RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 12:47:23 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I think these terms can be used in different ways.

If I read a profile that uses them, they mean nothing to me because there is no context.

If I am with someone in relationship and he says, I am going to destroy your pussy right now while we are having sex, that would be hot, because of the context.

Context is everything when it comes to semantics.

(in reply to FelineRanger)

Post #: 21

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 1:43:18 PM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline

Ok, since I breed, raise, and train horses, I'm going to step in here and correct this reference to horse breaking. Taming/gentling a horse is not the same as the "breaking" you are talking about, Sadist. The old definition of breaking involves some act of violence (spurs, riding into exhaustion, harsh bits, whips) destroys the spirit and creates a situation of obedience-through-fear. IT IS NOT THE SAME AS SUBMISSION. A horse/person who yields to pain and fear is not necessarily submissive. What it creates is resentment and obstinance and can lead to violent revolts (a horse bucking or a person attacking their overseer....or that psycho "dom" spending a day at the office on the company toilet with the shits because his abused sub decided to slip some dulcalax into his supper the night before---which I HIGHLY recommend).

If you gain "dominance" through acts of violence, watch your back. You may get a taste of your own medicine.

A KNOWLEDGEABLE owner/Dominant invokes a feeling of TRUST, the way a mentor does...which in turn creates an URGE to submit and follow.

I don't need to HIT My horses to teach them OBEDIENCE. I simply need to show them that doing something correctly PLEASES Me...no bribing with carrots or sugar, just simply open communication and affection, which they return. You can train a horse to carry a rider, to do intricate movements in a show ring, to perform tricks, all without violence or pain. Once they trust you, they are often EAGER to find ways to please you. Yes, there is occasionally discipline involved but even that is usually done within the context of the activity. Many acts of discipline are so subtle as to be barely noticeable to the observer, yet they are far more effective at getting the idea of obedience across than using pain. (hint: start at the mildest level of discipline first, and move up in intensity until you discover what works).

No, people are not horses, but they often have similar reactions and urges to the same sort of treatment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Ever tame a horse? An unbroken horse is not pleasant to ride. Who would want that?

Are we talking "breaking" as in to destroy someone's spirit or are you talking about "breaking" like horse training or slave training? Often personality and perspective adjustments . . . like home remodeling, there is some degree of demo needed.

Does army boot camp "break" you or train you and give you new skills and perspectives? Including respect for chain of command and obedience?

e

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 22

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 2:00:34 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

When I first started actually looking for a Dom, I got a few of those emails. These guys tend to couch it in the "just like they do in the military" concept. "I need to break you down, reduce you to nothing and then rebuild you in the image of what I believe is best for you..." Now this might work in large environments like the military or prison where you are trying to make everyone think and behave in a consistent or disciplined manner...but those people generally don't have the option of walking out so they must adapt to survive. Plus..I don't think most of the doms, even the good ones, are experienced or knowledgable in taking on and safely completing that type of training..

(in reply to FelineRanger)

Post #: 23

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 6:16:52 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

It's not just in bdsm. I've run across it many times even in the vanilla world, especially lately at work which is something I'm extremely uncomfortable with.

It seems some people are just the bitter, angry type it seems who seem to think they need to do this to prove something....not sure what, I guess their masculinity or power or something? Who knows.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 24

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 6:44:57 PM

Aloralynna

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/22/2013
Status: offline

I have meet some sadist but they were nice their are wannabe men on here that want a women to surrender to them in the first email and control them this what you call a fake. A real person would get to no the person and take their time go to dinner have a few dates and if it works out later some play time. A person needs are if they they in to pain are not if you never tried it you need to have some training I am one of t hose girls that can take pain were my breast can be black and blue but I would not just meet any guy you want to no what this person is first . If he dosn't own bdsm toys then their is a problem but even a wannabe can have a whip but you cant break the crap out of someone. Bdsm is a loving bond and is build in trust you need to live in reality also. I have been in the lifestyle for 12 years as a Sub/Slave I use to be a slave but now I am sub but I only like pain in the bedroom because I am career women now so things have changed.use your gut feeling it will tell the truth a real man will take the time to get to no you he wont take your soul he will want to earn you and respect you. Some of these guys that say to surrender become my slave now this just a fetish to them they will tell a girl to get on cam or send naked pictures you don't have to do that. Just be your self show some classy pictures when a guy sees all naked them they no their going to make you weak to listen to them be strong and things will be right.

But red your right it does sound hot but you gotta think before you leap I have been their then its like think of your safety that why having communication with the person and no what you like to try and what you in to can help knowing your limits if you like it put it on your check list if it didn't move on to the next.

I mean like pain but if you have never been whipped or caned you just got in to the lifestyle find someone that will take the time to take it slow help you built up to the pain I started at 18 with a trainer he tock his time I wore a hood it help with the pain I dont even wine or moan. if you never tried being retained or in a cage or had a hood you need to try before you buy before you get scared some girls that are new might say I am in to it or to shy to say they never did it so be upfront so you dont get your self in middle of you may have no rights. Even Sub and slaves have rights you are human not a animal you have rights the right person will treat you right and you can tell him what you like and what he likes. Hope this helps.

< Message edited by Aloralynna -- 8/26/2013 6:57:23 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 25

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 6:49:25 PM

Aloralynna

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/22/2013
Status: offline

And red you are a sexy women your self you got a good brain on yourself.

(in reply to Aloralynna)

Post #: 26

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 7:08:36 PM

Aloralynna

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/22/2013
Status: offline

What a real Jessica rabbit I can sure say if i was a man I would treat you with respect your a beautiful women.

(in reply to Aloralynna)

Post #: 27

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 7:51:27 PM

SerWhiteTiger

Posts: 437
Joined: 8/12/2013
From: Why is my name Florida? That's a state!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: li2013

I honestly don't understand it.

DO all dominants feel this way or is it just a minority?

I like being submissive but I cant see why anyone would want to destroy/be destroyed

It's not rare, it's on so many profiles, am I a bit naïve? or is this acceptableng?

cant people dominante without destroying?

Interestingly, a lot of submissives actually ask for a dominant and a sadist in the same breath. Some even believe that a person can't be dominant without being a sadist!

Is it really that surprising that many people who style themselves as dominant are sadists?

Just look at 50 Shades of Grey. That book is about a fucked up sociopath who calls himself a dominant when he's actually absurdly insecure and the ridiculous child who falls in love with him. But it's the most popular lifestyle related book ever.

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 28

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 7:57:01 PM

SerWhiteTiger

Posts: 437
Joined: 8/12/2013
From: Why is my name Florida? That's a state!
Status: offline

After posting that, I start reading the other posts in this thread and extreme irony ensues.

(in reply to FelineRanger)

Post #: 29

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 8:15:00 PM

SerWhiteTiger

Posts: 437
Joined: 8/12/2013
From: Why is my name Florida? That's a state!
Status: offline

A big part of the problem is that people don't know wtf the word "sadist" means and have misapplied it in this lifestyle to such a degree that it's part of the name of what we do. Despite the fact that the S in S&M stands for "sadism," people who are actually sadists are people you want to stay the fuck away from. People in this lifestyle think that because they feel pleasure giving pain to someone who is enjoying it and wants it that they are a sadist. This is false. A sadist is someone who enjoys giving pain PERIOD. They don't give a fuck whether the person receiving that pain enjoys it or has agreed to it. But we've corrupted the word and people who aren't at all sadistic call themselves sadists. And then the masochists come in thinking that they're looking for a sadist when they actually need someone to protect them from giving themselves to sadists and start asking for sadists when that isn't what they actually want at all.

This is actual sadism:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadistic_personality_disorder

Now, when I cane someone, do I feel pleasure at what I'm doing? Hell yes I do. I feel pleasure because they're enjoying it and I feel pleasure because it's an expression and extension of the dominance and submission between us. But I would be fucking horrified at the idea of just bending some random person over and caning them. Because I'm not a sadist.

(in reply to SerWhiteTiger)

Post #: 30

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/26/2013 9:31:12 PM

Qquetzel1

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

I find it to be deeply instinctual to have total power over a woman, which is exemplified by physical force. Some women are destroyed by that, but others thrive on that. Everyone is different. I suggest that you find your correct match.

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 31

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/27/2013 3:16:22 AM

Gs7192

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/11/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineRanger

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Does army boot camp "break" you or train you and give you new skills and perspectives? Including respect for chain of command and obedience?

In all actuality, Basic Training in all the services does a little of both.

This is an excellent point. It does break you to a certain extent, and you are rebuilt with a new set of ideals and values. You are told what to wear, how to wear it, how your hair will look, how you will fold your clothes, when you will eat, how you will respond to others. If you read between the lines in many of the ad's what some women are looking for is exactly that- Structure, Discipline (self and imposed), etc. Your reactions become second nature, muscle memory. These lessons are so deeply implanted they stay with you the rest of your days. We have an all volunteer force, similar to say a "slaves" ad- I want this. I speak from 20 years (and counting) military experience and combat vet.

(in reply to FelineRanger)

Post #: 32

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/27/2013 6:15:35 PM

Aurora2012

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/12/2012
Status: offline

It should be about building the Second to what it is that is agreed upon for the service to their Master. To teach and reward that which is learned and put into service. not breaking their will or destroying them to a forced submit.. just my opinion is all..

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 33

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/28/2013 4:40:55 AM

SunTzuSwe

Posts: 82
Joined: 4/25/2013
Status: offline

I find it a common misconception that subs/slaves are weak in some way. Imo a sub/slave can be fierce and strong. Submission is voluntary and the sub chooses his/her master/mistress just as much as the other way around. To submit fully often require both courage and strength. I see it only as natural to build the sub up and encourage her to be all she can be. People who need to tear someone down to feel strong remind me of very weak and insecure people, hardly anyone I'd call a master.

< Message edited by SunTzuSwe -- 8/28/2013 4:43:31 AM >

(in reply to Aurora2012)

Post #: 34

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/28/2013 9:29:12 AM

slavekate80

Posts: 362
Joined: 7/4/2013
Status: offline

Everyone is into something a little different, and the dynamic of a Master (or Mistress) breaking his/her slave and remolding him/her to his/her wants and needs is not inherently less valid than any other. It has great potential to be psychologically dangerous, so steer clear if that isn't something you - general "you" - want and proceed very, very carefully if it is. Many people claiming to want to do that are fakes or otherwise don't know what they're doing, yes. But I don't buy the idea that the person can't be a real/true Master.

(in reply to SunTzuSwe)

Post #: 35

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/29/2013 1:38:38 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineRanger

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Does army boot camp "break" you or train you and give you new skills and perspectives? Including respect for chain of command and obedience?

In all actuality, Basic Training in all the services does a little of both.

My Air Force Basic Training in the late 80s included no breaking except for breaking in boots.

(in reply to FelineRanger)

Post #: 36

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/29/2013 1:46:20 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf
There are a few that mean breaking, as in breaking down any resistance.

In that context it is certainly true that I "broke" Carol although I generally shy away from BDSM-isms which are always excessively dark and hyperbolic.

The way I'd say it is, "When transitioning both Carol and myself from vanilla to M/s some changes needed to be made in both of us. I went ahead and made those changes. Nothing got broken. I prefer to think of it more like polishing a diamond then breaking a lump of coal."

But, as I noted, I don't feel any need to be badass nor am I attracted to the dark side of things. If I were I could see using the term "break".

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)

Post #: 37

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/29/2013 4:48:58 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

If it's like breaking in a pair of new shoes, it's to make things more comfortable, have things fit properly (Meaning her in my life and the role(s) she will be playing). I'm all for that.
But breaking for the sake of breaking-yeah, that's how children behave. Adults understand that it's much more difficult to create and build than destroy.

ETA-I suspect that most of the time this phrase is used, it's actually intended, well, except for the fantasyists, to mean breaking her to his will. Still delusional (You don't break her to it, instead you manifest a situation where she desires, and follows through in actualizing)molding herself to my wants and desires in hopes of pleasing.
Similar ideas-very different tracks.
And finish lines.

< Message edited by Kana -- 8/29/2013 4:50:41 PM >

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to FelineRanger)

Post #: 38

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/29/2013 6:44:40 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: li2013

I honestly don't understand it.

DO all dominants feel this way or is it just a minority?

I like being submissive but I cant see why anyone would want to destroy/be destroyed

It's not rare, it's on so many profiles, am I a bit naïve? or is this acceptableng?

cant people dominante without destroying?

Because they lack basic emotional and mental resources.

(in reply to li2013)

Post #: 39

RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? - 8/30/2013 9:41:26 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS
Ok, since I breed, raise, and train horses, I'm going to step in here and correct this reference to horse breaking. Taming/gentling a horse is not the same as the "breaking" you are talking about, Sadist. The old definition of breaking involves some act of violence (spurs, riding into exhaustion, harsh bits, whips) destroys the spirit and creates a situation of obedience-through-fear. IT IS NOT THE SAME AS SUBMISSION. A horse/person who yields to pain and fear is not necessarily submissive. What it creates is resentment and obstinance and can lead to violent revolts (a horse bucking or a person attacking their overseer....or that psycho "dom" spending a day at the office on the company toilet with the shits because his abused sub decided to slip some dulcalax into his supper the night before---which I HIGHLY recommend).

If you gain "dominance" through acts of violence, watch your back. You may get a taste of your own medicine.

A KNOWLEDGEABLE owner/Dominant invokes a feeling of TRUST, the way a mentor does...which in turn creates an URGE to submit and follow.

I don't need to HIT My horses to teach them OBEDIENCE. I simply need to show them that doing something correctly PLEASES Me...no bribing with carrots or sugar, just simply open communication and affection, which they return. You can train a horse to carry a rider, to do intricate movements in a show ring, to perform tricks, all without violence or pain. Once they trust you, they are often EAGER to find ways to please you. Yes, there is occasionally discipline involved but even that is usually done within the context of the activity. Many acts of discipline are so subtle as to be barely noticeable to the observer, yet they are far more effective at getting the idea of obedience across than using pain. (hint: start at the mildest level of discipline first, and move up in intensity until you discover what works).

No, people are not horses, but they often have similar reactions and urges to the same sort of treatment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Ever tame a horse? An unbroken horse is not pleasant to ride. Who would want that?

Are we talking "breaking" as in to destroy someone's spirit or are you talking about "breaking" like horse training or slave training? Often personality and perspective adjustments . . . like home remodeling, there is some degree of demo needed.

Does army boot camp "break" you or train you and give you new skills and perspectives? Including respect for chain of command and obedience?

e

Well, I used to live in Texas and "broke" horses we bought at auction. If your method of training leads to obstinance, I truly think you are doing it wrong. I used a twitch, and spurs to enforce discipline. Once tamed, their obedience was reinforced with affection and acceptance, making for well socialized, friendly and obedient animals.

You obviously have some deep personal emotional issues and problems. Recommending poisoning your Dom with dulcalax is a sign you got troubles far beyond what lays in this post. Saying that breaking wild horses leads to revolt is contrary to reality . . . constant abuse is what leads to emotional problems in those you are are training. If you don't know the difference between abuse and training, you probably shouldn't try and correct someone who does.

< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 8/30/2013 9:42:30 AM >

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094