hizgeorgiapeach
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(I'm using fast reply for convenience here... .) The first mistake I see being made in the question asked during the OP is the assumption that Respect and Courtesy are interchangable. These two things are not, never have been, and never will be the same.
Respect is an Emotion. It is an internal, non physical, Learned emotion based on your individual perceptions of generally liking someone, holding them in high regard, considering them Noteworthy in their beliefs and actions, etc. No one, regardless of how much they may rail against it, is capable of dictating someone else's emotional responces. It either grows over time, or it doesn't, based on the actions of the one who Desires to Be Respected. It matters less than nothing what title someone has - whether self appointed or gained through the consensus of their peers - they are still completely incapable of Sucessfully dictating the emotional responces of another.
Courtesy is a set of Actions. It is the application of polite good manners within the context of the general society which forumlated the current standards of acceptable behavior. It is the application of Consideration towards another strictly on the grounds of them being another human. It is doing things like saying "please" and "thank you" when you expect someone to do something for you, or they have done something for you.
Neither of these encompasses kissing someone's rump and agreeing with everything they do/say simply because they expect you to, or consider themselves to hold some exalted position. Even more than 20 years ago, when I was first introduced to the concepts of BDSM, such was not the case. I was never expected to exhibit an Emotional Responce to someone that I didn't know. I Was expected to treat them with the same Actions that I would on the street, completely seperated from BDSM.
Mutual respect for diversity? Not that I've ever been aware, except that it's the PC thing to do and has been commonly spouted since the advent of the internet. I was involved in BDSM in various forms before chatrooms, before the plethora of websites, before internet dating venues. Those whom I knew in the community prior to the advent of such all agreed with each other. Why? Because everything was still in the closet in the first place, and it's a common human "failing" to prefer the company of those who agree with us. If you (generic) were to far removed from what the rest of your little group enjoyed, you didn't have enough in common with them to continue hanging around with each other.
Why respond when I disagree with someone's ideas, ideals, or opinions in a forum? Because this IS a forum, intended for the exchange of ideas and opinions. If they don't desire to face the potential for honest debate of the pros/cons of their opinion, why would they be exposing that view in a public venue? To get a pat on the head and told how wonderful, grand, and perfect they are? My existance on this planet - and in a public debate venue - isn't to stroke the egos of those whom I do not know and will likely never meet. Somehow, I doubt that anyone Else's existance within the scope of public forums entails something like that Either.
IB - while I can certainly understand your reference to a military line of thinking (understandable, since you spent many years in the military) it's a concept that I find difficult to reconcile with Modern BDSM. I specify Modern because the advent of an open Kink/Fetish community (here in the US, at least) began with military personelle returning from overseas. Things have significantly changed/grown since that point, though, and the generally military mindset no longer holds sway. Many of us now don't particularly Like a military mindset. If we wanted to be Obligated to refer to various people by an honorific afforded by "rank", we would have joined the military, not gotten involved in kink.
Pete, TC, Discipline - while I can understand your collective view, I don't agree with it. See above what I mentioned about Emotion vs Action, and dictating someone's emotions. Expecting a higher than normal level of Action, based on unearned Emotion, doesn't strike me as being particularly reasonable. Confusing Action for Emotion - well - that's simply lack of understanding about differentiation. It can be rectified with a bit of education. 
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Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations
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RE: where has all the respect gone? - 
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