RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof

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MissImmortalPain -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 11:09:18 AM)
OP, if you don't mind my asking.....why are you listening to them? By them I mean the people talking bad about your kink? Fet is aimed at different people into the same sorts of kinks and there if you talk about something that no one is into, well, they just commonly don't talk to you about. So why bother getting upset about it at all?

crazyml -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 11:24:24 AM)
Hello OP! I am really sorry that this has been your experience. I have to say that here on the boards, while it can get pretty torrid at times, people are more likely to get a hard time for judging other people's kinks than for having a particular kink themselves. If you can point to any examples of the kind of judgement you refer to here I would love to see them. To your point about okcupid. .. yeah, if I want to pick someone up for some recreational kink I'd go for okc or guardian soul mates any time, but - and I can only speak to my experience, I am pretty happy with the personals side here.

FieryOpal -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 11:40:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee <snip> Then I found out about collarme.com and fetlife.com and I thought my desires had been answered. I was excited to find an open minded community with people with all sorts of fetishes and things that me, a guy that likes getting kicked in the balls by women, would even find odd. Did I find that? Nope, not at all. Well, I guess I did find a website full of people with all sorts of fetishes. I did find that. Did I find the open arms, open minded community? Nope. Matter of fact, I found a society that was more harsh in their judgments than modern day churches. <snip> And women on CM (or anywhere else for that matter) should welcome you with "open arms" because...? Because you have SO F-ING MUCH to offer us, right, other than wanting YOUR kinks gratified? Or did I skip one of your posts that wasn't ALL ABOUT YOU? [8\|]

sexyred1 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 11:49:14 AM)
I will never get why people think that a kink site should be a rainbow of acceptance and harmony with no judgement. I personally have met far more normal people here than on OKC or POF.

KYsissy -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 11:52:06 AM)
I read through the first 4 pages of this thread, http://www.collarchat.com/m_4399494/mpage_3/tm.htm. I didnt see anything "judgemental" there. Lots of gun safety 101 stuff. And a few "not me Hell no" No "you freak wierdo wahts wrong with you " stuff. Maybe we have different views as to what constitutes judgemental.

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 11:58:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain OP, if you don't mind my asking.....why are you listening to them? By them I mean the people talking bad about your kink? Fet is aimed at different people into the same sorts of kinks and there if you talk about something that no one is into, well, they just commonly don't talk to you about. So why bother getting upset about it at all? Because it's not right. It isn't how it should be. There ought to be a place where people with kinks can go and openly discuss their fetishes with others, and not have to fear being ridiculed, chastised and demonized for it. Fieryopal is completely missing the point, I'm not asking to be embraced or celebrated. I'm asking for a little itty bitty thing known as respect. That's all. You don't have to like what I like, I don't have to like what you like. Yet, why put on the cloche of superiority, stick your nose up in the air and act like you are so much better than everyone else, because your fetishes are "normal". Normal by whose standards? It's subjective, and yet Fieryopal treats it objectively. Opinions are treated like facts, pretty sad. Then we have sexyred1 who thinks it's perfectly fine to harshly judge people and be extraordinarily hypocritical while doing so. What is so difficult to understand about people who feel that a website like collarme.com should be about acceptance and no judgment? It is a website about fetishes, kinks, and anything and everything BDSM. It is SUPPOSED TO BE for people into those things and it IS for people into those things. Would I expect the Asian club of American club of America to be accepting to Asians, why yes, I would. Why? Because it is the Asian club of America! Made for the Asians! The same way collarme.com was originally intended for those with all sorts of kinks and fetishes. I'm not the one in the wrong here sexyred1 YOU ARE! Anyone with any fetish (albeit not ones that non-consensually hurt someone else) should feel unafraid and unabashed to openly state their kinks and fetishes without the harsh judgments and critiques from better than thou are stuck up superficial self proclaimed superiors like you.

DarkSteven -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:01:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee A website like collarme.com and fetlife.com people shouldn't have to be so descreet and tiptoe on ice when bringing up a subject. They should feel free to bring up what they want to bring up (as long as it isn't anything truly wrong like non-consensual rape) and not fear being ridiculed and chastised for it. People who enjoy something like scat for example, shouldn't have to fear posting, "Hey I enjoy scat" and then having 10 replies from judgmental people telling them to put a gun to their head and pull the trigger, because enjoying scat is just oh so ever such a fucked up thing to like. You're putting words in people's mouths. Cut that out. While I haven't seen judgment against people's kinks per se, I HAVE seen judgment against people doing risky things with no idea what they're doing. Per your earlier examples, it's very difficult to cause serious damage with a severe spanking as long as the kidney area is avoided. But face slapping and ballbusting can easily cause serious damage if done wrong. As a consequence, collarchatters look askance at those activities much more when done by newbies.

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:11:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee A website like collarme.com and fetlife.com people shouldn't have to be so descreet and tiptoe on ice when bringing up a subject. They should feel free to bring up what they want to bring up (as long as it isn't anything truly wrong like non-consensual rape) and not fear being ridiculed and chastised for it. People who enjoy something like scat for example, shouldn't have to fear posting, "Hey I enjoy scat" and then having 10 replies from judgmental people telling them to put a gun to their head and pull the trigger, because enjoying scat is just oh so ever such a fucked up thing to like. You're putting words in people's mouths. Cut that out. While I haven't seen judgment against people's kinks per se, I HAVE seen judgment against people doing risky things with no idea what they're doing. Per your earlier examples, it's very difficult to cause serious damage with a severe spanking as long as the kidney area is avoided. But face slapping and ballbusting can easily cause serious damage if done wrong. As a consequence, collarchatters look askance at those activities much more when done by newbies. While not direct quoting, paraphrasing isn't exactly putting words into people's mouths. Secondly, nothing wrong with being suggestive towards people into kinks that could have disastrous ramifications. Ballbusting if done improperly or too harshly could lead to an assortment of problems such as infertility, removal of the testicles and such things. If someone brings that up, and points out the specifics of what could possibly go wrong, if such an activity of ballbusting is done improperly, I see no harm in that. It's the judging of the fetish as a whole and rather harshly, that I oppose and speak out against. I first got into the fetish back in 2000, and had my first one on one session with a woman with the intent of ballbusting back in 2009. I've done it approximately 25 times since. Not exactly a veteran, but I've surpassed "newbie"

thishereboi -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:15:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KYsissy I read through the first 4 pages of this thread, http://www.collarchat.com/m_4399494/mpage_3/tm.htm. I didnt see anything "judgemental" there. Lots of gun safety 101 stuff. And a few "not me Hell no" No "you freak wierdo wahts wrong with you " stuff. Maybe we have different views as to what constitutes judgemental. I think this thread might explain why he is upset although it was 3 years ago and I think more people had a problem with the lecture attitude than anything else. http://www.collarchat.com/m_3812428/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3812428

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:19:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thishereboi quote: ORIGINAL: KYsissy I read through the first 4 pages of this thread, http://www.collarchat.com/m_4399494/mpage_3/tm.htm. I didnt see anything "judgemental" there. Lots of gun safety 101 stuff. And a few "not me Hell no" No "you freak wierdo wahts wrong with you " stuff. Maybe we have different views as to what constitutes judgemental. I think this thread might explain why he is upset although it was 3 years ago and I think more people had a problem with the lecture attitude than anything else. http://www.collarchat.com/m_3812428/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3812428 I had forgotten about that actually, seeing that it was 3 years ago. More recent topics on message boards, from OBSERVATION, is what I am referring to now. :)

KYsissy -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:22:36 PM)
Thanks. That clarifies much.

FieryOpal -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:24:09 PM)
No, dude, you're the one who is not only missing the point, you have missed the whole oceanliner of Titanic proportions. quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee <snip> Fieryopal is completely missing the point, I'm not asking to be embraced or celebrated. I'm asking for a little itty bitty thing known as respect. That's all. You don't have to like what I like, I don't have to like what you like.... It's subjective, and yet Fieryopal treats it objectively.... Then we have sexyred1 who thinks it's perfectly fine to harshly judge people and be extraordinarily hypocritical while doing so.... What is so difficult to understand about people who feel that a website like collarme.com should be about acceptance and no judgment? It is a website about fetishes, kinks, and anything and everything BDSM. It is SUPPOSED TO BE for people into those things and it IS for people into those things. <snipped re more butthurt> First off, you don't know what you're talking about. sexyred is one of the least judgmental people on these fora, if you had spent any amount of time over here other than to whine and throw a hissy fit about how others aren't jumping at the opportunity to cater to you. You ask for respect on what basis, pray tell, the same sort of instant respect that you DON'T give others? Your profile says DO ME DO ME DO ME, I WANT I WANT I WANT, BEAT ME KICK ME HURT ME. You and thousands of other males seeking your own personal free fetish-kink delivery system. What makes you such a special widdle snowflake?

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:29:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KYsissy Thanks. That clarifies much. What does it clarify? Did you read all of my post on in that thread? All of them? Did you read ALL of the responses including the ones where I admitted I came off a little to strong and shouldn't have? "I was not intentionally going for hostile responses. I am re-reading my post. If I offended anyone that was not my intention. I didn't mean it as an attack or something offensive" How about, how some of the other non-judgmental open minded posters alluded to what I was saying and admitted how judgmental others could be here. The fact of the matter is YOU and EVERYONE else here has SOMETHING about them that someone else could easily depict as "fucked up". If you didn't, you wouldn't be here. You are here because you like something, a kink or a fetish, that is categorized as BDSM. Why you do you feel that your kink is justified and normal, but you feel that someone else's is not? When the fact of the matter is, they are both BDSM.

BecomingV -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:31:12 PM)
Hi hardyballzee, http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4588480 ^^^ This is a link to a thread I began called "civility and responsibility." I think it's well worth your while to read it because there, we discussed these issues that are causing you distress. It can show you some different voices. You really aren't alone in your qualms or desires. Other than that, okay, I read the entire thread. I see a few things that can be alleviated by using the serenity prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change: (how web site owners decide to use their site, how other posters express themselves, the fact that anyone who puts themselves out there will be criticized, attacked and misunderstood at some point, the prejudices and ignorance of others, the mistakes of others, and those who are just plain wrong ~but sometimes surprise us with a mid-thread epiphany~ I love those the best.) The courage to change the things I can (such as, your attitude, your reaction to other points of view, the decision to give emotional space to strangers on the internet, some of whom are only here to spew ugly stuff because that's all they have, the choice to use the hide button, the way YOU post and how that creates the social culture here, etc..., or which site to have fun on, and which people to give time and attention and emotional access.) and the wisdom to know the difference. The wisdom needed for this situation is acquired through time, experience and patience. More reading than posting, more self-improvement than criticism of others' faults and practicing acceptance of the existence of disparity, injustice and unfairness, among we humans. The notions of "should," "I have a right," and "it's not right," become obstacles to accepting reality. Am I saying that you are wrong to have these thoughts and desires? No. It's just that expectations need to be aligned with what is really happening. What happens to children when they become adults? They realize the world does not revolve around them, does not owe them anything at all and that if they want a different life, they have to create it. You know, be the change you wish to see in the world. (Is that Ghandi?)

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:32:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal No, dude, you're the one who is not only missing the point, you have missed the whole oceanliner of Titanic proportions. quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee <snip> Fieryopal is completely missing the point, I'm not asking to be embraced or celebrated. I'm asking for a little itty bitty thing known as respect. That's all. You don't have to like what I like, I don't have to like what you like.... It's subjective, and yet Fieryopal treats it objectively.... Then we have sexyred1 who thinks it's perfectly fine to harshly judge people and be extraordinarily hypocritical while doing so.... What is so difficult to understand about people who feel that a website like collarme.com should be about acceptance and no judgment? It is a website about fetishes, kinks, and anything and everything BDSM. It is SUPPOSED TO BE for people into those things and it IS for people into those things. <snipped re more butthurt> First off, you don't know what you're talking about. sexyred is one of the least judgmental people on these fora, if you had spent any amount of time over here other than to whine and throw a hissy fit about how others aren't jumping at the opportunity to cater to you. You ask for respect on what basis, pray tell, the same sort of instant respect that you DON'T give others? Your profile says DO ME DO ME DO ME, I WANT I WANT I WANT, BEAT ME KICK ME HURT ME. You and thousands of other males seeking your own personal free fetish-kink delivery system. What makes you such a special widdle snowflake? What respect did I not give? She stated that she didn't understand why people felt that a BDSM website, should be open to those in BDSM, and why they feel they shouldn't have to fear unjustified and unfair judgment. I answered the question. For the last time this isn't about wanting or getting someone to ballbust me! This is about EVERYONE who has a fetish and a kink, not feeling superior to others and others as inferior to them. I just don't want to skim the message boards and find you judging people for fetishes you don't like, when they could just as easily judge you for your fetishes that are JUST AS FUCKED UP AS THEIRS!!!!

RedMagic1 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:32:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain Actually, Red, both ball busting and face slapping that been spoken badly about on this sight before because of the "critical:" damage they can cause (broken ear drums, ruptured balls, eye damage, etc) by the way issues brought up by other posters as I take part in both I have no issue with either That's true, though. Maybe the people pointing it out are acting holier-than-thou, but it doesn't mean these fetishes aren't edge play. Men really have died from having their testicles crushed, and, hell, the first woman I ever met in real life from CM told me the following bad online date story. She met a man, they went to a hotel room, and suddenly he slapped her face, hard, when she wasn't expecting it. He dislocated her jaw beneath her left ear. So those are both forms of play that are more risky than heavy spanking. Does the OP want people to pretend that isn't the case? But hell. I bet I could tell my lady-friend, right now, to kick me in the nuts, and she'd do it. It isn't my fetish, and it isn't hers, but she trusts me and enjoys doing things that make me happy. So whatever the big huge impossible wall is, it isn't ballbusting. It's connecting with another person in the first place.

Moderator3 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:32:48 PM)
Opinions may very and comments are welcome, but attacking someone or accusing them of being one thing or another is going a bit far with an opinion. Please comment with opinions, without insulting another poster. Thank you

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:37:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain Actually, Red, both ball busting and face slapping that been spoken badly about on this sight before because of the "critical:" damage they can cause (broken ear drums, ruptured balls, eye damage, etc) by the way issues brought up by other posters as I take part in both I have no issue with either That's true, though. Maybe the people pointing it out are acting holier-than-thou, but it doesn't mean these fetishes aren't edge play. Men really have died from having their testicles crushed, and, hell, the first woman I ever met in real life from CM told me the following bad online date story. She met a man, they went to a hotel room, and suddenly he slapped her face, hard, when she wasn't expecting it. He dislocated her jaw beneath her left ear. So those are both forms of play that are more risky than heavy spanking. Does the OP want people to pretend that isn't the case? But hell. I bet I could tell my lady-friend, right now, to kick me in the nuts, and she'd do it. It isn't my fetish, and it isn't hers, but she trusts me and enjoys doing things that make me happy. So whatever the big huge impossible wall is, it isn't ballbusting. It's connecting with another person in the first place. Are you people incapable of reading comprehension? Are you incapable of reading what someone writes and taking what they actually say? Why do you feel the need to question or assume when I have already answered the question you have asked? Instead of asking others what I may or may not think, why not go back and reread what I wrote and actually know what I think? I'm not asking you or anyone else to pretend like ballbusting isn't as dangerous as spanking. It has nothing to do with danger. Yet don't you think or more so don't you KNOW that there is a difference between pointing out the plausibility of injury and just plain being a judgmental fucking hypocritical prick? Yes, intense spanking may not lead to the same ramifications as a hard ballbusting might, but does that suddenly make spanking something "normal" and give the spankee a right to judge the ballbustee harshly? No, it does not.

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:40:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BecomingV Hi hardyballzee, http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4588480 ^^^ This is a link to a thread I began called "civility and responsibility." I think it's well worth your while to read it because there, we discussed these issues that are causing you distress. It can show you some different voices. You really aren't alone in your qualms or desires. Other than that, okay, I read the entire thread. I see a few things that can be alleviated by using the serenity prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change: (how web site owners decide to use their site, how other posters express themselves, the fact that anyone who puts themselves out there will be criticized, attacked and misunderstood at some point, the prejudices and ignorance of others, the mistakes of others, and those who are just plain wrong ~but sometimes surprise us with a mid-thread epiphany~ I love those the best.) The courage to change the things I can (such as, your attitude, your reaction to other points of view, the decision to give emotional space to strangers on the internet, some of whom are only here to spew ugly stuff because that's all they have, the choice to use the hide button, the way YOU post and how that creates the social culture here, etc..., or which site to have fun on, and which people to give time and attention and emotional access.) and the wisdom to know the difference. The wisdom needed for this situation is acquired through time, experience and patience. More reading than posting, more self-improvement than criticism of others' faults and practicing acceptance of the existence of disparity, injustice and unfairness, among we humans. The notions of "should," "I have a right," and "it's not right," become obstacles to accepting reality. Am I saying that you are wrong to have these thoughts and desires? No. It's just that expectations need to be aligned with what is really happening. What happens to children when they become adults? They realize the world does not revolve around them, does not owe them anything at all and that if they want a different life, they have to create it. You know, be the change you wish to see in the world. (Is that Ghandi?) I've been on this website since 2007, I've posted two messages in 7 years. I've message 10 people in 7 years. I've read and observed a lot though. A lot.

RedMagic1 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 12:40:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee Are you people incapable of reading comprehension? Your willingness to ask rhetorical questions like this one is probably the reason people judge you harshly. I doubt your kinks are the issue at all. Rather, it's your belief that you are communicating clearly, when you aren't. And then, rather than think, "Oh whoops, I need to be clearer," you place the onus of responsibility on others, instead of yourself. It's a form of work-avoidance.

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