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ORIGINAL: Argossy

Greetings!

I freely admit I am a Dom, not a Master. That is, I am a relative newbie, and have no desire to call myself "Master" when I haven't earned the title. My subs will call me that when I have.

So, despite being a relative newbie, I do have some very good sub candidates I've been nurturing. (What can I say, despite being inexperienced, I am good looking and intelligent. Apparently those count too.)

I have an open vanilla relationship, and am only looking at Dom/sub as play. I am excited for my upcoming sessions with two different subs, and I am looking to make the most of them. I expect to work with each of them for the long-term, if things go well.

So I have some great ideas for how I will initiate them, but I have been looking for ideas for where to go after that initial ramp-up. When I read literature, I find what stuff that is very confusing to me: the Dom working his ass of to pleasure the sub; usually through pain though sometimes through bondage, humiliation, etc. There are a lot of forms taken, but all of them look to me like domming from the bottom -- where the Dom is actually serving the sub by doing his best to create the most pleasurable experience for her.

Now I have no problem with my subs having pleasure; but frankly I'd prefer that their greatest pleasure be giving me pleasure. Is that so odd? Why is it that I see so little of people writing about that? (Or am I just looking in the wrong places?)

I hope you take this in the right spirit. I am a newbie; and I am not trying to criticize the community. I am just trying to find kindred spirits and get some advice and tips that I can model.

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...the Dom working his ass of to pleasure the sub; usually through pain though sometimes through bondage, humiliation, etc.

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I'd prefer that their greatest pleasure be giving me pleasure

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

You're not likely to attract subs if you're looking for play only. You're almost certain to attract bottoms. Personally, I think bottoms are awesome, but I find service topping to be challenging and rewarding. So it's a way I can serve both of us, not just her. If you want to find someone who puts your pleasure first, and who gets off because you're getting off, you'll probably have to offer more than play only. You're asking for a depth of emotional commitment, so you have to provide something worth committing to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Argossy

Greetings!

I freely admit I am a Dom, not a Master. That is, I am a relative newbie, and have no desire to call myself "Master" when I haven't earned the title. My subs will call me that when I have.

So, despite being a relative newbie, I do have some very good sub candidates I've been nurturing. (What can I say, despite being inexperienced, I am good looking and intelligent. Apparently those count too.)

I have an open vanilla relationship, and am only looking at Dom/sub as play. I am excited for my upcoming sessions with two different subs, and I am looking to make the most of them. I expect to work with each of them for the long-term, if things go well.

So I have some great ideas for how I will initiate them, but I have been looking for ideas for where to go after that initial ramp-up. When I read literature, I find what stuff that is very confusing to me: the Dom working his ass of to pleasure the sub; usually through pain though sometimes through bondage, humiliation, etc. There are a lot of forms taken, but all of them look to me like domming from the bottom -- where the Dom is actually serving the sub by doing his best to create the most pleasurable experience for her.

Now I have no problem with my subs having pleasure; but frankly I'd prefer that their greatest pleasure be giving me pleasure. Is that so odd? Why is it that I see so little of people writing about that? (Or am I just looking in the wrong places?)

I hope you take this in the right spirit. I am a newbie; and I am not trying to criticize the community. I am just trying to find kindred spirits and get some advice and tips that I can model.

Seems to me you're looking to bypass any work and committment etc and go straight to payday. Sounds somewhat teenager-ish.... Makes me wonder if your other half of your vanilla relationship is aware she's in an open relationship, too? <shrugs>

Anyway,yeah, if you're inclined to keep score I spose "playtime" does involve me doing most of the "heavy lifting" while she soaks up most of the sensations. But you make it sound like it's a chore when I'm doing *exactly* what I want to be doing to a submissive that I mostly can't do with a vanilla partner.

Bondage: I like my girl tied and helpless and there's only one way that's gonna happen to my satisfaction. So pencil in 10-30 minutes and sometimes more of me "working" both at tying knots (and untying to start over) and maybe berating her for prematurely slipping into sub-space when all she has to do is passively co-operate.

Sensation: Yep, spend much of the time messing with her pleasure and pain sensations; of teasing and torturing her with them. I love it all; her writhing, her moans, her confusion when I stop abruptly and surprise when I crank it up again. All the sweat and energy expended to make that happen; nup, still not work or anything like it.

And after, when she's had all the pleasures (and pains), if I'm in the mood there's pretty much *nothing* she wouldn't do for me, even if her compliance wasn't expected, anyway.

Mostly, she can own and enjoy more than an equal share of those good sensations because I get more out of her need to feel them. Kinda like a junkie chasing a fix, even. Of me controlling them.... And yanno, I like that she looks to me for them; that a man takes pride in satisfying his woman - and the often unintended reciprocal benefits that brings.

C'mon, you're here looking for kinky sex. It's all about you and your dick, yeah?

Focus.

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ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
Nothing wrong with topping, though I suggest you both fill out a check list so you're doing stuff you both enjoy.

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My main aim with Master is to please him. Pleasing him pleases me.

But the reason I want to please him is because we're in a committed relationship and we love each other.

If he was just an occasional kinky fuck, then my focus would NOT be on pleasing him - it would be to please ME. Otherwise...what's the point?

quote:

I find what stuff that is very confusing to me: the Dom working his ass of to pleasure the sub; usually through pain though sometimes through bondage, humiliation, etc. There are a lot of forms taken, but all of them look to me like domming from the bottom -- where the Dom is actually serving the sub by doing his best to create the most pleasurable experience for her.

Now I have no problem with my subs having pleasure; but frankly I'd prefer that their greatest pleasure be giving me pleasure. Is that so odd?

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ORIGINAL: myotherself

My main aim with Master is to please him. Pleasing him pleases me.

But the reason I want to please him is because we're in a committed relationship and we love each other.

If he was just an occasional kinky fuck, then my focus would NOT be on pleasing him - it would be to please ME. Otherwise...what's the point?