RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof

RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (Full Version)

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BecomingV -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 1:15:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee I said from the second I started posting that I was posting about how hypocritical and judgmental the crowd is. I got that across. You just didnt' read it. That's a false statement. The title of your OP, which is the first thing everyone reads, says nothing about hypocrisy, nor about judgement. I could go through your OP, line by line, and demonstrate your incorrectness further, but I don't see any value in doing so. Bottom line: you are saying one thing, but you believe you are saying another. Then you get upset when people say what you write is too long, or confusing. Yet if I wrote something short and concrete, you'd see all the subtlety that wasn't there and make accusations. You force me to have to respond in long tyrants, because you refuse to take what I say at base. You feel that there is something indirect there, when there isn't. You are saying, "First thing people read" when in fact you mean, as in your case, "the ONLY thing" that they read. That, in bold. I never have that experience of a stranger on the internet having the power to "force me to have to respond," long or short. That part is MY choice. I have power in that interaction. Not everyone is worthy of a response. I think that accepting that others are here, and here to stay, and they are miserable, pathetic and pitiable creatures. All they spew is hate, rage and venom. I believe that if they had anything better to contribute, they would. THAT, is their best. Now, I take pity and take a moment to think, "but for the grace of God, there go I." So, I respond to the vitriol with my own moment of gratitude. (At least I get to "walk away" from that person while they are stuck with themselves!) You see, my fix for your problem is an internal one. It's about you accessing your power and then using it. You don't get to take time to react to random idiots or psychos AND have that same time, energy and emotion, to create friendships or to encourage a stranger or any other better use of your time here. You seek a connection. Use your attention for that? RedMagic and a few others, and I, have each, in our own way, responded to your complaint with handing you a mirror. The answer lies within. Or, as Red puts it - work-avoidance - means not doing the parts you do control. Right now, you are in the midst of a thread rush. You appear to be in sheer reactive mode. Stop. Pause. Think. Come back later. It's nearly impossible for an OP to take in things when they move this quickly. And hey, you care about the acceptance & respectful tone here? Take a look at that thread. People loved it. (the civility thread)

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 1:25:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BecomingV quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee I said from the second I started posting that I was posting about how hypocritical and judgmental the crowd is. I got that across. You just didnt' read it. That's a false statement. The title of your OP, which is the first thing everyone reads, says nothing about hypocrisy, nor about judgement. I could go through your OP, line by line, and demonstrate your incorrectness further, but I don't see any value in doing so. Bottom line: you are saying one thing, but you believe you are saying another. Then you get upset when people say what you write is too long, or confusing. Yet if I wrote something short and concrete, you'd see all the subtlety that wasn't there and make accusations. You force me to have to respond in long tyrants, because you refuse to take what I say at base. You feel that there is something indirect there, when there isn't. You are saying, "First thing people read" when in fact you mean, as in your case, "the ONLY thing" that they read. That, in bold. I never have that experience of a stranger on the internet having the power to "force me to have to respond," long or short. That part is MY choice. I have power in that interaction. Not everyone is worthy of a response. I think that accepting that others are here, and here to stay, and they are miserable, pathetic and pitiable creatures. All they spew is hate, rage and venom. I believe that if they had anything better to contribute, they would. THAT, is their best. Now, I take pity and take a moment to think, "but for the grace of God, there go I." So, I respond to the vitriol with my own moment of gratitude. (At least I get to "walk away" from that person while they are stuck with themselves!) You see, my fix for your problem is an internal one. It's about you accessing your power and then using it. You don't get to take time to react to random idiots or psychos AND have that same time, energy and emotion, to create friendships or to encourage a stranger or any other better use of your time here. You seek a connection. Use your attention for that? RedMagic and a few others, and I, have each, in our own way, responded to your complaint with handing you a mirror. The answer lies within. Or, as Red puts it - work-avoidance - means not doing the parts you do control. Right now, you are in the midst of a thread rush. You appear to be in sheer reactive mode. Stop. Pause. Think. Come back later. It's nearly impossible for an OP to take in things when they move this quickly. And hey, you care about the acceptance & respectful tone here? Take a look at that thread. People loved it. (the civility thread) The argument that judging judgmental individuals as judgmental in turn makes me judgmental is extremely, extremely weak. Judgmental people are judgmental. There is no other way to describe them. You suggest a better use of my energy and time, yet I have observed others doing the exact thing you suggest and as a result, they don't make friends, they get the harsh judgmental hypocrisy thrown at them instead. You state how they are " are miserable, pathetic and pitiable creatures. All they spew is hate, rage and venom." and then wonder why I'm not in a hurry to try and make friends with them. If the website were full of open minded, accepting individuals, I'd already be at peace and I'd have had no need or reason to have posted this initial post in the first place. Are there cool people on this website, yes most certainly but many of them have since stopped coming to the message boards to discuss things civilly amongst each other, because they finally grew tired of all the harsh judging. They shouldn't have had to deal with that, and since they do have to, I'm going to point out how judgmental and hypocritical people are. Telling me that I in turn am now judgmental for pointing out the judgmental isn't going to get me to stop. Stop being hypocritical, closed minded and judgmental, then I'll stop calling people hypocritical, closed minded and judgmental. That will work. :)

browserette -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 1:30:55 PM)
yeah I have to say in response to the OP, to echo another commenter,as someone who is strict about what I DON'T want on my profile, I find that it is necessary. We get inundated with messages from men wanting X and Y and I can't stand X and Y and this person has not read my profile. Over here we have to be VERY clear and we still get 2 or so emails a day about scat. Even if we state specifically that we don't want that. That isn't being judgemental, that is called drawing boundaries. Most Dommes here get these messages for "fetishes" from men who are too poor to pay for a pro and assume that non-pro women would be interested in providing services to them in a similar manner…that is simply not how it works. We need to connected with a person, not a fetish and it's always about what the Domme wants, not the other way around. If you have too many requests, you are not submissive in my opinion. You are better off connecting with a Pro-Domme who is open to your preferences.

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 1:39:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: browserette yeah I have to say in response to the OP, to echo another commenter,as someone who is strict about what I DON'T want on my profile, I find that it is necessary. We get inundated with messages from men wanting X and Y and I can't stand X and Y and this person has not read my profile. Over here we have to be VERY clear and we still get 2 or so emails a day about scat. Even if we state specifically that we don't want that. That isn't being judgemental, that is called drawing boundaries. Most Dommes here get these messages for "fetishes" from men who are too poor to pay for a pro and assume that non-pro women would be interested in providing services to them in a similar manner…that is simply not how it works. We need to connected with a person, not a fetish and it's always about what the Domme wants, not the other way around. If you have too many requests, you are not submissive in my opinion. You are better off connecting with a Pro-Domme who is open to your preferences. In your particular and specific example, I agree with you. If someone is PM'ing or IM'ing you looking for something specific, when you have already outlined in your profile that you are not into that something, then the judgments are warranted. I actually agree with most of what you have said in your statement. It is irrelevant to anything I have posted in this thread however. I was speaking directly towards messageboard responses. Not at all towards anything you have spoken of.

thishereboi -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 1:41:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee quote: ORIGINAL: browserette yeah I have to say in response to the OP, to echo another commenter,as someone who is strict about what I DON'T want on my profile, I find that it is necessary. We get inundated with messages from men wanting X and Y and I can't stand X and Y and this person has not read my profile. Over here we have to be VERY clear and we still get 2 or so emails a day about scat. Even if we state specifically that we don't want that. That isn't being judgemental, that is called drawing boundaries. Most Dommes here get these messages for "fetishes" from men who are too poor to pay for a pro and assume that non-pro women would be interested in providing services to them in a similar manner…that is simply not how it works. We need to connected with a person, not a fetish and it's always about what the Domme wants, not the other way around. If you have too many requests, you are not submissive in my opinion. You are better off connecting with a Pro-Domme who is open to your preferences. In your particular and specific example, I agree with you. If someone is PM'ing or IM'ing you looking for something specific, when you have already outlined in your profile that you are not into that something, then the judgments are warranted. I actually agree with most of what you have said in your statement. It is irrelevant to anything I have posted in this thread however. I was speaking directly towards messageboard responses. Not at all towards anything you have spoken of. Maybe it would help if you showed us some examples of people posting things ""What the fuck is wrong with you A? Scat is fuckign disgusting, People who like Scat ought to be drug out into the street and shot" That way we can get a better understanding of why it's happening so often.

BadCopNoDonut -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 1:50:11 PM)
I just read a post from some Sub who was confused & posed a question to the "Ask a Master," section. While most were nice, there were two in the peanut gallery who were just down right, rude. One "prick" (when I read where he was located, I thought "wow, what the consensus is about New Yorkers, being rude, is pretty spot on." While I know not all NYers are like that), said she was just looking for sympathy, & really didn't want the answer. Another person said, wanting to be called, or liking to be called, "his, slut or whore," I can't remember, which word it was, "was degrading, & he 'never' used that terminology." The Sub clearly didn't ask for sympathy, she was trying to clear up, mixed messages. When she tried to give further background, she was ridiculed more. I looked for her profile, couldn't find her. I was going to tell her "opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, but few want to hear from them." I felt sorry & concerned for her, & it pissed me off, that "some" Master's clearly forgot what they are suppose to bring to the table. Being cruel, & rude to ANY person is unacceptable, in my mind, unless you've clearly done something to get that response. It was sad, the girl, clearly came to get clarification from other Masters, only to probably retreat back to the Vanilla world, where guys don't hide behind the title of Master, just asshole.

BecomingV -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 1:51:45 PM)
I stuck up for a specific kink related group earlier today on another thread. In addition to that one clash, that poster followed me to other threads to write more trash. About me, not about what my point was. I didn't respond. I did not correct these awful words about me. Time. I'm not invested. Better things to do. Anyone who reads it is either going to consider the source - and that poster really made it clear they suffered from some mental imbalance, or they will believe what they read. The ones I care about consider the source. There is nothing for me to do there. What that person wrote reflects on them, is about some drama in their head and is not my business. I do not, however, remain silent when hate stuff comes up. So, long story, but when I saw more posts, I checked the profile to see what the damage was, and really, I thought it might be a teen because of immaturity and temper tantrums and name-calling and melodramatic self-aggrandizement. Also, at that point, I thought it wise to check if there was any reason for concern. I think the guy had a breakdown of some sort. Anyway, here is what I got in my mailbox (thankfully, among other very, very kind and respectful cmails). "Im glad you took the time to view me you fuckenteth idioteth. Now get off my jock you dumb ass cunt" Now, following your process and logic, I SHOULD be offended or be feeling bad in some way. Nope. I hit the report button, took a moment to call up some compassion - and some pity, and then wrote back to the nice and healthy people. That message has nothing to do with me, you see. That's some poor soul having a deeply emotional response to what? A stranger on the internet who disagrees? I have to admit to a bit of laughter, too, though. I'm not all compassion and hugs. That guy had written something snarky about my dungeons and dragons style of typing. ??? LOL I am unfamiliar and had no clue what that meant. And, I didn't care enough to ask. He'd already been tossed into my "ignore" pile. So, I realized after another of his posts - directed to me, that he didn't recognize a quote from Shakespeare! LOL So, this is one example of not making yourself subject to the whims and moods of others. His bad day is not my bad day. That didn't just happen. I have myself trained, like Pavlov's dogs, to let other people's shit that gets onto me, just slide off. For me, that's a moment of gratitude that their shit didn't come out of me, isn't mine and that I get to leave it behind. I have power. I use it. So, can you.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 1:59:01 PM)
OP: Go back to your original thread - http://www.collarchat.com/m_3812428/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3812428 It was a long monologue which you admitted had no question. You tried right from the outset to "educate" us into CBT and acceptance - which we already do. Then start reading through the first page or so of responses. Nobody was rude or dismissive to you, yet you started to get all ranty and obnoxious in your replies. In many senses, you have done exactly the same in this thread too. You rant and rave on about the responses when in fact, you're the one that started the ball rolling down that slope. Pot and kettle... those that throw stones... etc etc etc.

DesFIP -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 2:28:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BadCopNoDonut One "prick" (when I read where he was located, I thought "wow, what the consensus is about New Yorkers, being rude, is pretty spot on." While I know not all NYers are like that), said she was just looking for sympathy, & really didn't want the answer. Another person said, wanting to be called, or liking to be called, "his, slut or whore," I can't remember, which word it was, "was degrading, & he 'never' used that terminology." Congratulations on discovering that cultural mores are place and people specific. That what is rude in your hometown is blunt somewhere else. That what is polite where you are is mealy mouthed elsewhere. Most of us learn this the first time we mix with people who aren't exactly like us. I'm curious as to why you've never encountered people from other backgrounds before. As far as advice versus sympathy? Mostly we see people who ask for advice but don't really want it. Mainly they don't want to learn what they've done wrong. They want support in blaming all their exes and an excuse not to take any personal responsibility. Some of us are followers of Thomas Edison instead, a man who was excited to learn that he had failed in a new way, instead of repeating the old failures ad nauseum. Because you can only learn to succeed when you accept what you have done wrong.

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 2:29:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 OP: Go back to your original thread - http://www.collarchat.com/m_3812428/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3812428 It was a long monologue which you admitted had no question. You tried right from the outset to "educate" us into CBT and acceptance - which we already do. Then start reading through the first page or so of responses. Nobody was rude or dismissive to you, yet you started to get all ranty and obnoxious in your replies. In many senses, you have done exactly the same in this thread too. You rant and rave on about the responses when in fact, you're the one that started the ball rolling down that slope. Pot and kettle... those that throw stones... etc etc etc. Point taken from something over 3 years ago. Nobody was rude or dismissive to me then? Nobody? Nobody? Some weren't and some were. How am I being a pot in this instance? Because I called someone who is clearly judgmental judgmental? Ok, answer my question then. What should I call someone that is judgmental? If I call them judgmental, that makes me judgmental right? Well if they ARE judgmental? Then how do I address them properly?

Moderator3 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 2:32:52 PM)
It might be nice if you all posted less about the poster and more about their comments. It would be appreciated. Thank you

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 2:40:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee Ok, answer my question then. What should I call someone that is judgmental? If I call them judgmental, that makes me judgmental right? Well if they ARE judgmental? Then how do I address them properly? You don't!! You ignore them, put them on hide, block them..... whatever. Just don't get all uppity when people start getting ballsy back at you. That makes you part of the problem, not the solution.

anniezz338 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 2:59:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardyballzee How am I being a pot in this instance? Because I called someone who is clearly judgmental judgmental? Ok, answer my question then. What should I call someone that is judgmental? If I call them judgmental, that makes me judgmental right? Well if they ARE judgmental? Then how do I address them properly? Don't call them anything at all. If I think someone or someones are assholes, should I address them as such? Not unless they are an asshole to me. Why keep fueling the fire? Why all this negative energy? Don't you have anything else better to do then hang out here judging judgemental people?

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 3:18:17 PM)
Ignoring problems has always made the go away right? Last I checked ignoring slavery for example, wasn't what made it finally go away.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 3:23:48 PM)
Don't you see that you are the one causing the problems by your own responses?? And, I'll re-iterate what someone else said earlier: If you are having better luck elsewhere, why are you ranting on here with so much negativity?? Trying to judge the judgemental is a self-defeating obsessiveness. What you don't agree with.... ignore.

hardyballzee -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 3:37:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 Don't you see that you are the one causing the problems by your own responses?? And, I'll re-iterate what someone else said earlier: If you are having better luck elsewhere, why are you ranting on here with so much negativity?? Trying to judge the judgemental is a self-defeating obsessiveness. What you don't agree with.... ignore. Because people need to be told off sometimes. People need to know that they're fucking assholes and need to feel bad because they deserve it. They go about making others who don't deserve to feel bad, feel bad, and that is an injustice. Give them a taste of their own medicine every now and then. What does ignoring do? Let them know that they can continue being pricks to others? Let them know that they can get away with it and no one will stick up to their bullying? What good does that do?

KYsissy -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 3:38:14 PM)
OP, you do realize you have been given solid advice. There are people on the internet that JUSTLOVE to push your buttons. When I look back at your posts i can see just how to throw you into a tizzy. But I am not a sadist. Do you think it's possible that on a kink discussion board you might encounter a sadist who just lives to get message board posters all riled up? Hell they are probably beating off every time they get response. And here we are thinking WE are wierd. Some people just like to pick fights. But i usually ignore them . . . . Unless . . . . They bust out the CAPS LOCK, then its serious!!!

Moderator3 -> RE: I've had better luck on okcupid and pof (5/13/2014 3:42:09 PM)
This thread has gone on long enough and has required a lot of staff attention. With the cycling of posts just continuing a dispute, I will take this opportunity to lock the thread as there seems no resolution and only a continuation of the same ventfest. Please enjoy other threads.

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