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RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 5/22/2014 11:31:43 AM   
BecomingV


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Status: offline 		Is this willful ignorance or did you really miss the point?
quote:

ORIGINAL: Telios


quote:

ORIGINAL: MizzSpitfire

What a "service submissive" ISN'T: A guy who says he will do "anything sexual" you want him to.
When are these men going to stop equating service with sex?


Interesting observation.
I must say that, for me, while "sex" isn't the reward, per se, I wouldn't even think of being a service submissive to a man.
So, sexuality "is" involved.

Somehow.


No one said sexuality is not involved. What you were told is that it's not a barter system - chores for sex. Some arrangements are about the experience of being controlled as a maid or as a car mechanic or whatever that couple agrees to do. It's about direction and being directed, about giving and receiving and about deference to the will and wishes of another.

Some guys want to feminize in a controlled and accepting environment, not in a group, just one Dom/me.

Some guys feel relief through domestic service. One service sub I know is a married, hetero, father and professional. He likes being a sissy maid. As a Domme, I offered him a safe place to change his clothes, gave him instructions and tasks, supervised and offered verbal feedback. I got to feel good about providing some respect and acceptance to this man. I got my bathroom cleaned.

The only thing that was sexual about this was our mutual agreement that I was superior because I am female, for that scene. (I don't believe in supremacy based on genitalia.) He was very verbal about Goddess worship, but if you look at his life... eh, not so much in practice.

So, my feelings about service subs reflect positive experiences. BTW, he brought his own g-string and maid outfit and feather duster. I provided the kitchen, food and cleaning supplies.

There's no centralized authority in the BDSM community to find a definitive answer to your question. However, reading these threads, and those on other sites; meeting others in person, locally or while on vacation away from home, is a good way to find a consensus of meanings. I choose to think of service submission as a non-sexual arrangement.

A submissive, is already available for domestic service, so that's more about a sexual relationship. Others will tell you different points of view, and that doesn't make them wrong.

Anyone in the BDSM world really needs to have the kind of mentality that accepts that opposing viewpoints may both be valid. Choose your own labels and then describe them in detail, to others. Then, the most important step... LISTEN.

ETA - I was not told in advance that the married service submissive was a married man. That was revealed just before he left and he was not invited back because of that deception. Shame. Otherwise, he was great. But, that's like saying the perfume would have been great if not for the shit is was sprinkled on.


< Message edited by BecomingV -- 5/22/2014 11:35:59 AM >

(in reply to Telios)
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RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 5/22/2014 5:19:30 PM   
avox


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MizzSpitfire
When are these men going to stop equating service with sex?


I would think not a single man would be on this forum if their kink wasn't equated with sex.

The women would be all alone.

(in reply to MizzSpitfire)
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RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 5/22/2014 5:43:53 PM   
PandoraFoxxx


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From: San Mateo, CA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: avox


quote:

ORIGINAL: MizzSpitfire
When are these men going to stop equating service with sex?


I would think not a single man would be on this forum if their kink wasn't equated with sex.

The women would be all alone.



Equating their kink/fetish with sex is not the same thing as their kink/fetish being sexually arousing or satisfying. I say with confidence that while it is commonplace for many to believe that the old "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" = sexual acts; it in fact can not be farther from the truth. Especially with fetishists. Their kink IS what satisfies them sexually, not necessarily their kink + a little sex. A service oriented submissive is exactly that - they provide a service, and that service is more often than not - in my personal experience - something domestic with no demand or expectation of any sexual acts.

(in reply to avox)
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RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 5/22/2014 6:01:38 PM   
MizzSpitfire


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[/quote]

Equating their kink/fetish with sex is not the same thing as their kink/fetish being sexually arousing or satisfying. I say with confidence that while it is commonplace for many to believe that the old "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" = sexual acts; it in fact can not be farther from the truth. Especially with fetishists. Their kink IS what satisfies them sexually, not necessarily their kink + a little sex. A service oriented submissive is exactly that - they provide a service, and that service is more often than not - in my personal experience - something domestic with no demand or expectation of any sexual acts.
[/quote]


Amen. I'm certainly not looking for a sexless relationship, but I don't want a relationship that is purely based on nothing but me satisfying the sexual and fetish fantasies of the submissive.

(in reply to PandoraFoxxx)
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RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 5/22/2014 7:07:19 PM   
FriendlyMuppet


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From: Corpus Christi, Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MizzSpitfire


Amen. I'm certainly not looking for a sexless relationship, but I don't want a relationship that is purely based on nothing but me satisfying the sexual and fetish fantasies of the submissive.


And strangely enough, no matter how many people say something similar, or believe something similar, it will still remain one of the more elusive things in the scene to find. And that's coming from a submissive who IS seeking just that.

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(in reply to MizzSpitfire)
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RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 6/27/2014 3:15:31 PM   
thompsonx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MizzSpitfire

Amen. I'm certainly not looking for a sexless relationship, but I don't want a relationship that is purely based on nothing but me satisfying the sexual and fetish fantasies of the submissive.


We were discussing "service submissive" implicit in that title is the fact that you are receiving their service so the relationship is something more than you simply satisfying their sexual fantasies.
Lets assume for purpose of discussion that the service sub is in fact good at the service they provide. A jag or a bmw can be purchased used for not very much money but maintainence can be quite pricy. Handyman services are not cheap. Having a hundred dollar an hour "genie" at the snap of your finger 24/7 don't you think that should be worth more than a smile.

(in reply to MizzSpitfire)
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RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 6/27/2014 5:30:00 PM   
FieryOpal


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From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

We were discussing "service submissive" implicit in that title is the fact that you are receiving their service so the relationship is something more than you simply satisfying their sexual fantasies.
Lets assume for purpose of discussion that the service sub is in fact good at the service they provide. A jag or a bmw can be purchased used for not very much money but maintainence can be quite pricy. Handyman services are not cheap. Having a hundred dollar an hour "genie" at the snap of your finger 24/7 don't you think that should be worth more than a smile.


So in your estimation, then, how much do you think your time is worth, as a service submissive, my subbly friend?

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to thompsonx)
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RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 6/27/2014 6:22:22 PM   
LookieNoNookie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx


quote:

ORIGINAL: MizzSpitfire

Amen. I'm certainly not looking for a sexless relationship, but I don't want a relationship that is purely based on nothing but me satisfying the sexual and fetish fantasies of the submissive.


We were discussing "service submissive" implicit in that title is the fact that you are receiving their service so the relationship is something more than you simply satisfying their sexual fantasies.
Lets assume for purpose of discussion that the service sub is in fact good at the service they provide. A jag or a bmw can be purchased used for not very much money but maintainence can be quite pricy. Handyman services are not cheap. Having a hundred dollar an hour "genie" at the snap of your finger 24/7 don't you think that should be worth more than a smile.



(His name is actually ThompsonV)

(in reply to thompsonx)
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RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 6/27/2014 6:33:39 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Didn't yours used to be: AtYourCerxiV?

Btw, like your new avatar message: "GO BACK, WE FUCKED UP EVERYTHING."

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
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RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 6/27/2014 6:40:28 PM   
LookieNoNookie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

Didn't yours used to be: AtYourCerxiV?

Btw, like your new avatar message: "GO BACK, WE FUCKED UP EVERYTHING."


There was no pink V in my (previous) screen name(s).

ThompsonV has been cleared for a pink V


(And by the way....AtYourCervix was genius :) )

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 6/27/2014 6:41:28 PM >

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 6/27/2014 6:50:32 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		(Fixed it for ya.... Better, now, more lavender-lilac?)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

There was no pink V in my (previous) screen name(s).

ThompsonV has been cleared for a pinkV

(And by the way....AtYourCerxiV was genius :) )


_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 6/27/2014 7:14:20 PM   
LookieNoNookie


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Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

(Fixed it for ya.... Better, now, more lavender-lilac?)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

There was no pink V in my (previous) screen name(s).

ThompsonV has been cleared for a pinkV

(And by the way....AtYourCerxiV was genius :) )



I can go with that. I'm a 90's kind of guy.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 6/27/2014 7:24:11 PM   
FieryOpal


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Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

I can go with that. I'm a 90's kind of guy.

I coulda gone with salmon, but some people think that looks more pink than peachy.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 6/27/2014 7:43:26 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

I can go with that. I'm a 90's kind of guy.

I coulda gone with salmon, but some people think that looks more pink than peachy.


I don't do seafood....colors or food.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 6/29/2014 3:43:02 PM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

We were discussing "service submissive" implicit in that title is the fact that you are receiving their service so the relationship is something more than you simply satisfying their sexual fantasies.
Lets assume for purpose of discussion that the service sub is in fact good at the service they provide. A jag or a bmw can be purchased used for not very much money but maintainence can be quite pricy. Handyman services are not cheap. Having a hundred dollar an hour "genie" at the snap of your finger 24/7 don't you think that should be worth more than a smile.


So in your estimation, then, how much do you think your time is worth, as a service submissive, my subbly friend?


It really is a function of how much the recipient of my larges feels is necessary to keep me from seeking other employment.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 6/29/2014 5:06:08 PM   
FieryOpal


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Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

It really is a function of how much the recipient of my larges[se] feels is necessary to keep me from seeking other employment.


Ah, the diplomatically evasive answer, then. You could just say you accept Topping-for-barter arrangements, which is what you were alluding to.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to thompsonx)
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RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 6/29/2014 5:55:46 PM   
thompsonx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

It really is a function of how much the recipient of my larges[se] feels is necessary to keep me from seeking other employment.


Ah, the diplomatically evasive answer, then. You could just say you accept Topping-for-barter arrangements, which is what you were alluding to.

Not at all. What I was alluding to was that the service sub does not come to the table empty handed, so to speak.
If his services are not appreciated is it possible that another domme might bird dog your bitch?

(in reply to FieryOpal)
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RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 6/29/2014 6:17:21 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
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From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

Not at all. What I was alluding to was that the service sub does not come to the table empty handed, so to speak.
If his services are not appreciated is it possible that another domme might bird dog your bitch?


Not saying it doesn't happen, but I have yet to hear of a single case of one Domme encroaching upon another Domme's bitch. Lending out or sharing a service sub between themselves, is another matter.

Besides, this is all purely hypothetical for me. I don't do service subs, and my bitchboy would not be a service sub in the first place.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to thompsonx)
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RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 6/29/2014 8:07:39 PM   
thompsonx


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ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

I don't do service subs, and my bitchboy would not be a service sub in the first place.


Hmmmmmmm....you would rather eat at jack in the box than have your bitch,the gourmet chef, cook for you?

(in reply to FieryOpal)
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RE: What exactly is a "service submissive"? - 6/29/2014 9:00:22 PM   
GoddessManko


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From: Dante's Inferno
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

Hmmmmmmm....you would rather eat at jack in the box than have your bitch,the gourmet chef, cook for you?


I'm a very busy woman so service subs are GLORIOUS. :)

_____________________________

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(in reply to thompsonx)
Profile   Post #: 60
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