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RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 5:23:30 PM   
cynthiamarie


Posts: 205
Joined: 3/11/2005
From: Bluefield, WV, USA
Status: offline
quote:

Whatever happened to being nice to someone?  I see sooo many posts on here from dominants who get off on hurting and humiliating submissives and wrap the cloak of dominance around theirself as justification.  And while I don't see it myself, I know there's lots of wankers and posers who are the exact opposite, who look for humiliation as a way to get off sexually.  But I'm on the other side of the collar, so that's what I'm going to talk about here.


I'd throw in the towel and go vanilla if every slave had to be heavily degraded to feel owned. 

Many men approach me with fantasies of being treated like refuse; an absolute helpless nothing with no rights at all.  I try not to let their needs offend me and let them know that that's not what I'm looking for in a sub.  I'm not into degradation play...not my kink.  Little erotic humiliations are different. <WEG>

Each person tries to find someone who can take care of their needs.  I believe you're right that some people may be using D/s to work out some problems, or else their trust is too low to treat anyone better, but we can't tell who they are apart from ones who are just enjoying their kink.

Part of it is just...feeding the emotional masochism.

The only person I would call slut or bitch is someone who is MY slut or bitch.  It becomes an endearment.  Calling someone your slut (while pinning them down gently by their hair, grins) is a way of setting some people free, giving them acceptance and permission  to be hot and nasty and...everything they were taught to repress. 

I'm still trying to understand the deeper need for humiliation many seem to have, but when I've questioned them it seems to boil down to being totally helpless, overwhelmed, not worthy or "perfect" but accepted and loved anyway, and never abandoned.  This is only from the men I polled/interrogated.

Maybe a Dom/me will want someone they can completely "show their ass" too and...feel the devotion and worship that comes from the sub or slave who needs to be treated in this way. 

quote:

It's not the ONLY reason to be dominant/submissive!  And there are many opportunities for healthy and sensual encounters between dominant and submissive.  But so much seems to be oriented around "suck my dick bitch" or "lick me bitch" - bitch seems to be an overly common non-gender specific descriptive of the submissive performing sexual acts with their mouth.

I haven't seen this in the boards, but maybe I'm looking in the wrong areas, nor have I seen this from regulars in the chatroom lobby.  Is this from pm's?  From letters?  At munches?  In dungeons?  If it's from cyber roleplay, pfft.

Places like these are often the only place we can freely express our feelings without shocking and horrifying all the vanillas in our lives...though sometimes the price is being a little shocked and horrified ourselves.

quote:

Is there something to the dominant being insecure with their own self to humiliate submissives?  Or could it be that they are insecure in their role and fall back on what they read in books or see on the web to cover their own shortcomings?

Insecurity?  No.  I feel the need to get what I want at that time and insecurity doesn't come into it.  It's amazing how many things people think will be humiliating...but will give the lad a semi and toss him into some level of subspace.  I haven't belittled someone as a person...maybe a little bit in the ego, but it's a kind of smack and then hug type of thing. 
Hm, when I was insecure of my role was when I was very new (okay oldtimers, stop laughing)...and kept worrying about what I should do instead of what I wanted to do.  I wanted to live up to what the bottom expected, and it took me a little while to find the arrogance to...do nothing when I wished to do nothing, and think about what I wanted and not give a fig for what others would do in my shoes. 

Can you imagine how hard it is to NOT verbally humiliate someone who wants it badly, just because I don't enjoy it and don't feel like playing in my yellow zone at that moment?

I've only been into this for a year and a half...and if I do find myself going deeper into humiliation play it won't be because I'm insecure or think someone really is dirt under my feet...it would be because they need to be broken down that far before being built back up, maybe to work through something that happened in the past, or because for some reason it's erotic for the both of us.

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 5:43:18 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I knew a girl once that I could humiliate, by making her wear "Dockers" jeans in public.

Lookit me, I'm Hitler!

(in reply to planomaid)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 5:50:07 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I knew a girl once that I could humiliate, by making her wear "Dockers" jeans in public.

Lookit me, I'm Hitler!


Her name wasn't Paris, was it?

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 6:07:10 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I knew a girl once that I could humiliate, by making her wear "Dockers" jeans in public.

Lookit me, I'm Hitler!


Her name wasn't Paris, was it?


I suggested shoes that didn't match, and she almost fainted.

Maybe so.

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 6:29:03 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Fashionista! You bastard :P
My boy wears panties under his nice baggy jeans, so they might or might not show, depending on how careful he is.  (or how difficult I decide to be...)*grin*
I had a friend who was a Domme, though, who coudlnt humiliate her girl in public becasue she was afraid she might be outted as a lifestyler. 

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 6:52:00 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Try some ''goodnights" under the baggy jeans sometime-I'll guarantee he won't go for the hip hop look.

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/4/2006 6:56:53 PM >

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 8:36:58 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Gosh, humilation and begging are two of my all-time favorite bdsm activities. I have no idea where these urges come from, but I do know how they make me feel. I don't think I'm sick (maybe I am, but sick a good way, then).

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 8:39:03 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Gosh, humilation and begging are two of my all-time favorite bdsm activities. I have no idea where these urges come from, but I do know how they make me feel. I don't think I'm sick (maybe I am, but sick a good way, then).

- Susan


Yummmmmmm

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 8:40:32 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I love it when I tell a girl to get on her knees and bark like a dog............

And she looks up at me, all wide eyed and innocent-like, and asks me "Do you want me to bark like a BIG dog, or a LITTLE dog, Sir?"

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 8:40:50 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

One day you might learn that certain people need to be humiliated in order to be loved and cared for.

Until then, you won't understand how this works.

quote:

ORIGINAL: planomaid

Ayep.

(What he said).

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 7/4/2006 9:13:15 PM >

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 8:42:52 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

That being said, I enjoy "humiliating" My cuck. 


(It's a good thang :)   )

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 9:00:05 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I promised last week that I would write ya'll a hot very short story this week and I (honestly) have not forgotten. Coming Soon: "Jump, doggie jump!"

I have a real thing for: Foot kissing, foot licking, grovelling and clutching other people around the legs and ankles. Also consistent, sweet pleading (not "whining"). I see no reason to apologize...I feel as if I might be good dog benji's female twin sister (he). 

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/4/2006 9:19:45 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 9:30:54 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

That being said, I enjoy "humiliating" My cuck. It does not in any way mean that I love them any less. Its simply something W/we both enjoy. It amuses Me to remind them that I'm going on a date with a Lover because he doesn't measure up anatomically. It puts him in his place and reminds him who wields the power. Technically I don't think of it as humiliating them in any way...but rather more that I'm speaking the truth. Facts are facts after all.

I don't insult or demean My cucks out of insecurity in any way. One actually could say that I do it out of great love and affection for them. It's what W/we both enjoy. I simply enjoy reminding them that I'm the FemDom, they're the cuck and that these are the specific reasons as to why I do what I do.


I think it's entirely possible I may be in love.
 
(If not, I may have a terminal case of lust)

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 9:43:43 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I am a real fan of humiliation and begging. I am going to write a short, short story. 
I have to put it online here so everyone (who wants to) can enjoy it. There used to be a 'creative efforts' (poetry and short stories) section here on Collarme, but I am assuming it just got to be too much work for the mods to moderate or something. But this one will be short. If there is a reason I can't do this, I hope somebody let's me know (like a Moderator). It will be less than a page. But it has to be later this week.

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/4/2006 9:46:39 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 9:48:12 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		fast reply:
 
I think it depends on the situation.. if some guy just msgs me and says.."Hey cu*t.. how are you?".. it won't do much (maybe get them the block button)..but if my Sir says..."Are you my little sl*t whor*?" while he has my head pulled back with my hair..and is close to my ear.. I melt.
 
There are some terms that do that..others that don't.  I have set limits on what can be said.. such as nothing to do with weight..or just calling me "stupid", "dumb" things of that nature.  It's the sexual terms that get me cranked the most.  I want the words.. I need the words.. Does it turn him on also?  I hope so, I would not enjoy it as much if it didn't (who doesn't want their "other" turned on?).  I know these are words.. though sometimes they are true.. like I am his sl*t..but that doesn't mean I am everyones.. to me..it's almost a term of endearment..and does contain love .. or a soft touch in it.
 
It's all about how it's used..and who uses it.. there isn't anything to really try and figure out..sometimes something makes one persons panties wet..and anothers stone dry.. it's all in the way the mind takes it in.
 
                                Respectfully, andrea
 
 

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 9:59:25 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I agree - it needs to be happening with someone I know and care about (and vice versa). And it can be their scenario as easily as mine (or just theirs, although if theirs doesn't do much for me - I can fake liking it really well if that's what they want me to do).

It also can't be completely degrading. It can come damned close to that, but the person has to know me well enough to know where that fine line is, or I will become a dishevelled heap of bad, irrevocable tears and convinced they really do hate me, which could be hard to un-do (which would not be a good thing - I am hoping not, anyway).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/4/2006 10:01:55 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 10:00:02 PM   
LRODANDMASTER


Posts: 161
Joined: 7/13/2005
Status: offline 		HEY THOSE ARE MY 2 FAVERITE LINES ACCEPT I DONT MISPELL CUNT ITS SPELLLED C-U-N-T

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

if some guy just msgs me and says.."Hey cu*t.. how are you?".. it won't do much (maybe get them the block button)/quote]

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 10:03:22 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I agree - it needs to be happening with someone I know and care about (and vice versa). And it can be their scenario as easily as mine (or just theirs, although if theirs doesn't do much for me - I can fake liking it really well if that's what they want me to do).

It also can't be completely degrading. It can come damned close to that, but the person has to know me well enough to know where that fine line is, or I will become a dishevelled heap of bad, irrevocable tears and convinced they really do hate me, which could be hard to un-do (which would not be a good thing - I am hoping not, anyway).

- Susan


That's why you tell little stories first. You watch the eyes while you do it.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 10:03:35 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		Humiliation/degradation of another (extreme anyway) is  not my kink, but there are plenty of submissive men who've approached wanting it from me, and to whom I've had to say "we're not compatible, because I'm not into that."

As for being nice, some of us are, and you simply have to weed through in order to try and find what you seek like the rest of us.   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to planomaid)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Humiliation and the Insecure Dominant? - 7/4/2006 10:04:18 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I guess mine border more on someone commanding me to crawl across the floor and kiss their feet and then telling me in a deep, soft voice "that's very good, good girl"..."now my ankles", etc.....I have to go take a cold shower now.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LRODANDMASTER)
Profile   Post #: 60
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