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RE: Friends and family - 3/19/2014 4:45:16 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Other people have already addressed this, but I will chime in.

I would be much less concerned about someone taking things too far, than I would be about accidents.
Accidents can happen during sex.
They can happen during vanilla sex.
They can happen during kink-type activities, even if they aren't necessarily sexual.

But having information is a pretty good defense against some mishaps.
Not all, but some.

Information like:
How long can nipple clamps be left on?
How tight is too tight for bondage on various body parts?
Where are the safest areas to have someone spank or use other implements on for impact play?

And you can get that information before you play with anyone.

http://www.amazon.com/SM-101-A-Realistic-Introduction/dp/0963976389/ref=pd_sim_b_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=10BRFNJTA2PMQYFFDGDJ

http://www.amazon.com/Screw-Roses-Send-Thorns-Sadomasochism/dp/0964596008/ref=pd_sim_b_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=10BRFNJTA2PMQYFFDGDJ

If you feel a need to come out to someone, come out to your primary care physician.

Clear communication about what you choose to consent to can prevent some instances of people taking things too far.
Safe words when used with a trustworthy partner can be useful as well.

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(in reply to kkaliforniaa)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Friends and family - 3/19/2014 5:47:13 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I'm not part of a "community" and when I was single and dating I just said to my friends "Hey, I'm going on a date. Call me in about 10 minutes in case he's a creep and I need a quick escape".




Then how in the hell did you end up with Kana?

Did you forget to charge your cell? :-)


I keep asking myself that same question!

Although these days, I get in trouble when I forget to charge my phone.

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Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Friends and family - 3/20/2014 6:22:40 AM   
kkaliforniaa


Posts: 263
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		Okay.. The example I used was actually one taken from a book, which of all bdsm related books I've come across, I think this one actually is pretty decent, not that I've read it entirely. For those interested, that scene involved a submissive girl who liked a dominant guy. They agreed to a scene involving spanking [maybe with a paddle or a cane, I didn't read that far, as I've said]. She was bound, AND gagged, and trusted him enough not to have an alternate means of saying "stop". She was enjoying everything but at some point the guy took a bullwhip out and used it on her [without much experience], thus putting her in the hospital. The social/bdsm club they belonged to found out about this and decided that since he was irresponsible, not having a safe"word", and doing something without experience, and I'm thinking, without letting the submissive know in advance, he would be punished in the same way that she was [is punished the right word?] punished, but done by someone who was skilled with the bullwhip

Yep, I guess I never clarified that point, thank you OsideGirl, this is what talking with many people is for, sometimes they point things out that totally slipped past you

Now. I have never been to a [fetish] club, but I'm not naive enough to think that they're all that website The Upper Floor. While I'm sure stuff may happen at clubs, behind closed doors, plenty of ordinary stuff like dancing and talking most probably happens in the main areas. Between government regulations and people not feeling comfortable, this would only make sense.

*dancing* Yay!! I was applauded *haha*... My concern is more for going to events and such, not what happens in the bedroom.. .. The way I look at this is like if you were to go hiking. Going out there without letting people know what routes you plan on taking.. .. Yes, I may be a little overcautious, but how many bad things have happened because people were too cautious? [And before someone mentions it, while I may be cautious, I don't let it prevent me from doing things either]

The club [and let's add traditional bars to the mix just for the heck of it] I might go to is/are within walking distance [and I don't drive], so I'd just like someone to know where I'm going, who will be worried if I don't call by a certain time. Someone who won't judge me, who won't blame me after the fact if something does happen [even if it's something as trivial as being attacked by a dog. I could tell a parent, but they would eventually place the blame on me, for being out at night, or "what were you even doing in that area", etc]

To theshytype: Yep. I'm the same way.. Always doing research before trying something new. You could learn that you might not like what you originally thought, but you could find five other things that could be equally as exciting.


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Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Friends and family - 3/20/2014 6:28:38 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I would go to a munch first so you do know the people at the club...

Most fetish events have DMs (Dungeon Monitors) who should take care that something like you described doesn't happen, that's a pretty extreme example and it would be considered as definitely non-consensual and actually crossing over to bodily harm. Anybody who does that is booking him or herself into a cell.

Seriously, make friends before you go to an event, so you have people you can hang out with, you'll feel much more secure this way.

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Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Friends and family - 3/20/2014 6:45:09 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		What have you learned from the scenario (aside from life is not fiction, perhaps )?

One can be bound and gagged and still have a way of opting out.
The submissive can have something in her hand: a handkerchief or an object that will make noise when dropped.

Read something other than fiction and learn how to best keep yourself safe.
Learning how to negotiate a scene may not keep you safe, but it increases your chances.

And read up on sub-frenzy:

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2009/06/sub-frenzy/ (to start)
People are more prone to jumping in the deep end of the pool without regards for personal safety when they are frenzied.

You are probably safer at an event, than in the bedroom with an unknown player.
Events have dungeon monitors after all.

You can arrange a safe call without needing to be specific.
I am going:
1) on a blind date
2) to a new club

and want to know if you could check in with me.

But try and find munches first.
Maybe you can find one near whatever mass transit you have available?
Munches are (mostly) vanilla gatherings in a very vanilla bar or restaurant.
There is no play, so there is no pressure and it gives you an opportunity to get to know the people in the community over a meal.
Sometimes a topic is discussed.

edit: word choice

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(in reply to kkaliforniaa)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Friends and family - 3/20/2014 5:34:13 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		When I go hiking I have my cell phone. If I need help or get lost I can still find my way home. The same goes for when you are going out. You have a cell phone right? If you get into some trouble then call someone or 911. And just like if you're meeting a guy for a date, just use the easy out call as I mentioned earlier. No one has to know any details whatsoever. All they need to know is you're out and about.


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Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Friends and family - 3/20/2014 5:51:28 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

The way I look at this is like if you were to go hiking. Going out there without letting people know what routes you plan on taking.. .. Yes, I may be a little overcautious, but how many bad things have happened because people were too cautious? [And before someone mentions it, while I may be cautious, I don't let it prevent me from doing things either]

Ah, you are a worrier like my dad and my man, who makes me take my cell when I walk in the woods behind my house and gets nervous when I go for long swims.

quote:

My concern is more for going to events and such, not what happens in the bedroom

Don't wear heels, watch for wet floors, and odds are you'll be fine :)

If you also want to count all stuff that resulted from BDSM in it's entirety, when I researched material for the DM class, every DM that I consulted with ten years or more of experience said the thing that caused the most accidents/need for medical care would be trips and falls. Usually attributed to women wearing high heeled shoes or drinks spilled in the play space.

(in reply to kkaliforniaa)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Friends and family - 3/20/2014 6:50:04 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
Don't wear heels, watch for wet floors, and odds are you'll be fine :)

Bwahahaha!

This thread has had some real gems.

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officially a member of the K Crowd

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Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Friends and family - 3/20/2014 8:37:06 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm usually gagged. (And really, I don't make that much noise. I swear)

I assure you that you can still make sufficient noise to indicate distress. He can tell when I'm screaming, when I'm panicking.

What that story should tell you is that you shouldn't play with people who are stupid. You shouldn't play with people who don't care if you're in trouble. That you are responsible for negotiating what you are and are not willing to do, and for making sure that your partner knows what he/she is doing. Just like vanilla dating where you are responsible for getting in a car with a date who is three sheets to the wind instead of calling a friend for a lift home.

And I'm wondering if this wasn't a fictional story.

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Friends and family - 3/21/2014 4:34:34 AM   
kkaliforniaa


Posts: 263
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		To littlewonder: You're lucky that when you go hiking, there is a signal in the deep deep woods. Not everyone has that, even in their neighborhood. And I don't know if you've been in a situation, but if you're being attacked, I don't think calling 911 will be the easiest of things to do, whether it's by an animal or by a person.. .. I'm just pointing out that there are flaws in what you suggested is all

To kalikshama: Yep.. And it's good that your dad and your man care and worry about you enough to want to keep you protected

To DesFIP: [*teasing* You don't make that much noise compared to what? *giggle*] I think what the story was actually trying to get across was, before doing a scene, make sure you know what is going to happen, and even if you trust the person not to have a safe"word", have one anyway. Although in the example, I don't know if it would have mattered, because with your previous line [indicating distress], I would imagine the girl in the story was doing the same thing, but the guy didn't stop until it was a tad too late.. .. I'd assume, since the girl liked him, and they had many other successful scenes, that she didn't think he was stupid. But there is always a first, even for the best of us.. .. As for it being fictional, I don't know. I came across it in a book of fiction, but the writer could have interviewed other people, thus this example.. I'm sure something like this has happened to plenty of people though, just not to me


To everyone who has suggested munches, thank you for that suggestion, and if you are able to get to one, yay for you. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to, whether it's because of scheduling conflicts or the location. And keep in mind that not every town or city has a bus system, and even if they do, not every bus system runs after 6pm [yep, I did look up munches, and there are some that are held in the evening].. .. Also, I'm thinking that just because people attend munches, it doesn't mean they have to go to clubs, and just because people go to clubs, they shouldn't be required to go to munches.. .. WAIT!! Backtrack.. I just checked the website again, and it seems like there are munches [and other vanilla type activities] held AT THE CLUB, in the evening, which *BANGING MY HEAD*.. If someone were to do a search for the address, or the name of the club.. .. I could be in deep *bleep* if I asked the wrong person to call the National Guard, the Marines, etc! [I was watching Jurassic Park *shrug*].. .. It may sound like I'm seeking approval, but I'm not. I just don't feel like being judged by yet another person.. It's not really a great feeling being told something was your fault, when it wasn't.

Hmm.. Well. I'm thinking my options are: 1. not telling anyone where I'm going, and hoping that nothing happens. Or if something does, that I'm prepared. or 2. gradually bringing up the topic, and risk being alienated by family *shrug*, at which point I wind up back at the first option [because as I may have said before, friends can come and go, usually family is for life. Factor in, if your parents don't know your friends, I would imagine it would be very strange hearing that something happened to your child, from someone who is a stranger to you.. .. But I do think having kinky friends is important as well, but good relationships take time]

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Friends and family - 3/21/2014 6:52:36 AM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		Listen OP, I don't know how old you are. What I do know is there came a point in my life where I felt my parents didn't have a need to know all of my friends. I moved out a year after high school, my decision, it was too restrictive at home.

I've been at this now for 10 yrs or so. Started late in life. I'm now living with the love of my life, my Dom. He's met my immediate family. They know we live together, they see how happy he makes me. It's that evident in the look in my face. They also know how much I love him and make him happy. That's all they need to know.

My dad's sister & a few cousins know a bit more, I know I can trust them, they'll go to their graves with that knowledge. It doesn't gross them out, they're very open minded and they see me being happy too. That's all that matters to them.

I know who is accepting and those who don't get it in my circle of family & friends. Only those I know I can trust are told the very basics. If they ask further, then I give them generalities but not about my sex life. There is a place to draw the line.

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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Friends and family - 3/21/2014 9:11:05 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		OP,
it really sounds as if this worry is ruling your life.if something happened and a police or rescue person told your parents, they are a stranger as well. Friends you may make through a munch or at a club don't need to be your BFF, just someone who can know where you are going and be a safe call.

Yes, from this post you are being overly cautious and overthinking things far too much. If you are like this in other areas of your life, I suggest you forget about the kink for a bit and get some therapy.

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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Friends and family - 3/21/2014 9:19:14 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

OP,
it really sounds as if this worry is ruling your life.


Actually, I was thinking that it was all just excuses. She's trying to find a reason not to....

quote:

ORIGINAL: kkaliforniaa

To everyone who has suggested munches, thank you for that suggestion, and if you are able to get to one, yay for you. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to, whether it's because of scheduling conflicts or the location. And keep in mind that not every town or city has a bus system, and even if they do, not every bus system runs after 6pm [yep, I did look up munches, and there are some that are held in the evening].. ..
So? Start your own. There are a lot of places that have munches/socials on Saturday or Sunday morning at the the local Cocos/Dennys etc. It's not difficult, start a group on Fetlife and put together a group. Hell, the biggest social in San Diego county is held on the patio at Starbucks.

Or you could actually join a group on Fetlife...make a friend and get a ride since the bus seems to be an issue for you.

quote:

Also, I'm thinking that just because people attend munches, it doesn't mean they have to go to clubs, and just because people go to clubs, they shouldn't be required to go to munches.. .. WAIT!! Backtrack.. I just checked the website again, and it seems like there are munches [and other vanilla type activities] held AT THE CLUB, in the evening, which *BANGING MY HEAD*..
Going to the club for a munch doesn't mean there's BDSM activities. And yeah, most clubs require that new attendees at least meet the hosts before attending or at least attend an orientation.



quote:

If someone were to do a search for the address, or the name of the club.. .. I could be in deep *bleep* if I asked the wrong person to call the National Guard, the Marines, etc! [I was watching Jurassic Park *shrug*].. .. It may sound like I'm seeking approval, but I'm not. I just don't feel like being judged by yet another person.. It's not really a great feeling being told something was your fault, when it wasn't.
I'm trying to figure out what you think goes on at a munch because it's a vanilla event attended by a group of people. I can't figure out why you need a safe call to go have coffee with a group of people.

It's all just excuses.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 3/21/2014 9:38:27 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Friends and family - 3/21/2014 9:35:28 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I think you may be reading me wrong.
I don't think you shouldn't go to clubs if you don't go to munches.
I just think that munches might provide a more comfortable environment to meet kinky friends.

It is possible that you might become injured because someone took something to far, going past limits and safe words.
It is more likely that you could be injured accidentally.
And the point I have been trying to make which you seem to not be interested in is this:
having information on safety practices is your best defense against something going wrong and your being injured.

In one of my previous posts I mentioned bondage and nipple clamps.
I did so for a reason: we had a poster several years ago who had lost nipple sensitivity due to clamps being left on too long.
We had another poster whose experience with breast bondage caused her to have an emergency mastectomy. The top she was playing with bound her too tight, and some of her breast tissue became necrotic.

Both of them were ignorant, and their ignorance cost them.
The latter was brand new to the scene.
She didn't know what was too tight or too long, and as she discovered, neither did he.

While we want to be able to trust the top we are playing with, we still need to know that ultimately our own safety is our responsibility.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Friends and family - 3/21/2014 11:19:10 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*loves and hugs on the jellie girl for being so wise and so freakin' patient!!*


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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Friends and family - 3/21/2014 1:31:52 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		My support system is the people I have become friends with in D/s...

I related the tale one time of my trip to go and play with someone. This is the really short version (trust me on that). I had been speaking with this person for awhile: email, phone conversations...and the conversations were both vanilla and kinky. We finally decided we were going to get together and, if things went right, we would play. I went to see her and we had a wonderful dinner, spent some time at a jazz club, then went back to her place to play. The first thing that should have given me a clue was the level of clutter throughout her apartment and the lack of a bed, given her job and her appearance when we met. But my little head was already taking over my big head in terms of thinking for me. We played hard. We fucked hard. We cuddled. We slept. I awoke to my bag being dropped by my head and this statement: "If you are not out of here in 15 minutes, the cops will help you out". I got dressed and I left. No argument...no what the hell...I got. I did not contact her again. Now then...who in my vanilla world would I have spoken to about that? My brother who believes in domineering but who thinks D/s and BDSM are weird? (I've heard the "I just don't get that stuff after too many crime stories on T.V. to know enough not to bother). My children, who were 19 and 16 at the time? My minister? Nope. I went to a couple of Dominant friends and a couple of submissive friends and surprise...they got it.

I don't speak to civilians about some of my military experiences either. I don't speak to my patients about the problems they sometimes are for me as their provider. I speak to those who can understand and help me with it.

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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Friends and family - 3/21/2014 3:48:50 PM   
kkaliforniaa


Posts: 263
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		To angelikaJ: Yep accidental injuries suck!! Let me tell you what happened when I sneezed.. Sprained my back!! Also, sorry if you didn't get the impression that I was interested in having information, but I am.. For example, nipple piercing and such looks appealing, but then I found that growths can form because of the piercing, so I'm steering clear of them, instead, there are non-piercing nipple shields, and other forms of jewelry.. .. Note to self, get a stopwatch or egg timer to have around for scenes.. I'm guessing it's better to end a scene early, rather than putting yourself at risk for even something as minor as nipple sensitivity.

No. This isn't ruling my life, this is just my puzzle for the moment. And as a few people have pointed out, they have told people they thought would understand, and it wound up biting them in the butt. As I've said, it's all well and good if others are fine losing friends, or being further alienated by family, but that's not me.

Also, why would you trust someone to make that phone call if you're just casual acquantances with, because that's the impression I got from, "Friends you may make through a munch or at a club don't need to be your BFF, just someone who can know where you are going and be a safe call.".. .. I've had plenty of "friends" who I could discuss this stuff with, but they were only around for 5 minutes. Why bother relying on someone like that?

As I said many posts earlier, I never assumed parties and such were just orgies that were full of people wearing cut out leather clothes. Just because people may enjoy that, doesn't mean they go walking around like that all the time. And the same would be true for munches. BUT, munches are held at the club, and people who didn't know anything about this.. .. .. ..

I guess since this has moved on to people suggesting I need therapy, and people ASSUMING that I've thought that clubs and such are very very dangerous, where all I have wanted from the very start was HOW TO DETERMINE IF I COULD TRUST SOMEONE NOT TO JUDGE ME FOR WALKING HOME FROM A CLUB OR BAR AT NIGHT [and all that entails, what type of club, thinking I would be responsible enough not to drink in excess, walking at night, etc], the subject should be closed *shrug*. What a shame because I thought the forums were a place I could have gone to for help, I guess not *shrug*.

< Message edited by kkaliforniaa -- 3/21/2014 3:55:17 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Friends and family - 3/21/2014 4:45:36 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kkaliforniaa

To angelikaJ: Yep accidental injuries suck!! Let me tell you what happened when I sneezed.. Sprained my back!! Also, sorry if you didn't get the impression that I was interested in having information, but I am.. For example, nipple piercing and such looks appealing, but then I found that growths can form because of the piercing, so I'm steering clear of them, instead, there are non-piercing nipple shields, and other forms of jewelry.. .. Note to self, get a stopwatch or egg timer to have around for scenes.. I'm guessing it's better to end a scene early, rather than putting yourself at risk for even something as minor as nipple sensitivity.

No. This isn't ruling my life, this is just my puzzle for the moment. And as a few people have pointed out, they have told people they thought would understand, and it wound up biting them in the butt. As I've said, it's all well and good if others are fine losing friends, or being further alienated by family, but that's not me.

Also, why would you trust someone to make that phone call if you're just casual acquantances with, because that's the impression I got from, "Friends you may make through a munch or at a club don't need to be your BFF, just someone who can know where you are going and be a safe call.".. .. I've had plenty of "friends" who I could discuss this stuff with, but they were only around for 5 minutes. Why bother relying on someone like that?

As I said many posts earlier, I never assumed parties and such were just orgies that were full of people wearing cut out leather clothes. Just because people may enjoy that, doesn't mean they go walking around like that all the time. And the same would be true for munches. BUT, munches are held at the club, and people who didn't know anything about this.. .. .. ..

I guess since this has moved on to people suggesting I need therapy, and people ASSUMING that I've thought that clubs and such are very very dangerous, where all I have wanted from the very start was HOW TO DETERMINE IF I COULD TRUST SOMEONE NOT TO JUDGE ME FOR WALKING HOME FROM A CLUB OR BAR AT NIGHT [and all that entails, what type of club, thinking I would be responsible enough not to drink in excess, walking at night, etc], the subject should be closed *shrug*. What a shame because I thought the forums were a place I could have gone to for help, I guess not *shrug*.


I have tight muscles combined with loose ligaments. I can injure myself with the greatest of ease; no trapeze required.

Some thoughts:

1) Don't walk home from the club: put aside some money and take a cab.
(And to the best of my knowledge, there was nothing about that scenario in any of your previous posts; do you really expect us to read minds? *Back to that a bit further down... .)

2) munches are held at the club, and people who didn't know anything about this.. .. .. ..
I have no idea what you mean by this: that your friends don't know anything about this, or that the people who attend munches don't understand about kink?

3) You wanted to know how you can tell if someone might be receptive?
Despite it being horrible as far as literature goes, 50 Shades has made BDSM accessible.
Pick up a copy, used even, and carry it around with you. When you meet a friend for lunch get there early and have the book in hand when s/he arrives.
If they comment, and it seems neutral or positive in tone, keep that in mind for future conversations.
If it seems negative you can always say you were curious to see if it was as bad as everyone says.

*I still think the question you really want input on is something you haven't asked: your reason for the question keeps changing.
I am not judging you for that.
It could be that you have a lot of things you feel concerned about; it could be that you just haven't found the words for the question you have in mind, or you are afraid of being judged.
It could be that the point you have in mind is centered around being accepted for who you are, much the way someone who is struggling with coming out of the closet desires.

Most of us here, have replied in a way that reflects a genuine desire to help. Perhaps you could try to keep that in mind when you begin to feel attacked and maybe realise that sometimes some of us mere mortals begin to feel frustrated when the person is presenting the question in a way that is obfuscating.

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 3/21/2014 4:46:04 PM >

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(in reply to kkaliforniaa)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Friends and family - 3/21/2014 8:09:07 PM   
kkaliforniaa


Posts: 263
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		To angelikaJ: Thank you for the response. While the club may be a little farther away, the bar(s) aren't. It doesn't make sense spending $10+, waiting half an hour for a cab, when you can walk the few blocks home. And considering I've walked both areas plenty of times, getting a cab just seems like a waste of money. As for walking back from the club, if people want to wait an hour or more while I buy groceries, then they have some major patience *haha*.. I have no problem with cabs, just I've been walking everywhere for years. Haven't had many problems, but if I did, I'd like someone who, "won't judge me, or find a way of placing the blame on me".

No. The people who I could bring this up with, who would actually make the effort in finding the email with the location and all that, I don't know if they know what a munch is. If they don't, even if it is explained as a meeting of people who share an interest in kinky stuff, but anything from politics to music to the weather is discussed, a vanilla person could still think of stereotypical bdsm stuff *shrug*

The book/lunch thing is a good idea, I would try it, but sadly, [and I didn't mention this because I didn't think it was really relevant] the people [family] I have thought of sharing the bare essentials with, they're not local to me so the book thing wouldn't really work *pout*, at least not in the way you suggested

Umm. I don't think my reason for asking has ever changed. The wording has changed, from being just bdsm clubs then including bars. But it was always been about choosing the right person [refer to previous posts].. As for being accepted, I guess it depends on how you define the word. If you're talking about holding hands and sitting around a campfire sharing similar stories, no. If it's having people who won't judge that this is something I'm interested in, then yes. Example: a person can be homosexual, their family may not approve of this, but the family can choose to accept that this is something that makes the person happy. THAT is something that would work for me.

As some may have noticed, I thanked people for posts that have been helpful. But when it comes to resolving the issue, especially with recent posts, that hasn't been the case.. Also, if the question doesn't make sense, perhaps questions should be asked so it does make sense *shrug*, although I don't see how it is unclear, then again it is my question

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And to the people who think I need therapy, when you've had stray dogs chasing after you; a dog not on a leash run up to you barking up a storm [the owner not doing anything but calling the *bleeping* dog]; have had a stranger put their hands around your neck in a public parking lot [where not a single person came to help]; etc, I hope people don't tell you that you need therapy because you choose to think about as many possible outcomes for future outings! Yeah, you don't know me, don't know what I've been through, but to judge me just because I want to be safe. Yeah. *shaking head*.. And the same could be said for me about you. I don't know what anyone else has been through, but I'd assume that if someone has ever been in a risky situation, that their advice would not be "don't worry".. .. Also, when the people who supposedly care about you wind up placing the blame on you, even though it wasn't your fault. Yeah. "Don't worry".

< Message edited by kkaliforniaa -- 3/21/2014 8:13:38 PM >

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Friends and family - 3/21/2014 8:20:26 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kkaliforniaa

To littlewonder: You're lucky that when you go hiking, there is a signal in the deep deep woods. Not everyone has that, even in their neighborhood. And I don't know if you've been in a situation, but if you're being attacked, I don't think calling 911 will be the easiest of things to do, whether it's by an animal or by a person.. .. I'm just pointing out that there are flaws in what you suggested is all



I've been attacked numerous times actually and each time I called 911.

As for the woods, if I get lost and I don't have a signal then I simply find my way out. It may take a long time, maybe even hours (yup, I've done that) but eventually I make it out. There are very, very few places in the world where you can truly get lost. Then again I get lost even in my own neighborhood. I kinda like getting lost and find it fun. I discover all kinds of new things. I tend to even get lost on purpose just so I can find new stuff that I would have never found otherwise. I don't take maps with me. I don't usually ask for directions. I don't make up schedules. I just go...period.



ETA: Oh ad my family have even blamed me for my husband's death by a drunk driver. I've had family blame me for getting raped. I've had family blame me for having a child who does things that are considered negative by society. Do I care? Nope. I simply don't listen to them and others I just don't have as part of my life at all. I'm an adult and more than capable of living a happy life without them. Their issues are just that...their issues. Not mine.


< Message edited by littlewonder -- 3/21/2014 8:30:32 PM >

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(in reply to kkaliforniaa)
Profile   Post #: 80
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