Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Respect .....


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Respect ..... Page: <<   < prev  3 4 [5] 6 7   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Respect ..... - 1/26/2014 10:02:44 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Miles: I use my judgment which has been formed by my intelligence and experience to decide who deserves respect and who does not. These are valuable assets to have in life.
For instance, I have zero respect for guys who abandon their children. Who do not pay child support nor interact with them on any level.

As a result, when I was ready to date again, part of the criteria I had for partners including them being good parents as well as compatible kinkwise, politically and about my age. These things are important to me.

I have a cousin who is an arch conservative, although I love her as family, I have very little respect for her insisting on ruining big family get togethers by going on about her political beliefs. Nobody else brings up politics, only her and as a result I can't think of a Thanksgiving in years that hasn't had some unpleasantness. Her lack of civility means she does not merit my admiration, esteem and respect.

Now you may enjoy holidays filled with tension and the family members who cause everyone else to have a bad time. If so, I would not view you as someone with good judgment, someone who has his values in order. But go for it, cause fights at the table, just don't expect the rest of your family to love you for it and to look forward to spending time with you.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 1/26/2014 10:05:04 AM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Respect ..... - 1/26/2014 10:17:40 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Milesmiles,

On post 75, you say that if someone is your sub, it doesn't mean she can't be deferential to others and that what she learns about being a little submissive to others will return her to you with a better understanding of how to be submissive to you.

You do realize how lame that comment is, right? Many smart submissives have posted that they are not submissive to the world at large and you had first discussed respect and courtesy which is not what the above statement suggests.

What that suggests to me is that you are unable, on your own, to communicate to your sub, how to serve you. You are saying that anyone who is your sub needs to defer to any moron walking this earth and that somehow, this will educate her on how to be submissive to you.

I call that bullshit and believe you are more interested in how the outside world views your submissive, rather than you providing any teachable moments.

You are also inferring that many submissives who walk through the world, head held high, dealing with tough choices, taking no prisoners and generally not suffering fools gladly are disrespectful and will not learn how to be submissive in your way.

Since I am that type of submissive, who only needs to be submissive to one person, and is never deferential to the the generic "all", I would not be interested in such a poor communicator who thinks the world is deserving of deference and respect.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/26/2014 10:20:53 AM >

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Respect ..... - 1/26/2014 11:04:16 AM   
Milesnmiles


Posts: 1349
Joined: 12/28/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
(This is one connected thought btw; you responded as if you see it to be separate points)
If this is important to you, please tell me why you think it is important.

quote:


Personally, I think telling a woman you are not in a relationship with _who happens to be submissive_ either of your offered solutions: ""Looks like you could use some work on controlling your speech" or "It seems you could use some work on your submissive attitude"."to be rude.
You stated in reply
"Again this is a case where she was hypothetically rude to me first. "
Which implies that it is okay for you to be rude to her because she was rude first?
I personally don't see either reply as rude, you do but I don't, especially when said to someone who had just been rude.

quote:

As a human being.
Not as a submissive woman who needed reminders on how to behave appropriately submissively.
That is what I am objecting to: that because she may identify as submissive seems to make you believe that you have a right to admonish her regarding her submissive behavior.
The first possible reply I gave; "Looks like you could use some work on controlling your speech", has no Submissive connotations and could be said to any human being that has been rude, vanilla, submissive or dom.

Again, to me it doesn't matter who is being rude or to whom, I will not let it slide, rudeness should not be tolerated.

Also it is interesting that although you seem to think my replies are rude, you have not offered any replacement replies that you think would be more appropriate.

quote:

Again, a reminder- we are not talking about a woman you are in an agreed upon dynamic with.
To me if a woman is rude to me, she has forced her way into a "dynamic" with me that I didn't agree to. What about that?


(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Respect ..... - 1/26/2014 11:10:19 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		No, if I am rude to you, you probably did something to provoke that.

That is not forcing a dynamic on you, it's simply an interaction.

That is truly scary that you see that as forcing a dynamic on you.


(in reply to Milesnmiles)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Respect ..... - 1/26/2014 11:13:04 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If I'm rude to you then you can take that to the bank that I don't want to engage in any dynamic or relationship with you. Ever. And that you did something which made me decide that.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Respect ..... - 1/26/2014 1:08:09 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: Milesnmiles


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
...
I point blank don't/won't/can't and don't wanna respect everybody.Let's face it,some folks just ain't worth it.
I respect those who deserve it.
...
Everyone should be given a modicum of respect, if not for them then for you, showing respect for others makes you a better person even if the other person doesn't deserve it.


Nope.
There are animals that walk the planet in human skin.I treat them like the maggots they are and in doing so, respect myself.

I've been in prison my man. On this point, I simply don't budge


I'm with Master. Some don't deserve it....ever. If that makes me less of a person I'm perfectly fine with that.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Respect ..... - 1/26/2014 1:57:44 PM   
Milesnmiles


Posts: 1349
Joined: 12/28/2013
Status: offline 		I know what I believe on the subject, thanks for the input.

Fare the well,
;-)

(in reply to Milesnmiles)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Respect ..... - 1/26/2014 2:02:30 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Milesnmiles


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
Nope.
There are animals that walk the planet in human skin.I treat them like the maggots they are and in doing so, respect myself.

I've been in prison my man. On this point, I simply don't budge
I think angelikaJ already made that point in the post right above yours.

But I'll ask you as well, where do you draw the line?

Murders, rapists, how about bank robbery or gran theft auto, what if it was just a teen that stole a car for a joy ride, my brother did that and spent 5 years in the pen for it, no respect for him? What about my other brother who spent time in prison for bouncing checks, no respect for him? They both happened to be excellent fathers, respect for that?

It's hard for me to be so black and white, I've never found people to be so simple to categorize.


I use that crazy thing called personal judgement (Yeah yeah, I know, this is the net so nobody uses such things or babbles this line of looney tunes talk).
I'm quite comfortable doing so. I make judgement calls worth millions of dollars every day at work. I make judgement/character calls all the time at home. I do it when I vet the people I decide to let in my life, share my world with and I certainly evaluate the people I sleep with/play with/own. When I was young and played the street game,I literally bet my life and future on a regular basis on my judgement
And to answer the sideways questions, it's not about the crime, it's about the person. I'm friends with a convicted murderer. He killed(And I mean flat out with severe intent murdered) the cat who raped his Sister. Got ten years for Man 1 and served seven (Did good time too-got mad respect in the joint). That cat is welcome in my house any day.
On the flip side,I know maggots who've never done any time that are complete scumbags.
I'm an equal opportunity hater-I dislike people not for the color of their skin or their ethnicity or religion or any such stupid shit-I hate em for who they are as peeps and the actions they take. You know, on merit.
If anyone has a problem with that, shrugs, oh well, that's their issue. Not mine.
Personally I think doing so is a sign of a healthy human being.It's about setting boundaries,deciding who and what I find acceptable in my life.I served time with animals.People that would kill ya just as soon as smile at you.Men and women who were beasts in human skin, lacking remorse, empathy,incapable of making real human connections at any solid emotive level. The fact that they walk the same streets as my siblings and friends do chills me.I have no problem judging these things for exactly what they are and keeping them as far from me and mine as is humanly possible
"No" might just be the single healthiest word in human existence.


< Message edited by Kana -- 1/26/2014 2:16:38 PM >

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Milesnmiles)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Respect ..... - 1/26/2014 4:05:38 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

It's about setting boundaries,deciding who and what I find acceptable in my life.

"No" might just be the single healthiest word in human existence.



Love these two lines!

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Respect ..... - 1/26/2014 5:56:21 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

It's about setting boundaries,deciding who and what I find acceptable in my life.

"No" might just be the single healthiest word in human existence.



Love these two lines!



Sad part..... Many don't set boundaries or don't protect them with that no when needed.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Respect ..... - 1/26/2014 6:04:01 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I I cannot respect her No, then I sure as hell cannot trust her yes.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Respect ..... - 1/26/2014 7:02:40 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

Personally I think that just expecting someone to respect you merely because you have a pulse shows a ridiculously overinflated sense of entitlement. I realize some people think they are special little snowflakes who cause the sun to rise and set on their say so, but not everyone feels that way. Courtesy is reasonably expected IF you treat others with courtesy. But to expect to be respected just because you exist? Nope, isn't gonna happen.

When someone says they respect me, I want it to be because I personally have done something to warrant that honor. I want it to be because I earned it. To me, that means something. Otherwise it's just an empty word. Because if you say you respect me and then turn around and say you respect some asshole too because everything in your world isn't so black and white, then your respect and a quarter STILL won't buy me a cup of coffee nowadays. And believe me, there are people out there who absolutely do not deserve one ounce of respect.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 1/26/2014 7:06:29 PM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Respect ..... - 1/28/2014 7:05:22 PM   
Milesnmiles


Posts: 1349
Joined: 12/28/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

No, if I am rude to you, you probably did something to provoke that.

That is not forcing a dynamic on you, it's simply an interaction.

That is truly scary that you see that as forcing a dynamic on you.


You probably did something to provoke that? No I did not, you are assuming facts not in evidence.


(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Respect ..... - 1/28/2014 7:10:16 PM   
Milesnmiles


Posts: 1349
Joined: 12/28/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If I'm rude to you then you can take that to the bank that I don't want to engage in any dynamic or relationship with you. Ever. And that you did something which made me decide that.
The mere fact that that you were rude to me forces me to deal with your rudeness, thus you have forced a relationship on me that I didn't ask for. And you are the one being rude, in the illustration given there is no evidence that I had done anything to provoke it.


< Message edited by Milesnmiles -- 1/28/2014 7:42:57 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Respect ..... - 1/28/2014 7:41:17 PM   
Milesnmiles


Posts: 1349
Joined: 12/28/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

Personally I think that just expecting someone to respect you merely because you have a pulse shows a ridiculously overinflated sense of entitlement. I realize some people think they are special little snowflakes who cause the sun to rise and set on their say so, but not everyone feels that way. Courtesy is reasonably expected IF you treat others with courtesy. But to expect to be respected just because you exist? Nope, isn't gonna happen.

When someone says they respect me, I want it to be because I personally have done something to warrant that honor. I want it to be because I earned it. To me, that means something. Otherwise it's just an empty word. Because if you say you respect me and then turn around and say you respect some asshole too because everything in your world isn't so black and white, then your respect and a quarter STILL won't buy me a cup of coffee nowadays. And believe me, there are people out there who absolutely do not deserve one ounce of respect.
Personally, I have no expectations of others respecting me. I not here to "earn" respect from others. I'm here to live my life so I can respect myself. If people don't respect that that is their problem, not mine.

Quite frankly I'm not going to run around willy-nilly trying to figure out what can I do to "earn" his respect and hers and his and hers. It's my standards I live by not those of others. To thine own self be true.

Perhaps, as you say there are "people out there who absolutely do not deserve one ounce of respect" but what if you're wrong about someone? Now you have disrespected someone who actually deserved respect. Now who is the "asshole" that no longer deserves respect? Personally, I will error on the side of graciousness, while you seem to be insisting that you will error on the side of disrespect.

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Respect ..... - 1/28/2014 7:41:55 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Milesnmiles)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Respect ..... - 1/28/2014 7:45:04 PM   
Milesnmiles


Posts: 1349
Joined: 12/28/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder




(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Respect ..... - 1/28/2014 10:03:51 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Ah, I see yet another hot air front has blown in on the jet stream. Aim it towards the eastern part of the US. Those poor folks are in need of some warmth.




< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 1/28/2014 10:09:12 PM >

(in reply to Milesnmiles)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Respect ..... - 1/28/2014 10:17:23 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Milesnmiles

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If I'm rude to you then you can take that to the bank that I don't want to engage in any dynamic or relationship with you. Ever. And that you did something which made me decide that.
The mere fact that that you were rude to me forces me to deal with your rudeness, thus you have forced a relationship on me that I didn't ask for. And you are the one being rude, in the illustration given there is no evidence that I had done anything to provoke it.



So let me get this straight. If I cut in front of you at Starbucks and you say whoa, I was here first and I say fuck off dude, I am late for a meeting (of course this is something I would never do), that was me being rude to you, a stranger.

Do you now perceive that we have a forced relationship or dynamic or do you just shrug and go on with your life?

(in reply to Milesnmiles)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Respect ..... - 1/29/2014 4:07:55 AM   
Milesnmiles


Posts: 1349
Joined: 12/28/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

Ah, I see yet another hot air front has blown in on the jet stream. Aim it towards the eastern part of the US. Those poor folks are in need of some warmth.



;-)

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 100
Page:   <<   < prev  3 4 [5] 6 7   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Respect ..... Page: <<   < prev  3 4 [5] 6 7   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109