RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (Full Version)

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AlphaFemsRule -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 12:32:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

Nope. No unrealistic expectations here. Just do not want to settle for a relationship that may end up more vanilla than I am willing to accept. My expectations are that I will have to meet many men in order to find that one that resonates with the D energy that I am attracted to.


Well, then let me clarify things by asking you something:

Is the issue that you're meeting men who do have that 'D energy' but won't act on it? Or is the issue that you're meeting men who don't have that 'D energy' thus revealing themselves to be incongruent with how they portrayed themselves online?






Blonderfluff -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 1:17:45 PM)

It's happened twice. NO D energy at all. Both were simply first dates. One was coffee. One was lunch. Both were self proclaimed "lifetime" Doms. Neither one had an ounce of D energy that I could detect. In my world, that equates to incompatible Chemistry.



AlphaFemsRule -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 1:25:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

It's happened twice. NO D energy at all. Both were simply first dates. One was coffee. One was lunch. Both were self proclaimed "lifetime" Doms. Neither one had an ounce of D energy that I could detect. In my world, that equates to incompatible Chemistry.


Okay - this makes a lot more sense now. : )

Hopefully you won't take this the wrong way, but I think your OP was very misleading. For example, the issue of a dominant man who hesitates is an entirely different issue from someone who's not ANY kind of dominant AT ALL in real life despite that they've portrayed themselves as such online. In fact, I think much of the thread was about hesitation when that actually had nothing to do with it.

Again, not trying to nit-pick here. Just trying to point out where the confusion was.










Kana -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 1:29:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

It's happened twice. NO D energy at all. Both were simply first dates. One was coffee. One was lunch. Both were self proclaimed "lifetime" Doms. Neither one had an ounce of D energy that I could detect. In my world, that equates to incompatible Chemistry.

Only twice?
Sheesh-you should talk to Mouse. She's had dozens of similar meetings.

Enough so that when she finally met me, she had no clue on HTF to act due to a combination of rust and shock



crazyml -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 1:32:29 PM)

AHH... the "bury her under an avalanche of rock" play... nice choice brother K.



Hmaster88 -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 1:35:43 PM)

Next time tell the guy "If you ask one more time, I will take a dildo to your ass until you scream 'Momma'!"
You will get your answer in the next five seconds.
The past is past, there is nothing you can do about it. Don't waste any more time on it. Life, is full of Fakes and Flakes.
Just look at your inbox. [/ size=3]




ChaoticIntent -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 1:41:59 PM)

This is an issue I have seen with men and women in this country. I see lots of women frustrated with men not acting.... well... like men. This issue is especially pervasive at a club or bar. Part of the problem is that men in this country have been taught to ALWAYS ASK as opposed to just doing with a mixture of assertiveness and gentleness.

While in Japan for instance, when I was with a Japanese girl, I made most of the decisions and they were fine with that, so as long as I was not rude about it (I was fine with that too because I was 18, in the Navy, and wanted to get into the sac before going underway). I think most women in general want this sort of treatment, but most men don't know how to give them that or are too scared to.

I recall reading an article written by a man who talked about a women he really liked. He showed his affection by spoiling her: breakfast in bed, buying her stuff, and etc. Yet, she eventually lost interest in him. He found out it was because he didn't challenge her when she was being bitchy, he always tried to accommodate her, and was never willing to "man up" so to speak. She became bored with him, so she left him. Ever since that relationship, he has changed how he treats women that he likes.



Kana -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 1:57:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

AHH... the "bury her under an avalanche of rock" play... nice choice brother K.

It's yet to fail :-)

Meanwhile,Back at the ranch:
quote:

This is an issue I have seen with men and women in this country. I see lots of women frustrated with men not acting.... well... like men. This issue is especially pervasive at a club or bar. Part of the problem is that men in this country have been taught to ALWAYS ASK as opposed to just doing with a mixture of assertiveness and gentleness.

Well,not to start shit or anything, but what do you expect from a culture that has over the past fifty years,essentially emasculated men?
Not to mention that Fight Club nailed shit cold, "We're a generation of men raised by women."
People nowadays are raised to be sheep.
Fuck that noise.
Why not be a fucking Pirate...



crazyml -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 2:03:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ChaoticIntent

This is an issue I have seen with men and women in this country. I see lots of women frustrated with men not acting.... well... like men. This issue is especially pervasive at a club or bar. Part of the problem is that men in this country have been taught to ALWAYS ASK as opposed to just doing with a mixture of assertiveness and gentleness.


Sure. One of the reasons a very average looking chap like me (nothing like as buff as you are) has had so much success with he ladies, has been my apparent confidence and assertiveness. But.. you really have to know what you're doing.

I know this isn't what you're saying, but saying "Men should go ahead and take charge" as a general point is a frikken recipe for disaster. You really have to read the signs, and be willing to take the potential consequences of being wrong.

quote:





While in Japan for instance, when I was with a Japanese girl, I made most of the decisions and they were fine with that, so as long as I was not rude about it (I was fine with that too because I was 18, in the Navy, and wanted to get into the sac before going underway). I think most women in general want this sort of treatment, but most men don't know how to give them that or are too scared to.



Japan isn't a great case study - being one of the most misogynistic countries on the planet!

quote:



I recall reading an article written by a man who talked about a women he really liked. He showed his affection by spoiling her: breakfast in bed, buying her stuff, and etc. Yet, she eventually lost interest in him. He found out it was because he didn't challenge her when she was being bitchy, he always tried to accommodate her, and was never willing to "man up" so to speak. She became bored with him, so she left him. Ever since that relationship, he has changed how he treats women that he likes.



Yah, he does sound like a bit of a pussy though.



crazyml -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 2:10:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
Well,not to start shit or anything, but what do you expect from a culture that has over the past fifty years,essentially emasculated men?


You don't strike me as a particularly emasculated man...



littlewonder -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 2:21:19 PM)

I hope not! [sm=hewah.gif]



crazyml -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 2:25:22 PM)

Not much danger of that really.

The point I'm making is that men haven't necessarily been "emasculated" by feminism etc etc... what has happened is that women no longer (at least in most western countries) put up with shit they don't want from feckless morons that happen to be men.

Yeah, I can understand why the feckless morons might feel emasculated, but I certainly don't = if anything, it clears up the confusion - The feckless ones gibber in a corner or stay at the bar talking to their mates about all the chicks, while the confident, competent, ones are on the dance floor bumping and grinding with the laydees.



littlewonder -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 3:20:49 PM)

This is a documentary on emasculation that I think is pretty good. (It's only 30 mins)

http://vimeo.com/9054074

"Man-skills are on the decline. Skinny jeans are on the rise. And male testosterone? Declining at 1% a year. What does it all mean for the future of mankind? .."



crazyml -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 3:34:06 PM)

Thx! I will check it out



Blonderfluff -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 4:01:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

This is a documentary on emasculation that I think is pretty good. (It's only 30 mins)

http://vimeo.com/9054074

"Man-skills are on the decline. Skinny jeans are on the rise. And male testosterone? Declining at 1% a year. What does it all mean for the future of mankind? .."


LW. This was awesome.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 5:12:36 PM)

Two thoughts, which I'll split into two posts. First, in response to this:
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
After reading this thread, I believe that what CP wrote above sums up what Blonderfluff is getting at in her post. Although many of you are judging her for looking for instant domination or instant "player" dynamic, I don't think that is what she is saying. I think all she wants to perceive from the man is the confirmation that his nature is dominant, not vanilla. I am with her on that. Certainly I would reject instant domination, non-consent, game-player behavior, but I want to be certain I'm not spending time exploring a potential relationship with a vanilla man. I've had many of those and I don't want any more. Maybe OP feels like that.

To be clear, I'm not judging anyone, certainly not the OP. I don't have the information I would need to draw any conclusions. However, there's a reason I've been talking in the direction I have, and it's this.

Suppose a male dom posted, saying, "Has anyone else run into the Hesitant Submissive? She wrote me at length that she wanted to submit to me, and yet she was nervous and hesitant when we met in real life, despite extensive lifestyle communication beforehand. It really turned me off." Or suppose a male sub posted, "Has anyone else run into the Hesitant Femdom? I've met a few women from here, and they've told me over Yahoo chat how much they want a female-led relationship, but, even so, when we met in person, they didn't order me around at all. In fact, they deferred to me! My erection completely shriveled up."

I'm pretty sure that in both those cases, the comments would almost unanimously be to take it slow and give the woman time to be comfortable in her role. So the double standard of it being perfectly normal and ok for a sub woman to reject a man for "no dominant energy" makes my spider senses tingle.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 5:21:45 PM)

This one is intended for any male (or female) doms who might be asking themselves right now, "How the hell do I project dominant energy on a first date?"

I think a phrase like "dominant energy" is woo-woo, frankly, and it's possible to get better at coming across that way by taking simple, concrete steps. What seems to be at the core of what the women have been saying on this thread is: Don't be afraid of being rejected. Don't base your self-acceptance and self-understanding on whether she likes you, at all.

This is easier said than done, but I consider it to be the most important dating skill I possess. You can gain the skill through sales, for example: once you've heard "no" thousands of times, you realize it isn't the end of the world, and a rejection isn't a personal rejection. You're still the same person after the No that you were before. Similarly, a woman's acceptance or rejection doesn't define you either.

In short, you don't need her approval. You choose to obtain it, so you aren't being rapey, but you're obtaining her approval from a position of strength. She controls how fast things move, but she doesn't control you.

Hopefully that helps somebody.



Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 5:50:58 PM)

All of the above except for the last couple of sentences regarding obtaining approval is how I behave on a first date too. And I'm not dominant. Particularly on point is "Don't be afraid of being rejected. Don't base your self-acceptance and self-understanding on whether she likes you, at all." First rate advice, but not just for projecting dominant energy. It's great advice for maintaining our sense of self notwithstanding dates' reactions to us.



littlewonder -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 7:53:25 PM)

What the ladies here are saying he gives off no self confidence whatsoever. No confidence = turn off.

But many times a woman is expected to be nervous and such. It's just the traditional male/female roles. A woman's nervousness is usually a sign to a confident man that she's into him a bit and so his confidence scares her a bit because she knows she's liking him a lot. Lots of men like that...at least the type I've ever been into which is the confident, dominant type.



Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Have you encountered the Hesitant Dominant? (2/2/2014 8:51:35 PM)

I don't think all confident, dominant men need that display of "traditional" nervous behavior to know when a woman is interested in them.



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