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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 10:02:19 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


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Ishtar - I get what you are saying, and that's why I wouldn't seek to prevent other people from doing these types of things, but it doesn't mean I won't be thinking a little bit less of them for doing it. My reaction would be every bit as legal as their desire to wear fetish gear at the public park.

The point that I was trying to make though, was not that people shouldn't express their D/s in public, but rather they shouldn't be doing things that depend upon the participation of the public. If I can use another example: A guy walks into a lingerie store to buy himself a womanswear lacy thong. He browses, he looks at the styles and sizes, and he purchases. All good. A guy walks into a lingerie store to buy himself a thong. He makes a big deal of making sure everyone knows it's for him and why, asks the salesperson a bunch of detailed question and shares how 'humiliated' he is. Not good. This example is dependent on other people seeing, hearing about the details of his intimate life and reacting so he can feel humiliated. This is what I think is unfair on the public. Now obviously that's not what Jeff and Carol were doing, which is why I said I'd be likely to just think they were attention seeking. It's a spectrum, I suppose, between people just being themselves and people bringing the public into their sex games.

Anyway, I might have to reconsider my stance on the whole leash thing because in typing this I remember doing something pretty similar as a teenager. And on that occasion we were attention seeking, blatantly.

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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 10:14:01 AM   
UllrsIshtar


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

If I can use another example: A guy walks into a lingerie store to buy himself a womanswear lacy thong. He browses, he looks at the styles and sizes, and he purchases. All good. A guy walks into a lingerie store to buy himself a thong. He makes a big deal of making sure everyone knows it's for him and why, asks the salesperson a bunch of detailed question and shares how 'humiliated' he is. Not good. This example is dependent on other people seeing, hearing about the details of his intimate life and reacting so he can feel humiliated.


A lingerie store is a a different example than a park is. If the lingerie store has a problem with the guy acting in that way, they can refuse to serve him.

If the guy goes to a public park and starts up a conversation with a person on a bench about how his mistress ordered him to go lingerie shopping, and how humiliated he is by that, the other person can leave.

The public is only affected by such things when it allows itself to become involved, by actively paying attention to the person seeking the attention. That doesn't mean that the person seeking the attention is in the wrong.

Now, there may be a myriad of reasons why you or I as individuals would choose not to act in such a manner, but that doesn't mean that a person who doesn't follow our line of reasoning in choosing not to seek attention in such a way is in the wrong.

People consent to being exposed to such things by virtue of placing themselves in situations where it's legal.

Whether you approve or not is irrelevant, as long as you acknowledge that you DID consent to it. When you go to a public place, you ACTIVELY consent to being exposed to people who will attempt to shock you for the sake of getting attention. It's one of the things innate to going out in public: you submit yourself freely to other people's attempts to influence your reaction to them.
Some of those attempts to shock you you will enjoy (somebody juggling chainsaws) and some of them you won't enjoy, but your enjoyment or lack thereof doesn't negate the fact that you HAVE consented to witnessing such things.

And that's my beef right there: too many times on these types of forums you hear the argument that it's the non-consensual engaging of vanilla's into kink, which is utter nonsense. The vanilla's ARE consenting as long as the act is legal.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 11/11/2013 10:18:08 AM >


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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 10:30:27 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

For me, it's not seeing evidence of someone's lifestyle that is inappropriate. It's the not-so-subtle implication that the public are playing a role in your sex game. If you're getting off on me being uncomfortable, or deliberately provoking a negative reaction in someone for your own sexual gratification, that's crossing the line, in my opinion.


The problem with that is the presumption that you're entitled to feel uncomfortable to a degree that your discomfort should bear an impact on somebody else doing something 100% legal.

You have consented to witnessing people doing legal stuff by being in a public space. The fact that some legal stuff makes you uncomfortable is absolutely irrelevant, and your upsetness is an offensive infringement on other people's lives, especially when coupled with action to attempt to prevent somebody else from exercising their rights.

Some people are uncomfortable by seeing babies breastfeed, or by seeing gay men hold hands, or by seeing couples kiss passionately around kids, or by seeing women show their calfs, and arms in public, or by seeing people dressed in goth apparel, wearing leashes and collars, or seeing people in fetish gear, potentially doing something with a sexual undertone.

The problem all that is when the person being uncomfortable turns to the assumption that because they are uncomfortable it must be that the person engaging in the discomforting behavior is doing this on purpose in order to make you uncomfortable.

That's nonsense. It's not because somebody chooses to engage in a legal activity that makes you uncomfortable that they are doing it to make you uncomfortable, and your assumption that it is is not only plain wrong, but offensive.

In public, you HAVE the consent of strangers to be a witness to your BDSM relationship, as long as your display of said relationship falls within the bounds of what is legal in that jurisdiction.

The old folkes home has a right to refuse you access to the premisses if you show up in apparel that they think will be upsetting to their residence. But those same old folkes do not have the right to not be confronted with a guy dressed in a latex pony play outfit, running circles in a public park.



I just love this! Especially the part I bolded. In our public spaces the only measure is the legality of it. If it makes one uncomfortable or not is irrelevant. UllrsIshtar you said it beautiful..... I think I am falling in lust for your brain!

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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 10:45:13 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


The public is only affected by such things when it allows itself to become involved, by actively paying attention to the person seeking the attention. That doesn't mean that the person seeking the attention is in the wrong.





Nor does it mean that anyone being uncomfortable with the behaviour is wrong either. What is wrong and even hypocrisy is expecting another to change because you are uncomfortable. If you don't like it leave! Or say something etc etc. but expecting them to adher to your code of conduct that is narrower than the law is just silly. Your limits are not the limits of others so quit projecting!

Same thing in play spaces that I have ever attended. Anything within the rules of the space is ok. If something makes you uncomfortable it's not those who are doing it that have the problem.... It is you! Leave if you don't like it! But expecting them to change when they are within their rights to do what they are doing is equally as silly.

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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 11:35:02 AM   
MariaB


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Just for fun, I thought it might be interesting for you to hear the huge difference between your past experience and Mine here.

Ok lets make a comparison but keep in mind that most clubs in the UK are done on a commercial basis.

quote:


In Alaska, there is no permanent public club/dungeon in the entire state. Some folks, like Me, have something set up in their home. However, if you want to do a community dungeon, it goes something like this.

In London, there are two permanent clubs that come to mind. We have clubs with permanent names but those clubs typically have to move around (a bit like a travelling circus). Venue owners prefer to rent a night to nilla promoters because bar takes are bigger and generally bring in more revenue, this means you may find a venue and book that venue for the next six months but if a better offer comes along, the venue owner will pull out on you.

quote:


First, you have to find a venue to rent. You're going to need that venue for at least a 24 hour period. Typically, you want something that will be open to you from at least noon on Saturday until noon the next day. That's a fairly difficult task just to get that far because you have to find venue owners that are going to leave you the heck alone for that time period.

London promoters also have to find a venue which can prove incredibly difficult and hugely expensive. A 500 capacity club in London for a Sat night will cost on average 3 thousand pounds (around $4800). You won't be able to get hold of it over a 24 hour period. London clubs tend to run from 9pm to 5-6am. At best you are going to get into the venue at 5pm and you are going to have to be out half an hour after closing because most London clubs re-open as a day club from 7am. You are going to have to dress the club whilst staff are cleaning it and undress it whilst staff are cleaning it.

quote:


On the morning of your community dungeon, you start the process of gathering the things you will need to turn whatever space you've rented into a play area. (Keep in mind, I'm a bum and generally not involved in this part because we live about 100 miles away.) Some of the dungeon furniture, decorations, etc belong to the group as a whole. Other stuff, you have to run around town and 'borrow' from individual members of the community. If somebody who is attending that owns a pick-up truck is willing to be a part of this, that's how you get everything to your rented space. If not, you rent a U-Haul.


When we ran a club we had a big transit van and we always hired a second one. We owned all the dungeon gear and had it in various lock-ups around London. It was just a case of transporting from one place to the next. This though, always required extra muscle, as the furniture was heavy steel and venues were often on the 1st floor of a building. The dressings for the clubs change and can either be hired or made, stored and alternated. The clubs always have furniture of their own too and this has to be moved and stored or set out to your own specifications.
quote:


Hopefully, you get the first load of stuff to your rented space around noon. Other volunteers meet you at the rented space and assist in the process of setting up. Dungeon furniture gets put together, decorations get put up, lights so you can have a certain kind of ambiance. This continues, more or less, until you have your finished 'play space' around 6:00 PM. Your volunteers are come and go, mostly because they have to shower and change. You have other volunteers that set up your social area, deal with food, and whatever other amenities you are going to provide. Usually, the main person doing that shopped and did all the food preparation between Friday and Saturday to have it ready by 6:00 PM.


Crews generally arrive at the venue as soon as they are allowed in and its all stations go. The lighting engineer and the sounds engineer would arrive around 7pm and the Dungeon monitors, Dungeon Mistresses, door bitches, meeters, greeters and maids would arrive an hour before opening so that we could explain the plans for the night. The DJ would usually arrive about 20 minutes before opening and the performers may turn up early or not until an hour before they were on the floor. All of our staff were paid a small amount, got drink tokens and a free pass for a friend and they were never expected to work more than 4 hours. The set up and take down crew got double passes for the club plus drinks tokens. We also had a tea, coffee and blanket area which was set up by maids, which was voluntary but we had to pay DJ's and performers their asking price which was often fairly hefty.

quote:



Your dungeon opens at 6:00 PM and is open until around 3:00 AM. You and your first volunteers have been running full steam since early morning the prior day. Some will crash at the dungeon because you've got until noon to complete the process of doing everything in reverse. Take the dungeon furniture apart, remove decorations, clean up whatever mess you've made and restore the place to the condition it was in before you started.


Venues in the UK use their own cleaners and their own security staff which is a legal requirement.

We, of course were expected to clean up anything ominous but the club cleaners would arrive on mass dead on closing time. They also put back any of their own furniture we had moved but the race was on to get everything out of the club in record time.

quote:


Think I don't miss the public clubs that are just open every weekend? Oh My Gosh, do I ever!



I certainly don't miss running a club. Its not just getting the club ready, monitoring the club and taking it apart that is hard work, though I always relaxed once we opened, it was the work going on behind the scene. The advertising, the phone calls, the arranging, the juggling, the chasing and the constant buying of materials.

I love big clubs but I know the sheer hard work that goes into them.
It really annoys me when club goers complain that the promoters are making a profit. When promoters run these clubs as a business, they are far more likely to survive because if you don't aim to be in profit, you can guarantee you will be in loss.

Edited to add, I stole your purple... not sure how that happened!!


< Message edited by MariaB -- 11/11/2013 11:40:05 AM >


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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 11:48:57 AM   
LadyPact


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
Nor does it mean that anyone being uncomfortable with the behaviour is wrong either. What is wrong and even hypocrisy is expecting another to change because you are uncomfortable. If you don't like it leave! Or say something etc etc. but expecting them to adher to your code of conduct that is narrower than the law is just silly. Your limits are not the limits of others so quit projecting!

Same thing in play spaces that I have ever attended. Anything within the rules of the space is ok. If something makes you uncomfortable it's not those who are doing it that have the problem.... It is you! Leave if you don't like it! But expecting them to change when they are within their rights to do what they are doing is equally as silly.

The part that I put in bold, however, is what some communities are struggling with. Some successfully and some not.

It is harder, I think, with open door policies. Some groups are trying to curb that with bringing back practices like vetting, probationary periods, and sponsored memberships. They didn't do it because of some fear that the Fifty Shaders were coming. They did it because bad things were happening in play spaces that weren't in accordance with dungeon rules.

A part of Me was kind of hoping this was just an Alaskan phenomenon. Unfortunately, I don't think it is. I could probably take Myself over to Fet and pull duplicate stories of the things that have happened here from any number of major cities. Even places that I've lived before, in kink communities that I've really loved being a part of, where they've experienced major problems as well.

Just being uncomfortable. Yeah. Find another scene to watch.


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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 12:10:17 PM   
LadyPact


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
I certainly don't miss running a club. Its not just getting the club ready, monitoring the club and taking it apart that is hard work, though I always relaxed once we opened, it was the work going on behind the scene. The advertising, the phone calls, the arranging, the juggling, the chasing and the constant buying of materials.

I love big clubs but I know the sheer hard work that goes into them.
It really annoys me when club goers complain that the promoters are making a profit. When promoters run these clubs as a business, they are far more likely to survive because if you don't aim to be in profit, you can guarantee you will be in loss.

Edited to add, I stole your purple... not sure how that happened!!


Pretty neat. Thanks for taking the time to explain it all. It sounds like you're in the same boat on a much larger scale.

In comparison, in some places in this country, we also have public clubs. (Think cities like New York, Atlanta, and Los Angeles.) They have the big capacity square footage. They also have the luxury of not having to do the same kind of set up and tear down, at least of things like dungeon furniture and sound systems. There's still work to do, of course, but stuff like cleaning the dungeon equipment is a lot easier than having to put it together each time. You might change decorations for a specific theme that you're holding. Other times, from one week to the next, you might just have the same decor.

I hear what you're saying about the money, too. Little groups like ours have to try to stay in the black because we're never really certain what the amount will be for deposit/rent on the next space. Rather than profit, it goes to what we call our "community fund" to help to cover us between months that are good vrs the months where there is low attendance. We did recently find a venue that costs us a bit less so we have some breathing room. Matched with an October dungeon (which is one month that always seems to do well everywhere in this country) the finances were comfortable this time around.



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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 12:20:42 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The part that I put in bold, however, is what some communities are struggling with. Some successfully and some not.





I see two fundamental reasons why some communities struggle with it. They often go hand in hand I think.

One... Poor leadership on the part of the organizers that run the events.

Two... The rules stated are not actually the social rules applied. It's not so much that they allow people to break rules but the community has this unstated glass ceiling that is below the stated rules. Anyone that goes through the glass ceiling is socially ostracized. Problem is the moment it starts everyone starts setting up glass ceilings as it is socially acceptable. The mob starts running the show and the stated rules are of no significant value. I see a lot of difficulties because of this and only strong vocal leadership accepting those plays that push people within the rules can start to change the mindset. Not to forget the few people that kinda like to break those glass ceilings ;)




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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 12:22:03 PM   
DesFIP


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When you say there's something happening that makes you uncomfortable to watch so don't watch it, that presumes there are separate areas where you can sit without watching.

There's a small, private club trying to get started around here. And there is no separate room to socialize in.

What that means is that those of us who don't play heavy really can't go without seeing stuff that squicks us.

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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 12:27:00 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

When you say there's something happening that makes you uncomfortable to watch so don't watch it, that presumes there are separate areas where you can sit without watching.

There's a small, private club trying to get started around here. And there is no separate room to socialize in.

What that means is that those of us who don't play heavy really can't go without seeing stuff that squicks us.


There is a door isn't there? If you can't use it... That is your problem! It absolutely lame that you witness stuff that squicks you because you don't have the strength to use the door and blame it on the play space.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 11/11/2013 12:42:21 PM >


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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 12:53:21 PM   
LadyPact


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
I see two fundamental reasons why some communities struggle with it. They often go hand in hand I think.

One... Poor leadership on the part of the organizers that run the events.

Two... The rules stated are not actually the social rules applied. It's not so much that they allow people to break rules but the community has this unstated glass ceiling that is below the stated rules. Anyone that goes through the glass ceiling is socially ostracized. Problem is the moment it starts everyone starts setting up glass ceilings as it is socially acceptable. The mob starts running the show and the stated rules are of no significant value. I see a lot of difficulties because of this and only strong vocal leadership accepting those plays that push people within the rules can start to change the mindset. Not to forget the few people that kinda like to break those glass ceilings ;)

Some of this I would have to agree with. It's also why I'm hugely in favor for smaller communities/groups to have formal policy. I believe we're better off with things like non-disclosure agreements. (Meaning, as an attendee, you don't use somebody's scene on Saturday night as a reason to call the cops on them on Sunday.) If your group is one that doesn't publicize an address of a venue except to paid participants, you don't go and post it on your Fet account. Decide exactly what your group means by "a vetted member" or "a member in good standing" and know what that entails.

I'm probably more rigid than some folks. I can deal with that.



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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 1:37:17 PM   
JeffBC


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
I fear the overt commercialization of the scene for this same reason. I like the sense that what I do (or used to do, anyway) was something dark and secret, only accessible to a select few. Now, I go the mall (rarely), and within the space of an hour, see a dozen or more people wearing BDSM-themed apparel. This cheapens the effect the scene has on me, makes it less 'edgy', if that's a word.

That is totally understandable even though I'm not one drawn to such things. But I get the allure. I guess my question would be something along the lines of:

OK, so new clubs pop up and people sporting play like Grey gear strut around doing whatever it is that they do. Surely you understand that what they are doing and what you are doing isn't even remotely similar? So you continue to go to your underground clubs and you continue to do the stuff that you KNOW would shock the crap out of the Play like Grey crowd. It seems the alternative/secret/shock factors are all still there.

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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 1:59:10 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


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quote:

It's also why I'm hugely in favor for smaller communities/groups to have formal policy. I believe we're better off with things like non-disclosure agreements. (Meaning, as an attendee, you don't use somebody's scene on Saturday night as a reason to call the cops on them on Sunday.) If your group is one that doesn't publicize an address of a venue except to paid participants, you don't go and post it on your Fet account. Decide exactly what your group means by "a vetted member" or "a member in good standing" and know what that entails.

I'm probably more rigid than some folks. I can deal with that.


Me too. I think it's essential to install a small board whose function is (among other things) to draft a written policy (if one is not already in place) that can be referenced for new members to sign off on and then referred to as needed when a complaint is made. This should include exactly how to submit a grievance or complaint, and exactly what steps the board members will take.



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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 2:57:41 PM   
MasterCaneman


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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
I fear the overt commercialization of the scene for this same reason. I like the sense that what I do (or used to do, anyway) was something dark and secret, only accessible to a select few. Now, I go the mall (rarely), and within the space of an hour, see a dozen or more people wearing BDSM-themed apparel. This cheapens the effect the scene has on me, makes it less 'edgy', if that's a word.

That is totally understandable even though I'm not one drawn to such things. But I get the allure. I guess my question would be something along the lines of:

OK, so new clubs pop up and people sporting play like Grey gear strut around doing whatever it is that they do. Surely you understand that what they are doing and what you are doing isn't even remotely similar? So you continue to go to your underground clubs and you continue to do the stuff that you KNOW would shock the crap out of the Play like Grey crowd. It seems the alternative/secret/shock factors are all still there.

You have a valid point there, Jeff.

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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 3:29:26 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
I fear the overt commercialization of the scene for this same reason. I like the sense that what I do (or used to do, anyway) was something dark and secret, only accessible to a select few. Now, I go the mall (rarely), and within the space of an hour, see a dozen or more people wearing BDSM-themed apparel. This cheapens the effect the scene has on me, makes it less 'edgy', if that's a word.

That is totally understandable even though I'm not one drawn to such things. But I get the allure. I guess my question would be something along the lines of:

OK, so new clubs pop up and people sporting play like Grey gear strut around doing whatever it is that they do. Surely you understand that what they are doing and what you are doing isn't even remotely similar? So you continue to go to your underground clubs and you continue to do the stuff that you KNOW would shock the crap out of the Play like Grey crowd. It seems the alternative/secret/shock factors are all still there.



I think this is where it differs for some people. Some can only seem to get in the mood when the environment is right to stimulate that mood... For others the mood starts within and they can make their environment fit to their mood.

There is no question that the influx of people into any group will change the environment... And for some that will be negatively affect their mood to play in the changed environment. Myself, the grey crowd has no affect to me when I play for my mood to play comes from within and impact my environment.

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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 3:37:52 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


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I don't remember where I got this, I can't even remember whether it was on the net or in a book. And it's paraphrased from a lousy memory:

"You can tell the new doms. They swagger around at a club with a cheap flogger they bought at the local porn store, but you just know the first time they swing that thing the tails are going to fly off and land in someone's pitcher of martinis."

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RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 3:43:28 PM   
kalikshama


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: HoneyBears

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I saw a profile of a woman on another site. She said she was submissive and looking for Christian Grey. I wrote her saying that Grey was a submissive service top. About a week later, I was beating her ass in a hotel room. Over dinner, she told me that I was the only man who had read her profile and really made her think when I wrote her, and that got her interested.

You spent just one week getting to know a strange woman you met on line before hooking up with her on what was probably your intro meeting date?
Damn, you must be easy. It was the "submissive service top" part that reeled her in, wasn't it?

Wait, what? If I don't meet a woman in real life within a week or so of first email, I move on. And I've met more than one woman through kinky online dating. (There is an exception to this, which is when air travel is involved and we want to mutually plan a few days together.) You are welcome to use more slut-shaming language in your next post, if it makes you feel superior to me and you need that in your life, but I am comfortable with my kink and sex life.

I honestly don't understand your snarky response. I was trying to show that people respond well when you challenge their 50-Shades notion of BDSM, and ask them to engage in something more. Why rage against the dying of the light when you can make sparks with the new sun that is rising?

Also, is service-topping somehow dirty in your eyes? I didn't say anything about what she and I did together. But if I am directing traffic, and I do something I enjoy, and she enjoys it as well, who exactly is the loser here? You?


quote:

ORIGINAL: HoneyBears

Hey, chill out, no need to be touchy. Sorry if you took this to be snarky. Yes, your point was apropos.
Along the 50 Shades theme, with all the horny, desperate housewives out there, have at it.
If you had hooked up with her for play at a BDSM event or dungeon party, taking appropriate STD precautions is *almost* a given.
Surely you and she must have exchanged proper testing certifications for being STD-free during this one-week e-mail exchange before hooking up in a hotel room.

We apologize for making you feel judged and for jumping to the wrong conclusions....


This was an interesting exchange (some of which I have snipped for brevity) so I thought I'd add my 2 cents from a fem sub perspective.

1. When I was looking, if I was talking to someone *local* and he was not able to meet for coffee within two weekends, I would write him off as too busy to date or not really into me.

2. Since the 80s, I always used condoms with new sexual partners, but only once did STD testing ahead of time - when we decided before our first sexual encounter that we were going to be monogamous and not use condoms.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 137
RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 3:50:26 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
Back to the OP - my (now ex) husband and I started out with all kinds of fluffy bunny stuff, including one like this, which we stole from the cats.



And a little soft suede flogger, which would have hurt his arm/shoulder sooner than he could have hurt me with it. As we learned what we liked, we kept going back to the BDSM store for more gear.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 138
RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 8:37:26 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
Ok so I did get a laugh from a bunch of the comments but in all seriousness I don't think this is a bad thing. Marketing "kink" so mild that it's palatable and safe for mainstream society is great in that it has the potential to make what we do much more socially acceptable.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 139
RE: -=Now y'all wannabes can "play like Grey"=- - 11/11/2013 9:52:33 PM   
HoneyBears


Posts: 337
Joined: 11/5/2013
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

... I thought I'd add my 2 cents from a fem sub perspective.

1. When I was looking, if I was talking to someone *local* and he was not able to meet for coffee within two weekends, I would write him off as too busy to date or not really into me.

2. Since the 80s, I always used condoms with new sexual partners, but only once did STD testing ahead of time - when we decided before our first sexual encounter that we were going to be monogamous and not use condoms.

Understandably, some of us prefer to *meet* up to determine whether there is any sexual chemistry before investing (wasting) time in a futile effort.
From a domme perspective, which will vary from domme to domme depending on what kind of sub she's looking for,
I used to spend 3-4 weeks establishing the foundation of our D/s dynamic.
If they could not cut the mustard there, forget it.
I did not want to get involved with a married man, so part of this entailed phone calls at random intervals,
especially over weekends.

Btw, condoms are a must, no matter what, for the first few months due to lag time.
The easiest and fastest way to show you are clean is to donate blood.
Both you and your prospective partner should have or get a recent blood donation card,
preferably within the time frame of your courtship, although that is not a failsafe method.
You still have to rely on trust. If in doubt, engage in non-sexual *safe* play, which is easier said than done.
I will admit, I did forego a few of my stringent requirements when I met Cub.
But a part of me knew deep down that he was a keeper and that he was not playing head games.
By then, we had gotten to know one another fairly well since we were LD, so our D/s dynamic was already in place by then.

P.S. Your sharing of your POV is very much appreciated, kalikshama.

_____________________________

"The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart."-- J.G. Holland

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 140
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