RE: Improving as a sub when single

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RE: Improving as a sub when single - 9/9/2013 10:05:57 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

Red,
I think you and a few others are being pretty harsh in regards to her motivations.
If she needs to dangle a carrot infront of her donkey to get where she wants to go, I don't really see the problem.

I was not being harsh at all.

I was giving my opinion.

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RE: Improving as a sub when single - 9/9/2013 11:19:39 PM

ScoutsHonor

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Wow... I hadn't checked on this thread in a couple days and it seems that it has sparked quite the conversation.

I know much of the response has been concern or confusion about me wanting to improve for some unknown future person and many have said to improve for myself. I have been thinking about self-improvement both as a sub and in the vanilla world, as I said originally, and the vanilla stuff is most definitely for myself.

As for improving as a sub, well as I'm sure some other subs may be to relate to, sometimes it's tough to have a submissive heart (or whatever you want to call it) and not have someone to submit to. My remedy for that is to take this time for self improvement in a way that hopefully will one day aid me in service to a Dom. This self-improvement can look like many things as many have suggested in this thread, it could be kinky or maybe domestic or mental or something else. That's why I asked this question, to get some other views, ideas and perceptions that I didn't have. In and amongst the over analyzation of my post and others there have been some great suggestions and ideas thrown about. I'm still deciding my plan of action but at this point I think I am going to focus on exercise with an emphasis on Yoga to improve my flexibility and fitness and I am also going to expand my cooking repertoire. I may or may not pick another couple things to add if my schedule permits it.

The great thing about these two things is that while I can use them in life as a sub they are also great things to improve myself on a vanilla level as well so while it's for my future Dom it's also for myself.

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RE: Improving as a sub when single - 9/10/2013 12:32:39 AM

ARIES83

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Best of luck to ya.

***

quote:

My grandma always said, "be the kind of woman that the kind of man you want will want." This is that.
ok. off to do some self improvement...

And best of luck to you as well sunshinemiss.

***

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 9/10/2013 12:38:13 AM >

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RE: Improving as a sub when single - 9/10/2013 12:47:32 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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quote:

As for improving as a sub, well as I'm sure some other subs may be to relate to, sometimes it's tough to have a submissive heart (or whatever you want to call it) and not have someone to submit to.

Reading that statement made me cringe. A submissive heart? Really? That's up there with 'submission is a gift' nonsense. It's romantic fantasy with no basis in relationship reality.

When you find someone capable of capturing your mind, your heart will follow. If the chemistry is right, your submissive yin will *naturally* react to his dominant yang.

Strive to be the best *person* you can be, and quit trying to find a relationship that fits into your romantic fantasies.

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RE: Improving as a sub when single - 9/10/2013 1:20:29 AM

ARIES83

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RE: Improving as a sub when single - 9/10/2013 9:37:57 AM

ScoutsHonor

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

quote:

As for improving as a sub, well as I'm sure some other subs may be to relate to, sometimes it's tough to have a submissive heart (or whatever you want to call it) and not have someone to submit to.

Reading that statement made me cringe. A submissive heart? Really? That's up there with 'submission is a gift' nonsense. It's romantic fantasy with no basis in relationship reality.

When you find someone capable of capturing your mind, your heart will follow. If the chemistry is right, your submissive yin will *naturally* react to his dominant yang.

Strive to be the best *person* you can be, and quit trying to find a relationship that fits into your romantic fantasies.

I figured it might be the wrong way to word it for some people. That's why the "(or whatever you want it call it)" But it was the right way to word it for me so I went with it. I'm not living in some lofty fantasy world I just feel that my submission is deeply ingrained in me and that's the way I chose to put it.

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RE: Improving as a sub when single - 9/10/2013 2:04:45 PM

topcat

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IMX, the 'best' (YMMV) slaves have been those that had some real experience in leadership. While their are times and situation that I like to micro-manage, in real life, I end up delegating a lot of tasks, and it is a great advantage to be able to say "get the living room repainted and the floor refinished, and have to give no other input than selection of color (real world example).

Yoga is a good idea, for both the physical and mental/spiritual reasons, as well as developing a variety of interests- they needn't be ones I share, just something that will get her out from underfoot from time to time.

For the small scale, learn to give a hot towel straight razor shave.

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RE: Improving as a sub when single - 9/10/2013 2:14:18 PM

Kana

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quote:

While their are times and situation that I like to micro-manage, in real life, I end up delegating a lot of tasks, and it is a great advantage to be able to say "get the living room repainted and the floor refinished, and have to give no other input than selection of color (real world example).

OMG Yes. Not just that, but there's a whole slew of slaves who operate better with things like chores when Master isn't directly supervising. They get all nervous and freaky when you watch.
So get one you can trust, let her be, work her magic.

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RE: Improving as a sub when single - 9/10/2013 10:31:36 PM

lilcracker

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The word submissive heart or submissive is a gift...does make me cringe a bit as well depending on the context....however....I do tend to like it in some respects because if my heart is given the submission follows suit and I am not going to be submissive to just anyone and the one I become submissive to is sort of getting the gift of that act that other people would not be able to obtain.

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RE: Improving as a sub when single - 9/11/2013 2:49:18 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

While their are times and situation that I like to micro-manage, in real life, I end up delegating a lot of tasks, and it is a great advantage to be able to say "get the living room repainted and the floor refinished, and have to give no other input than selection of color (real world example).

OMG Yes. Not just that, but there's a whole slew of slaves who operate better with things like chores when Master isn't directly supervising. They get all nervous and freaky when you watch.
So get one you can trust, let her be, work her magic.

This is so very true. I absolutely hate when people hang over me and watch what I'm doing. My daughter used to do that when I was cooking and I would stop cooking until she got the point and left. I used to have a boss who would watch everything I did while she stood behind me. It finally got to a point that I told her I could get a lot more done if she would just leave me be.

Thankfully Master rarely does it unless he's doing it on purpose to annoy me and then I can't do what I need to do correctly or quickly.

ETA: As for the "submissive heart" thing,

, are you meaning you are a submissive personality in your everyday life? I hope so or I really can't relate at all to anything you are saying. If you actually mean submissive personality then just live your everyday life by helping others, be of use to others...not because you're hoping some future Dom will notice but because that is just who you are...no other reason. If you're a submissive personality there's nothing to improve upon...it's just who you are.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 9/11/2013 2:52:56 PM >

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