Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders?

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Why can't people be real or are they all just pretenders? - 7/8/2006 11:00:38 AM

sub4realhere

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

This question goes out to both sexes and roles. Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online? Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world?

_____________________________

It's cold and lonely in the deep dark night, i can see paradise by the dashboard lights.

Lovely,
AP

Post #: 1

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:10:40 AM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

On line is sooo easy to be who Your ideal self is or the ideal self someone else is seeking. Some i know pretend because that is who they are true pretenders in both worlds. Some just want and don't feel they are perhaps as good as everyone else so they pretend. Even here there are those that just want to fit in rather than march to their own drummer.

(in reply to sub4realhere)

Post #: 2

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:11:12 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

This question has been asked and answered so many times, but the best answer I've seen goes something like...online is just that...online. People are people...some are honest and truthful...some are liars. Learn to distinguish between the two.

(in reply to sub4realhere)

Post #: 3

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:12:55 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Online you can be anyone you want to be.
I try to stay true to my real self and hope that others do too.
For those wanting to escape reality though online is a real easy way.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to sub4realhere)

Post #: 4

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:13:15 AM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

Dear sub,

The internet, for some, provides an outlet for them to be anyone they want to be. Some people may want to live vicariously through their fantasies, unfortunately, it often comes at another person's expense. However, do take heart, as there are many people out there who are legitimate and who are "for real." It takes a really big sifter to sort them out, but they are there. Try not to become jaded in your search for the "real" - just consider that time to be mastering your craft of becoming a good judge of people.

Be well...
Drh

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to sub4realhere)

Post #: 5

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:13:48 AM

ScooterTrash

Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline

It's hard to distinguish...but there are real...and there are fakes, just like in real life. Don't assume either case..it just takes time to figure it out.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to sub4realhere)

Post #: 6

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:13:51 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I do not know how to answer that. Perhaps our perceptions of who we really are differ from what others would perceive about us. We can be in denial and it is not like we consciously are "lying".

I have found people to be dishonest in real life as often as over the internet...We may lie about different things, but we are still lying... like the guy who takes his wedding ring off when he goes away on business for example

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sub4realhere)

Post #: 7

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:25:55 AM

iliv2servher

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4realhere

This question goes out to both sexes and roles. Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online? Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world?

Here's something to consider:

People are here for various reason. One is curiosity about what it is that we do. Another might be here because BDSM is at the core of their being, but they are, or feel that they are, trapped in a vanilla relationship. And finally there are those who are free to choose, and are open and honest with others.

We cannot pretend to know why others are here. We can only protect ourselves by taking the necessary steps to safeguard ourselves from those who would manipulate others.

The Internet is filled with preditors. Let us not be their prey.

(in reply to sub4realhere)

Post #: 8

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:25:57 AM

gypsyssoul

Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Balti., Maryland, living in Summerville SC
Status: offline

i am submissive in real life

it gets me stepped on by alot of people ..but i am true to .. me

and how i feel .. i treat people with respect and

in return ... hope for it

but . . i could not

am not as brave as to speak ... of some of the things

discussed ... face to face

so to me this is the escape to be a little braver ..

and mayhap not so shy ...

:: goes back to corner .. to read

~~gypsy

_____________________________

~~"I have always sought this other side, but like a flame I dare not touch, For like forbidden fruits of wild .. just one taste would be to much"...
~~ blessed be

(in reply to sub4realhere)

Post #: 9

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:28:03 AM

sub4realhere

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

Thank you everyone for the replies. From what i have seen over the years, even though people are pretenders online, they are even more of a pretender in real life. i guess i am more disgusted with meeting Doms who say they are one thing, then turn out to be another, hence the pretender.

_____________________________

It's cold and lonely in the deep dark night, i can see paradise by the dashboard lights.

Lovely,
AP

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 10

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:28:07 AM

DoctorDubious

Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4realhere

This question goes out to both sexes and roles. Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online? Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world?

Hey sub4realhere... and all....

I mostly do,
as those who've had the very mixed blessings
of meeting me in person know....

Except,
I keep the tired, cranky, moods to myself.

And of course,
nobody online has to smell the farts.

DD

(in reply to sub4realhere)

Post #: 11

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:30:01 AM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4realhere

This question goes out to both sexes and roles. Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online? Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world?

I hear from people who might strike you like that here once in a while. Not often though. I hear from quite a few people around here who are just as real as you please. Interesting people who aren't fronting as anything but what they believe they are.

Occaisionally the day comes when my estimation of what they are about varies from theirs but I hardly see myself as in a postion to make infallible judgements about someone's true nature--whatever someone might mean by an expression like that.

Maybe you should ask yourself why it is that you're attracting these hordes of people you want to call fake.

Two people can each use a given word to mean two quite different things. When my late grandma said she was feeling gay, well I presume you know what gay used to mean.

Some people impose rigid sets of personal definitions to some the key words that fly around a place like this: slave, master, submissive, dominant, etc. If two of these rigid definers happen to define the words differently and attempt a conversation with each other it will take some empathy and insight on at least one person's part to recognize that two perfectly real people are talking about real things but in different terms.

I'm either interested in someone (on one or more of a large number of possible levels) or I'm not. I can't see any possible benefit... not one tiny little scrap... from bothering to define the ones I like as real and some of the others as fake.

(in reply to sub4realhere)

Post #: 12

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:34:37 AM

zumala

Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4realhere

This question goes out to both sexes and roles. Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online? Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world?

Your question isn't entirely clear to me. "Why can't people portray themselves in real life as they do online..." - How so? Do you mean that a submissive person should be submissive to everyone they meet in real life, whether or not the other person wishes them to do so? Or do you mean that a submissive should always dress in real life as they do in their photos on their profiles?

Or maybe I should be looking at it backwards. Are you asking why you see a person's 'extreme' side online and not in real life? Perhaps you see a submissive who calls every dominant-type they meet online a 'Sir' or a 'Ma'am' and you don't view that as being very realistic or practical in real life so why are they doing it here?

Hmm... I don't suppose I could request a re-phrasing of the question?

zuma

p.s. - No, this wasn't intended to be sarcastic. I'm not feeling well today and I guess my mind is as slow as the rest of me.

(in reply to sub4realhere)

Post #: 13

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:42:32 AM

sub4realhere

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

i guess what i am asking is why people say one thing online, then when i meet them in person, they are nothing like the person online. They say this and that online but when it comes down to meeting face to face, the this and that of what was said online, isn't who they really are.

_____________________________

It's cold and lonely in the deep dark night, i can see paradise by the dashboard lights.

Lovely,
AP

(in reply to zumala)

Post #: 14

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:44:12 AM

realmanfordomme

Posts: 37
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline

well honey you never met me ! jOE

(in reply to sub4realhere)

Post #: 15

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:45:43 AM

KennelDeSade2

Posts: 210
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4realhere

This question goes out to both sexes and roles. Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online? Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world?

In dozens of real time meets in the last dozen years or so, I've been stood up once. I've never met a "fake" in person.
But then, I cull real hard when I talk to somebody online. Lies, bad facts, stories that change. . .click

_____________________________

Rules? Just one: I say, she does.
Everything else, is just details.

(in reply to sub4realhere)

Post #: 16

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:45:47 AM

realmanfordomme

Posts: 37
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline

HONESTLY I THINK ALOTOF PEOLE COM HERE THINKING THEY WANT SOEMTHING.. THEN REALIZE LATER MAYBE THEY DONT ...

(in reply to realmanfordomme)

Post #: 17

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:46:06 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

One school of though could be that by presenting something which is an honest but simpler replication of ho you are, those who choose to take the plunge and meet you havethe entertain and at times frustrating fun of openingeach layer to be suprised at what they find when the discover the real you. A bit like meeting someone who turns you on and who is wrapped up in multilayed bundles or winter clothes and taking them into a seluded warm room you remove each layer untill they are naked... ... Just a thought nothing more and nothing less.....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to zumala)

Post #: 18

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 11:52:17 AM

zumala

Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4realhere

i guess what i am asking is why people say one thing online, then when i meet them in person, they are nothing like the person online. They say this and that online but when it comes down to meeting face to face, the this and that of what was said online, isn't who they really are.

Ah, that's better. Thanks.

Hmm... Well, I think that some people portray themselves online either: a) how they *perceive* themselves to be, or b) how they *want* to be. Neither is necessarily what they *are*. And I know that not everyone online is guilty of that behavior, either. It is my best guess for why some people have an online 'image' that doesn't mesh with what someone expects when they meet face-to-face in real life.

Of course, there are other people for whom the computer is nothing but some virtual game. They feel more free to lie. Or maybe they think that it's all fantasy and that they can make up whatever they want to. Some people are just assholes who like messing with other people.

So really, I guess it just depends on the person in question each time. I've been randomly called a 'fake' before on the other side. No explanation at all was given for it. I must assume it probably had something to do with the fact that I'm married and/or not looking to have sex outside my marriage. Sometimes 'fake' has to do with the observer's feelings, definitions, and expectations. For example, if you came to CM expecting all female submissives to be single and into polyamory (and if you were to have an unreasonable nature and were unwilling to accept other's views), you would find a lot of 'fakes' because not every female sub fits your ideal description.

However, if you've actually spoken with someone and they specifically told you something that you could clearly see was false when you met them later face-to-face... well, then I don't know.

Sorry if I've rambled on here. I do that sometimes.

zuma

Edited for an afterthought: What if the person you were meeting real life was extremely nervous? Couldn't that throw their behavior off a bit? Maybe it would help if you gave an example of your experience with this situation.

< Message edited by zumala -- 7/8/2006 11:55:32 AM >

(in reply to sub4realhere)

Post #: 19

RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 12:00:44 PM

sub4realhere

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline

i meet the Doms who are just assholes and like messing/screwing with me because i am submissive.

Sorry if i am angry and venting, met another pretender last night and i have had just about enough.

_____________________________

It's cold and lonely in the deep dark night, i can see paradise by the dashboard lights.

Lovely,
AP

(in reply to zumala)

Post #: 20

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