Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: deal breakers


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: deal breakers Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 11:00:55 AM   
Blueswordsman


Posts: 173
Joined: 10/3/2011
Status: offline 		I agree If you find the prefect mate there is nothing about them that should be a deal breaker. Including cancer or dementia. Till death do us part.

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 11:08:39 AM   
pg4g


Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline 		Yeah, my partner doesn't fit 4 of my 8 "deal breakers" - I suppose that they'd be deal breakers starting out a relationship, but I didn't know myself when I was getting into this relationship 5 years back. Priorities change over time. Now? It would take some serious, serious, serious thing to break us up, and none of the 8 he breaks overrides the fact I love the guy - a LOT. I can't imagine breaking up even if every "deal breaker" was broken.

(in reply to Blueswordsman)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 3:08:32 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Sorry, someone with dementia is never going to be perfect for me to form a new relationship with. Plus you couldn't get into a relationship with them since they wouldn't remember you on a day to day basis.

And staying in a relationship with someone who is spending the next five years fighting for their life is very different than getting into a relationship with someone in the condition. Because they aren't going to have the time nor energy to build a strong relationship while going through multiple surgeries, chemo etc.

There are all kinds of other things that make a person not perfect for me.
Guys who don't pay child support, who aren't involved with their children. And indeed, now that I'm nearly 60, a guy half my age, one with a small child, not someone I'm compatible with.

The drug use/addiction issues to me are like abusing those who are vulnerable. It goes without saying they don't deserve my respect or liking and therefore I'm not interested in discovering that they have one or two good qualities. Some things are bad enough that there's no way past that.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to pg4g)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 4:06:29 PM   
FelineRanger


Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

Oh this can be fun or it can get ugly...

In my profile, I state that the following are "no go"
- ever been in prison or jail


I'm probably taking this one personally because I have done time. But why is this a deal breaker? People who commit felonies need that second chance both in jobs and in relationships. In the Scandinavian countries, where the laws are written is such a way as to allow a legitimate second chance and the culture doesn't continue that absurd "Once a felon, always a felon" idea, people do far better than they do here.

_____________________________

Bill

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 4:25:08 PM   
pg4g


Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline 		Yeah, I certainly don't understand that one, FelineRanger. A second chance is the least people deserve. But it would weigh in to the decision making, e.g. what it was for, and the circumstances that surrounded the crime. I'm not going to get into a relationship with a confessed murderer, for example. The risks you're putting into their hands during BDSM especially make this an important consideration.

(in reply to FelineRanger)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 4:29:04 PM   
directiveerror


Posts: 128
Joined: 11/17/2013
Status: offline 		plus the scary ones arent the ones that get caught, its the ones that have gotten away with it.

(in reply to pg4g)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 5:01:52 PM   
FelineRanger


Posts: 658
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: directiveerror

plus the scary ones arent the ones that get caught, its the ones that have gotten away with it.


This goes right back to that "once a felon, always a felon" idea that is, sadly, endemic to U.S. culture. At the heart of every felony is a complete loss of hope. The thought goes through your head that says "My life is so out of control that it's unrecoverable and it doesn't matter any more if I stay on the right side of the law." It doesn't matter whether you commit murder, drug offenses, or anything else. That thought went through Michael Vick's head, too. The vast majority of the time, it's nowhere near rational. That's where prison here fails badly. Nobody learns anything except how to survive in prison. There is zero rehabilitative value in the prison system.

_____________________________

Bill

(in reply to directiveerror)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 5:38:44 PM   
directiveerror


Posts: 128
Joined: 11/17/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineRanger


quote:

ORIGINAL: directiveerror

plus the scary ones arent the ones that get caught, its the ones that have gotten away with it.


This goes right back to that "once a felon, always a felon" idea that is, sadly, endemic to U.S. culture. At the heart of every felony is a complete loss of hope. The thought goes through your head that says "My life is so out of control that it's unrecoverable and it doesn't matter any more if I stay on the right side of the law." It doesn't matter whether you commit murder, drug offenses, or anything else. That thought went through Michael Vick's head, too. The vast majority of the time, it's nowhere near rational. That's where prison here fails badly. Nobody learns anything except how to survive in prison. There is zero rehabilitative value in the prison system.


institutionalization is learned helplessness, its not the title its the idea. if you think into the mindset of "im a felon my life is ruined" you are buying into it... if you are a felon you are a felon, you made that choice own up to it. there are plenty of people in the world that hear those lines every day "once a criminal always a criminal" "once a whore always a whore" "once a slave always a slave" "once a soldier always a soldier" "once a parent always a parent"... your choices shape you... saying "its not my fault" "why is everyone blaming me" is buying into the idea that you are helpless to make your own choices. you can choose that path and continue letting everyone make your choices for you, and the worlds will keep hurting... or you can rise above them and shove it in their face... "yes i'm a felon, but i am happy and successful and love my life, do you?" "yes i am a slave but i'm happy and free and love my life, do you?" .... you choose how the words go, you make decisions for your own life and nothing else matters.

(in reply to FelineRanger)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 7:08:31 PM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
I also freely admit to discriminating against anyone who identifies as a lover of peas!!

Dam... guess this leaves Me out.

Deal breaker number 1 in My book: Lies

_____________________________

Proudly married to the "Diva of Destruction" LadyPact
Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore - Of Monsters and Men
What is the maximum effective range of an excuse? Zero meters!

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 11:30:24 PM   
DeineSKlavin


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/25/2014
Status: offline 		- not monogamous
- lack of interaction in their family's life (parents, siblings, kids)
- not self supportive (ie: jobless, homeless)
- drug use
- sub, switch (I too need to be dominated/owned completely)
- lack of hygiene
- arrogant, braggart, boastful, pretentious
- lacking common sense or any semblance of intelligence
- lack of honesty with themselves and others
- overly friendly with the exes (there's a reason they are the ex)

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: deal breakers - 1/30/2014 11:32:18 PM   
DeineSKlavin


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/25/2014
Status: offline 		Addition: someone who is a total slob

(in reply to DeineSKlavin)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: deal breakers - 1/31/2014 5:02:40 AM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterP61

Deal breaker number 1 in My book: Lies[/color]



Mine too

(in reply to MisterP61)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: deal breakers - 1/31/2014 5:22:58 AM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		Well, I have to disagree with that one. I specialize in doing makeovers of slob types (both vanillas and kinks), and I rather ENJOY it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeineSKlavin

Addition: someone who is a total slob


(in reply to DeineSKlavin)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: deal breakers - 1/31/2014 7:17:29 AM   
breagha


Posts: 380
Joined: 7/29/2012
Status: offline 		i would have to say a huge deal breaker for me is breaking of trust. Most other things are negotiable... the breaking of honesty and trust are really huge deal breakers

_____________________________

"Consumed with memories that preceded today; given a chance to bereave life that's slipping away"

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: deal breakers - 1/31/2014 7:41:08 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Fast reply:

It really boils down to character for me. I'd only be with someone whose character I respect and admire. A lot of what is posted here falls into that category for me. If his character is appealing to me, he wouldn't have many of those listed traits.

I'll add A closed mind to the list.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to breagha)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: deal breakers - 1/31/2014 8:07:14 AM   
AlphaFemsRule


Posts: 52
Joined: 1/7/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
Never been married by age 40, esp. by middle age (therefore, not properly domesticated)


What if he's lived with another woman for an extensive period of time?

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
Avoids manning up and wants a woman to fight his battles for him.
Has delusional concept of what Alphaness is all about and thinks Dommes have to throw their weight around and/or behave like Bitches.
Wants to ride on the coattails of an Alpha female because he hasn't grown a set for himself yet.
Bad personal hygiene is a given deal breaker, so I'll add: Wants a Mistress with poor personal hygiene practices (his fetish).[/color]


Why do I feel this these were about me?

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: deal breakers - 1/31/2014 1:16:03 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		Deal breakers for me, in no particular order:

Monogamy, at least on my end. They can be mono to me if they want, but they need to accept I will never reciprocate.

Lies in any form, including omission

Transphobia/homophobia/other forms of bigotry

Conservative/Libertarian politics

Bad hygiene - I have "dog nose" so scent is extremely important

Addiction of any kind including tobacco

Chronic STDs / Fails to follow safer sex practices

Lack of intelligence

Highly dogmatic - particularly with any of the Abrahamic religions, but also includes atheist zealotry

Doesn't like kids or pets; I have both

Neat freak - I am the Queen of Clutter but it's organized chaos; I know where everything is so don't mess with my system

I'm sure there are more but those are what come immediately to mind

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to AlphaFemsRule)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: deal breakers - 1/31/2014 2:36:16 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		1. morals
2. monogamy
3. heterosexuality
4. a gag reflex


_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to AlphaFemsRule)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: deal breakers - 1/31/2014 3:15:08 PM   
Runningkc


Posts: 51
Joined: 2/15/2010
Status: offline 		Poor attitude/outlook.

I can look past many, many faults. But I am such a positive, upbeat person, I refuse to surround myself with people that might pull me down.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: deal breakers - 1/31/2014 3:34:07 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlphaFemsRule

[1] What if he's lived with another woman for an extensive period of time?
---
[2] Why do I feel this these were about me?


1. Anyone else can hold to whatever opinion they like, and there may be rare exceptions, but living together will never be on par with the same level of commitment that being married is. In other words, marriage as "taking the next step" will never become obsolete, certainly not in our lifetimes. I don't have enough fingers & toes to count how many times I've heard a man say he's *only* living with his partner (of 5-8-10-15-20) years as his justification for looking elsewhere for some excitement/strange - and/or to act out his fetish/kink - or to pretend he is a potentially available partner for relationship purposes.

As for my reference to being properly domesticated, not many husbands reach that state of progression either. This applies to women as well, in that there is no comparison between raising a family within an old-fashioned marital construct because it's as much a mindset of OWNERSHIP and covenantial obligations as anything else. Spouses BELONG to one another. In fact, this is why having a D/s relationship dynamic outside of one's marriage is disingenuous, unless you happen to subscribe to the concept of SHARED OWNERSHIP. A married man seeking to become OWNED by a Mistress without his wife's informed consent, aside from breaching BDSM Consent protocols, is already owned by another. Therefore, any D/s-M/s arrangement they mutually agree to conduct between themselves is based upon a big, fat LIE which invalidates such an illusory condition.

2. If the shoe fits, wear it.... Actually, seeing your post earlier, along w/your user name, did remind me of these factors. Had I wanted to address you directly, I would have done so on your own thread if I thought it would do any good. You are entitled to your preferences, and I can choose to avoid subs who are fixated on this Alpha female ideal. I'm not part of a wolf pack and don't operate on animalistic/sub-human precepts (no pun intended, I think). Just my personal preference, and thanks for indirectly contributing to my chain of thoughts.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to AlphaFemsRule)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: deal breakers Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109