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RE: Betrayal of trust?? - 5/20/2014 8:17:56 PM   
RemyThane


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/19/2014
Status: offline 		Usually the first feeling is the right feeling. So go with what you feel you need to do first. A "Master" is nothing without the "Slave" as is any other D/s connotation and vice versa. One will always need the other. A submissive earns a Dom's time as does a Dom earn's the submissive's trust. In the words of my favorite book, "It's called a break up because it's broken." I do wish you the best on your future endeavors.

(in reply to Masterntn)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Betrayal of trust?? - 5/20/2014 8:27:28 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Redsunderrule

I have had a Master for over two years. He is my second Master so not that experienced but I am a submissive and love being one. We developed a serious bond..emotional and physical. I love him..both Man and Master. He told me frequently how much he loved and needed me and I was the only submissive he needed.

Well then the bomb hit when I found that an acquaintance of mine is also his submissive and had been for three years. She did not know of me either. Fun times when we found out..NOT!! Well of course Master did his best at damage control but he lost my friend..and is on the verge of losing me.
He thinks we can just start over..and develop trust again. I am not so sure. Trusting your Master is for me the kindpin of the relationship. How can you surrender yourself totally when the man has no honor?? Don't ask Don't Tell doesn't hurt anybody he says..well I beg to differ.
I would love to hear from other Masters on this scenario.



This is interesting because, very recently, someone who means the world to me has asked me to start rebuilding trust with someone who has done me dirt for years, decades, really.

I have to give a little bit of background:

My mother is a lying, conniving, self-centered idiot. I was raised, primarily, by grandparents and my uncle (Bob). Uncle Bob (UB) gets a card on Fathers' Day. Now, you get the idea of how important he is to me.

He has been "riding me" to speak to my mother again; to give her yet another chance to fuck me over. I asked him, flat-out: "UB, how does one rebuild trust?"

His answer was exactly what I knew it would be; essentially, he told me I had to be willing to let that person fuck me over, again. Now, in certain situations, I can understand that. "If a man strikes your cheek, offer him the other one." I get that. I also get that some people do deserve second chances.

Where the rubber meets the road is where we have to decide if the offense(s) was(/were) grievous enough to not warrant that second chance.

Only you can decide that.







Screen captures still RULE! Ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to Redsunderrule)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Betrayal of trust?? - 5/25/2014 7:43:48 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr



This is interesting because, very recently, someone who means the world to me has asked me to start rebuilding trust with someone who has done me dirt for years, decades, really.

I have to give a little bit of background:

My mother is a lying, conniving, self-centered idiot. I was raised, primarily, by grandparents and my uncle (Bob). Uncle Bob (UB) gets a card on Fathers' Day. Now, you get the idea of how important he is to me.

He has been "riding me" to speak to my mother again; to give her yet another chance to fuck me over. I asked him, flat-out: "UB, how does one rebuild trust?"

His answer was exactly what I knew it would be; essentially, he told me I had to be willing to let that person fuck me over, again. Now, in certain situations, I can understand that. "If a man strikes your cheek, offer him the other one." I get that. I also get that some people do deserve second chances.

Where the rubber meets the road is where we have to decide if the offense(s) was(/were) grievous enough to not warrant that second chance.

Only you can decide that.





Who needs toxic people in our lives? NO ONE!!!


< Message edited by catize -- 5/25/2014 7:44:37 AM >

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Betrayal of trust?? - 6/17/2014 6:49:43 AM   
MojoDaddyMarine


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline 		I for one believe that any sub needs to feel the utmost trust for her Dom/Master, so it is imperative that he give you every indication of integrity. At any point in a relationship where deception is apparent, it is a cancer that eats away at the relationships foundation. It is a reflection of the value he places on your role in the relationship, and everyone deserves to feel of great value in their particular relationship no matter how they define their role. You must voice your needs in the relationship.. it is no different than sounding your safeword when you think He has overstepped your limits.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Betrayal of trust?? - 7/9/2014 3:30:11 AM   
CloakedProtector


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/5/2007
Status: offline 		Redsunderrule, probably a good move.

Without trust no BDSM lifestyle. That your Master would have OPENLY been involved with more then one sub/slave (even outside a poly but within a negotiated open or non-mono or one-sided-mono) would have been within boundaries.

Behind your back is not only a breach of trust but also a breach of the so important loyalty between partners or House members that make them a unity very often much stronger then vanilla relationships.
Once you mess with that, certainly in a relationship type where a sub/slave already gives tremendous leeway and relinquishes control to another person, then you better switch the "Game Over" sign on.

In order to earn the gift of submission of the sub/slave the Dominants have to display a number of qualities on which the sub/slaves can fall back. Your Dominant apparently didn't, or doesn't, have them (any more).

Since I think this precedes all other things, such as skill and knowledge about the lifestyle, I can agree with you that one should not be teaching others if that main message of trust and loyalty cannot be conveyed, by example, as part of the training because these are elements that should be omni present no matter what training topic or discipline.

As for:
"... I think vanilla is easier ..."

I am not so sure. It can be extremely complicated and it can be swift as a cordless vacuum cleaner aswell.
Lets say it is different. Both lifestyles have there problems, no doubt.

If your vanilla partner would have had a relationship with that acquaintance you would have been equally disappointed and the trust build up over time would have been equally damaged.

< Message edited by CloakedProtector -- 7/9/2014 3:36:29 AM >

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Betrayal of trust?? - 7/12/2014 7:51:03 PM   
CaptR


Posts: 425
Joined: 4/25/2012
Status: offline 		I was at one time involved with a submissive for three years. We lived in separate but close enough cities to have weekly contact. I realized even that was insufficient for her needs so I condoned playtime with others. It was a mistake I learned a great deal from as I had become very emotionally invested. Even given our arrangement trust and love had become keystones in our relationship. I found out she had rekindled a relationship with an ex Dom hiding it for several months. It should not have come as the surprise it did but I was devastated. I had believed in her totally. We had shared so much and grown together so I was for a time angry more with myself than her. I was the engineer responsible for the collapse albeit she was complicit by breaching the trust we shared. I was able to forgive her lack of character but the lesson learned has followed me. I would never allow her back into my life as anything but an acquaintance. What we share in this lifestyle goes very deep. There are places only the unquestionably trusted journey with us and to carelessly cast aside honesty and respect without regard for the consequences shows a complete lack of integrity. Only you can make the decision to forgive. It's a very liberating feeling but to forget ... that's something I'd struggle with.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Betrayal of trust?? - 9/25/2014 8:58:02 PM   
ASimpleTailor


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/25/2014
Status: offline 		Trust is like a glass. Once broken, it can be repaired, but the cracks are always still there...still visible...and they never go away.

_____________________________

But what do I know. I'm just a simple tailor.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 47
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