RE: Did I just create a mess?

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Rawni -> RE: Did I just create a mess? (3/17/2014 11:00:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze quote: he started being even mildly sexually suggestive towards me, "I've always wondered what it would be like to worship a dominant woman's feet and clean her shoes with my tongue". I'd have put him up at a local Travelodge at my expense. And had a friend's man showed up after one of their fights clearly intoxicated and starts on with the, "I think you're cool, I really like you" routine. .. that's when I show him the door. I like to head things off so that we can continue respecting one another. The bottom line, my friends respect me to never cross that line. Really? They never cross that line when you just gave 2 examples where they clearly crossed a line. But you blame LL for something similar happening to her? I'm stunned that you don't see that you're trying to fool us and yourself here. Lady Constanze, Hold on. You only quoted part of her post. You missed the part where she says, had an alien snatched them prior to them arriving and reprogrammed his sensibilities. lol This didn't happen.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Did I just create a mess? (3/17/2014 11:05:08 AM)
Yeah she only slept in the same bed as a guy and that is totally fine, but LL having a drink with a friend who she has a vanilla friendship, that's what she considers wrong... I could venture a guess why possibly nobody crosses a line and gets sexual, but I don't want golden letters...

MissMorrigan -> RE: Did I just create a mess? (3/17/2014 11:09:00 AM)
It's okay, the joys of not reading something fully. .. It occasionally happens to me and typically with Bridget Jones' results, causing much hilarity. Next time I shall adjust my posts opting for pretty coloured fonts for those that are challenged ;-) quote: ORIGINAL: Rawni Lady Constanze, Hold on. You only quoted part of her post. You missed the part where she says, had an alien snatched them prior to them arriving and reprogrammed his sensibilities. lol This didn't happen.

Rawni -> RE: Did I just create a mess? (3/17/2014 11:13:09 AM)
Who said this was a sexual assault? No one. LL accused me of thinking or believing it was a sexual assault. I called it sexually acting out and I think poor behavior. Things are getting twisted. I see no problem with people having friends of the opposite sex and being alone. I don't care if he slept on her sofa or whatever. LL can handle this any way she wants to and I had no problem with how she handled it. My problem was in excusing this attached male's drunken behavior because he was a friend who had a nasty drunken girlfriend who wouldn't understand him and would mess with him and coming from a religious background the poor guy was repressed and needed to know he wasn't a freak, etc. Excusing or explaining poor behavior and that was NOT one or two drinks... this is a guy who drinks to excess if he hasn't come forward and apologized or can't remember. I guess he is so repressed he can't say he is sorry for doing what a lot of men do because they can. [:D] Then I am an angry, paranoid, militant, overly aggressive, damaged woman with a psychedelic world. [:D] I didn't name call LL or even get nasty about her personally or even bring up her past that I know about... but damn, she was so angry that I was sarcastic and I was... that I and others that disagreed with her, which is what we often do around here.. we get a years supply of lemons to help keep the sour puss face. [:D]

MissMorrigan -> RE: Did I just create a mess? (3/17/2014 11:16:50 AM)
Tut tut, try harder. I put a pal up, gender is not the issue. His partner was fully aware BEFORE he stopped over and knowing how we interact she has no concerns, why? Because he is also like a brother to me. .. sexual interaction is NEVER going to happen no matter how pissed the pair of us are. You conveniently overlooked the point I was making so save the christian indignation, it's misplaced. I don't consider LL having a drink with her male friend wrong, where have I said that? Your attention towards me is bordering on obsessive, you've been attempting to gain my attention throughout the thread. You have it now. The only golden letters in relation to you would consist of five and start with I. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze Yeah she only slept in the same bed as a guy and that is totally fine, but LL having a drink with a friend who she has a vanilla friendship, that's what she considers wrong... I could venture a guess why possibly nobody crosses a line and gets sexual, but I don't want golden letters...

Rawni -> RE: Did I just create a mess? (3/17/2014 11:17:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze Yeah she only slept in the same bed as a guy and that is totally fine, but LL having a drink with a friend who she has a vanilla friendship, that's what she considers wrong... I could venture a guess why possibly nobody crosses a line and gets sexual, but I don't want golden letters... The difference was that she has well established relationships... I don't think she mentioned them abusing alcohol and nothing happened. I have trusted friends I would watch movies with in bed and have never had a problem... however, I don't hang with drunks... then, anything can happen.

MissMorrigan -> RE: Did I just create a mess? (3/17/2014 11:42:46 AM)
yes, Rawni, all long-established friendships but even those new to my life know not to cross boundaries and that's because I don't give out mixed signals. I don't make up to them only to withdraw at the last minute, so to speak. @ LadyConstanze, You have an extremely poor opinion of men if you believe that if they find anyone even remotely attractive they can't help themselves but try it on. Try and immerse yourself in a classier type of gent than the ones you're used to. LL made an error in judgement and she's learned through this. The key in all of this is mutual respect, or the lack of it. By setting boundaries a person will garner respect. In the OP it was absent. No excusing that. The men in my life respect me. And before you hear it anywhere else, something else to make you gasp. .. I've even been camping with men and had to share a two person sleeping bag when invited at short notice. Freeze at night or enjoy the warmth of a sleeping bag? We even sang rude rugby songs until 5am. The salaciousness of the affair ;-) quote: ORIGINAL: Rawni quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze Yeah she only slept in the same bed as a guy and that is totally fine, but LL having a drink with a friend who she has a vanilla friendship, that's what she considers wrong... I could venture a guess why possibly nobody crosses a line and gets sexual, but I don't want golden letters... The difference was that she has well established relationships... I don't think she mentioned them abusing alcohol and nothing happened. I have trusted friends I would watch movies with in bed and have never had a problem... however, I don't hang with drunks... then, anything can happen.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Did I just create a mess? (3/18/2014 11:39:49 AM)
Other people saying I was violated is never going to mean that I was violated. Because it was that way to me. Inappropriate and violated are not interchangeable all the time. Being honest "in retrospect?" Really? That indicates the previous was not honest. In any case, when I descriibed my view, it was my view at that moment (in the the situation, not the moment of writing). Like the fact that "in the moment" I didn't take the "kiss my feet" thing as a pass, but in hindsight, admit it was. Still there was no reason to respond to that pass in any way other than I did. Yes, I could have slapped his face like some victorian vestile virgin, but I handled diffferently. His pass was rebuked and he was told in very clear terms why and not to do it again.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Did I just create a mess? (3/18/2014 3:32:28 PM)
DS, I think as a guy, you probably have more to worry about reputation wise. I don't agree you should have to but it is what it is. As for me, I have never lived my life with the slightest thought of what others would think.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Did I just create a mess? (3/18/2014 3:36:20 PM)
Attraction to him? I know you can't possibly understand how funny that is. No, there is no and never has been an attraction. While I may not have high standards for friendship, for relationships, my standards are very high. Physical, intellectual attraction needs to be there for relationship and well, if you saw this guy...uh, no.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Did I just create a mess? (3/18/2014 3:43:56 PM)
Morgan, Yes, I have seen many drunks in my day. If you have then, you know each tends to follow their own pattern,ei some get loud and dance on tables, some are mean drunks who get into fights, some get emotional and others are just stupid happy. This friend, who drinks every day (so I have no idea how much it takes for him to black out by the way), falls into the category of a guy who might be just a bit more talkative when drunk, and fall asleep in his chair. So regardless of what I have seen hundreds of drunks to, this behavior was something this person had never exhibited before, so yea, its going to take you off guard. Like someone who is a silly happy drunk suddenly becoming violent, not their usual drunk behavior. Doe that clear it up for you as to why I was surprised by the behavior or do you have more questions?

LeatherBentOne51 -> RE: Did I just create a mess? (3/18/2014 5:45:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr I think it is a huge mess and setting aside the ramifications of his new, "mid-life-crisis" discoveries, one of you should tell his lady about the incident. Whether with your consent or not, he involved you in his new-found kink and she is not aware. Not cool. I would sit him down and tell him that he has two weeks (at most) to tell her about the incident; just the incident. It's none of your business if he goes into the details of his new direction. If he doesn't tell her in that time, I believe it is on you to do so. If one of you doesn't tell her ETA ... and she finds out on her own, right or wrong, she will view it as deception and betrayal. She'd be justified on the former and possibly even on the latter. Excellent post. I whole-heartedly agree. Otherwise, I would consider it a lie by omission.

evesgrden -> RE: Did I just create a mess? (3/18/2014 6:12:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne51 quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr I think it is a huge mess and setting aside the ramifications of his new, "mid-life-crisis" discoveries, one of you should tell his lady about the incident. Whether with your consent or not, he involved you in his new-found kink and she is not aware. Not cool. I would sit him down and tell him that he has two weeks (at most) to tell her about the incident; just the incident. It's none of your business if he goes into the details of his new direction. If he doesn't tell her in that time, I believe it is on you to do so. If one of you doesn't tell her ETA ... and she finds out on her own, right or wrong, she will view it as deception and betrayal. She'd be justified on the former and possibly even on the latter. Excellent post. I whole-heartedly agree. Otherwise, I would consider it a lie by omission. I don't. Although I confess that "lying by omission" was a kneejerk thought when I was thinking about all this. First off, I think LL has this all well in hand. Now I can get on with my segue. We don't always have an ethical obligation to tell everyone the truth all the time. It depends on the nature of the relationship. We lie by omission all the time. The issue is not the right or wrong of it, but making sure that you understand what you're risking when you do it. I have some friends where if I knew one was having an affair I wouldn't tell the other. I also have friends where if I knew one was having an affair you couldn't stop me from telling the other. And depending on "who" in the friendship, I have friends that if one was screwing around on their partner I would take that information to the grave. There are times I will collude and there are times I won't. That does't mean I wouldn't say "wtf are you doing? why don't you just end things if you're not happy" and so forth. But I would still keep it confidential. LL... the only real mistake you made here was your choice of a thread title. You INVITED judgement silly! lol

DarkSteven -> RE: Did I just create a mess? (3/18/2014 6:19:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady DS, I think as a guy, you probably have more to worry about reputation wise. I don't agree you should have to but it is what it is. As for me, I have never lived my life with the slightest thought of what others would think. I agree. One of the reasons I do have more at stake is that as a man, I initiate. If women did that, we men would start feeling pressured sometimes.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Did I just create a mess? (3/19/2014 9:07:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: evesgrden I don't. Although I confess that "lying by omission" was a kneejerk thought when I was thinking about all this. First off, I think LL has this all well in hand. Now I can get on with my segue. We don't always have an ethical obligation to tell everyone the truth all the time. It depends on the nature of the relationship. We lie by omission all the time. The issue is not the right or wrong of it, but making sure that you understand what you're risking when you do it. I have some friends where if I knew one was having an affair I wouldn't tell the other. I also have friends where if I knew one was having an affair you couldn't stop me from telling the other. And depending on "who" in the friendship, I have friends that if one was screwing around on their partner I would take that information to the grave. There are times I will collude and there are times I won't. That does't mean I wouldn't say "wtf are you doing? why don't you just end things if you're not happy" and so forth. But I would still keep it confidential. LL... the only real mistake you made here was your choice of a thread title. You INVITED judgement silly! lol What you permit, you promote. I see a conflict.

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