Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

deal breakers


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> deal breakers Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
deal breakers - 1/29/2014 7:52:37 PM   
AlphaFemsRule


Posts: 52
Joined: 1/7/2014
Status: offline
Assuming you found an otherwise perfect mate, what are some non-negotiable dealbreakers that would stop you from being with him/her?

Mine:

- smoker (though I might compromise if she were actively trying to quit)
- lack of defined, personal ethics or adherence to them
- mistreatment of animals
- low intelligence
- laziness
- hatred of men or humanity in general
- (ab)use of harder drugs like meth or heroin
- prefers sex to be focused on my humiliation / pain rather than her glorification / pleasure
- passivity
- obesity
- horrendous diet (lives off of oreos and coke or something equally unhealthy)



< Message edited by AlphaFemsRule -- 1/29/2014 7:53:47 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: deal breakers - 1/29/2014 8:06:31 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline
Oh this can be fun or it can get ugly...

In my profile, I state that the following are "no go"
- ever been in prison or jail
- heteroflexible, bi-sexual or have ever been sexually confused
-not monogamous whether identifies as "poly" or just wants to cheat on his existing partner
-no illegal drug use. Guess what people? Marajuana is ILLEGAL in most states

I also freely admit to discriminating against anyone who identifies as a lover of peas!!

(in reply to AlphaFemsRule)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: deal breakers - 1/29/2014 8:12:59 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

1) Dishonesty
2) Passive-Aggressive behavior
3) Negativity
4) Hard-core monogamist (I'm polyamorous. She doesn't have to be but, she needs to accept that I am)
5) Use of any drugs (including over use of alcohol)
6) Lack of proper hygiene practices.
7) Issues with me continuing to use nicotine.





_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: deal breakers - 1/29/2014 8:25:34 PM   
AlphaFemsRule


Posts: 52
Joined: 1/7/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
- heteroflexible, bi-sexual or have ever been sexually confused


Interesting. Is this because of something you've experienced personally?


(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: deal breakers - 1/29/2014 8:26:55 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline
1) Drug Addiction
2) Babies/kids- that is maybe negotiable- but I don't really think I'm ready for that.
3) Has to love animals
4) Anyone who can't hang with the way I live my life- or where I live.

(there was a similar thread in General BDSM a few weeks ago, so you may not get a ton of responses, or you could...we'll see)

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: deal breakers - 1/29/2014 9:01:08 PM   
slavekate80


Posts: 362
Joined: 7/4/2013
Status: offline
1. Demanding that I give up my career while refusing to support me financially. The person paying my bills decides how they get paid, and right now that's me.
2. Low sex drive.
3. Has small children from a previous relationship and has full or partial custody. I will only consider being a stepmother if the kids are at least old enough to be in school.
4. Too gentle with me.
5. Extremely religious, and/or not accepting that I'm not religious.
6. Wants an exclusive relationship. Restrictions on other relationships are negotiable, but a total ban isn't.

(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: deal breakers - 1/29/2014 9:17:46 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline
If he is otherwise perfect for me (and I for him) the only absolute dealbreakers besides the obvious ones would be that he is poly, not self-supporting, or owns a pit bull.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to AlphaFemsRule)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: deal breakers - 1/29/2014 9:28:50 PM   
pg4g


Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline
1) Drugs
2) Lack of confidence
3) Low Sex Drive
4) Shows signs of mistreating people/animals. You start hurting those who haven't chosen, who haven't given that? Bad sign.
5) Expects me to a traditional submissive. He can force me all he likes in the bedroom, but he can't expect me to like it or ask for it (I love hating it!), and outside the bedroom, we're equals. No negotiation.
6) Doesn't like to wrestle and fight. I'm a power struggler. I don't have to top him, but I'll fight tooth and nail to be my own man and obey no one without a damn good reason to... (Like a knife to my throat )
7) Doesn't look after himself. Includes food, exercise, and cleanliness.
8) Isnt interested in handing out pain. I need a guy who's willing to torture me when he controls me. Can't handle that? Let me introduce you to the door.

(in reply to slavekate80)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: deal breakers - 1/29/2014 9:37:03 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
if they are not completely straight.
obese or scrawny
short
not responsible
has ethics and morals radically different from my own.
married/seriously dating another
has young children
is submissive, switch, and/or a masochist...must be dominant
argumentative
homeless
emotionally unavailable
socially inept
no sense of humor

geeze....I could go on forever I think.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to pg4g)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: deal breakers - 1/29/2014 10:58:39 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
oh my...too many to list them all!

But here's a few:

pomposity
arrogance coupled with blind ignorance
refusal to admit they might be wrong
misogyny
total lack of respect for the opinion of others
text speak, particularly the misplaced use of smiley faces


Dammit - must stop reading other threads before responding to this one...

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 2:05:34 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
Have to swipe from your list, since we have so many in common, with notations:

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

if they are not completely straight. - He has to be the type who loves women, but is a ONE-woman man, hence totally straight AND monogamous.
obese or scrawny
short - Has to be at least 5"10", preferably 5'11"-6'2"
not responsible - Does not act mature enough
has ethics and morals radically different from my own. - Lacks integrity, is not true to himself
married/seriously dating another + dates around and/or has NSA/FWB dalliances
has young children - More of a Soft Limit, depending on a bunch of other factors
is submissive, switch, and/or a masochist...must be dominant - The opposite for me, although I don't want a masochist either.
argumentative ... Exhibits non-compliance
homeless - Isn't self-supporting & self-sufficient
emotionally unavailable - Doesn't have an affectionate nature, has difficulty receiving affection
socially inept - Inept in any manner, lacks confidence--but can't be arrogant, needs to be well-balanced
no sense of humor - Gotta have that, and be able to get my brand of humor.

geeze....I could go on forever I think. - Me, too!
PLUS:

Not intelligent and well-read or well-versed in a wide assortment of subjects
Expects me to live up to an unrealistic image of how a Dominant woman should act.
Set in his ways, has an absurd idea of how a submissive man is supposed to act.
Inconsistent, says one thing but does another, and can't follow through (then has all kinds of excuses for himself).
Low or only average sex drive; not passionate & imaginative


_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 2:23:05 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
- Is poly
- Treats waiters/other drivers/his mother like crap
- Bad personal hygiene
- Racist, homophobic, or sexist (even a little bit, even if they don't consider themselves to be)
- Not living as an adult (finances, work, living arrangements, chores etc)
- Still in a dysfunctional 'friendship' with an ex or alternatively, talks about every ex as though he/she were the devil incarnate
- Needs to be a sissy or an adult baby as more than a once in a while thing
- Recreational drugs (yes, even cannabis)
- Wildly different life goals
- If they have kids, bad parenting or not being in their lives
- Sulks, has temper tantrums, generally can't communicate about any issues
- Emotional manipulation. I've had a bad experience with this one so I would be out the door at the first sniff of it
- General self serving attitude/lack of empathy

God, I could go on all day.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to AlphaFemsRule)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 3:31:37 AM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline
Ok. Here goes.
-guarded with his emotions
-extreme sadist
-married or otherwise attached
-short
-no spiritual life
-has had more than 2 short relationships in the last year
-no sense of humor
-pretentious
-insecure and needy
-switch or sub desires. I NEED a fully Dominant man
-poly
-unemployed

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.



I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 3:37:09 AM   
NoChaos


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/22/2012
Status: offline
Rotten teeth
Oh, and bad kisser

< Message edited by NoChaos -- 1/30/2014 3:38:10 AM >

(in reply to Blonderfluff)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 6:29:48 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
ADDENDUM A to Post No. 11

Doesn't like animals or children; not compassionate
Pattern of being a deadbeat dad, if applicable
Being stingy in any way (e.g. bad tipper, not charitable)
Never been married by age 40, esp. by middle age (therefore, not properly domesticated)
Multiple divorces [3 or more, or of short duration(s)]
Bald, or not enough hair to grow out shaven head (gotta be tuggable length & density)
Unmasculine/sissy; despises his maleness and/or secretly wants to be treated like a girl
Avoids manning up and wants a woman to fight his battles for him.
Has delusional concept of what Alphaness is all about and thinks Dommes have to throw their weight around and/or behave like Bitches.
Wants to ride on the coattails of an Alpha female because he hasn't grown a set for himself yet.
Bad personal hygiene is a given deal breaker, so I'll add: Wants a Mistress with poor personal hygiene practices (his fetish).


_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to AlphaFemsRule)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 7:58:36 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
If there are things that are dealbreakers, then by no stretch of the imagination could a person otherwise be considered a perfect partner.

Smoking, I'm horribly allergic.
People who abuse those who are powerless: children, elderly, animals - are never going to go on my list of people I want to talk to. I can't even fathom how you could consider them otherwise perfect.
Cat owners - allergies again alas. Horses and dogs are welcome though.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 9:04:32 AM   
Blueswordsman


Posts: 173
Joined: 10/3/2011
Status: offline
If I found the perfect the only deal breaker would be death

(in reply to AlphaFemsRule)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 9:31:46 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline
Deal breakers for me are:
Forced Bi
Poly
Married men
Ignorance
Passive aggressive
Questionable ethics
Drugs
Expectations of internet influenced submissive persona


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to AlphaFemsRule)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 9:35:43 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blueswordsman

If I found the perfect the only deal breaker would be death



If they're perfect, then they don't have any of your deal breakers though...

_____________________________

HBIC



(in reply to Blueswordsman)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 10:07:32 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
You're absolutely right. Some of what I listed would have screened out such an imperfect candidate before reaching seemingly perfect partner status. (Got a trifle bit carried away.... )

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If there are things that are dealbreakers, then by no stretch of the imagination could a person otherwise be considered a perfect partner.

Smoking, I'm horribly allergic.
People who abuse those who are powerless: children, elderly, animals - are never going to go on my list of people I want to talk to. I can't even fathom how you could consider them otherwise perfect.
Cat owners - allergies again alas. Horses and dogs are welcome though.

Voilà, AMENDMENT I

If they are not completely straight AND monogamous. - This may not be discovered until later. Bisexual tendencies and infidelity are immediate deal breakers.
Obese or scrawny - As long as he doesn't become terribly obese or skinny as a rail. To get to either state, he would have not accepted intervention in time, which is symptomatic of other untenable issues.
Not responsible or doesn't act mature enough - This can usually be discerned in advance, however, may not become apparent initially.
Has ethics and morals radically different from my own. Lacks integrity, is not true to himself. (This is why it's advisable to take it slow and not jump into a relationship too quickly.)
Married/seriously dating another - He may try to hide this fact until his evasiveness gives him away.
Has young children (More of a Soft Limit) - He may not be forthcoming about this either.
Is not submissive, a switch who is not predominantly submissive or unable to sublimate any dominant tendencies - Could turn out to not be the right fit after all.
Non-compliant - TBD
[Unemployed] Isn't self-supporting & self-sufficient - Might be putting on a good act at first.
Emotionally unavailable; doesn't have an affectionate nature, has difficulty receiving affection - He could start out romantic, attentive and act all lovey-dovey, then not be able to sustain the momentum.
Expects me to live up to an unrealistic image of how a Dominant woman should act. - Could become apparent later on.
Set in his ways, has an absurd idea of how a submissive man is supposed to act. - Should be apparent right away, so I'll toss in "unteachable spirit" or takes an unreasonable amount of effort to train.
Inconsistent, says one thing but does another, and can't follow through (then has all kinds of excuses for himself). - Should also reveal itself early on but may not be habitual, harder to detect until later.
Low or only average sex drive, not passionate & imaginative - Depends on how soon we become physically intimate. Technically couldn't consider someone the perfect partner until our sexual compatibility has been ascertained. A poor or mediocre lover just won't do. This would be a deal breaker for a sub under consideration (as would not being well-enough-endowed or not having much stamina -- yeah, I went there ).
---
Avoids manning up and wants a woman to fight his battles for him.
Turns out he wants a Mistress with poor personal hygiene practices and can't get past this fetish of his, or any other fetish that rears its ugly head (which doesn't appeal to me).

[Edited for color coding]

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 1/30/2014 10:29:33 AM >


_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> deal breakers Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109