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Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 4:04:52 PM

fluffyprincess

Posts: 64
Status: offline

I was dating a guy from collarme, (not going to name, not going to bash, as I honestly did have a great time with him), who found out early on that, we didn't have much in common. We both agreed that that was true. Yet, he still went ahead and asked me to be his girlfriend...

Before we started making it exclusive, we had both said that we could work on finding things for us to do together, for us to talk about...for us to have things in common.

But when it came down to it, he bailed on me, without even trying. I would have done anything to make it work, as he truly did make me happy, and I felt we had fun together. But either he didn't want to put in the effort...or he just didn't want me for one reason or another...

Has anybody ever had a relationship start out where you guys had nothing in common, but were able to find things in common, and have been able to have a good relationship?

Post #: 1

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 4:10:38 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyprincess

Has anybody ever had a relationship start out where you guys had nothing in common, but were able to find things in common, and have been able to have a good relationship?

I'm sure someone has, but it's irrelevant to your situation because your relationship has failed. (Sorry, but it's true. He's walked away)

The best advice I can give you is don't settle for something less than what you want and/or need.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to fluffyprincess)

Post #: 2

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 4:13:32 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Seems to me that you can have nothing in common, and still have a great relationship - but you have to have that chemistry when you are together.
After all, I love to read , quilt and knit. I love animals and have birds, cats and dogs.
My first Sir was allergic to animals, certainly didn't knit or quilt, and was very dominant. Did we get along? Like a house on fire - because we had a common culture, and I was wiling to learn about the things that he enjoyed. He didn't expect me to give up the things I enjoyed - except the animals, because he couldn't breath around him.

I have a feeling you didn't have the spark with your bailer. And if that isn't there, then there really isn't anything there. Sorry.

(in reply to fluffyprincess)

Post #: 3

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 4:16:07 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Has anybody ever had a relationship start out where you guys had nothing in common, but were able to find things in common, and have been able to have a good relationship?

The only reason I would attempt a relationship with someone with whom I had nothing in common was because I thought it would be better to be in this sort of relationship than no relationship, and since I don't think that way, I've always held out for compatibility.

I've had sexual relationships with nothing in common but good energy in bed, but never held out hopes for them to turn into a romantic relationship.

(in reply to fluffyprincess)

Post #: 4

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 4:32:26 PM

fluffyprincess

Posts: 64
Status: offline

Well, we had a few things in common...and we had fun together, (made each other laugh, and enjoyed cuddling together), but I guess there just wasn't enough for us to talk about.

Yeah, I'm just going to count this one as dead and gone...and move on from it. Was fun while it lasted...and there will be something better for me after this...(of course, not expecting directly after this...)

< Message edited by fluffyprincess -- 1/7/2014 4:34:15 PM >

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 5

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 4:52:32 PM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline

This is exactly why so many of us talk about how finding a BDSM relationship should be no different than finding any other sort of relationship. Sometimes the idea of having the same taste in music and kink can seem daunting, but common ground is really important.

I have had play based relationships where I had little in common other than kink, but I could never see a relationship surviving without other shared interests or chemistry. I had a play based relationship with someone I HATED, but OMG we had chemistry, we had NOTHING in common. I'd never consider having a relationship with him outside of play, nor him with me. BTW we were VERY open about our dislike of one another, and had very closely negotiated limits.

Though in a relationship I need the whole package. Personally I don't like having everything in common with my partner, but I like a decent overlap. Personality counts for far more.

There have also been plenty of people where for all intensive purposes we should have been perfect matches, and the spark just wasn't there. This can be especially hard with online dating, hot and bothered that week up to the meet, and then fizzle. Often we'd get along great, have good conversations, etc, but in the end it just wasn't there.

What took me awhile to pick up is that if the chemistry is there, like really there, there's a REALLY good chance the kink is there too. If I'm true to myself and what I'm attracted to I got no problem finding 'em.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to fluffyprincess)

Post #: 6

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 4:57:37 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyprincess

Has anybody ever had a relationship start out where you guys had nothing in common, but were able to find things in common, and have been able to have a good relationship?

I don't know of any myself, but I am sure there has been some that started that way. However, I think the more important question is do you think you can walk that path and how you would do it.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to fluffyprincess)

Post #: 7

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 5:00:05 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I've had sexual relationships with nothing in common but good energy in bed, but never held out hopes for them to turn into a romantic relationship.

This is the same for me. Sexual relationships are so much easier to walk away from too.

I'll approach this gently. In your profile, you state that you do not want to be somebody's quick fuck, that you want a serious relationship. Well, your pics say something different. Those pics are going to attract many wankrabbits and that will not be helping your cause.

I don't know if you were having sexual relations with this one that walked but if you were, remember they are very easy to walk away from.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 8

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 5:15:38 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

fluffyprincess - I agree with annie - your main picture sends a message in line with your profile; the rest of your pictures do not.

annie - nice adoption of "wankrabbit"

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 9

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 5:30:21 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fluffyprincess

Has anybody ever had a relationship start out where you guys had nothing in common, but were able to find things in common, and have been able to have a good relationship?

Not me. Before I met the Mister, I was seeing someone, sort of. I met him here, and he lived a few miles away from me. A few weeks in, we both realized the only thing we really connected on is we had awesome sex. We talked about that, and decided we weren't going to try to make anything else of it - we'd be friends & play partners. Then he met someone and I met someone and we parted ways.

The thing is, I don't want to have to *work* on being compatible with someone new. We either meshed or we didn't. When I met the Mister - instant mesh. We were instantly interested in the other person's life, and we enjoyed our time together - be it talking, doing something together, or just being together in silence. If I had to put effort in from the beginning, it would not have been good enough for me...same with him.

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, must be disappointing. Best you can do is learn about yourself in the process and keep moving forward.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to fluffyprincess)

Post #: 10

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 5:38:13 PM

fluffyprincess

Posts: 64
Status: offline

Thank you...I'll take the pictures down.

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 11

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 5:42:52 PM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline

If we're going to go to the profile we got a lot more going on there than the whole wankrabbit issue.

OP setting forth a five year plan, and lots of dos and don'ts in a profile is not a great way to start.

Lots a contradicting all over the place too regarding what you want.

Relationships are founded on who you are, what matters to you, and what you have to offer. Not on what you want from other people.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 12

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 5:47:26 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

I started seeing someone from here back last year. He is a self-proclaimed geek...computers, Sci-Fi, guns.... Things I knew nothing of! He actually broke up with me because I am NOT a geek (apparently...in some circles it is considered a compliment! here! I spent years making sure I did not become one!)...

Long story short--we decided that we could not become serious but could continue to date and talk....until one of us begins to see someone else. Honestly, that little bit of distance and change of mindset CAN work (some would say just pull the band-aid off...I like the slow pull method!).. Maybe he would be willing to still date/be friends/play partners...

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 13

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 5:57:00 PM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

I started seeing someone from here back last year. He is a self-proclaimed geek...computers, Sci-Fi, guns.... Things I knew nothing of! He actually broke up with me because I am NOT a geek (apparently...in some circles it is considered a compliment! here! I spent years making sure I did not become one!)...

We geeks are weird. My biggest concern about my partner was that he didn't know how to code, I was like devastated.

Most of my long term relationships have been with other computer nerds, first dom and I used to hack for fun, and we were serious when we put up a server together.

Thank god he knows how to turn a computer on, and actually is pretty darn competent with them, and indulges me from time to time when I carry on about code.

Though he's not a computer geek, he's got enough other stuff going for him.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 14

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 6:08:32 PM

unionkane

Posts: 60
Joined: 12/26/2013
Status: offline

I read your profile and I thought it was a charming one.......no really! a charming one.....however, i chortled my beer through my nose once......
that was at the point I read "if you're really funny, I accidentally snort"....

I cant really get past that part....beer was coming out my nose....I rest my case....

edit: I tried TWICE...to no avail....*goes to wipe nose*

< Message edited by unionkane -- 1/7/2014 6:09:21 PM >

(in reply to sheisreeds)

Post #: 15

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 6:23:38 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I thinking liking someone, and having many things in common is very important for longevity in a romantic relationship.

You can't have kinky sex 24/7. So much of life is vanilla, going to work, paying the bills, doing the dishes and the other household chores.

You are young and probably eager to find a partner. Please look for a friend.

_____________________________

(in reply to fluffyprincess)

Post #: 16

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 6:37:48 PM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

For me, and it is probably mostly me, if I do not or cannot invest 100% into a relationship, I don't get into that relationship. 100% is all encompassing! it's not this part, that part, this facet, or the other facet... It is me entirely, anything less than 100% would make me unfaithful to the relationship.

I am relationship orientated, although I have the tools to be a great whore, I'm just not wired that way. So I make sure that the person(s) is someone that I can give 100% to, so I don't have any oops in the future! an oops isn't fair to anyone.

YMMV
Exiled

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to fluffyprincess)

Post #: 17

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 6:46:43 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Nope.

If I have nothing in common then I simply didn't feel anything for the person except maybe a friendship of some sort but even then, not a close friendship.

My friends and lovers have always had quite a lot in common with me. I just can't even grasp other people when I don't have stuff in common with them. I just have a difficult time understanding them.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to fluffyprincess)

Post #: 18

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 6:51:05 PM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338
wankrabbits

Ice-T in Tankgirl... On Viagra!

Wow, wot a visual!

Exiled

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 19

RE: Having nothing in common with the person you're dating - 1/7/2014 6:53:10 PM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline

I've never really understood the whole "opposites attract" line of thinking. There are some things that are just a requirement for me to have in common with any potential partner. Without those, I will end up frustrated.
Now. Minor incompatibility? No issue. I don't want someone with exactly the interests, likes and dislikes. Where is the fun in that?

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.

I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 20

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