Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people?

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Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 7:09:27 AM

li2013

Posts: 7
Joined: 5/6/2013
Status: offline

I honestly don't understand it.

DO all dominants feel this way or is it just a minority?

I like being submissive but I cant see why anyone would want to destroy/be destroyed

It's not rare, it's on so many profiles, am I a bit naïve? or is this acceptableng?

cant people dominante without destroying?

Post #: 1

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 7:13:41 AM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: li2013

cant people dominante without destroying?

The competent ones can.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 2

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 7:14:26 AM

SweetAnise

Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline

Dominant people should not be out to destroy anyone. They should cherish the one who serves them. Many people you will find have no idea what being dominant is...follow your gut...and don't fall for unacceptable practices by "dominants" who simply may be insecure, sociopaths, control freaks, who have been rejected and looking to abuse, use, and misuse others. You are far more valuable than that.

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 3

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 7:14:31 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I wouldn't call them Doms. IMO, a Dom accepts responsibility for their sub.

I know a lot of Dominants, male and female. All of them care for their subs.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 4

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 7:35:22 AM

Liveasyourslave

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/12/2013
Status: offline

I do not think most Dominants seek to destroy or break a submissive; train, guide, and control but not destroy or break.

Take all profiles with a grain of salt, some seem to an element of illusion and fantasy to them. Do not rush to Dominate or submit to anyone, get to know them first. Take the time to get to know yourself, too. Especially, If you are serious about what you want to do.

Respectfully,
dorei

< Message edited by Liveasyourslave -- 8/26/2013 7:44:21 AM >

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 5

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 8:00:28 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Liveasyourslave
Do not rush to Dominate or submit to anyone, get to know them first. Take the time to get to know yourself, too. Especially, If you are serious about what you want to do.

Respectfully,
dorei

This brings up a point - whether someone is Dom or sub does not mean that they will be a good match for you. If a Domme doesn't match what you need - move on and keep looking.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Liveasyourslave)

Post #: 6

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 8:01:57 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

Anyone can claim a title.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 7

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 8:14:47 AM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

Maybe you have 'super villains' ticked in your search filter...

"Dominate & Destroy"! Sounds like a video game.

Or something a malfunctioning robot might say as it terrorises people!

But seriously,
If you read this link you may find some interesting things relating to peoples thoughts on 'Breaking' people 'Breaking in' people and generally what people think, when they think Dominance.
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4529845

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 8/26/2013 8:18:31 AM >

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 8

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 8:18:46 AM

Marc2b

Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline

If they want to destroy/break someone then they are not a dominant... they are a psycho.

_____________________________

Do you know what the most awesome thing about being an Atheist is? You're not required to hate anybody!

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 9

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 8:22:17 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Ever tame a horse? An unbroken horse is not pleasant to ride. Who would want that?

Are we talking "breaking" as in to destroy someone's spirit or are you talking about "breaking" like horse training or slave training? Often personality and perspective adjustments . . . like home remodeling, there is some degree of demo needed.

Does army boot camp "break" you or train you and give you new skills and perspectives? Including respect for chain of command and obedience?

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 8/26/2013 8:25:17 AM >

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 10

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 8:50:04 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I view those "I will break you" type as popeye. That is, clueless doms that use that phrase because they think it makes us hot and spend so much time masturbating at their computers they develop their forearms in the process.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 11

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 8:50:12 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: li2013

I honestly don't understand it.

DO all dominants feel this way or is it just a minority?

I like being submissive but I cant see why anyone would want to destroy/be destroyed

It's not rare, it's on so many profiles, am I a bit naïve? or is this acceptableng?

cant people dominante without destroying?

You're right, it's a fairly common thing said in profiles. The people saying that are unexperienced, and echoing what they've seen in porn or other fantasy-based vehicles, or even just mimicking what they've seen on other profiles in order to make it look like they know what they're talking about.

Lots of people are drawn to BDSM because of what is in their heads about it, they don't understand how it plays out in real life. Think of the 50 shades of gray fans. Another large contingent are those with no social skills that think this lifestyle will give them instant success in relationships, or getting laid, or some other goal like instant money.

Fortunately the answer is simple! Ignore the women who purport to be destroyers and look instead for the ones who want a successful, nurturing relationship along the lines of what you are looking for.

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 12

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 8:55:05 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: li2013
It's not rare, it's on so many profiles, am I a bit naïve? or is this acceptableng?

You are naive. Your mistake is thinking that anything you read online bears any resemblance to real life BDSM. I have generally found what I read online and what I observe offline to vary wildly.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 13

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 9:03:49 AM

jola37

Posts: 433
Joined: 7/8/2013
Status: offline

I saw a profile here like the ones mentioned, it was actually a bit shocking and I've been online for years seeing stuff. It mentioned the destroying thing many times, including her getting to know your family and then destroying them too, taking all your money, losing you your job. Remember thinking if this floats anyone's boat, then I really hope they know what they're getting into.

If the Domme/Dom doesn't care for the sub (and vice versa), then it's not bdsm in my books.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 14

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 9:11:26 AM

Miyani

Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline

My job is to build my boy up, increase his confidence, show him how strong and capable he is. In the context of the general relationship. Sometimes that does involve "breaking" part of his mindset, not in a way that damages him, but in a way that opens his mind to thinking of something in different ways. Basic example, he had a very idealistic example of what D/s relationships were, when we met, mostly brought on by too much erotica and not enough experience. I had to shock him out of that view, while being a confident guiding hand, so that we could together build a relationship that makes both of us happy. So that's one kind of breaking that isn't related to destruction.

In the context of a scene, I very much enjoy "breaking" him. Taking him, not past his limits, but past what he thought he could do or take. Crumbling the walls around him, so that he's all raw sensation and honest emotion, and we can really see the truth of each other. And then I very much enjoy holding him, telling him how good he was, making sure that the scene ends in pleasure, and bringing him around to being really proud of himself, too, for everything he is capable of being for me. That's another kind of breaking, of which the point really is the rebuild, and a happy conclusion.

So not every form of breaking someone is bad, or harmful (as long as it is done with care, and genuine concern for the sub's well-being). I wouldn't necessarily shy away from anyone who uses the word "break."

The people who claim to want to destroy a sub, beat them down until they are a shell of their former selves, completely dependent on the one who broke them... yeah, those f&*kers are scary. And also have a worldview based in too much porn. Run for the hills.

(in reply to jola37)

Post #: 15

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 9:43:59 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I view those "I will break you" type as popeye. That is, clueless doms that use that phrase because they think it makes us hot and spend so much time masturbating at their computers they develop their forearms in the process.

I looked through the profiles to see what you guys were referring to. I see the stereotype you all are talking about. It's the online delusions of the "bow down all my minions" type. I originally thought the OP was talking about something based in reality.

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 16

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 10:03:40 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I think it is the stereotype that is being referred to here.

Just a week or two ago, somebody put up a poll regarding what people thought was the percentage of folks on the site that really do engage in BDSM. While there is no way to know what the accurate percentage is, I think it's realistic to say that a certain percentage of the profiles on the other side don't really have a good introduction to kink other than bad porn or what they have conjured up in their own head. In other words, some is much more fantasy based than would transfer to reality.

The pinch of salt expression is good advice when reading profiles, sometimes.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 17

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 10:50:20 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Ever tame a horse? An unbroken horse is not pleasant to ride. Who would want that?

Are we talking "breaking" as in to destroy someone's spirit or are you talking about "breaking" like horse training or slave training? Often personality and perspective adjustments . . . like home remodeling, there is some degree of demo needed.

Does army boot camp "break" you or train you and give you new skills and perspectives? Including respect for chain of command and obedience?

Wow, I'm blond today. I was thinking of it being used in the context that those fin ducks use it. Ya know.."bow to me pig, I will destroy your wallet"bla bla bla

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 18

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 12:16:32 PM

OrionTheWolf

Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

There are a few that mean breaking, as in breaking down any resistance. I agree that most seem to mean breaking as in demeaning, humiliation and such. Some are into that on both sides though. Personally it seems like a banana type relationship, where you take all the fruit and then toss the peeling away.

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 19

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 12:43:46 PM

FelineRanger

Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Does army boot camp "break" you or train you and give you new skills and perspectives? Including respect for chain of command and obedience?

In all actuality, Basic Training in all the services does a little of both.

_____________________________

Bill

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 20

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