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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 12:24:48 AM

Caretakr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

No, he is not one in a hundred, unfortunately.
I've gotten those (not recently) but I have. They just make me giggle.

Sometimes, just to see what would happen, I am tempted to write back with a one-line:

"Okay." (I can like living dangerously that way).

I want to know what great verbose follow-up there must be to: '"cum to me slut."

I don't mean to sound like a snob, but haven't most of we submissive females been there - it's just silly.

- Susan

Just tell them you are actually a front for a gay rape club-and you will meet him at the motel 6 for some fun.

Your ways.

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 12:27:48 AM

Caretakr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Okay. You are a doll (or maybe that is not a good word for a macho Dom person). Okay then: Good guy.

- Susan

Doll.good guy....Why am I now getting this weird visualization of "Chucky"?

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 12:31:45 AM

hispossession

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to both SusanofO and Caretakr... thank you...

I get the feeling that I'm an unusual case... the only Dominants that I have really any experience with are my Master and Sir, who is a friend of my Master's...

Master is the one who introduced me to most of what I know about the lifestyle... the majority of the other information I have has come from two other slaves whom Master gave me permission and encouragement to communicate with... one has been living as a 24/7 slave for about a decade and the other is a long distance slave like myself... so I've been rather sheltered I suppose. I do, however, consider myself incredibly fortunate too when I hear or read about submissives/slaves searching for the right Dominant/Master (I know that there are alot of other "titles" out there but those are the ones that I am familiar with) and meeting alot of the wrong ones in the process. *laughs* mind you, I've had more than my fair share of really lousy vanilla boyfriends... never could figure out what was missing from those relationships...

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 12:33:16 AM

SusanofO

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You're not Chucky. Really.
Gosh, I cannot believe that movie was ever a hit. My sister must have watched it about 200 times...I am going to go to sleep soon, too (we all need our beauty/handsome sleep) - and I do understand that.
I am a night owl, but if I ever get a real job, that will need to change...

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/5/2006 12:35:33 AM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 12:34:41 AM

SusanofO

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One time I posted back about two paragraphs of really potty mouth type of stuff. They never wrote me back, so I know they were doing it to try to shock me.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 12:35:33 AM

Caretakr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hispossession

to both SusanofO and Caretakr... thank you...

I get the feeling that I'm an unusual case... the only Dominants that I have really any experience with are my Master and Sir, who is a friend of my Master's...

Master is the one who introduced me to most of what I know about the lifestyle... the majority of the other information I have has come from two other slaves whom Master gave me permission and encouragement to communicate with... one has been living as a 24/7 slave for about a decade and the other is a long distance slave like myself... so I've been rather sheltered I suppose. I do, however, consider myself incredibly fortunate too when I hear or read about submissives/slaves searching for the right Dominant/Master (I know that there are alot of other "titles" out there but those are the ones that I am familiar with) and meeting alot of the wrong ones in the process. *laughs* mind you, I've had more than my fair share of really lousy vanilla boyfriends... never could figure out what was missing from those relationships...

Dominants in places like these are about as rare as mangos in antarctica. What we tend to get, are a lot of idiots programmed by some really bad porno. So it's not terribly surprising that so much crapola floods the women's mailboxes here.

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/5/2006 12:37:32 AM >

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 12:36:45 AM

Caretakr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

One time I posted back about two paragraphs of really potty mouth type of stuff. They never wrote me back, so I know they were doing it to try to shock me.

- Susan

Just grins

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 12:38:12 AM

SusanofO

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You're welcome. Just blow those folks off - they are looking for something you are not going to give them - well, they can just look elsewhere...

-Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 12:39:33 AM

SusanofO

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My mother did the same thing to an obscene phone caller once. So maybe it's in my genes.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 1:40:38 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
my problem is with the OP supposition that the dominant is cruel and loves this form of play and gets off on it, that is not always the case... sometimes it is the submissive that gets off on it and the dominant that does this sort of play as a "treat" for the sub. It isn't necessarily some kink either, sometimes it is done for a cathartic experience too.

That is certainly the case with me. I'm not great at humiliation, I don't really understand the mind set and am firmly in the "Build the girl up, don't knock her down" camp.

However if I get involved with a girl who craves it, then I am open to 'treating' her after a lot of talking and learning what she has found before that has pushed those buttons in her, I will experiment around from that baseline to find things that work between us but I don't enjoy the humiliation itself, if I find any of it enjoyable it is usualy her reactions to it. She best hope I do find her reactions enjoyable, else she won't get much of that particular 'treat' in the future!

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 1:58:52 AM

D1961wildchild

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I had a message from someone that was a little more graphic than "come to me slut"

my answer was to ask them if I should be offended by the profanity or offended by the complete lack of imagination and thought that went into it, and ended with telling them that had it been an a porno I would have turned it off out of boredom

I never heard from them again

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Driver1961's redheadedfire now lol ...
warm smiles to all

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 2:41:06 AM

D1961wildchild

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I have always been certain that Humiliation was not my kink and that the use of slut, bitch and other similar words was just "dirty talk", more a turn on because of the taboo idea than humiliation. I have recently had to take a longer look at this and have found I do have some interest in this humiliation play on its milder levels.

However I have had an experience with Sir that has made me sit back and examine humiliation in a new light, it has many uses other than the obvious. I suffered recently from a "loss of plot" period that was tied up with my past and with some recent events where I was less than pleased with my actions and dissapointed with myself and basically was beating myself up, and riddled with guilt. This was complicated by the stresses of moving accross the country and a new job that was difficult and required huge amounts of new learning and long hours. I was not sleeping enough or eating properly and was spirialling out of control. Sir used a combination of discipline and humilation that provided a sort of "atonement" for my recent actions, that alleiviated the guilt and pulled me back into a space that allowed me to settle and really hear what He was saying ... the end result was healing and now I am sleeping, eating and back on track. With a clearer mind I am able to put the strategies in place that will help me to cope with all the aspects and stress of my new life, and still be fullfilled by my place in Sir's life.

So now I am looking at Humiliation as not just a kink or a sexual aid but also as one of the tools available to a Dominant to promote healing and growth, rather than something that is comming from a place of insecurity or self gratifacation or even as treat for someone who craves it, it can also be something that comes from deep concern and care. That old saying "that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind" comes to mind.

Either way I felt that this might add to the discussion of Humiliation and its place.

warm smiles to all

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Driver1961's redheadedfire now lol ...
warm smiles to all

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 2:50:08 AM

EnglishDomNW

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A and B are partners

• Partner A loves humiliation
• Partner B loves to humiliate

They're both happy.

Why did the original poster even ask the question?

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 2:58:09 AM

MistressDREAD

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quote:

Whatever happened to being nice to someone? I see sooo many posts on here from dominants who get off on hurting and humiliating submissives and wrap the cloak of dominance around theirself as justification.

Humiliation within the alternate lifestyle is not an insecurity and involves more then just using *dirty talk*, its a frame of mind.
Its a kink and desire and type of power exerted to gain reaction based off of who you are weilding it. Nice is what normal society expects normal people to do. alternate to nice is what a alternate lifestyle expects abnormal people to do. It has nothing to do with insecurities of a Dominant and on the contrary those who can express something alter or percieved negitive with out letting the act affect them are not by any means insecure. The reasons for humiliation and the application of such are as wide as the people on collarme and their personalities. instead of judging an object that goes against what a person expects step back and think in terms of tolerance against all odds and then look deaper into the real reasons any take a act of humiliation and apply it for what ever reason. humiliation does not carry the negitive attributes here that it does in normal society and is a welcomed, adored, enjoyed expression for many who carrys nonnormal kinks outside of societies norm. Humiliation comes as easy to Me in My every thought and action and words as it does to those who use niceness to a fault in their expressions, which happens to be one of My hard limits. ~smiles~

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 3:19:54 AM

Caretakr

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Unfortunately, this whole thread was simply started by someone thumbing his nose at percieved abuse.

By being verbally abusive to a class of people he really knows nothing about.

Ironic.

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 3:25:16 AM

MistressDREAD

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 3:35:21 AM

LeatherBentOne

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My sub loves to be called my "lil bastard" as the name is used as an endearment the same as "my lil kitten." We negotiated name-calling including what names to be used and what names to not be included. Personally for me, I have no qualms about any form of humiliation as long as it doesn't tap into the self-esteem of my submissive. I see an obvious difference in calling my boi a "lil bastard" versus calling her "stupid or worthless." Also the difference in embarrassing her by catching her off-balance by asking her a "damned if you do,damned if you don't" question on a topic that I know embarrasses her simply because she is shy in that specific arena.

I love and cherish my sub, always respecting her limits. There are times when, because of my limits I refuse to humiliate or name-call if doing such could affect my sub's self-esteem/image/worth. Although, I consider myself a demanding Domme in that I have many expectations, don't shrink from the need for correctionand/punishment and a stickler on obedience but with no desire to mico-manage unless teaching organization of thoughts/tasks, I know one of my responsibilities is to insure my sub's emotional, mental and psychological (as well as physical) welfare.

Perhaps your question could include the perimeters of humiliation play along with a general consensus of whether or not one sees humilation play as a Dominant insecurity issue. Granted, there are some who practise this form of play to hide insecurities they may consciously or unconsciously have, but there are others who use humiliation play cautiously, being aware of the damage it may have if used in such a way as to demean one's self-esteem/image/worth ~ something I hope all of us will consider.

LeatherBentOne

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 9:46:01 AM

MisstressStella

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Why do you over generalize that all Dominants humiliate or are cruel to subs. You make the comment that Southern women use their femininty as an effective instrument when dealing with me. I say that is called "flirting" and even perhaps "manipulation" that is taught to Southern women young to overcome the "good ole boy network that is so strong here in the south. The glass ceiling is very low here so Southern women use the tools they have to work within a male controlled Southern infastructure. I am a Southern Mistress and I don't scream and yell at my slaves. I have two slaves that have been with me for over 7 years. They have a wonderful attitude of submission and service toward me. I have only had to raise my voice once to one of them and that was because he truely had his head up he **&%*& . I believe that Domination has to be a mutal situation of giving submission by the sub and taking great care to nurture that from the Dominant. It is easy to control anything with fear, humiliation, and beatings. It is much more challenging to control something you Nurture.

Mistress Stella
Southern Mistress

< Message edited by MisstressStella -- 7/5/2006 9:48:02 AM >

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 11:39:44 AM

WhiteRadiance

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Stella~

I want to welcome you to the boards! I am active in some groups in the Birmingham area, so perhaps we have met. If not, I hope some day we can.. :)

There was a time when I could not understand what men saw in the "total bitch" persona, and to a large extent, I still cannot fathom it. I do not like haughty, arrogant people. But keep in mind that we all are on a journey and we take our journeys at different times, to different destinations.

Not long ago I was appalled at the thought of humiliating someone, (having been a victim of public humiliation as a child)..But now.. I will admit I use humiliation. Why? because of his responses to it. Just like fingernails bring a response.. certain forms of humiliation bring a certain response. Does this make me insecure?

I do not go around saying nasty things to everyone.. I communicate with my sub constantly and I make sure he knows where reality ends and the mind-fuck begins.

I never scream.. I whisper. I do not abuse my submissives or my animals. I too believe in the power of being polite.

It all boils down to the dynamic between top and bottom. Humiliation can be viewed as abuse, sure.. but so can tying someone up and putting clothespins on their nipples! lol

This lifestyle (based on these assumptions) is compiled of sexual perverts who are insecure, masochistic, sadistic, and have either inferiority or superiority complexes... oh yeah, and we're co-dependant too!

Staci

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisstressStella

Why do you over generalize that all Dominants humiliate or are cruel to subs. You make the comment that Southern women use their femininty as an effective instrument when dealing with me. I say that is called "flirting" and even perhaps "manipulation" that is taught to Southern women young to overcome the "good ole boy network that is so strong here in the south. The glass ceiling is very low here so Southern women use the tools they have to work within a male controlled Southern infastructure. I am a Southern Mistress and I don't scream and yell at my slaves. I have two slaves that have been with me for over 7 years. They have a wonderful attitude of submission and service toward me. I have only had to raise my voice once to one of them and that was because he truely had his head up he **&%*& . I believe that Domination has to be a mutal situation of giving submission by the sub and taking great care to nurture that from the Dominant. It is easy to control anything with fear, humiliation, and beatings. It is much more challenging to control something you Nurture.

Mistress Stella
Southern Mistress

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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/5/2006 11:49:13 AM

marksl

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This is my first day back from a long break i said a few friendly hellos to dommes i liked the profile of one sent back a very bitchy reply, why? i dont see the point. It leads me to another question i have on this are any real "Dom/mes" or put it another way will there ever be a Domme i considor real. i dont see insulting people as very secure behaviour that has no inner strength it has weakness.

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