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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/6/2006 6:09:11 PM

Caretakr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
I don't see anyone protesting too much except you babe.

Well, I'm certain that somebody with more online time available to them and a faster connection could provide you with a couple dozen links to "trash the switch" threads and then three more outing extremely image conscious Doms who asked somebody to top them.

Kisses

I've known quite a few switches who were lovely people, I never had a bad thing to say about any of them.

And I have known some who were bitter people.

I preffered to forget about them.

But not because they happened to be switches.

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/6/2006 6:16:09 PM

LadiesBladewing

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I see so many people here worrying about what other people will think if they're themselves. What a shame. My philosophy is "so what"... if the whole world wants to bash you, and you're doing what makes you happy and it isn't hurting anyone else without their consent, have a blast. Live your life. Don't wait for everyone else to tell you how to live it -- just be yourself and be confident in that, and you'll draw the people to you who will respect you for what you are, and will love you for who you are and enjoy celebrating with you!

ZWD

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/6/2006 6:37:58 PM

Caretakr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing

(using fast reply)

I see so many people here worrying about what other people will think if they're themselves. What a shame. My philosophy is "so what"... if the whole world wants to bash you, and you're doing what makes you happy and it isn't hurting anyone else without their consent, have a blast. Live your life. Don't wait for everyone else to tell you how to live it -- just be yourself and be confident in that, and you'll draw the people to you who will respect you for what you are, and will love you for who you are and enjoy celebrating with you!

ZWD

I don't see why we have to worry so much about being suitable for everyone else. It's not going to happen,why have a cow over it?

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/6/2006 7:04:12 PM

SusanofO

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That is appreciated, folks. Kree had a good point, and Caretakr, too. Maybe it's too early for me to tell what i am yet (but I am sure I am not all Domme).

I didn't used to be attracted to: Polyamory or Sadism. Both of those things have changed, even though I've actually tried neither one. I guess then I can say I accept them a lot more than I ever used to- Sadism used to just scare the _hit out of me and now it turns me on, to a much greater degree than I'd ever have thought possible. Any changes in my previous opinions is due to education received on these boards (and the inner workings of my own head). Thanks for listening.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/6/2006 7:05:16 PM >

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/6/2006 7:12:09 PM

missgiveNTake

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Susan,
I am glad you started this thread. I am very new and listed myself as a switch, just because I was unsure where I would fit. (I state this in my profile too)
Life has brought out the Domme in me way too often and I wasn't sure how to handle it in this situation, although I felt I am a sub through and through.
Everyones posts have really helped me in many ways. Thanks again for this thread.

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/6/2006 7:27:53 PM

LadiesBladewing

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I love waking up in the morning as who I am. I go to my job, in a very conservative organization, and I -still- manage to be who I am. It may be a different -aspect- of who I am, but it is still me (as is evidenced by the number of individuals in our office whom I've heard have said "She's so very strange -- very nice, but VERY strange").

If anyone I'd known growing up saw me now, I doubt that they'd recognize me at all. I came from conservative roots, and was sheltered through the first half of my teens (I can't blame a lack of shelter after that on my parents -- I chose my own road at 15, and it was harder than it looked from the outside). I'm glad that I never got into the habit of depending on external validation for my choices, and I truly enjoy being able to teach that talent, now that I'm in a position to do so.

When I die, I want a banner laid over my corpse on its way to the research center (my mate and I have donated our bodies to medical research -- after all, we won't be using them any more. Somebody might as well get some use out of them!). Anyway, the banner will say "Love broadly, deeply, and fully -- Listen to your own heart, because that's where the Universe speaks -- Cherish each and every hardship and challenge, because in besting them, you become your best you, and in embracing them, you learn to embrace their opposites and truly appreciate how beautiful joy can be. Live On!"

ZWD

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/6/2006 7:31:09 PM

Sinergy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EndConfusionNE

Susan:

Dominance and submission are personality traits. It is genetic that we all have these traits within us.

You know, in all of my readings about the Human Genome Project, as well as studying Dominant and recessive allelles, I dont recall EVER reading anything which indicated that Dominant and submissive tendencies are passed via a person's DNA.

I am sure there are traits which may tend to lead a person to behavior A or behavior B, but I am too much of a nurturist to think that it is hard-wired.

I have dated a few switches. I find the psychology behind somebody who can be both aspects of WIITWD in one skull to be amazing to behold. I would suspect that most people who have issues with switches dont actually fear the switch, they fear their latent attraction to the other side of the D/s dichotomy, and project that fear upon the switch.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/6/2006 7:36:50 PM

Caretakr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: EndConfusionNE

Susan:

Dominance and submission are personality traits. It is genetic that we all have these traits within us.

You know, in all of my readings about the Human Genome Project, as well as studying Dominant and recessive allelles, I dont recall EVER reading anything which indicated that Dominant and submissive tendencies are passed via a person's DNA.

I am sure there are traits which may tend to lead a person to behavior A or behavior B, but I am too much of a nurturist to think that it is hard-wired.

I have dated a few switches. I find the psychology behind somebody who can be both aspects of WIITWD in one skull to be amazing to behold. I would suspect that most people who have issues with switches dont actually fear the switch, they fear their latent attraction to the other side of the D/s dichotomy, and project that fear upon the switch.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

I think you have it nailed. Having switched in the past- I do have insecurities about going to the sub side. I resented being there-and I worry about what trying to stay there would have done to me. Worse yet, at 6 foot two inches- and 250 pounds that works metal all day-what I might have done to someone *else*, if pushed too far.

I'll just stay in my happy little place, where I have control over all of that, thank you very much.

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/6/2006 7:37:19 PM

SusanofO

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Well this has turned out to be a very helpful thread to me and I am glad it helped some others, too. Lady Bladewing, what a beautiful sentiment. I do agree w/Sinergy. Frankly, I think being a Switch probably requires a very good imagination (and of course, wanting to do it, no small thing in itself).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/6/2006 7:38:17 PM >

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/6/2006 8:22:07 PM

Lashra

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Some people are purists and as far as I am concerned, have limited themselves and what they can experience in life. If that is what makes them happy so be it, as long as they don't try to convert me or mine, I could care less what they do.

If you decide to become a switch, I say great for you. You will expand your horizons and experience things that you never could by sticking to one role. I know that it may seem a bit frightening at first, but once you've tried switching, I doubt you will want to go back. Not any of the *converts* that I know personally have ever wanted to go back to one role.

As far as social death goes, if people judge you so harshly, were they ever really friends to begin with? I think not. Is fitting into the BDSM *clique* more important then what you want and need to do? I say do whats best for you and makes you happy.

Life is too short to be miserable.

~Lashra
Whipping asses since 1981

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/6/2006 8:27:48 PM

zenofeller

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wyrd, don't mind caretakr, he has a constant nose bleed and somehow figures it's other people's fault.

now susan, i think you're letting labeling get ahead of your thinking. nobody really is a switch. nobody other than myself is really a dominant. nobody i didn't... work with... is really a slave.

the greatness of that statement is that it describes perfectly the opinions of most everyone, don't need to alter a word. i presume you would be best served by worring less about what you "really" are, and more about what you really want.

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/7/2006 6:29:21 AM

Bearlee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
The problem I see with the image of switches is that they are perceived as opportunists. They also have their sincerity questioned more often. But I think that is a matter of disclosure and honesty. If you go to a function or any opportunity to meet others do you answer the question; "which side of the flogger are you?"; with the question; "what are you seeking?"; or do you answer directly; "I identify myself as a switch."? Answer directly and honestly and being a switch isn't put in any bad light. Change your answer contingent upon it being compatible for a play opportunity and you just committed the "crime" that switches are most often accused - a sensation seeker.

I sort of understand this idea…but if you don’t find yourself dominant anyway…why bother worrying about ‘switching’. While, by some standards I could be called a switch…I don’t feel like one. I don’t ‘switch’ with the same people; I don’t ‘switch’ sides…I’m not dominant one time and submissive the next. I felt if I ‘labeled’ myself as ‘Switch’ it wouldn’t be accurate. I’m a submissive to Tops now and then. (which pretty much takes the sting out for any mild-mannered dominant who might be interested in me. LOL)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich
I actually had this same question about how to identify not so long ago. My suggestion would be to list your profile as a sub and then quickly state that you are interested in switching. There are enough lies in the world already.

Well, the lying part notwithstanding… why label yourself as ‘Switch’ when most seem to think that going with both sides of the same coin. Sub/Top isn’t really that, is it? Still, maybe I should embrace the 'Switch' title...just to help propagate the idea that it's not a bad thing!

quote:

ORIGINAL: sharainks
Somewhat like you I've wondered just why people get so worried about switches. Many a group I've gone to has had dominants stand up and make known that they are dom only. I wonder at those times if they are worried about someone topping them, afraid they might lose their concept of self if they don't proclaim their domliness.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich
Well, I'm certain that somebody with more online time available to them and a faster connection could provide you with a couple dozen links to "trash the switch" threads and then three more outing extremely image conscious Doms who asked somebody to top them.

Damn, I hate that! Yes, I’ve known a couple Dominants who enjoy bottoming now and then. Crud…they don’t label themselves as ‘switches’ either! I don’t blame them…for what ever the reason, that stigma does attach itself. Kinda like the hetro-guy who is anally erotic; poor guy has to fight the idea that he may be a latent homosexual!!! Not that that’s a bad thing, mind you…but difficult for some, huh?

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
Not 'all' switches can be dominant though. Take me, for example. I'm a sadist, not a dominant, so if someone were looking for a pain trip, that I can provide.. if they are looking for a power trip, they'd need to look elsewhere.

LMAO… see! Again; I think the perfect statement is “I’m a submissive who likes to Top, now and then. ( heh heh heh We do end up with the best of all worlds that way, too!)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing
I see so many people here worrying about what other people will think if they're themselves. What a shame. My philosophy is "so what"... if the whole world wants to bash you, and you're doing what makes you happy and it isn't hurting anyone else without their consent, have a blast. Live your life. Don't wait for everyone else to tell you how to live it -- just be yourself and be confident in that, and you'll draw the people to you who will respect you for what you are, and will love you for who you are and enjoy celebrating with you!

Couldn’t say THAT any better! Thanks ZWD

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/7/2006 3:56:00 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

I have a question. I am posing it because I am seriously considering becoming a Switch. Before this Q is transferred to the "Ask a Switch" forum, please consider the reason for it: I need answers from non-Switches, too (if people answer).

If I decide to become a Switch, I will do it regardless of what anyone thinks, but - I am curious why some people seem to think Switches are akin to untouchables.

Because they're nimrods. No one has ever told me to my face that I was untouchable because I know what works for me, they see that and have a pretty good idea they'd be exposed for being ignorant for a bone headed & mis-informed comment like that.

quote:

If I became a Switch, I'd stay a submissive if I was with a Dominant person, and stay Dominant if I was with a submissive person, right? (Unless they were Switches, too and wanted to Switch in the middle of a scene or something).

I prefer to stick with Domme or sub within a relationship. For what it matters I'm much more Domme than sub and it takes a heck of a man to trip my sub trigger. Personally I don't switch in between because, for me, the needs and desires of what I get out of it are too different. There are those that can and hey more power to ya but my trigger doesn't flip that fast.

quote:

**So what is the issue? Does that not happen often, in reality?
Is there some doubt about their "committment level" to their partners? What?

Not sure what you mean by "the issue". People know me as me. I know that there are those set in their minds and ways that would be a little shocked if I ever walked into an event ON a leash than holding one. Frankly if they met the person I could fill that side with they'd totally understand. As a sub I'm only really attracted to the natural alpha male. In all things they do people just turn to them to take the lead. Naturally they walk into a room and people gravitiate to them as the leader of the pack and the man's man. Humm sorry is it hot in here or just my pants. OOPS I digress.
My Domme side is a very natural part of me. My subs are told about the other side of me but even past subs had no question in their minds where I stood in their lives. I only had one that was a newbie say well you're a switch I thought that meant I got to be in charge once in a while. It took every ounce of strength I had not to back hand him out of my house right then and there.
Not sure why anyone would doubt my committment level, as long as they're honest with me and I'm honest with them, they'll know.

quote:

I do not want to turn this into a Switch bashing sesssion - I am just curious.
Even I, when I was seeking a partner, would only look at Dominant profiles, even though it is obvious Switches would/could be Dominant as well. Why do some people do that?

You would look at whichever profiles really trip your trigger. I have chatted with Doms on here that made me go hummm might be worth a look but because I'm mostly driven as a Domme I tend to actively seek subs while still being honest in identifying who & what I am.

quote:

**The other question I have is: Is it more fun? Do you really get "double the fun"? I mean you do double the odds for a partner I suppose. Do you get more free stuff at conventions?

More fun than what? I am who I am I can't imagine it getting better than that. Double the fun? Kind of depends. I have 3 seperate and distinct pools that I date from there are stand outs, throw backs and weed from the gene pool bone heads in all of them. All I have really scientifically proven is that fact. I don't think that I've doubled my chances of a partner because what I'm looking for is different from day to day and person to person. From this posting I'll get at least one Dom email stating they liked what I said and would I get on my knees and never Domme again just for them, and I'll get at least 2 "slaves" that want to move for me no questions asked or limits discussed tomorrow. All 3 will probably be filed under you're kidding right? Not sure that this option is really narrowing anything down for my benefit.
As for free stuff. I look at all the freebies and what trips my trigger may be more from a Domme side or for a sub...I however get what trips MY trigger so either way I get to be right. Not sure how this is doubling my options or why any good sub in their right mind wouldn't be looking for cool free stuff for both sides of the equation. To me a cool freebie given to me by a sub means they're always looking and thinking ahead...this is a good thing.

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/7/2006 4:05:39 PM

peeka

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Well,, I've been accused of not being able to make up my mind more times then I care to remember. I'm not seeing the double your fun part, I've been looking for someone for some time. With no luck, well do trolls count?

honestly I think us switches get a bad rap altogether. That's just how I see it anyways.

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/7/2006 4:23:52 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

Someone identifying as Switch is, to me saying they want/need to express both the submissive/bottom and Dominant/Top parts of their personality. Obviously inside a Mono relationship, the only outlet for that is the one person they are involved with. If, like me, that person doesn't switch then, gosh, something of an apparent mismatch.

In my experience this is not the case especially as I'm too jealous to be sub in a poly arrangement. I was a mono sub but through my job I was queen bee and had that outlet.

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/7/2006 4:29:32 PM

yourMissTress

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Susan, My full time collared submissive, is a switch. With men she is 100% dominant, with Me she is 100% My sub. She switches, but not within our relationship. I have 2 male switches that I play with regularly, to Me they are only submissive and on occasion I've teamed up with them and played someone else together. One of my best friends is a bisexual-polyamorous-switch and I can gaurantee he's having more fun than most people I know.

For the amount of Dominant men that contact Me and other Dominas as well, asking if they can secretly serve us I think there are a lot more switches than not. Unfortunately there are too many that speak of "true" and "real" and put everyone in a box and there are just too many that are willing to be put in those boxes. There are too many that care what anyone else says about them to be true to themselves and their own needs, wants and desires.

If you have feelings on both sides of the slash, then just get rid of the slash and proudly proclaim yourself to be Susan. If you need a box check out the switch box, and if it doesn't fit, change it.

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/7/2006 5:10:05 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

I truly wish that Switches could eradicate their insincere reputation.

There's a problem with this theory...unlike doms most of us really don't care. If someone's not going to like me it will be because of me or because of something I said while just being me. If their not going to like me because I'm a switch...all they've proven is that they're an insecure bonehead.

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/7/2006 5:56:00 PM

Slipstreme

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Kudos Tress. I agree with your statement exactly.

Susan, do what you wish, when you wish and how you wish it. The world's opinion should not matter, so long as you are happy with yourself.
Good luck.

My "subbie" boys are actually Switches. I am a sadomasochist, working my slave z into a sadomasochist as well (I won't let her choose one side, when I enjoy both sides too much). Although there is a strange top-down structure in my family. I, Chris, Ed, z. And somehow, it works.

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/7/2006 6:09:35 PM

SusanofO

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Well this has been a very enlightening and encouraging thread. Thank you all
for answering.

- Susan

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/7/2006 6:51:25 PM

LotusSong

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My view on switching is this:

No man can serve two masters.. you can either serve one or yourself.

However, I think two switches together is a perfect match :)

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