before she sleeps, or eat something specific for dinner. See how she reacts and just go with the flow. If she likes it and wants more, it'll be obvious. She'll probably think about it and want to talk about it with you, all good. The basic thing is to see if she likes being told what to do (by you) and see if she's willing to do anything a bit uncomfortable to please you.

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What some D types don't seem to realize, especially the ones who are for "overwhelming," are submissives are in a very vulnerable position and newbie subs feel even moreso. If you take it easy with someone and help her/him discover the wonders of D/s and BDSM, s/he may remember you fondly, even if s/he doesn't stay with you long. If you just barge in and scare her/him half to death, s/he will bolt like a scared bunny and look back on it thinking "What an asshole!!"