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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/12/2013 9:17:24 AM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

OP, have you been following the findom threads currently going? There are plenty of opinions there (90 pages or something like that.) Please feel free to join in.

Wait! Are you saying that this isn't the first findom thread ever posted on CollarMe? I was certain this was the first and only one.

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/12/2013 10:11:53 AM

evesgrden

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quote:

ORIGINAL: payingoinker

Someone once said that financial domination is the only real form of online D/s because it is the only one where there is a tangible exchange of power and control. I tend to see Her point but I am interested in others opinions.

Someone once said....

I read it at the back of Cosmo

The earth is flat...

The earth is the center of the universe..

There's this religion that...

The Great Pumpkin.....

Someone once said.... seriously? Since when does an anonymous someone's "pronouncements" equate credibility/validity?

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/12/2013 6:07:30 PM

HoneyBears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

quote:

ORIGINAL: HoneyBears

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

Wait when did findom become real D/s?

*Pss-t, it isn't, but I did not tell you that.*

For the record, no current or past involvement with financial domination myself...

You are certainly entitled to your opinion. However your opinion only makes it real or not real for you alone. It does not determine what is real across the board for others.

True, real is such a tricky word. (So is true.) Cannot argue with that.
What is real to some might very well be a strictly on-line relationship.
What some call financial domination might be at the crux of what they consider to be a D/s relationship.

Taking the word real out of the equation and getting down to D/s.
It is a matter of opinion whether D/s and BDSM are synonymous.
In our opinion they are not the same in that you can have one without the other, going in either direction.
Your opinion may vary. GetSteel's opinion may vary. Other posters have their own opinions.
We have no way of knowing at this juncture.

Please do feel free to correct us if we got the wrong impression from reading a couple financial domination threads.
Are fin-dommes (including findoms) not wanting to be recognized as a legitimate form of BDSM?
Operating a business model, in our opinion, if done as a legitimate service-providing business does not exclude BDSM.
The distinction is made when those conducting business in the name of BDSM want it both ways.
You can run a business or private practice, and get emotionally involved with your clients.
It happens all the time. Or not form an emotional attachment with clients who have formed one with you (not specifically you).
We have a few friends who are fin-dommes and pro-dommes who have gotten emotionally involved with paying clients.
However, they did not set out to do so. To them, it was business first.
One pro-domme ended up marrying one of hers, but she stopped pro-domming after that. Her choice.

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/12/2013 6:37:34 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HoneyBears
It is a matter of opinion whether D/s and BDSM are synonymous.

No. It's not. BDSM, Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism, appeared on posters for leather events as B/D S/M at least as early as the 1970s. The inclusion of D/s as part of the meaning of BDSM appears to date back only to the days of the alt.bondage newsgroup.

There's much more discussion of this here if you search BDSM; and on FetLife, if you look through the Leather History group.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/12/2013 6:50:32 PM

HoneyBears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: HoneyBears
It is a matter of opinion whether D/s and BDSM are synonymous.

No. It's not. BDSM, Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism, appeared on posters for leather events as B/D S/M at least as early as the 1970s. The inclusion of D/s as part of the meaning of BDSM appears to date back only to the days of the alt.bondage newsgroup.

There's much more discussion of this here if you search BDSM; and on FetLife, if you look through the Leather History group.

There are those who still hold to their own interpretations or continue to confuse the two terms.
It is up to them whether they choose to accept these distinctions...
... such as the difference between a "sub" and a "slave."

Anyone wishing to argue this point further, we can refer on to you, if you like.

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/12/2013 7:04:53 PM

RedMagic1

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Or you could stop posting things that are verifiably false. Then people would stop correcting you.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/12/2013 7:13:24 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
No. It's not. BDSM, Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism, appeared on posters for leather events as B/D S/M at least as early as the 1970s. The inclusion of D/s as part of the meaning of BDSM appears to date back only to the days of the alt.bondage newsgroup.

And just at a pragmatic level, I'm a guy who is D/s and not BDSM and that split is glaringly obvious. It means that I have areas of overlapping interest and I kind of like the kink community but I'm not really a part of it. For instance, what would I do at a typical BDSM event? It'd be like going to a chess tournament when you didn't like chess.

Pragmatically I think separating D/s and BDSM makes more sense.

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
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officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/12/2013 7:28:50 PM

Inghammar

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Look everybody another findomme thread.

Also this is clearly not real:
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/525416/Screenshot%20from%202012-12-17%2000%3A35%3A07.png

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/12/2013 7:39:49 PM

HoneyBears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Or you could stop posting things that are verifiably false. Then people would stop correcting you.

Are you saying that the use of the word "opinion" makes the ensuing statement false?
Because we stated an opinion that you regard as fact somehow negates the validity of the opinion, because it was not presented as fact?

quote:

ORIGINAL: HoneyBears

In our opinion they are not the same in that you can have one without the other, going in either direction.
[D/s without BDSM; BDSM without D/s]*
Your opinion may vary. GotSteel's opinion may vary. Other posters have their own opinions.

And what "people" need to "stop correcting" us?
Did we say this was the ONE TWUE WAY?
It sounds as if you are being a proponent of the ONE TWUE WAY.

You can argue until the cows come home that any scientific theory, for example, is or is not a fact.
Makes no difference to us one way or another, in theory.
Have a good night.

* Bracketed text inserted for clarity.

< Message edited by HoneyBears -- 11/12/2013 7:56:58 PM >

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/12/2013 8:05:01 PM

RedMagic1

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You control your destiny here. If you continue to post using self-elevating language, and making assertions that are anti-medical or anti-historical, people will see your username and think, "She's the one who is wrong all the time and she thinks her shit doesn't stink."

On the other hand, if you post about your personal experiences from your own life, only make general assertions you can justify with concrete data, and talk to others as though they were your equals, not your inferiors, then people will respect what you have to say.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/12/2013 8:15:54 PM

HoneyBears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

You control your destiny here. If you continue to post using self-elevating language, and making assertions that are anti-medical or anti-historical, people will see your username and think, "She's the one who is wrong all the time and she thinks her shit doesn't stink."

On the other hand, if you post about your personal experiences from your own life, only make general assertions you can justify with concrete data, and talk to others as though they were your equals, not your inferiors, then people will respect what you have to say.

Are you tripping?

You do not have to answer that.
Pick your battles elsewhere.
Your opinion is duly noted from the playground from whence it came.
No means no, and goodbye means goodbye. Bye!

_____________________________

"The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart."-- J.G. Holland

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/12/2013 8:25:29 PM

RedMagic1

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There is no battle here. I am trying to help you. Please think about it: personal life experiences, or general statements that can be justified, esp. by links to scientific research or experts (eg, San Francisco AIDS Foundation). Your experience here will improve tremendously, and you'll find yourself giving better advice.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/12/2013 10:36:47 PM

xxblushesxx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: payingoinker

Someone once said that financial domination is the only real form of online D/s because it is the only one where there is a tangible exchange of power and control. I tend to see Her point but I am interested in others opinions.

What do *you* believe, OP?

I happen to think that any time someone goes throwing around the word "real" in wiitwd, we are headed down the wrong path. (Unless we are talking real leather vs pleather)

When you put yourself under the control of another, whether it is financially, emotionally, physically (and yes, you can physically be under the control of another online) or mentally, and you receive all the benefits, feelings, emotions etc. that come with that, how could that possibly not be "real"?

Many do prefer real life encounters because it adds more to it, but that doesn't make online less "real". It just makes it not for everyone.

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/13/2013 1:43:24 AM

MariaB

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Actually, a name like 'payingoinker', is a very subtle way of controlling the fin Dommes. Make a name like that, sit back and watch the fin Dommes role in, in droves. You cleverly made your very own 'needs met' service' how clever of you

Oh, and I bet you don't pay any of them!

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/13/2013 5:18:45 AM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HoneyBears

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

You control your destiny here. If you continue to post using self-elevating language, and making assertions that are anti-medical or anti-historical, people will see your username and think, "She's the one who is wrong all the time and she thinks her shit doesn't stink."

On the other hand, if you post about your personal experiences from your own life, only make general assertions you can justify with concrete data, and talk to others as though they were your equals, not your inferiors, then people will respect what you have to say.

Are you tripping?

You do not have to answer that.
Pick your battles elsewhere.
Your opinion is duly noted from the playground from whence it came.
No means no, and goodbye means goodbye. Bye!

Well, it's a choice.

OP, good luck.

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/13/2013 12:23:27 PM

obedientnwilling

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Prostitution is an ancient and noble profession. I fully accept it, and I consider it to be potentially very empowering to those who work in that field. However, if you are going to be employed as a whore, call yourself a whore.

By the same token, I call myself a pussy. It's just a fact of my existence. That picture of me is real: I am in the same position every night as my master caresses me. I have been utterly dependent upon men for my entire adult life. I see them as sources of protection, and I derive my self-esteem largely from their reassurance and approval. In every possible respect, I am a pussy. I don't beat around the bush about it. I just call myself what I am. I'm not ashamed of it.

I'm not proud of it, either. I'm proud to have a noble and decent man as my master, and I am proud that I can serve his needs. I'm proud that I have an attractive body that pleases him. I don't see the role that I have in society as a source of either pride or shame. It is how I serve in that role and for whom that matters to me. I would feel the same way if I were a janitor or the CEO of a Fortune 500 company.

If you are accepting money for sex in any way, though, you are, by definition, a prostitute or, to put it bluntly, a whore. Depending on how you conduct yourself in that role and profession, it could be either a source of empowerment and fulfillment or a source of shame and degradation. I see it as simple as that. I therefore think that the very term "findom" can be dispensed with, except as a marketing term.

< Message edited by obedientnwilling -- 11/13/2013 12:53:22 PM >

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/13/2013 1:03:32 PM

DesFIP

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Are you also proud of your misogyny? That the most degrading thing you can think of to call yourself is a term commonly used for a woman's vagina? You think it makes you wonderful to look down on women?

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/13/2013 1:59:35 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: obedientnwilling
I have been utterly dependent upon men for my entire adult life. I see them as sources of protection, and I derive my self-esteem largely from their reassurance and approval.

You trade sex for protection and I'm assuming a roof over your head, since you say "dependent". That's not any different than trading sex for money. So, that means....

quote:

If you are accepting money for sex in any way, though, you are, by definition, a prostitute or, to put it bluntly, a whore.

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/13/2013 2:02:43 PM

SeekingTrinity

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Just curious...

Who said a financial dominant was having sex with the one paying? If you are not having sex with someone who paid you, it's NOT prostitution. Seems to me you are incorrectly labelling people so that they can fit in the pretty little boxes you use to categorize people. Key wording in that last sentence being "incorrect." I think the real shame and degradation comes from clueless folks who incorrectly label people. Just sayin'

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 11/13/2013 2:03:37 PM >

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RE: FD only real form of online D/s - 11/13/2013 2:03:59 PM

obedientnwilling

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Are you also proud of your misogyny? That the most degrading thing you can think of to call yourself is a term commonly used for a woman's vagina? You think it makes you wonderful to look down on women?

I don't think it's "degrading," though. To me, it means, among other things, "sweet and gentle." It means I can be a person who brings families together. It means I can be a source of love, nurturing and peace. I have the power to heal. I can mend people's hearts. That's all stuff I associate with being a "pussy," and I embrace that label.

I use that label specifically to call into question the legitimacy of using it as an insult. The things that are really implied by it actually make me feel...attractive.

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