RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant?

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 12:39:38 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

There's humiliation, and there's humiliation. Your profile says "lives for leashes," for example. Some would find being on a leash humiliating. My submissive revels in being called my beautiful piece of meat, when I use him as such. Perhaps it's all in the delivery?

I was asked by someone how my adorable new puppy felt being loved as a dog, and not as a man. That someone just didn't get it.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to planomaid)

Post #: 21

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 12:41:04 PM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

fast reply,

my problem is with the OP supposition that the dominant is cruel and loves this form of play and gets off on it, that is not always the case... sometimes it is the submissive that gets off on it and the dominant that does this sort of play as a "treat" for the sub. It isn't necessarily some kink either, sometimes it is done for a cathartic experience too.

Nodding, my experiences have been, that subs come to me craving this. I get a bit pissy when Tops are always cast as monsters- after all, even if they are-who do you think enables it?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 22

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 12:52:45 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

You are welcome

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to enigmabrat)

Post #: 23

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 12:57:44 PM

planomaid

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline

Thank you to those that took the time to formulate a cogent reply. I did put (somewhat) of a disclaimer in there that there are people who respond positively to humiliation (giving and receiving), but the crux of the discussion was meant for those who use it specifically for inflicting negative pain on the submissive just for kicks or as a cover for their own lack of whatever.

What I posted represented my own personal opinion, and is not meant to be the leather standard by which all should be judged. I stated a question and asked for responses. I also wrapped my question around my personal views.

The boards are meant for discussions, for people with different views to post and respond to others. There is no requirement for agreement with the original or follow-up posts.

So, post, respond, flame, belittle, compliment, etc. Information is information and all views are welcomed - just note that they won't always be agreed with, just as mine won't. And I think they call that life...

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 24

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 1:03:27 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: planomaid

Thank you to those that took the time to formulate a cogent reply. I did put (somewhat) of a disclaimer in there that there are people who respond positively to humiliation (giving and receiving), but the crux of the discussion was meant for those who use it specifically for inflicting negative pain on the submissive just for kicks or as a cover for their own lack of whatever.

What I posted represented my own personal opinion, and is not meant to be the leather standard by which all should be judged. I stated a question and asked for responses. I also wrapped my question around my personal views.

The boards are meant for discussions, for people with different views to post and respond to others. There is no requirement for agreement with the original or follow-up posts.

So, post, respond, flame, belittle, compliment, etc. Information is information and all views are welcomed - just note that they won't always be agreed with, just as mine won't. And I think they call that life...

You also stated in the OP that you had seen this behavior on the boards, I wonder what you mean by that because I certainly haven't seen it... and I have no one blocked.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to planomaid)

Post #: 25

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 1:12:08 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

Soooooooooo… you were insulted by what Miss had to say? I strongly believe she did not intend it that way.

Personally, I think for a two people to engage in any kind of humiliation, it’s got to be by consent…otherwise it is abuse; plain ol’ abuse.

Some people engage in this sort of dynamic on occasion, some do so all the time; but in our ‘lifestyle’, those who do, do so by consent. Some like it because it’s taboo and maybe nasty, some do because of the intense feelings of embarrassment; it makes them feel……..hot. Others engage in this behavior for the catharsis it brings. Still others do it purely because they’re asked to; either as the humiliator or the humiliatee and they just want to please their partner.

(in reply to planomaid)

Post #: 26

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 1:18:29 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

I am afraid I find the OP's whole question a bit annoying. You aren't into it...good for you.

What I resent is the implication that those dominants who do it are somehow out to harm their partners. Nothing could be further from the truth, in my case at any rate. I do quite a bit of it, my Pet enjoys being called names like slut, bitch, etc. during sex. I do not get any specific thrill from it, but she does, and therein is the attraction for me. She likes it, it turns her on, the sex is better for all involved.

However, I do NOT go into certain areas, areas she is sensitive about, as I know that would cease to be erotic to her, so I don't go there...the humiliation is a tool, used to enhance our experience, just like the floggers, clamps, and dildoes.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to planomaid)

Post #: 27

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 1:22:52 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

<applauds Arpig>

...and what ARE D20s, anyway???

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 28

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 1:26:03 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Phantom and Femcar are Chicagoans. I've seen their presentions, as well as seen them play. I read the intro...it really isn't for the weak of heart. It can be somewhat disturbing. However, after they're done, you'll see Femcar standing with Phantom smiling and engaging him and others in conversation. That takes away some of the "sting".

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 29

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 1:30:39 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

quote:

...and what ARE D20s, anyway???

a D20 is a 20-sided die, used to generate a random number between 1 and 20. They are the most commonly used specialty die in most role-playing games

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 30

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 1:31:51 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

I used to use those when I played Magic

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 31

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 1:35:08 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

You state:

quote:

the crux of the discussion was meant for those who use it specifically for inflicting negative pain on the submissive just for kicks or as a cover for their own lack of whatever.

However, it seems clear to me, from the responses, that those on here who do practice the art of erotic humiliation do not do it just to inflict pain, or just for kicks....so maybe those sorts are in fact very much in the minority.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to planomaid)

Post #: 32

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 1:42:10 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

You state:

quote:

the crux of the discussion was meant for those who use it specifically for inflicting negative pain on the submissive just for kicks or as a cover for their own lack of whatever.

However, it seems clear to me, from the responses, that those on here who do practice the art of erotic humiliation do not do it just to inflict pain, or just for kicks....so maybe those sorts are in fact very much in the minority.

My question is this...... what is wrong with doing something for kicks, kinks, or thrills? What is wrong with enjoying being kinky, sick, and twisted as long as everyone agreed and consented? Perhaps I am missing something?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 33

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 1:47:03 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25
Phantom and Femcar are Chicagoans. I've seen their presentions, as well as seen them play. I read the intro...it really isn't for the weak of heart. It can be somewhat disturbing. However, after they're done, you'll see Femcar standing with Phantom smiling and engaging him and others in conversation. That takes away some of the "sting".

Exactly, bandit; and that’s why I want to go watch. That kind of humiliation and degradation are apt to bring up a heap o’ uncomfortable emotions for me…but I think it might be good for me to watch it in such a safe setting. …as long as I can manage it.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 34

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 1:54:55 PM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25
Phantom and Femcar are Chicagoans. I've seen their presentions, as well as seen them play. I read the intro...it really isn't for the weak of heart. It can be somewhat disturbing. However, after they're done, you'll see Femcar standing with Phantom smiling and engaging him and others in conversation. That takes away some of the "sting".

Exactly, bandit; and that’s why I want to go watch. That kind of humiliation and degradation are apt to bring up a heap o’ uncomfortable emotions for me…but I think it might be good for me to watch it in such a safe setting. …as long as I can manage it.

I like the stretch into the reptilian mindset that this brings. It lets me get a grip on my primal, predatory side.

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 35

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 1:55:34 PM

DoctorDubious

Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: planomaid

Whatever happened to being nice to someone?

I wonder how much of the desire to humilate and inflict emotional anguish on someone else comes from internal insecurities? they are a distinct minority.

I would be interested in hearing from both genders weighing in with their opinions. Oh, and if you feel the need to flame or insult, please do so. I can assure you that it will not cause me any mental anguish or pain.

thanks!

Dear Plano, and all....

Yesterday I had a very brief email exchange
with a terriffic submissive lady,
who will remain un-named by me forever,
who said....

>>P.S.: Please reconsider your views on humiliation. In some forms it can be a loving and generous gift.

I told ya she was terriffic... :)

Here's what I said,
and it's merely the opinion of this frisky old goat....

Yes, you are 100% correct.
I guess what I meant is...
I, personally, can indeed come from a wholesome, powerful place
in delivering and demanding punishment, ordeals, etc..

but I'm not clear, and unwavering,
resolute and pure when I deliver humiliation.

Other, more evolved humans,
can do so, I expect.

If I've ever implied that others
should not give and receive humiliation,
then it was clumsy expression....
I don't think there are ANY limits
on what consenting adults do with each other... none at all.

I was expressing my limitations,
not a set of muncipal bondage bylaws.

Thanks for clarifying this, I appreciate it. You're right.

DD
Fare Well

>>Whatever happened to being nice to someone?

As is obvious here, "nice" has many many meanings.

>>I wonder how much of the desire to humilate and inflict emotional anguish...

Nobody knows where our kinks come from, nobody.
And really, who cares!

Life is not well-lived in the "why" questions, it's the "how" questions that work!

You can either live with soul of a bylaw enforcement officer,
in their futile quest to put a parking ticket on all the deviant, "not-nice" cars...

... or you can move on and find your own version of "treat me nice"
and leave the nasty deviants to themselves.... where, by the way, they like it!

And ya know, I've met some VERY happy bylaw officers.

>> I can assure you that it will not cause me any mental anguish or pain.

Oh my dear, I'm sooooo sorry to hear that.
Do you think that condition will clear up soon?
Are you taking something for it?

DD

(in reply to planomaid)

Post #: 36

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 2:19:37 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

You're prolly right Bearlee and as long as you know that, it'll be ok. The first time I saw them, they were playing. I was fairly new and had never been exposed to humiliation play before. It is certainly an education. I'd be interested in what you think after...please email me and let me know.

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 37

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 2:37:44 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

*looks at DD and blinks. Then wanders off thinking it must be code*

(in reply to DoctorDubious)

Post #: 38

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 2:51:10 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Humiliation to me is like swimming in water on a hot day. The trick is to jump in, get all wet, feel refreshed, but get your head back above water before you drown.

I, as a dominant, shove her head into the ice cold water but must then pull her back and dry her off and warm her back up again.

Once again, for the millionth time. It isn't the action that is good or bad, it is the motivation.

You use "Southern ladies" as an example, but doing pretty much ANY act, other than servitude of the most vanilla varieties, would be looked down upon in the South. So, are you also condemning any sort of pain play, kneeling, position training, etc. as well? Or just the things you don't like?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 39

RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 2:53:42 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

If I am reading the OP correctly, his main concern is those dominants that assume all submissives want to be humiliated from the word go. Those that humiliate every submissive person they meet or email, whether they know them or not.

If this is the case, and I believe I'm correct in my reading, the only thoughts I have to offer on this behavior is that these people honestly think this is what a dominant does, how a dominant behaves. I find it especially prevalent among female dominants, not all of them, not even many of them, but occurring more frequently among that particular subset. Of course, that is my own personal observation. I have seen several males demonstrating the same behavior. My only suggestion is to avoid those types of people, as they are not the type you wish to find. You may well learn to enjoy some humiliation, or find certain things pleasurable, even while someone else would find them humiliating. But you do have the right to find someone you can enjoy this with as a part of play and not a normal, everyday way of relating.

Unfortunately, it is often difficult to find someone we fit with, that understands the person we are and the person with whom we'd like to be connected.

Please correct me if I am wrong, planomaid.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Bearlee)

Post #: 40

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