RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof

RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (Full Version)

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hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:44:59 PM)
Everyone has their limits and their buttons that can be pushed. I"m normally a pretty nice guy that doesn't get to worked up, but after a while I just can't take it anymore. I've seen people delete their profiles here and on fetlife.com because of how judgmental and unaccepting people are of them. some of you look at me [8\|] and wonder to yourselfs, "Why should he expect people to be accepted and treated respectfully here?" Well, let me in turn ask you the same question. Why should I or anyone else with any other fetish, feel that on a website dedicated to fetishes and kinks, dedicated to BDSM, why shouldn't we feel safe coming here? Why shouldn't we feel like we're entering a home where we can be amongst others with similar fetishes, at least in evaluation if nothing else? I feel like I"m the one that should be [8\|] to all those who feel justified in their hypocrisy and unfair judgmental notions. Not the other way around. If people with fetishes can't openly come here and discuss what they feel, amongst an open community, then where do you suggest they go?

KYsissy -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:45:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee quote: ORIGINAL: KYsissy Thanks. That clarifies much. What does it clarify? Did you read all of my post on in that thread? All of them? Did you read ALL of the responses including the ones where I admitted I came off a little to strong and shouldn't have? "I was not intentionally going for hostile responses. I am re-reading my post. If I offended anyone that was not my intention. I didn't mean it as an attack or something offensive" How about, how some of the other non-judgmental open minded posters alluded to what I was saying and admitted how judgmental others could be here. The fact of the matter is YOU and EVERYONE else here has SOMETHING about them that someone else could easily depict as "fucked up". If you didn't, you wouldn't be here. You are here because you like something, a kink or a fetish, that is categorized as BDSM. Why you do you feel that your kink is justified and normal, but you feel that someone else's is not? When the fact of the matter is, they are both BDSM. What it clarifes is that you are determined to be butthurt about what random strangers on the internet say to you. So much so, that you either are making stuff up, intentionally or maybe you read it that way, in order to be offended. No where did I ever even hint that your fetish is not OK and mine is. Yet that is what you took away from the comment. What can we all post to make you happy? What kind of response are you looking for?

RockaRolla -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:45:45 PM)
They're likely not judging your fetish as much as your approach. Just because a woman is kinky doesn't mean she wants to meet up with a strange man to engage in his personal fetish. For every honest guy on one of these sites there is an unknown number of predators who use the fetish scene as a breeding ground for new victims. Women in particular learn to exercise caution if they're on this site for any length of time. Being submissive or masochistic doesn't make you immune from suspicion. I recently read a story in these forums about a domme who was about to meet up with a male sub, only to have him suddenly come clean about being a dom and insist that he would "turn" her into a sub and own her. A suggestion: Try approaching a woman on here as a human being first. As someone you'd like to get to know as a person. Then when/if you connect, move on into fetish talk. See how different your results are then. If you don't have the patience for even that, then YES, POF or OKC will be perfect for your short attention span. It seems you made the mistake of assuming that fetlife is designed to be a hookup site when it's not. Fet is more like a kinky facebook: People don't generally pick up women on Facebook. Even though you have easier access to photographs of topless women and blowjobs doesn't mean that the users are easy - or that they're open to doing anything with you. tl;dr: You're not owed a kick in the balls just because you want one. Unless your approach is to try to piss off a woman enough to try it for revenge, it won't happen.

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:47:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee Are you people incapable of reading comprehension? Your willingness to ask rhetorical questions like this one is probably the reason people judge you harshly. I doubt your kinks are the issue at all. Rather, it's your belief that you are communicating clearly, when you aren't. And then, rather than think, "Oh whoops, I need to be clearer," you place the onus of responsibility on others, instead of yourself. It's a form of work-avoidance. How did I not communicate that clearly? How did I not. I said from the second I started posting that I was posting about how hypocritical and judgmental the crowd is. I got that across. You just didnt' read it.

RedMagic1 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:50:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee I said from the second I started posting that I was posting about how hypocritical and judgmental the crowd is. I got that across. You just didnt' read it. That's a false statement. The title of your OP, which is the first thing everyone reads, says nothing about hypocrisy, nor about judgement. I could go through your OP, line by line, and demonstrate your incorrectness further, but I don't see any value in doing so. Bottom line: you are saying one thing, but you believe you are saying another. Then you get upset when people say what you write is too long, or confusing.

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:52:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RockaRolla They're likely not judging your fetish as much as your approach. Just because a woman is kinky doesn't mean she wants to meet up with a strange man to engage in his personal fetish. For every honest guy on one of these sites there is an unknown number of predators who use the fetish scene as a breeding ground for new victims. Women in particular learn to exercise caution if they're on this site for any length of time. Being submissive or masochistic doesn't make you immune from suspicion. I recently read a story in these forums about a domme who was about to meet up with a male sub, only to have him suddenly come clean about being a dom and insist that he would "turn" her into a sub and own her. A suggestion: Try approaching a woman on here as a human being first. As someone you'd like to get to know as a person. Then when/if you connect, move on into fetish talk. See how different your results are then. If you don't have the patience for even that, then YES, POF or OKC will be perfect for your short attention span. It seems you made the mistake of assuming that fetlife is designed to be a hookup site when it's not. Fet is more like a kinky facebook: People don't generally pick up women on Facebook. Even though you have easier access to photographs of topless women and blowjobs doesn't mean that the users are easy - or that they're open to doing anything with you. tl;dr: You're not owed a kick in the balls just because you want one. Unless your approach is to try to piss off a woman enough to try it for revenge, it won't happen. I'm not talking about me Rockarolla. I"m talking about this. Person A post, "Hey, I'm really into Scat and was hoping I'd find some others that are into scat as well. Cheers" Person's B, C, D, E, F respond to person A's initial post. Person B, who loves ballbusting, post, "What the fuck is wrong with you A? Scat is fuckign disgusting, People who like Scat ought to be drug out into the street and shot" Person C, who loves golden showers writes, "yeah no shit B, A is majorly fucked up in the head" Person D, who also loves scat writes, "I like Scat too A, I'll talk to you about it" Person E writes, "What the fuck is scat?" Person F writes, "It's where people shit on themselves and eat it I think or eat someone elses shit. I don't know for sure. Not my thing, but more power to you A" So at the end of the day on that thread we have B and C who are extremely judgmental hypocrites, D who isn't judgmental simply because he likes the same thing A likes, E who at the time is indifferent because he is ignorant to what Scat is and F, who in spite of not being into scat, isn't judgmental like B and C are. That's what I"m talking about. Too many B's and C's on this website and not enough F's. People think I am begging and crying out for a couple of D's. I"m not, I'm asking for F's. People who may not like what I like, but they aren't judgmental pricks either.

KYsissy -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:54:22 PM)
Link?

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:54:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee I said from the second I started posting that I was posting about how hypocritical and judgmental the crowd is. I got that across. You just didnt' read it. That's a false statement. The title of your OP, which is the first thing everyone reads, says nothing about hypocrisy, nor about judgement. I could go through your OP, line by line, and demonstrate your incorrectness further, but I don't see any value in doing so. Bottom line: you are saying one thing, but you believe you are saying another. Then you get upset when people say what you write is too long, or confusing. Yet if I wrote something short and concrete, you'd see all the subtlety that wasn't there and make accusations. You force me to have to respond in long tyrants, because you refuse to take what I say at base. You feel that there is something indirect there, when there isn't. You are saying, "First thing people read" when in fact you mean, as in your case, "the ONLY thing" that they read.

RockaRolla -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:54:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee Everyone has their limits and their buttons that can be pushed. I"m normally a pretty nice guy that doesn't get to worked up, but after a while I just can't take it anymore. I've seen people delete their profiles here and on fetlife.com because of how judgmental and unaccepting people are of them. some of you look at me [8\|] and wonder to yourselfs, "Why should he expect people to be accepted and treated respectfully here?" Well, let me in turn ask you the same question. Why should I or anyone else with any other fetish, feel that on a website dedicated to fetishes and kinks, dedicated to BDSM, why shouldn't we feel safe coming here? Why shouldn't we feel like we're entering a home where we can be amongst others with similar fetishes, at least in evaluation if nothing else? I feel like I"m the one that should be [8\|] to all those who feel justified in their hypocrisy and unfair judgmental notions. Not the other way around. If people with fetishes can't openly come here and discuss what they feel, amongst an open community, then where do you suggest they go? In my experience, the guys you mention to delete their accounts partly do it out of frustration when they can't find their quick fix. This "scene" - or at least these websites - aren't designed for that. If you're looking for someone to do kinky things with and not talk or worry about the non-sexy parts of life, you're going to have a hard time meeting people here. But if you want to meet people who share your fetishes or at least are interested/curious, then make sure that comes across in your messages. Without having seen/spoken to you before I don't know which one that is, but leading with your fetishes tends to make people assume you're part of the former category.

RedMagic1 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:55:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KYsissy Link? Yeah no kidding. I'd settle for any link, to any non-in-jest post, where someone said, "People who like kink X should be taken out and shot."

RedMagic1 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:57:23 PM)
Incidentally, nice to meet you RockaRolla. I haven't seen you before, and I like how your mind works. Happy May.[;)]

RockaRolla -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:58:00 PM)
It would appear that I got the wrong impression of your post. My replies are more geared toward private messages rather than forum responses.

QueenWitchWoman -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:59:11 PM)
I can understand why you have gotten so upset. Not a single soul on this site has the right to stand in judgement and still "claim" to have the fetishes that they have on their profiles. I do believe those who have made negative comments to you are the very ones who are not telling the truth about their own fetishes or are not as brutal in the BDSM life as they claim. When you get these the best thing is to not get upset but block them. Am glad you have found what you are looking for. MistressKasey

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:59:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RockaRolla It would appear that I got the wrong impression of your post. My replies are more geared toward private messages rather than forum responses. I haven't been judged by anyone that I've ever messaged. Out of the 10 or so people I've messaged, they've said, "Sure" and then we met up or they said, "Sorry not my thing" in a very respectful manner.

RedMagic1 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 1:00:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee You are saying, "First thing people read" when in fact you mean, as in your case, "the ONLY thing" that they read. Heh. No. I am asking to you recognize that you have a communication problem. It would be like me writing something titled, "Dogs are awesome," and then only talking about cats. My skills of summary and communication would be weak, unless I intentionally planned the thing as a joke.

anniezz338 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 1:01:45 PM)
Hello pot, kettle here. I got something to tell you..... I actually thought there was a question in your first post, but seems not. Judging judgemental people is still judging. You started this pissing contest and seem to think everyone will turn around to your line of thinking. Good luck with that.

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 1:02:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RockaRolla quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee Everyone has their limits and their buttons that can be pushed. I"m normally a pretty nice guy that doesn't get to worked up, but after a while I just can't take it anymore. I've seen people delete their profiles here and on fetlife.com because of how judgmental and unaccepting people are of them. some of you look at me [8\|] and wonder to yourselfs, "Why should he expect people to be accepted and treated respectfully here?" Well, let me in turn ask you the same question. Why should I or anyone else with any other fetish, feel that on a website dedicated to fetishes and kinks, dedicated to BDSM, why shouldn't we feel safe coming here? Why shouldn't we feel like we're entering a home where we can be amongst others with similar fetishes, at least in evaluation if nothing else? I feel like I"m the one that should be [8\|] to all those who feel justified in their hypocrisy and unfair judgmental notions. Not the other way around. If people with fetishes can't openly come here and discuss what they feel, amongst an open community, then where do you suggest they go? In my experience, the guys you mention to delete their accounts partly do it out of frustration when they can't find their quick fix. This "scene" - or at least these websites - aren't designed for that. If you're looking for someone to do kinky things with and not talk or worry about the non-sexy parts of life, you're going to have a hard time meeting people here. But if you want to meet people who share your fetishes or at least are interested/curious, then make sure that comes across in your messages. Without having seen/spoken to you before I don't know which one that is, but leading with your fetishes tends to make people assume you're part of the former category. I've found women to ballbust me, tickle me and for me to do things to them that they like. That isn't and never was the issue. The issue I'm speaking of, is how people will try and start up a conversation about something they enjoy and then turn around to come back to an assortment of replies that pretty much tells them, "Burn in hell for bringing up this topic you fucking devilish piece of shit"

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 1:03:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anniezz338 Hello pot, kettle here. I got something to tell you..... I actually thought there was a question in your first post, but seems not. Judging judgemental people is still judging. You started this pissing contest and seem to think everyone will turn around to your line of thinking. Good luck with that. Judging judgmental people as judgmental is judging? Ok, well my extremely intelligent friend. If Judgmental people aren't judgmental, what are they then? How are judgmental people, NOT judgmental?

RockaRolla -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 1:06:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Incidentally, nice to meet you RockaRolla. I haven't seen you before, and I like how your mind works. Happy May.[;)] Same to you! And OP, what groups are you joining on Fet? So I know never to go there. I know some corners of the site can be full of harpies, like the AAFQ group. Another thing about Fet in particular is that the extreme fetish parts are shadowed by the Mountain of Rough Sex, Polyamory, and Blowjowbs (tm). Just look at the K&P page to get what I mean. That's why a lot of members go to and stay at the site, and that's what lends to its reputation of a hookup site that's just fooling itself. So I do know what you mean about the people who judge fetishes - haven't seen it to the extreme that you describe.

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 1:10:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RockaRolla quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Incidentally, nice to meet you RockaRolla. I haven't seen you before, and I like how your mind works. Happy May.[;)] Same to you! And OP, what groups are you joining on Fet? So I know never to go there. I know some corners of the site can be full of harpies, like the AAFQ group. Another thing about Fet in particular is that the extreme fetish parts are shadowed by the Mountain of Rough Sex, Polyamory, and Blowjowbs (tm). Just look at the K&P page to get what I mean. That's why a lot of members go to and stay at the site, and that's what lends to its reputation of a hookup site that's just fooling itself. So I do know what you mean about the people who judge fetishes - haven't seen it to the extreme that you describe. At least you and a few others have acknowledged that it exist. I am trying to find the particular post about scat I read about 7 or 8 months ago where someone was chastised something fierce for his fetish. I hope to find it. It may have been on fetlife.com instead. I'll look there too. It was here or there.

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