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Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 3:34:40 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline 		Not sure if this is the right place to ask, but I met a lady recently and she claims she is a dominant, heavily into the lifestyle, yet when I mentioned this site and fet life she looked at me like I had two heads, saying she never heard of them. I hate being suspicious of people who have not done anything wrong to me, but I have alarm bells going off. Am I being overly suspicious?
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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 3:37:52 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Probably. Just because you spend a great deal of time on these websites and the internet, doesn't mean that others have the same habit.

I'm a BMW enthusiast, but I couldn't name another BMW forum/enthusiast site beyond the one I hang out on.

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(in reply to CougarRick)
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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 3:41:58 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Probably. Just because you spend a great deal of time on these websites and the internet, doesn't mean that others have the same habit.



I actually don't spend a great deal of time here. My posting history is pretty limited. I usually just come here if I have questions.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 3:47:25 PM   
RootIsGod666


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline 		It is slightly odd if she has been heavily into the lifestyle in a public way, but it is not unheard of for people not to have paid any attention to anything dealing with that "computer thingy".

Consider it a warning flag and pay attention, but that alone is definitely not enough to declare anyone a fake.

(in reply to CougarRick)
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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 3:58:04 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RootIsGod666
Consider it a warning flag and pay attention, but that alone is definitely not enough to declare anyone a fake.



Thanks, I'll keep my eyes open. I would never overtly accuse her (or anyone) of being a fake but I just had a few alarm bells going off.

(in reply to RootIsGod666)
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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 3:58:36 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		If she's not involved in the local kink community in any way, I could see it being honest. She may be a completely private person that only engages in these activities at home. (Even though it is down now, since you are in the UK, I might have added Informed Consent to that list.) I can't speak for across the pond but on this side of the ocean, you'd be hard pressed to even attend a munch without somebody mentioning Fet or introducing themselves by their screen name on that site. Never heard of it would be a very highly unlikely probability.


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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 4:05:24 PM   
splatterpunk


Posts: 119
Joined: 7/10/2013
Status: offline 		oh no someone who has never heard of some computer bullshit! for shame! it's hard to believe the Local Lifestyle Community (tm) would even issue her a card!

dealbreaker, bro. deal. fucking. breaker.

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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 4:08:00 PM   
TeaseAndSpankMe


Posts: 25
Joined: 4/14/2013
From: St. Pete/Tampa Bay Florida
Status: offline 		Well, as for myself & what I would probably feel is a slight raised red flag. In a way (& I hope folks don't take this the wrong way!) I wonder how it is they know *nothing* about it... I would understand if they choose to *not* to communicate on the other sites. Just odd to not have heard of it before. I hope it does go well for you though... :)

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 4:09:39 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If she's not involved in the local kink community in any way, I could see it being honest. She may be a completely private person that only engages in these activities at home.



If the topic comes up again, I might ask about her involvement in the local community and see what else she says






quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I can't speak for across the pond but on this side of the ocean, you'd be hard pressed to even attend a munch without somebody mentioning Fet or introducing themselves by their screen name on that site. Never heard of it would be a very highly unlikely probability.




That's what I find questionable. I understand that some don't spend much time on the net, but I guess I just assumed that someone who is involved in the lifestyle (which I presume means involved in the community somewhat) would have at least heard of them, even if not frequenting them

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 4:11:32 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: splatterpunk
oh no someone who has never heard of some computer bullshit! for shame! it's hard to believe the Local Lifestyle Community (tm) would even issue her a card!
dealbreaker, bro. deal. fucking. breaker.



I don't know .................. I'm just learning................... and that's why I am asking

(in reply to splatterpunk)
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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 4:18:48 PM   
splatterpunk


Posts: 119
Joined: 7/10/2013
Status: offline 		pro tip: life ain't a computer game, bro


quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

quote:

ORIGINAL: splatterpunk
oh no someone who has never heard of some computer bullshit! for shame! it's hard to believe the Local Lifestyle Community (tm) would even issue her a card!
dealbreaker, bro. deal. fucking. breaker.



I don't know .................. I'm just learning................... and that's why I am asking



_____________________________

i'll be yr mentor
i'll mentor ya but good

(in reply to CougarRick)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 4:50:21 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline 		I'm not sure if you are trying to be difficult or if I'm just taking your comment out of context


quote:

ORIGINAL: splatterpunk

pro tip: life ain't a computer game, bro


quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

quote:

ORIGINAL: splatterpunk
oh no someone who has never heard of some computer bullshit! for shame! it's hard to believe the Local Lifestyle Community (tm) would even issue her a card!
dealbreaker, bro. deal. fucking. breaker.



I don't know .................. I'm just learning................... and that's why I am asking





< Message edited by CougarRick -- 9/3/2013 4:53:40 PM >

(in reply to splatterpunk)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 5:33:48 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

Not sure if this is the right place to ask, but I met a lady recently and she claims she is a dominant, heavily into the lifestyle, yet when I mentioned this site and fet life she looked at me like I had two heads, saying she never heard of them. I hate being suspicious of people who have not done anything wrong to me, but I have alarm bells going off. Am I being overly suspicious?



Yes, I think you are being overly suspicious.

For some people, they only ever do real time stuff and the idea of an on-line community is just a foreign concept to them.

[My} Master had been involved in D/s stuff for probably over 30 yrs when He first joined CM.
He joined because He finally heard about it.

There was nothing nefarious about His ignorance.

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(in reply to CougarRick)
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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 5:37:12 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		*FR*
I had not heard of this site until 3 yrs ago when a group member in local space asked me to check it out. And I didn't hear of Fet until well after. Not all of us kinked up because of the web.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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(in reply to angelikaJ)
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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 5:45:54 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Fet was the same way for me.

I don't go looking for other BDSM D/s websites because I'm happy here. The only way I ended up on FetLife was that one of my friends who I have on Facebook told me that many of our real life friends were on Fet.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 5:49:39 PM   
CougarRick


Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
Yes, I think you are being overly suspicious.
For some people, they only ever do real time stuff and the idea of an on-line community is just a foreign concept to them.
[My} Master had been involved in D/s stuff for probably over 30 yrs when He first joined CM.
He joined because He finally heard about it.
There was nothing nefarious about His ignorance.



OK fair point, I'll try to be a little more trusting towards her.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 6:07:39 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		It gives you one less reference point.

Is she computer literate?

I would be a bit suspicious, but if she has a good presence in the local community, it wouldn't bother me a lot. Now, someone with no community involvement, and no online presence - I'd go very carefully because they'd have no references I could trust.

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(in reply to CougarRick)
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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 6:46:45 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		I had never heard of this place before '08 when I joined even though I had been into this since the early 80's. I had a few of playmates over the years and that was it. I hadn't been into public play since a certain disease smashed the scene in which I was involved in the mid 80's and I went totally private about my activities. A friend let me know about this place and I was happy to come join and learn more.

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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 7:14:49 PM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

Am I being overly suspicious?


Rick, I had absolutely ZERO references, babe. I came out of 2 seemingly vanilla marriages. You couldn't very well ask my late husband of over 17 years. (My ex before him, the twice-over fetishist, doesn't count as a reference for diddly squat.) Not even my closest lifelong {vanilla} friends know about any BDSM involvement. We kept it entirely private, confined to the bedroom. Both of them had hang-ups about appearing 'pussy-whipped' to others in public, definitely not in front of family or friends.

Btw, I have radar which acutely detects this nefarious syndrome, which is not easy for me to have to turn down a sexy, otherwise compatible sub because of it. Not that this lifestyle has to be flaunted, but I expect to have a thoroughly D/s relationship, whether in public or in private. Any B&D we engage in is icing on the cake. Note I emphasize D/s, not M/s, because I do make a distinction. Do you care how you appear to others when you're head-over-heels in love? Did Gomez give a flying f*ck how he appeared to others while he was making over his wife Morticia in The Addams Family? * No, I am not being facetious.*

Alors, back on topic. I am computer literate and had never heard of CM until earlier this year, don't do Fetlife. Never associated with other Dommes or went to a fetish party before then either. But I'm a strange bird. ALWAYS be suspicious of anyone you meet, the same as you would on a blind date. By the same token, never take anything at face value. Don't hesitate to ask a lot of questions, and be on the lookout for contradictory statements. Find out how she came about being a Domme, her previous experience with subs, what floats her boat. Volunteer some of your own personal biographical info and watch her reaction. Best of luck.

_____________________________

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(in reply to CougarRick)
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RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet - 9/3/2013 7:16:30 PM   
splatterpunk


Posts: 119
Joined: 7/10/2013
Status: offline 		i'm openly mocking you because this question is so daft as to make my jaw drop.

hope this helps! :D
quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

I'm not sure if you are trying to be difficult or if I'm just taking your comment out of context


quote:

ORIGINAL: splatterpunk

pro tip: life ain't a computer game, bro


quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

quote:

ORIGINAL: splatterpunk
oh no someone who has never heard of some computer bullshit! for shame! it's hard to believe the Local Lifestyle Community (tm) would even issue her a card!
dealbreaker, bro. deal. fucking. breaker.



I don't know .................. I'm just learning................... and that's why I am asking







_____________________________

i'll be yr mentor
i'll mentor ya but good

(in reply to CougarRick)
Profile   Post #: 20
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