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RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 1:23:41 PM   
SCORPIOXXX


Posts: 223
Joined: 11/6/2004
Status: offline 		sub4real... your profile is at this moment "pending approval" and I haven't seen your earlier one -- but I am with zuma (who is right, again) in thinking a rewording must have been in order... Too bad you have had a bad run meeting DOMs, but as many have stated: the BDSM world is no different than the vanilla world (gee, get over it, lol!) ... I have had more than one sub make appointments to meet and then they flake out; one of them suckered me twice in one week!

As for myself: I wear my heart on my sleeve and I am the same all the time, online and in real life...

(in reply to sub4realhere)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 1:29:28 PM   
wild1cfl


Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4realhere

This question goes out to both sexes and roles. Why can't people protray themselves in real life as they do online? Are they all just pretenders, where they pretend to be something they are not and live in a fantasy world?

Well all I can say is that I am an overweight retired old fart,  no pretending about it. LOL, with me you get the same thing online as you do in real life. I am married and my wife and I are both Dominants, we currently own one slave, but we often train slaves for domestic service for other Dominants. No fantasy life here, it is as real as it gets.

_____________________________

Wild

My Falcon now is sharp, and passing empty; And, till she stoop, she shall not be full gorg'd, For then she never looks upon her lure. Another way i have to man my haggard, to make her come and know her keeper's call. Wm. Shakespeare

(in reply to sub4realhere)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 1:39:27 PM   
wild1cfl


Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4realhere

i believe i figured it out, the Doms i have met from online to real life are actually Dr, Jekyell and Mr. Hyde

This is something that I see a lot of, where a person we meet says one thing online and when we meet they are totally different. We usually can filter out most of the posers, but every now and then one gets thru.
One thing to remember though is that you may have an idea of what you are looking for and that is great, but not everyone you meet is going to meet your criteria. That does not mean that they are a wannabe or a poser or not real, it just means that thye are not what you need or desire. We often meet with submisives who want to be owned, we talk with them and many times try and figure out what it is that they are looking for and they realize that it is not us or we realize that they are not what we want.  We will still remain their friend, mentor or protector if needed and help them to find what they desire in a Dominant.   

< Message edited by wild1cfl -- 7/8/2006 1:40:36 PM >

_____________________________

Wild

My Falcon now is sharp, and passing empty; And, till she stoop, she shall not be full gorg'd, For then she never looks upon her lure. Another way i have to man my haggard, to make her come and know her keeper's call. Wm. Shakespeare

(in reply to sub4realhere)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 1:44:10 PM   
Thoradon


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		I find that to be rare though that you will have people that will remain friends or mentors.  I know that I have gone though several groups of people that I found did not fit that catogory.  I think it takes times to find that people that are truly lifestyle that are looking for more then just the owner or to be owned.  I am the same way and I will tend to help a slave or submissive find the Master/Mistress they seek if I they do not fit what I want or I do not fit what they want.

(in reply to wild1cfl)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 2:14:11 PM   
sub4realhere


Posts: 8
Joined: 7/8/2006
Status: offline 		Let's see, since the beginning of the year, i have met  6 Doms, i am also on the other alternative sites. And, haven't had a relationship with any of them. The biggest reason why I didn't have a relationship, they just wanted sex or to beat the crap out of me and that is not what i am about.

i have also tried the vanilla world too and have found the same pretenders.

Yes, they misrepresented themselves, which is not loss to me but it's the lines of BS that they tell. They seem to tell me, that they are tired of the games and BS and fakes and wannabes, so then i think, hey this person might actually be real because he is going through the same BS i am. But, then when i finally do meet them, i find out that they are really the fake/pretender.

It's just an endless battle, where i haven't been the winner.

_____________________________

It's cold and lonely in the deep dark night, i can see paradise by the dashboard lights.

Lovely,
AP

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 2:31:09 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Since the beginning of the year you have met 6. that is about one Dom a month.
Maybe  take a bit longer time just talking- asking questions, after a few weeks, ask some of those same questions again see if the answer is still the same. How long will they be comfortable just talking before a face to face meeting is planned. Most pretenders talk a good talk but dont want to waste to much time on the talking stage as they  usualy end up getting caught. It's hard for them to remember everything theyve said to some one if their  not being honest to begin with. 

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to sub4realhere)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 2:52:24 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		I'm going to break the trend on this topic, I guess.
 
I'm not the same person offline, as I am on this message board. I say this message board, because this is really the only place I participate online.
 
On this board, I have a lot to say and can comment on many topics. If someone asks me what interests me about this lifestyle, I can give them an honest answer. I've even been told by a few people on here, that I'm an aggressive posting, rude, bitch.
 
Offline, I'm a very quiet person, who would rather just listen. If a date asked me about my sexual interest, I would probably turn bright red, pretend that dinner made me sick, and ask to be taken home before I puked in his car. That usually ends a date very quickly.  I enjoy discussing interesting topics, but face-to-face, tend to be intellectually introverted.
 
So, I'm a completely different person online and off. If that makes me a fake ... oh well.

< Message edited by caitlyn -- 7/8/2006 2:58:48 PM >

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 2:57:26 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		My worst internet BDSM date was a lawyer who I met for coffee... he stared at another woman's breasts and commented that she was an exhibitionist ( I guess one shouldnt wear tank tops in over 100 degree weather with larger bossoms or something). He then proceeded to talk incessantly about his former sub dying of cancer and how he wished she would allow him to be there for her... It is funny now I look back on it, but just getting out of a relationship I did not see much humor in it at the time.

We have to weed the garden, we have to kiss some frogs, we have to seperate wheat from chaffe....

Seriously, count your blessings that these are just bad dates and not bad relationships.... it could be worse! Keep a positive outlook and look for those that have a positive outlook... they shouldn't unload their baggage on you until after you know them a little while... bonding through our baggage isn't a good idea. I would have my new profile concentrate on what you want in a person, not what you are not looking for... in fact make a list of postive qualities you desire.... How is Prince Charming going to know you are looking for him unless you advertise that you are.

BTW, third date was a charm for me.... and he was the first person who emailed me on alt, but we talked for weeks before we actually met.... and I followed my own advice

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sub4realhere)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 3:15:49 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

I'm going to break the trend on this topic, I guess.
 
I'm not the same person offline, as I am on this message board. I say this message board, because this is really the only place I participate online.
 
On this board, I have a lot to say and can comment on many topics. If someone asks me what interests me about this lifestyle, I can give them an honest answer. I've even been told by a few people on here, that I'm an aggressive posting, rude, bitch.
 
Offline, I'm a very quiet person, who would rather just listen. If a date asked me about my sexual interest, I would probably turn bright red, pretend that dinner made me sick, and ask to be taken home before I puked in his car. That usually ends a date very quickly.  I enjoy discussing interesting topics, but face-to-face, tend to be intellectually introverted.
 
So, I'm a completely different person online and off. If that makes me a fake ... oh well.


[evil laugh] You just need to be tied up and tortured until the real you comes out.  It's hard to be introverted when the guy with the electric switch in his hand says "Be amusing... one way or another."

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 3:34:55 PM   
wild1cfl


Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		One of the things that my wife and I do is a checklist for them to fill out. While you may have many Dominants tell you that they are not going to do this for a submissive, that is fine then you know they are not for you. We also have several questions about the type of lifestyle they want to have as well as what they have had, again many of these Dominants will refuse to answer many of these questions, but again then they are not for you.  We do not meet with anyone until they have shown themselves to be serious about what they want and they are not just playing a game. Most of these people all they want is kinky sex, especially the so called male submissives who tell my wife how good they are at oral as if that is the be all end all of a D/s relationship.  We still have a few that get thru this scrutiny but usually by the first meeting we know if it has potential or not.

_____________________________

Wild

My Falcon now is sharp, and passing empty; And, till she stoop, she shall not be full gorg'd, For then she never looks upon her lure. Another way i have to man my haggard, to make her come and know her keeper's call. Wm. Shakespeare

(in reply to sub4realhere)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 3:40:54 PM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

I'm going to break the trend on this topic, I guess.
 
I'm not the same person offline, as I am on this message board. I say this message board, because this is really the only place I participate online.
 
On this board, I have a lot to say and can comment on many topics. If someone asks me what interests me about this lifestyle, I can give them an honest answer. I've even been told by a few people on here, that I'm an aggressive posting, rude, bitch.
 
Offline, I'm a very quiet person, who would rather just listen. If a date asked me about my sexual interest, I would probably turn bright red, pretend that dinner made me sick, and ask to be taken home before I puked in his car. That usually ends a date very quickly.  I enjoy discussing interesting topics, but face-to-face, tend to be intellectually introverted.
 
So, I'm a completely different person online and off. If that makes me a fake ... oh well.

I understand this. I find it easier to tell someone online of the things I enjoy and harder offline. Reason being, offline you see unwanted reponses in their limited concepts. It's not always easy to see someone who thought you were fantastic now reject your for your kinks.
If you've only had a few partners over the span of many years, you're going to know what things you're about. This doesn't mean that you're going to do these same things exactly how the other person percieves they should be done. That, in my minds eye, does not make you a fake.
I'm sure that you can talk with, see pictures, cam, phone, etc with someone who comes across as the character of Elaine, from Seinfield, yet when you meet, they still look like Elaine, but you've just met Gilda Radner.  The person has been true unto themselves, what they've stated they were, yet you expected something different.

~Big

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 6:09:01 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Online isn't real, peoples self image, even one as brutally honest as mine SOMETIMES is, are often not quite spot on, plus and most important, what WE see in someone has as much to do with what is inside us as the person we are seeing.

Plus if we seem to consistently pick idiots as partners, then there is something in US that fails to see and is attracted to idiots.

(in reply to sub4realhere)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 6:44:55 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		I've talked with a lot of so-called "submissive" women who say they want a full time relationship and are willing to relocate but it seems nothing ever comes of it. Like another poster said a lot of it is probably just "curiosity."
Then, I've had Trannys, ("Pre-Op" lol ,..."Let me do that for you!") crossdressers, and other men trying to "pose" as submissive women. THAT really SUCKS! I could never figure out crossdressers, seems the only people who want to look at them is them! Or someone who they pay to dominate them.
As for me, I'm real. What you see is what you get. Don't like it move on.
I like inescapable bondage with submissive women or a woman who enjoys being dominated and serving me.

(in reply to sub4realhere)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 7:40:24 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Fast reply.

I've had more than one Lifestyle slave waste tons of my time online and dissapear like a fart in a tornado when the meeting time came around.

I don't take ANYONE seriously who doesn't have the guts to look me in the eye.

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 7:48:32 PM   
thisishis


Posts: 278
Joined: 5/11/2006
From: Southeastern MA
Status: offline 		i can't speak for anyone else.
i'm exactly who i am person, as compared to who i am online.

i wouldn't limit the fakes i've come across to existing online only.
i know plenty of people who aren't capable of being themselves in person, as compared to those i've crossed paths with online.

i think, for some, it may come down to the fact that there are people in this world who are either not happy with who it is that they are, and/or are not confident enough to provide a genuine representation of who they are due to that unhappiness and/or fear of rejection, fear of not being accepted, fear of ridicule etc ect.

< Message edited by thisishis -- 7/8/2006 7:49:17 PM >

(in reply to sub4realhere)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 7:48:58 PM   
frazzle40


Posts: 56
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		patience is a virtue              you will find in the end

(in reply to sub4realhere)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 8:40:26 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Caretaker, yup, I've had that happen too!
We arrange a meeting and the woman never shows up! And it is a tremendous waste of time as well.
This, that's all well and good but if those type of people feel that bad about themselves they should seek professional help and not be bothering people who are seriously looking for a relationship.
I once had a long letter writing affair with a "woman" who it turns out was actually a guy!
A couple of years later I read in the newspapers that he was a cross dresser who had swindled a lot of money from a bunch of people and had been arrested and jailed.
Maybe that's why I hate cross dressers!

(in reply to frazzle40)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/8/2006 8:43:29 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Just plays the hamster dance song in reply.

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/9/2006 7:37:54 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Since the beginning of the year you have met 6. that is about one Dom a month.
Maybe  take a bit longer time just talking- asking questions, after a few weeks, ask some of those same questions again see if the answer is still the same. How long will they be comfortable just talking before a face to face meeting is planned. Most pretenders talk a good talk but dont want to waste to much time on the talking stage as they  usualy end up getting caught. It's hard for them to remember everything theyve said to some one if their  not being honest to begin with. 


Out of all the responses so far... this is one I totally agree with. I'm not one to rush for a meeting face to face. I want to take time to see if someone has patients.. is able to talk of other things other than sex. I have a tendency NOT to spend to much time talking to some one whos first paragraph starts with.. what are your limits.. what are you into. Met one dom on here... that when I informed him all he wanted was to get laid.. he swore not.. tried to talk more... about other things for about 5 mins... said brb.. and haven't seen him around sense....LOL

It does seem that the faster the rush to meet... the more (some out of being nervous) may seem different from what they appear to be on line. Lots of things go through both sexes minds when meeting someone from the internet. that's why (With the pushing of LA and KoM) i've discovered I prefer the local munches and dungeons more so. Granted I had plenty of off line prior to CM. but I had personal reasons to become secluded for a few years. Though I do not rule out off line... I am very patient..cautious... and I do go back and ask certain  questions to see if same answers are given. Specially if it seems far fetched...I ask questions.... then days or weeks later..I ask again.

But as far as being different on line as to off line... I to a point am. On here i'm very opinionated... say what I want.. to whom I want. Respond sarcastically... mouthy.. pationately... but not with out total honesty. Where off line.. I listen more carefully before opening my mouth. I observe more the person(s) I'm speaking with ... body movements... their voice.. eye contact.. there's a difference. I give way for nervousness.. for a time period. It's easier to see how they respond to you and others then. And see if they change any habits they claim to have while talking on line. Met one dom one day, who posted on here about manners... when meeting for first time.. LOL 10 mins into that meeting...after he snapped at a waitress for not knowing they where out of a salad dressing he wanted... I left him sitting there..he had the whole place silent and staring at our table.

So we weed out slowly ones we will tolerate.. just as they do us. I would of walked out of the place even if he was Joe blow I had met somewhere else..off line.

So be patient.. remember what you got upset about...discovered to be a lie.. make it one of your red flags to look for. Everyones got different red flags. What one is for you.. won't be for another. But remember this... when you run across one that decieves you...and you find out quickly... likes you have.. think of the time you've saved... the less BS you'll have to put up with later.... smile... and move on.

Good luck to you.....

Jessica


_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Why can't people be real or are they all just prete... - 7/9/2006 7:59:27 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Since the beginning of the year you have met 6. that is about one Dom a month.
Maybe  take a bit longer time just talking- asking questions, after a few weeks, ask some of those same questions again see if the answer is still the same. How long will they be comfortable just talking before a face to face meeting is planned. Most pretenders talk a good talk but dont want to waste to much time on the talking stage as they  usualy end up getting caught. It's hard for them to remember everything theyve said to some one if their  not being honest to begin with. 


I think if someone kept asking me the same questions over and over again I doubt I would take them seriously about meeting and I would probaly move on. How often do you have to tell someone something before they agree to have a cup of coffee with you in a public place? I might as well go to the local bar and sit in there for six weeks hoping to pick someone up and have a good time while I'm at it.. At least I wouldn't have to go through the groundhog day you suggest. No one is worth that hassle.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 7/9/2006 8:00:46 AM >

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 60
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