I've had better luck on okcupid and pof

I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (Full Version)

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hardyballzee -> I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 9:33:43 AM)
When I first discovered about 15 years ago that I had a few abnormal, weird fetishes I at first felt very ashamed and scared. I thought to myself, "I like it when girls hurt me, what the fuck is wrong with me?" I didn't like that I enjoyed physical pain brought on to me by females, I didn't want to enjoy it. I tried to fight it for a long time. Then by pure coincidence I discovered a website called scrambledeggs.com, a ballbusting website, and quickly made the discovery that I was not the only man in the world to get kicked in the balls by a woman and enjoy it. While not "normal" by any means it was far more normal than I ever imagined. For years afterwards, it was simply just something of pure imagination. A reason to get turned on and watch videos of women doing it to other men and imagine the woman doing it to me. Then I began to think that if there were other men out there that enjoyed it and they got women to do it to them, maybe I could get women to do it to me. How though? It's not like you can just walk up to a woman and ask her to do it. It's not like you can be open and honest about it either. We don't live in a society that can accept someone as a masochist that enjoys pain, especially a pain like having their testicles hurt by a female. It's exploitation city. Then I found out about collarme.com and fetlife.com and I thought my desires had been answered. I was excited to find an open minded community with people with all sorts of fetishes and things that me, a guy that likes getting kicked in the balls by women, would even find odd. Did I find that? Nope, not at all. Well, I guess I did find a website full of people with all sorts of fetishes. I did find that. Did I find the open arms, open minded community? Nope. Matter of fact, I found a society that was more harsh in their judgments than modern day churches. I found a group of hypocritical individuals, who enjoyed things just as or more fucked up than ballbusting, but wanted to chastise and demonize me as some sort of heathen, because of what I liked and enjoyed. Fetlife.com isn't as judgmental as collarme.com, but it's also an area where people who enjoy being pooped on, spend most of their time ridiculing and demeaning those who enjoy being peed on, as if being pooped on is perfectly ok, but being peed on is an abomination. I've started up casual conversations with women on collarme.com and eventually got around to asking women who come out and say that they are dominant and enjoy an array of activities, if they would be interested in ballbusting me. What kind of a response do I get? "What the fuck is wrong with you!?!?!?!!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?" That's the response I get. Is that really warranted for a woman that enjoys whipping men till they bleed?? Yet I go to pof.com and message a church going mother of five, and eventually bring it up to her, she is not judgmental of me at all. She may think it's weird, but I don't get the negative response I get. Hell, she'll even want to do it sometimes. I already know the responses that I'll get, "Then don't be here! Go to pof then!" Yet I have to say something because I see so many people on this website that are such hypocrites who have an assortment of their own fetishes that are no more "wrong" or "fucked up" than what someone else likes, but they are so freaking judgmental of others for their fetishes. I've seen more open mindedness from the West Boro Baptist Church.

Ladytisha -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 9:47:28 AM)
[&o]. To each it's own, no need to get your boxers in a bunch because a few have said some nasty things to you. Best expression I can say is Kill them with kindness. Let them say nasty things block them and keep it move. Best of luck

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 9:57:36 AM)
It's not just me though. I visit the message board a lot and read what others are saying to other people. I see so much judging, an unbelievable amount of judging from person to person. If it was just a few people being that way to me, that'd be one thing. It's not though. It is nearly everyone being that way to everyone. I see a lot of it. It's not right. A website like this should be a haven for those who may like weird things, but things that aren't wrong. I understand someone being judged harshly for molestation, rape and things of that nature. They deserve such judgment. Yet, it seems to me that people who enjoy being spanked viciously hard, seem to think there is nothing wrong with that, yet they want to demonize those who like being slapped in the face.

Moderator3 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:13:23 AM)
This thread has been moved from Introductions to General BDSM, as Introductions is for welcoming new posters and anything else belongs elsewhere on the forum. I cannot speak for how things have gone in the past, but I can speak for how they will go now. Beating someone up for their kink isn't going to be tolerated. Members that disapprove of something can always refuse to engage or comment, rather than to criticize someone that might be different than they are. Speaking your mind doesn't have to include an insult to someone or their kink. I will hope that this thread can become a decent discussion.

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:13:30 AM)
I posted this in the introduce yourself section on purpose by the way, so that way anyone that comes to this website looking for open mindedness and acceptance, will have a better idea what a large sum of the members are actually about. To those who are open minded and accepting, I don't mean you. I appreciate that more will be done to end the chastising and demonizing of those who may not like what others like. I personally find scat to be something rather disgusting, but I don't judge harshly as I sit on my high horse? Why because I realize that getting kneed hard in the nuts by a woman and enjoying it, is no better than having someone take a dump on my chest.

RedMagic1 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:19:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee It's not just me though. I visit the message board a lot and read what others are saying to other people. I see so much judging, an unbelievable amount of judging from person to person. If it was just a few people being that way to me, that'd be one thing. It's not though. It is nearly everyone being that way to everyone. I see a lot of it. It's not right. A website like this should be a haven for those who may like weird things, but things that aren't wrong. I understand someone being judged harshly for molestation, rape and things of that nature. They deserve such judgment. Yet, it seems to me that people who enjoy being spanked viciously hard, seem to think there is nothing wrong with that, yet they want to demonize those who like being slapped in the face. Neither ballbusting nor face slapping is a demonized fetish. I know women for whom ballbusting is, by far, their favorite scene. Maximum sadism for minimum effort, what's not to like. One of those women has been a car show model, incidentally, so she looks like something else in fetish gear. This leads me to believe that your approach is turning people off. Court kinky women as though you'd be courting a potential girlfriend. Don't suggest, "Let's meet up and maybe you could kick me some." Suggest, "Let's meet for lunch, my treat, and we can talk and get to know each other better, and take things from there." In conversation up to asking her out, say, "Getting kicked in the balls, and having my face slapped are important to me. But making a real connection with a real person is even more important." Once she understands you have those desires, don't bring them up again unless she brings it up first. Focus on building a connection so she likes you, and wants you to be in her life in some small or big way. If she's convinced of that, then she will kick you in the nuts whether she has that fetish or not, because she will enjoy making you happy.

MissImmortalPain -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:20:07 AM)
I believe a lot of it has to do with people spending a great deal of time justifying their own kink, so they don't have time or want to justify anyone else's. Think about it. If a person spends all of/most of their life thinking they are "weird" because of their kink then they come across someone who has a kink they actually do find a little odd it is easier for them to say...."oh, no, I'm not a freak but you are for being into (fill in the blank) " People tend to be odd in the way they judge others. The idea that just because kinky people gather together means they have to get along is just as odd as saying all politicians that gather in the same room are going to get along. I know it doesn't seem fair, and actually it isn't, but it is how humans tend to work.

promoman -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:21:39 AM)
It does seem like the woman on here have a tendency to 'chicken" out when it comes to actually talking on the phone or meeting in person.

KYsissy -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:22:06 AM)
I have been reading these boards for years and have yet to see people being judgemental lime you describe about someones kink. Being stupid, being an ass. . . . Yes. Kink? I haven't seen it.

MissImmortalPain -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:25:09 AM)
Red.....I hate men that do that. I know, I know, we aren't supposed to want to be a fetish delivery etc.etc.etc. but I really can't stand it when a man says "I'm into" then never brings it up again. Great you are into something don't ever bring it up again and we can just go shopping (because I love shopping) No woman wants to hear it all the time(what turns a guy on) but if you leave it up to just us to do anything....well, to be honest, most of the time you aren't going to get what you want.

MissImmortalPain -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:27:37 AM)
Do a search for gun play and see if you still think people aren't judgemental.

Moderator3 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:28:12 AM)
I won't take a large part in any thread, but I have seen it, repeatedly. New moderators will be addressing it when it is seen or reported.

RedMagic1 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:30:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain Red.....I hate men that do that. I know, I know, we aren't supposed to want to be a fetish delivery etc.etc.etc. but I really can't stand it when a man says "I'm into" then never brings it up again. Great you are into something don't ever bring it up again and we can just go shopping (because I love shopping) No woman wants to hear it all the time(what turns a guy on) but if you leave it up to just us to do anything....well, to be honest, most of the time you aren't going to get what you want. Yeah. My advice was intentionally black-and-white because I think the OP is leaning way too heavily in the wrong direction. I figured if he tried to not-mention it, he'd only mention it a few times.[;)] Also, I didn't mean never mention it again, ever. My point was, ask for what you want after getting along well in real life. My point is that all of us, male or female, are most likely to get what we ask for if we build up a context where the person we are asking wants to give it to us. So, two parts: (1) ask, and (2) create a situation where the answer is likely to be Yes.

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:31:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee It's not just me though. I visit the message board a lot and read what others are saying to other people. I see so much judging, an unbelievable amount of judging from person to person. If it was just a few people being that way to me, that'd be one thing. It's not though. It is nearly everyone being that way to everyone. I see a lot of it. It's not right. A website like this should be a haven for those who may like weird things, but things that aren't wrong. I understand someone being judged harshly for molestation, rape and things of that nature. They deserve such judgment. Yet, it seems to me that people who enjoy being spanked viciously hard, seem to think there is nothing wrong with that, yet they want to demonize those who like being slapped in the face. Neither ballbusting nor face slapping is a demonized fetish. I know women for whom ballbusting is, by far, their favorite scene. Maximum sadism for minimum effort, what's not to like. One of those women has been a car show model, incidentally, so she looks like something else in fetish gear. This leads me to believe that your approach is turning people off. Court kinky women as though you'd be courting a potential girlfriend. Don't suggest, "Let's meet up and maybe you could kick me some." Suggest, "Let's meet for lunch, my treat, and we can talk and get to know each other better, and take things from there." In conversation up to asking her out, say, "Getting kicked in the balls, and having my face slapped are important to me. But making a real connection with a real person is even more important." Once she understands you have those desires, don't bring them up again unless she brings it up first. Focus on building a connection so she likes you, and wants you to be in her life in some small or big way. If she's convinced of that, then she will kick you in the nuts whether she has that fetish or not, because she will enjoy making you happy. Observation, observation, observation. It's what I"ve observed. I wish I could believe you when you say that neither are a demonized fetish, but go back and read the message board over the last 6 years. People post about their fetishes and what they like and they are constantly being told that they are wrong, that they are bad people and that they're completely "fucked up" in the head for liking what they do. YOu seem to think that I'm strictly talking about my own experiences and to top it off, only talking about a few experiences. I'm not. I'm speaking on behalf of what I have observed in the way that better than thou art members of this website are treating those they feel superior to. That's what I'm talking about. Secondly of all, I am having better luck on websites on pof.com and okcupid.com. Websites that are not about kinky fetishes, and have nothing to do with such ideas. A website like collarme.com and fetlife.com people shouldn't have to be so descreet and tiptoe on ice when bringing up a subject. They should feel free to bring up what they want to bring up (as long as it isn't anything truly wrong like non-consensual rape) and not fear being ridiculed and chastised for it. People who enjoy something like scat for example, shouldn't have to fear posting, "Hey I enjoy scat" and then having 10 replies from judgmental people telling them to put a gun to their head and pull the trigger, because enjoying scat is just oh so ever such a fucked up thing to like.

RedMagic1 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:34:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee Observation, observation, observation. It's what I"ve observed. I wish I could believe you when you say that neither are a demonized fetish, but go back and read the message board over the last 6 years. People post about their fetishes and what they like and they are constantly being told that they are wrong, that they are bad people and that they're completely "fucked up" in the head for liking what they do. Wait. Are you talking about ball kicking or about shit eating? If it's the second, then, sure, you have a point. If it's the first, then stop talking and post a link proving your point, because I just don't believe you. Ball kicking and face slapping are two of the most commonly-practiced fetishes, period.

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:36:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee Observation, observation, observation. It's what I"ve observed. I wish I could believe you when you say that neither are a demonized fetish, but go back and read the message board over the last 6 years. People post about their fetishes and what they like and they are constantly being told that they are wrong, that they are bad people and that they're completely "fucked up" in the head for liking what they do. Wait. Are you talking about ball kicking or about shit eating? If it's the second, then, sure, you have a point. If it's the first, then stop talking and post a link proving your point, because I just don't believe you. Ball kicking and face slapping are two of the most commonly-practiced fetishes, period. So you admit that people are being judgemental, but just not about the same thing? Right? Why then is it NOT ok in your opinion to judge ballbusting, but it is scat? Because you don't see a problem with ballbusting but you do see a problem with scat? Hypocritical if you ask me. Both are "fucked up" in their own ways, no one more than the other, and strictly depending on who you ask.

RedMagic1 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:44:25 AM)
WTF? Making judgements is a survival skill. All healthy people judge in some way or other. I was under the impression that we were discussing your OP, which discussed ball busting and face slapping. Those aren't fetishes that are harshly judged. Scat play is, but that's a completely separate topic. Unless it isn't.... Is that why women freak out on you? They think they're going to be able to kick you a few times, the end, and you want to jump immediately to something they hard limit? Bait and switch doesn't sell well.

MissImmortalPain -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:55:40 AM)
Actually, Red, both ball busting and face slapping that been spoken badly about on this sight before because of the "critical:" damage they can cause (broken ear drums, ruptured balls, eye damage, etc) by the way issues brought up by other posters as I take part in both I have no issue with either

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 10:58:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 WTF? Making judgements is a survival skill. All healthy people judge in some way or other. I was under the impression that we were discussing your OP, which discussed ball busting and face slapping. Those aren't fetishes that are harshly judged. Scat play is, but that's a completely separate topic. Unless it isn't.... Is that why women freak out on you? They think they're going to be able to kick you a few times, the end, and you want to jump immediately to something they hard limit? Bait and switch doesn't sell well. There is a difference between making survival skill judgments and then chastising and ridiculing another person simply for being different than you and liking things in which you yourself do not like. I can make the judgment that I don't want to participate in a blood fetish with a person that enjoys cutting themselves and others, but it doesn't mean I have to go on and on and on to them making them feel like they're inferior to me, and like they've brought upon themselves all of the harsh judgments that I give them. They like something that I find to be repulsive, but it doesn't mean I have to be a blue haired judgmental prick to them either. My original post discussed judging others, and I simply used ballbusting, a fetish I enjoy as an example, as well as face slapping, a fetish I do not have as an example. They are BOTH fetishes, they are BOTH things that people like. They are not completely different, when looking at them from a BDSM perspective. They both fall under the umbrella of BDSM. I personally find scat to be disgusting and something that I would never do. However, I don't feel the need to belittle and go out of my way to make those who are into scat feel ashamed of themselves, and as if there is something death defined wrong with them because they like it. You are doing the EXACT thing that is getting under my skin. You are taking two subjects, both of which are BDSM oriented, both of which can be seen as "f'd up" or "ok" based on who you asked, and both of which are no more "right" or "wrong" than the other, and because of your own philosophy and your own perspective, judging one to be ok and the other not to be. No, they're both BDSM. I shouldn't have to listen to a person who enjoys scat tell me how fucked up enjoying getting kicked in the balls by women is and in return he/she shouldn't have to listen to me tell them how fucked up scat is.

Tomyx -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 11:02:21 AM)
I've run into the situation where it's easier to get to know someone when you're talking about hobbies, opinions, likes, dislikes, and just random shit. Coming to sites like these just seems to focus on the one aspect with all sorts of rules and regulations made up by people who may or may not know anything at all. Definitely not the place to look for a relationship, not that online means are a positive step in that direction all together. Better off trying to hit on women in a shoe store.

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