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RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/1/2006 8:33:47 PM

ExistentialSteel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller

do him.

LOL

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RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/1/2006 8:37:08 PM

ExistentialSteel

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Just call him a mentor and let him convince you that you really want to have some no strings sex to, uh, train you.

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RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/1/2006 8:56:01 PM

Rayne58

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quote:

ORIGINAL: enlightened

"If you really cared about me, you'd do me."

This line is enough to send me into a rant. Men who have actually tried this line on me became history...fast. This equates to emotional blackmail in my book.

Stand your ground.

Mine too. My ex husband used to guilt me into sex

Maybe I should have told him sooner that was why he wasn't getting any

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Post #: 43

RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/1/2006 11:56:32 PM

SusanofO

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I just read this comment - and I say I have to agree. It's not always just about the sex, it's about the laundry and the yardwork, he (it reallly is sometimes). Of course someday I hope to be a slave (can I have a stipulation about no laundry? - I really mean it; I've been doing laundy for about 20 years now and have to say I can reallly take it or leave it. Honestly. I am pretty good at housework - and yardwork (but why am I yammering?)...Thanks for the responses folks - it is truly much appreciated - I wlll go and digest them.

Yes I guess I do want to do him - but I also want a quality relationship and I know if I do him now it will probably screw w/my head (and then I in turn will screw w/his head)...sure he might say he doesn't care about that or it won't happen - now - I'd like to see what he has to say 3 months from now, or even 2 months from now...thanks to all.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/2/2006 12:04:48 AM >

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Post #: 44

RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 12:10:08 AM

Sirandlittle1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Susan,

My heart goes out to you because even though things weren't the best between your hubby and you does not negate the terrible grief you must feel at his loss. I will say only this, if he was really a friend he wouldnt demand you to service him unless you were ready for that. If he was your friend he wouldn't demand reasons for your refusal or dangle your friendship as something to be lost for not "putting out" for him.

You are in a vunerable place right now, do not let someone use that to manipulate you into a headspace you are not ready for... be true to yourself. If this person is really a friend he will respect your feelings.

Well, for me, that says it all.
little1

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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Post #: 45

RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 12:13:33 AM

SusanofO

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I'm not gonna do it - he can deal - it won't be hard considering how buff this guy is (I think so anyway - it's not like he's not gonna get other chances, geez). I truly do like him 90 % for his personality (personality is big with me - but what am I talking about - we are friends, but it's nice I guess that he is surfacely appealing. He won't have trouble finding someone else to ease his "tensions" I am sure.
Anyway, thanks for the advice people. It helped me - it really did.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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Post #: 46

RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 12:21:54 AM

SusanofO

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Very helpful, thank you. This really is the kind of advice I can end up giving friends - you'd think I could follow it myself. I am going to do it .- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/2/2006 12:23:08 AM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
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And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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Post #: 47

RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 12:34:40 AM

SusanofO

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I appreciate the response. I think waiting is the best possible course of action (for me - and I do count here) - I think he probably realizes this (he's not an ogre) but just gave asking me a shot. That's no crime (I'm truly flattered) - but I don't want to risk it. Hope he understands. Thanks.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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Post #: 48

RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 1:13:00 AM

SusanofO

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No he really hasn't. And he hasn't communicated with me again - yet. I hope it's not all down the toilet but if it is (over this? Like he can't get laid elsewhere?) then I guess I know all I need to know about him. Thanks, LA.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 49

RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 1:17:42 AM

Vendaval

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Susan,

It is a given that you are at a vunerable place in your life right now.
He does not understand that and you know this.

So the next questions are focused on making your life better
for your sake, no one else's.

#1 Who else in your life understands and empathizes with you
during this time of healing?

#2 How can you make yourself less dependent on this guy?

#3 Who and what do you want in your life?

#4 How are you going to achieve these goals?

Blessed Be,

Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
I am so glad these message boards exist. I don't object to people having _ck buddies, I just don't think he understands "where I'm at" right now.

- Susan

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So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
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RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 1:20:25 AM

WayWardSoul

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

No he really hasn't. And he hasn't communicated with me again - yet. I hope it's not all down the toilet but if it is (over this? Like he can't get laid elsewhere?) then I guess I know all I need to know about him. Thanks, LA.

- Susan

Being a male I can tell you if he wanted in your pants today and tried this on you, he'll be back again to try something new to get there tomorrow.

(in reply to SusanofO)

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RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 1:25:50 AM

SusanofO

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That is a lot of food for thought. My girlfriends and the people at CM empathize (thank you). I am not sure about goals right now (one reason I am seeing a counsellor). Unusual as I am normally pretty goal-oriented (but you have to have them before you can achieve them, of course).One is to go back to some job somewhere (a career type of job). I don't know what the heck I want to do but am ready for a change. Selling real estate interests me for some reason. Good food for thought, vendeval.
And everyone else, too - it has been much appreciated (very).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/2/2006 1:27:17 AM >

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And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 1:46:19 AM

realmanfordomme

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it sounds to me like he is being manipulative and selfish,he is also most likly thinking if he ignores you for awhile you will cum around ( pun definatly intended), considering your emotional situation right now, I would avoid intimate contact with this guy( if i was you), if he realy cared about you, he would not be insisting that you do him right now! get it ? also consider the consequences, if you were to " do him " and establish an intimate relationship, will he run off pouting everytime he does not get his way? Joe

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RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 2:42:35 AM

SusanofO

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Thanks. - Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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Post #: 54

RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 2:48:42 AM

SusanofO

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Appreciate the answer Captain (and all of the responses, from everyone).
I am so grateful for these message boards - I can't tell you how screwed up my head might be some days if they were not available. Thnaks to all.

- Susan

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And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 3:14:58 AM

MastersofPain

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If your ex had to guilt you into sex then either he wasn't very much of a man or he wasn't that good in bed anyway.

"If you really cared about me, you'd do me." What a pitiful thing to say. This sounds like someone who is so immature that the only way they can get any is thru pity.

Me, I just wait until someone I really like gets with me and thru mutual consent we do each other. Do I get as much as I want, not always, but sometimes I get more than I can handle. Fortunately I don't need to "guilt" someone into sex. I just wait for it to happen and enjoy the moment.

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RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 4:31:53 AM

bandit25

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Susan, I'm a widow too so I can sympathise with you. Listen to your inner voice...it'll tell you when things are right. Don't give in to anything you're not completely sure about...you'll be sorry. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If not, well, whacha gonna do?

Just tell him the place you're in right now and if he's a good friend, he'll respect that. No one should be rushed into anything. You'll know when you are ready.

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RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 7:39:51 AM

zenofeller

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susan you quadruple poster you

just do him already.

< Message edited by zenofeller -- 7/2/2006 7:40:12 AM >

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RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 7:55:24 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
No he really hasn't. And he hasn't communicated with me again - yet. I hope it's not all down the toilet but if it is (over this? Like he can't get laid elsewhere?) then I guess I know all I need to know about him. Thanks, LA.

- Susan

Susan you knew all you needed to know when he got pissed about you saying no to sex.

That is what you need to get through to yourself. I understand you want to get laid and you want some great romance to take away your pain and confusion- but you're letting yourself open to any dork that comes along and not using any sort of good judgement here.

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RE: If you really cared about me, you'd do me - 7/2/2006 8:13:11 AM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

I have someone who has become a very dear friend and now they want me to do them. I don't want to (well, I actually do but I'm not going to) - and said that and now they are hurt and mad at me.

Susan,
Being pressured for sex, at any time under any circumstance, is path of doom. You'll recall that the start of the relationship was pressure not desire. Down the road, you'll either hate yourself for permitting it, or the other party for applying the pressure.

Is the easy way out to just give in and "get it over with"? How much passion will that bring to the experience? How desperate is the other party to place that type of pressure on you? Do their actions reflect your definition of "dear friend", as you refer to them? Maybe defining friend is the first step in your "healing phase".

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