RE: Am I being overly emotional? (Full Version)

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HntersToy -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 10:38:06 AM)

My Master is not seeking anyone. That is not my concern.



HntersToy -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 10:42:40 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Have you told him how you feel?



Yes angelikaj, I have told Him. That is when He told me "we are not equal" Maybe I am not cut out to be owned. Because it appears to harder than I thought 5 years ago with eyes wide open.



angelikaJ -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 10:50:59 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: HntersToy


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Have you told him how you feel?



Yes angelikaj, I have told Him. That is when He told me "we are not equal" Maybe I am not cut out to be owned. Because it appears to harder than I thought 5 years ago with eyes wide open.



I am [my] Master's property.
However, my thoughts and feelings matter to Him.
He would not willingly continue to do something that was causing me emotional pain.

It may be that your master's style of ownership is incompatible with your emotional make-up.




HntersToy -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 10:57:49 AM)

Sadly it may be. Seems I have a lot of thinking to do. Insite is always good, but not so pleasant. Wants are not taken for granted.



OsideGirl -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 11:02:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ



I am [my] Master's property.
However, my thoughts and feelings matter to Him.
He would not willingly continue to do something that was causing me emotional pain.



I think when you're in a situation where a partner invalidates your feelings repeatedly, it requires some heavy consideration.

While I don't expect to have my head patted every time I bring up a situation where my feelings were hurt, having his response be "Well, we're not equal anyway" would be impetus for having a serious talk.



SinFix -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 11:04:11 AM)

I can sympathize with you a little.. I have a friend the exact same way, if I post anything on facebook he just picks on me but yet every one else he has no problem saying beautiful or any such compliment.. It can be hard when you would like to have someone's approval publicly such as that but I know that I am beautiful and all.



HntersToy -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 11:13:32 AM)

@ OsideGirl He does take my feelings into consideration. He just appreciates other women's beauty and sexuality....maybe I am in the wrong here. sigh



kalikshama -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 11:44:33 AM)

If my Dom and I are arguing over the Netflix queue and he says, "Hey, I'm the Dom here" that's one thing, but if I were to bring an important issue up using Conscious Communication and say:
- When X happens
- I feel Y
- I need Z
and his response was "Well, we're not equal," there would be problems.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 11:53:52 AM)

fr

If it were just a case of 'he compliments other people's photos and doesn't mention mine', I'd say yes, you are overly emotional.

I suspect, however, that this is just one symptom of you feeling generally insecure or unappreciated in the relationship, and him dismissing your feelings and concerns. In which case I'd say no, you're not being overly emotional, but perhaps need to take a step back and figure out what the real issue is, since I doubt it's about photographs.

You may not be equal in terms of power and authority in the relationship, but you are equal in the sense that you're both human beings who need to feel happy and fulfilled in your relationship.



HntersToy -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 11:55:32 AM)

I think I am getting what you are saying, but if I agree to this submission/slavery don't that mean to give up some of my wants and desires? To be given up to what His needs are? I appreciate all of the comments and I am trying to encompass all that is being shared.



angelikaJ -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 12:10:13 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: HntersToy

@ OsideGirl He does take my feelings into consideration. He just appreciates other women's beauty and sexuality....maybe I am in the wrong here. sigh



Is the issue that he appreciates the beauty of other women, or is the issue that his doing so makes you feel insecure?

What would help you to feel better?



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 12:16:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: HntersToy

I think I am getting what you are saying, but if I agree to this submission/slavery don't that mean to give up some of my wants and desires? To be given up to what His needs are? I appreciate all of the comments and I am trying to encompass all that is being shared.


Yes and no.
Sometimes, submitting isn't going to be fun. It's true that sometimes you will have to do things you don't want to do - that's sort of the point, to submit to the will of another.

On the other hand, a relationship which makes you unhappy, or insecure, or miserable, or feeling worthless or uncared for, is not healthy. There's a lot of people in this thread in successful dom/sub relationships and what they all have in common is that BOTH parties feel they are getting what they need.

There's a big difference between 'I wish I didn't have to go to bed at 10 like he says so I could watch that tv show' and 'I wish I didn't feel like he doesn't care about my happiness'. Do you see?

You need to work out where the line is between 'sometimes submitting is tough' and 'I'm not longer happy'. The first one you just grin and bear it. The second one you both need to work out together, because whatever labels you use, your relationship is doomed unless you are acting as a team to ensure you are both satisfied.



HntersToy -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 12:18:51 PM)

Honestly, I don't know. I really don't. I feel beautiful, He makes me feel that way, beautiful. I think I have my own answer...I am being too emotional. But I do need to think.



orgasmdenial12 -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 12:22:56 PM)

Complimenting other women's pics and no mention of me on his profile would be huge red flags for me.

I'm not making any predictions about YOUR relationship but in my last serious relationship, he was cheating online, and he got away with it because a) I didn't adequately challenge him on how he spoke to and about other women, and b) he didn't mention that he was in a relationship on his profile.

I remember a woman in a chatroom ripping into him, saying he was being disrespectful of me and that he should put me on his profile, and I was so grateful to her for saying what I wanted to say, but didn't dare to.

To the OP's Dom - put her on your profile. Say something nice about how amazing she is. It won't harm your relationship one bit, and it's what you should have done anyway. Slavery doesn't mean a damn thing if she walks away because she doesn't feel valued.



angelikaJ -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 12:29:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: HntersToy

Honestly, I don't know. I really don't. I feel beautiful, He makes me feel that way, beautiful. I think I have my own answer...I am being too emotional. But I do need to think.


So, that goes back to kalikshama's question: What is the actual issue that you are currently having?
What is upsetting you within the relationship?




HntersToy -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 12:34:17 PM)

I believe him to be an honest Man. He made His profile in a fast manner. The profile means nothing to me,really. I do appreciate the support/response/ banter.



HntersToy -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 12:41:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ


quote:

ORIGINAL: HntersToy

Honestly, I don't know. I really don't. I feel beautiful, He makes me feel that way, beautiful. I think I have my own answer...I am being too emotional. But I do need to think.


So, that goes back to kalikshama's question: What is the actual issue that you are currently having?
What is upsetting you within the relationship?



What bothers me is that He openly praises other woman's pic's and when I post pics as commanded, there is nothing. Being a submissive/slave....maybe I am wrong, but being a being...I have needs. He is a very good Master, please don't get me wrong. But sometime they mess up :)



kalikshama -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 12:43:32 PM)

quote:

if I agree to this submission/slavery don't that mean to give up some of my wants and desires? To be given up to what His needs are?


My man controls too many things to list here. But, two relationships ago, I discovered some Hard Limits, one of which is financial control. In that relationship, I made clear that this was a bottom line issue and took that power back and I will not give it up again.

You are not engaging in actual slavery, but negotiated, and if something is making you deeply unhappy, you have the right to renegotiate.

However, I suspect the pictures are just a symptom. How's your sex life?



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 12:57:04 PM)

Appreciating the female form is natural and normal in a male, and as long as you feel appreciated as well, I don't see the point.

However, when you bring an emotional issue up and he says "we're not equal" I have to say that's a red flag to me, at least based on this thread so far. I'm not sure I have all the context.

I suggest trying harder to communicate about this issue. That means positive communication with lots of "I" statements, using a nice, non-confrontational tone. If he still feels like he doesn't have to deal with your emotional issues b/c of the power dynamic between you, then I think you know you have to re-think that.

A good dominant, IMO, would not/should not react this way.






HntersToy -> RE: Am I being overly emotional? (12/31/2013 12:58:46 PM)

lol...sex life is good. I think I have a lot to think about. What have I put myself out for? Overthinking is not good sometimes...maybe going to get a plate full of nachos is better :)



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