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RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 9:15:44 AM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline
That's the formula the French invented.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

Not that I care much about what is "socially acceptable," I've heard that the common formula used is half your age plus seven.

So, if he's 34 - 34/2 = 17 17+7=24 *

Seems close enough to be in the realm of "socially acceptable."


There is also the issue of "undue influence" when your partner is 10 years or older, the likelihood that the older partner will dominate the relationship. In your case OP, I don't think this is an issue for you in general as long as you feel safe & secure with this man. Is he looking out for your best interests? Does he treat you with respect and loving kindness? Is he willing to make a better life with you for your benefit and not just out of his own self-serving interests? Those are the more important issues at hand, in addition to the most important one of all: Are you in love with him, and does he return your love with the same level of intensity and devotion?

When your dad and the rest of your family and friends see that the two of you are happy being together, that he brings a smile to your face and brightens up your day, that he treats you right, treasures & cherishes you, then they'll come around.

* I personally would never follow this formula, because it would still place my partner in his early 30s, and I won't go there because my older son is almost 30. But when I was younger, I always went for older men because we had more in common, and the men my age were too immature. Now that I've gotten older, I see that most men are still immature despite their age, and that I don't want to go older. I'd actually prefer someone my own age if at all possible--it would all depend on the person.

_____________________________

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Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to Zonie63)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 9:20:56 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Statistically, relationships with more than a 10 year age gap have higher failure rates. But, that doesn't mean that some don't succeed.

As for the rest, society doesn't care. We often worry about what society thinks, when really it's our own biases making us worry about it.

Your father...it's his job to worry about his kid(s). He may be concerned that someone older is taking advantage of his little girl, but it's not like you dating someone who is twice your age. Time will prove whether his concerns are right or wrong.

_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to TigressLily)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 10:27:26 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		This thread reminds me of a video I saw recently. It was a question-and-answer session with the rapper 2 Chainz.

Question: Dear 2 Chainz, My girlfriend says that unless I score a touchdown in the next game, she will break up with me. What should I do?

Answer: Score the winning touchdown in the next game, and then break up with her.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 10:39:46 AM   
Jewishprincess22


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/15/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: evesgrden


quote:

ORIGINAL: genuineandkinky

Is a 12 year age difference socially acceptable?.. I feel it's not socially acceptable, even though in my mind it is.

I know, people say I shouldn't care. However, what are your thoughts?



If anonymous people on a perverted kinky forum give you permission to do something that clearly makes you uncomfortable, then it must be ok.

Kiddo, you're getting a graduate degree. Earn that sheepskin and do a little critical analysis, have the courage of your convictions and get on with life.

The fact that you have to ask makes me wonder if you're too young for anyone. Use your head, use your heart, what's the risk if you don't get involved with him, what's the risk if you do get involved with him, which risk are you willing to risk.

Errors of omission and comission. Which one is ok by you?


I'm not letting 'anonymous people on the internet tell me if it's okay or not'. Please stop the useless and juvenile insults. For me, thinking things through, and talking things through helps me understand my thought process. That is OKAY and a great resourceful for me to use to life. I would not be asking this if I had a strong feeling either way; I've been on the edge. Hearing others' thoughts, whether off the internet, or talking to the person I think is the smartest person on the earth (my ex master), or my best friends-- it all helps the same. It gives me time to digest and THINK. There is NO harm in that.

(in reply to evesgrden)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 10:43:46 AM   
VideoAdminRho


Posts: 2055
Joined: 3/24/2010
Status: offline 		While it is acceptable to have more than one profile on CollarMe, you may not post in the same forum thread under both names.

(in reply to Jewishprincess22)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 10:50:17 AM   
Zonie63


Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi


quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63


quote:

ORIGINAL: genuineandkinky

Is a 12 year age difference socially acceptable?.. I feel it's not socially acceptable, even though in my mind it is.

I know, people say I shouldn't care. However, what are your thoughts?


Not that I care much about what is "socially acceptable," I've heard that the common formula used is half your age plus seven.

So, if he's 34 - 34/2 = 17 17+7=24

Seems close enough to be in the realm of "socially acceptable."


So at 52 I should be dating a 33 year old if I apply this formula (almost 20 years younger and the age of my oldest son), or a 90 year old if they apply it (38 years older). Not thinking we'd have much in common either way.


I don't think the formula implies that's who you should be dating, but it establishes the range of what might be considered socially acceptable. At the younger ages, the range would be significantly less than it would be at the older ages.

When my father married my step-mother, he was 50 and she was 35, so it would be within range. But if it was 20 years earlier, then he would have been 30 and she would have been 15, which would be considered socially unacceptable and probably illegal in some states.

I'm reminded of an old skit by Abbott and Costello: [link removed by VideoAdminGamma]



< Message edited by VideoAdminGamma -- 10/17/2013 1:38:26 PM >

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 11:09:40 AM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline
OP (genuineandkinky aka Jewishprincess22), is this for real? Your other profile was created on 8/15/13 - a mere 2 months ago - where you state you'll go as high as 33 and appear to be actively seeking. This smells like gold-digging to me, no offense. (I don't discriminate as long as there is genuine love reciprocated.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdminRho

While it is acceptable to have more than one profile on CollarMe, you may not post in the same forum thread under both names.



_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to Jewishprincess22)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 12:58:31 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		There you go... the exception that proves the rule...

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 1:37:08 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63


I don't think the formula implies that's who you should be dating, but it establishes the range of what might be considered socially acceptable. At the younger ages, the range would be significantly less than it would be at the older ages.



Ok, point taken on the socially acceptable emphasis. Still, it really seems to fall apart when the formula user is older. I don't actually think it IS socially acceptable for 52 year old me to be with either a 33 or 90 year old. Which wouldn't matter to me if I wished to do it, and with that I guess we're back to the subject of this thread.

< Message edited by lizi -- 10/17/2013 1:46:21 PM >

(in reply to Zonie63)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 1:39:33 PM   
VideoAdminGamma


Posts: 2233
Status: offline 		Fast reply

A reminder that links to things that cannot be posted in the forums is also not allowed.

Thank you for being a part of CollarMe,
Gamma

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"The administration has the authority to handle situations in whatever manner they feel to be in the best interests of the forum, at that moment, in response to that event. "

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(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 1:55:15 PM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline 		Ok princess. Then lets get down to the real issue.

How are you going to handle your father? That's what the problem is. If your father said he forbids to you see this man, would you call it off (that's if your father is like that.. not too many are these days once their kids are of legal aga).

Could this put a rift between you and father?

Is your potential Dom Jewish?

It's not society you have to worry about, it's your family culture that might get shaken up and we can't comment on that because we know nothing about them and the rules (spoken or unspoken) that they live by. Forget about society; you have to figure out how far your family/social world might go if they object, and are you willing to risk that for this man.


Just don't tell your folks about him until you know how important he is (or isn't) to you..

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to Jewishprincess22)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 2:11:16 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		At 20, it's a huge difference. If you were 45 and he was 57 though, no one would even blink an eye.

If you are involved with your family and this will be a problem, then it won't work for you.

However, you aren't obligated to bring him home for Thanksgiving. If you're just dating, then they don't need to meet him. If you're talking about marriage, that's a different story.

But you may want to have a discussion with your father telling him that he should have nothing to do with whom you're having sex with and he needs to accept that. That either he trusts you to not catch a disease and become pregnant or he doesn't, those are his only options.

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Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 2:14:03 PM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline 		I'm afraid you might be right about that. Some people don't deserve being given the benefit of the doubt.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

There you go... the exception that proves the rule...


There is no 34-year-old Dom. Her jp22 profile in Las Vegas seeks a Jewish Dom.
She is planning to raise her 33-year-old age limit to 34, possibly even 35. She's on a fishing expedition.
If she didn't have ulterior motives, she would have come clean with her question concerning age instead of fabricating this scenario.
In her original profile, she's from Idaho and Willing to Relocate.
Says nothing in either profile about being in college or her education.
Notice how her jp22 tone changed so dramatically from the sweet, confused young lady tone as OP?
There you have it.

ETA: P.S. Sorry Gamma if quoting Rho was a no-no. It won't happen again.

< Message edited by TigressLily -- 10/17/2013 2:15:19 PM >

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 2:19:04 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		She could be from Idaho but at UNLV. Although that's not my idea of a great school for any kind of degree.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 2:26:25 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		FR

Has anybody else noticed that during certain age ranges, the age of one's partner becomes more important for some reason? It's often seemed to me that teenaged girls don't much care, but do at the age of 18 or so. Then, in their mid to late 20s, they go through a period of not caring much again. Could be just me, admittedly.

I don't mind women under the age of 30 and firmly believe that they should have the vote, I should add.

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(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 2:29:04 PM   
tabbz


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		Personally....my age 'rule of thumb' is
I need the other person to at least be in adjoining decades :)

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 2:32:01 PM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline
Anything's possible, but she doesn't say she's a student. Her Las Vegas profile only refers to herself as being educated. This isn't a girl looking to get herself through school or she would have said so in one of her profiles.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

She could be from Idaho but at UNLV. Although that's not my idea of a great school for any kind of degree.


I don't think she wants to relocate from Idaho to attend UNLV. She may be staying with friends in Las Vegas or hoping to end up there by casting her net with her LV profile for an older guy.

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 2:44:03 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Lotsa speculationing, not much factualing.

Frankly, this is why I try to make threads into interesting conversations, regardless of what the OP says. You can't trust OP. And I mean this generically, not just right now. You never get the full story about a situation, ever.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to TigressLily)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 3:02:21 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		I was 38, she was 52 but looked younger than me. It was socially acceptable, even when they did learn her age.

I 49, she was 27. The age differences weren't an issue.

I was 52, she was 18. It did not seem socially acceptable.

I am 10 years older than my slave wife. It is not quite the 12 year gap you mention but no one cares about the age difference and we socially acceptable as a couple in both BDSM and vanilla circles.

~fr

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I give good thread.

(in reply to genuineandkinky)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Age Gap? - 10/17/2013 3:23:36 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		Perceptions change with age...as you get older the difference in age becomes less important.

Butch

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I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to genuineandkinky)
Profile   Post #: 60
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