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I'd be over there and ask the woman outright what the situation is because your GF may be spreading malicious rumours that you want to stamp on.
Obviously be polite and do it when your GF isn't at home.

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One time, she asked me seriously if there was a boobytrap I could put in to stop that from happening. I had to point out to her it was a state and federal offense to install an 'infernal engine' on her property, which didn't make her happy at all. And to all of the above who asked me if I would go over and speak to the ladies in question, I'd be dealing with a near-psychotic break on my GF's part. I asked her if she'd consider going over and getting the scoop on them herself, maybe getting to know them better and perhaps it would calm her down. She. Blew. Up. It was a phone conversation and she screamed at me so loud my speaker was feeding back like Hendrix at Monterrey (and that's not exaggeration, folks).

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ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman


I can't use anything from the Church as ammunition. I won't. I don't know if I'm looking for it here, just some insight into how I can keep this from blowing up in her damn face, because I know I'm the one whose gonna be doing fixit duty, whether I like it or not. I've gotten some good, usable advice already, but I'm not sure how to present it to her.

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ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

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ORIGINAL: evesgrden

Ask her what she thinks should happen. Should they be jailed? Should it be a crime? Should they have the same rights? When she's treating a patient, if given a choice would she not treat someone who is gay?

These questions will bring it all out... anf you ned to do that. I understand your reluctance; this is a long term relationship. Your other choice is to live in denial about it, push it aside, change the subject... and let it eat away at you. It has to be addressed, and will come to the surface one way or another -- you can either decide when and how, or let it occur happenstance. But you don't want to have that discussion pop up at a family celebration, or funeral, or grocery store etc.

The sad thing is this means your relationship could be on the line over this. Any arguement can end a relationship if there's a major impasse.

I went through something similar at the beginning of a relationshp a year ago or so. It was over politics, and he said that Michelle Obama was "acting as if she were white".

Now this was a very educated, accomplished and sophisticated guy. And as soon as those word came out of his mouth I knew the writing was on the wall. In order for me to have good relationship with someone (platonic or otherwise), I have to like the way they think.

As soon as those words came out of his mouth, I realized that it wasn't going to work. Oh he apologized, corrected himself... but that was immaterial. There are always plenty of reasons to like or dislike politician and their families.... but clearly we viewed the world very differently and I simply cut my losses.

Once I don't like the way someone thinks, they become very unattractive to me.

Some of what my woman says violate this site's ToS, to be blunt. And in the same breath, she says she's worked with LGBT people and it doesn't bother her, yet somehow this does. Her reasoning is because she can see it from her living room window. When I tell her to just ignore it is usually when I get accused of being gay or bi myself, which pisses me off to no end. Not because I view it as an attack on my masculinity, but because I'm not marching in lockstep with her. It's part of the reason we don't live together.

She's a very dominant personality by the nature of her profession and her particular life-arc. I'm very dominant as well, and when we set our outlooks aside, we're good together. But she's used to partners who are more passive to her in the past, and it drives her nuts when I refuse to give in. This has nothing to do with kink, mind you, she doesn't play that way. It's the way we are in real-time, all the time.

And she never, ever, admits she's wrong until it jumps up and bites her on the ass. Even then, she tends to try to deflect it onto other people, another thing about her that annoys me. That said, I love and care for her deeply, and I don't want what we have to go down in flames over this. If that makes any sense.

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ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman
I did ask her why it bothered her so much, and the most cogent answer I got was "Because it does, that's why!

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ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

And I like the spray idea, but she'd literally blow a gasket if I did that. As I like to tell my people here, "She didn't buy a house, she had it, and is still experiencing birthing pains." Seriously, she's become insufferable ever since she took possession of that place, and more than once it's become the focal point of an argument between us.

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ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

Okay, mods, this may or may not be a salient post because it is similar to the one where the server got stiffed for being gay, but I feel this is a legit question. First, a little backstory: I'm in an eleven year relationship with a very vanilla woman with an Alpha personality. She's a registered nurse, and has recently (past three years) bought a house. Now, about six months ago, another woman bought a home across the street from her, and my woman has started making some disconcerting comments regarding this person.

Simply put, the woman is a lesbian. She has a girlfriend whose moved in with her and what appears to be the homeowner's minor age daughter. There's also a male involved who appears to be the child's father. He is also a regular visitor there. My woman has recently started making some overtly homophobic comments about what she sees going on over there, something I didn't know about her until now, and it's beginning to concern me.

I'll be blunt in saying I'm solidly heterosexual myself, as well as a member of the R.C. Church, just to give you a quick background snap of my background. That being said, I'm a "live and let live" kind of guy, because I don't consider it my business to give a shit about what someone else does with their heart, soul, and plumbing nor who they choose to do it with. My GF, however, is starting to get very unsettled by this all, and I'm at a loss as to how to approach this in a way that she won't lash out at me. Saturday night, when I was over, I got tired of hearing her vent about them and told her so, and almost immediately was queried if I had ever done that kind of thing.

I've worked in a lot of fetish and alternative oriented bars and clubs, have worked for two openly gay gentlemen and an open lesbian. All were good people to work for who left their orientation at the door, but she all but accused me of going 'that way' for merely trying to get to her to let if go. None of these folks have so much as spoken to her since moving in, yet every day her vitriol grows at their mere presence.

It's getting to the point I feel I need to do something about it. Is it or should I just let her keep going until it blows up in her face? While part of me wants her to find out for herself what can happen if you allow your prejudices to dictate your actions, another part of me doesn't want her to get her fingers burned either. And both parts of me know that whatever happens, I'll be the one who ends up having to clean up the mess in some manner after the fact. I know no one can give me the "right" answer here, but any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

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ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I couldn't be in a serious relationship with someone I didn't respect...and I find her POV intolerant, ignorant, and hateful.

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ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

Okay, mods, this may or may not be a salient post because it is similar to the one where the server got stiffed for being gay, but I feel this is a legit question. First, a little backstory: I'm in an eleven year relationship with a very vanilla woman with an Alpha personality. She's a registered nurse, and has recently (past three years) bought a house. Now, about six months ago, another woman bought a home across the street from her, and my woman has started making some disconcerting comments regarding this person.

Simply put, the woman is a lesbian. She has a girlfriend whose moved in with her and what appears to be the homeowner's minor age daughter. There's also a male involved who appears to be the child's father. He is also a regular visitor there. My woman has recently started making some overtly homophobic comments about what she sees going on over there, something I didn't know about her until now, and it's beginning to concern me.

I'll be blunt in saying I'm solidly heterosexual myself, as well as a member of the R.C. Church, just to give you a quick background snap of my background. That being said, I'm a "live and let live" kind of guy, because I don't consider it my business to give a shit about what someone else does with their heart, soul, and plumbing nor who they choose to do it with. My GF, however, is starting to get very unsettled by this all, and I'm at a loss as to how to approach this in a way that she won't lash out at me. Saturday night, when I was over, I got tired of hearing her vent about them and told her so, and almost immediately was queried if I had ever done that kind of thing.

I've worked in a lot of fetish and alternative oriented bars and clubs, have worked for two openly gay gentlemen and an open lesbian. All were good people to work for who left their orientation at the door, but she all but accused me of going 'that way' for merely trying to get to her to let if go. None of these folks have so much as spoken to her since moving in, yet every day her vitriol grows at their mere presence.

It's getting to the point I feel I need to do something about it. Is it or should I just let her keep going until it blows up in her face? While part of me wants her to find out for herself what can happen if you allow your prejudices to dictate your actions, another part of me doesn't want her to get her fingers burned either. And both parts of me know that whatever happens, I'll be the one who ends up having to clean up the mess in some manner after the fact. I know no one can give me the "right" answer here, but any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.