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RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/10/2006 12:12:05 PM

Slipstreme

Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

Pain for me, is a need. Although I am not a slave, switch or sub for that matter, I have realized that I need the masochistic experience. For me, it is sexual, and it is a deep catharsis, a release of emotional energy that otherwise seeths beneath the surface. I can have many Tops and bottom play partners, as I am as bound to sadism as well. However, it is the touch of my subs and flesh of my slave that I crave most, the ones I am fluid bound to, the ones I love and care for most, and who currently live in two different states

. I have already once tried to push masochism out of my life earlier this year, because of the control factor needed to accomplish it. It didn't work. My body screamed, my mind screamed, and drawing it out to relieve the need, didn't work.

Pain play does not increase any submissive desires, there are none, but it does bring me closer to a couple of those I play with, and with my family, has me inextricably bound to them.

I have used pain, especially on my slave, and have realized that it bound her and I as deeply to each other. In punishment, it has made it such that she really can't disobey me and made her truely sorry for her transgressions against Master Ed, her transgressions that she was afraid would also end up against me. It made her my slave as much as signing her contract and gaining her trust and love made me her Master (We're sticklers for tradition, symbolism does count) . On the boys, it basically just let them realize that it isn't so bad being under the whip (they're lightweights :P) with the one you love.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to fyrekittyn)

Post #: 21

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/10/2006 1:19:37 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

I want to ask all the subbies and slaves to describe something for me. Jali started a similar thread and it had a few good answers but i think i am looking for (if it is possible) more definitive ones.

Can any of you describe the overwhelming screaming need that is both physical and mental to feel your owner or Dom/Domme whip or hurt you in some fashion?

No, I can't really describe it but I do marvel at having these feelings for pain. I NEED him to hurt me. I NEED to feel the pain at his hands. It is an overwhelming and wonderful feeling.

quote:

Can you put into words how it makes you feel? I do not mean the subspace or the sexual response; i mean the deeper seated sometimes unfathomable emotive response.

I don't think I can top the responses that have already been given. I'm new to this lifestyle and just starting to understand that I have this need in me. I know that when he does beat me I both embrace it and fight it. It hurts like hell and at the time I hate it. But, if he stops I want more. It causes me to cry. When it's over and he is holding me I feel completelty drained, loved, peaceful and free. Those are the feelings that make me crave the hurt.

quote:

Do you find afterwards that is makes you softer, more pliable, does it somehow intensify your feelings of love or submission?

Yes, it does make me softer and more pliable. I'm his good girl. I feel complete love and respect for him. I feel submissive and obedient. There is nothing I wouldnt do for him in these moments. It's at these moments that I feel the closest to him and it's a state of mind I wish I could always live in.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 22

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/10/2006 2:09:55 PM

D1961wildchild

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline

I so agree with most of what has been said ... a deep felt need that brings me closer to My Sir... a renewal of spirit and mind ... a cleansing release and there is punishment that is like atonement for what you have done that allows you to move beyond it.

Pain also contains healing for me ... Pain by choice, accepted for growth and to bring us closer somehow deminishes the pain of the past, somehow it brings it into the light and dismisses it. I am not sure how to put it into words but so much of the pain of my past has been reduced and minimised by the pain that is part of my D/s relationship.

Though I acknowledge all the wonderous facets of pain in my relationship with Sir and the many ways we are enhanced by its effects .... the over riding thing with me and pain is pure sex ... unbeleivable almost primitive sexual sensations that pain produces in me I find facinating. lol the worse punishment for this girl is pain without sex ... drives me nuts. Even when the pain has been healing or cleansing, once the initial and immediate is dealt with the sexual need will hit me like a tidal wave, at times almost uncontrolable and so absolutely deliscious.

I am a true believer in "whip me, beat me, fuck me" lol

warm smiles to all

< Message edited by D1961wildchild -- 7/10/2006 2:11:30 PM >

_____________________________

formally redheadedfire4u ...
Driver1961's redheadedfire now lol ...
warm smiles to all

(in reply to Littlepita)

Post #: 23

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/10/2006 2:12:23 PM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Can any of you describe the overwhelming screaming need that is both physical and mental to feel your owner or Dom/Domme whip or hurt you in some fashion?

Very good question. And you're right, it is a screaming need. Physically, it's sedating, calming. i feel completely surrendered after a good beating. There is no resistance or reactance, there is just His will, His pleasure, His desire.

Why i crave it, i don't really know. Some of it feels like the need to know, be able to physically describe my devotion - "see how dedicated i am, Master - You can torture my body, my mind and i am still Yours." Maybe it's a desire to express in a physical form, unconditional love. i think in some ways it expresses the vastness and resiliancy of my surrender.

Typically, the desire to please is always present, but some resistance, some self-centeredness and selfishness begin to creep back in. i feel like the whipping literally beats it out of me for a time. i don't delude myself that the process won't repeat itself. When i'm whipped i feel cared about, cared for, possessed. It reminds me that this is what i have agreed to - to be used, to serve, to give.

It's a very private and personal thing because it's the power exchange and the sado-masochistic exchange which is something that takes courage to face in O/ourselves, i believe. Then to show it and share it with another is very deep to me.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 24

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/10/2006 2:53:30 PM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Submotive

quote:

Can any of you describe the overwhelming screaming need that is both physical and mental to feel your owner or Dom/Domme whip or hurt you in some fashion?

It's a very private and personal thing because it's the power exchange and the sado-masochistic exchange which is something that takes courage to face in O/ourselves, i believe. Then to show it and share it with another is very deep to me.

So true....... Many are the times i have read or listened to people say” how easy it must be to give up yourself and control over your life to another" or” you must be so weak to need another person to run your life". The folks making these comments have no conception of the strength it takes to surrender ones self so helplessly to another. Nor could they begin to imagine the faith and trust required to lay your inner being so bare in your owner’s sight.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Submotive)

Post #: 25

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/10/2006 2:56:16 PM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Submotive

quote:

Can any of you describe the overwhelming screaming need that is both physical and mental to feel your owner or Dom/Domme whip or hurt you in some fashion?

It's a very private and personal thing because it's the power exchange and the sado-masochistic exchange which is something that takes courage to face in O/ourselves, i believe. Then to show it and share it with another is very deep to me.

So true....... Many are the times i have read or listened to people say” how easy it must be to give up yourself and control over your life to another" or” you must be so weak to need another person to run your life". The folks making these comments have no conception of the strength it takes to surrender ones self so helplessly to another. Nor could they begin to imagine the faith and trust required to lay your inner being so bare in your owner’s sight.

Focus is not weakness.

Transparency is not flimsy.

And devotion is hard work.

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 26

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/10/2006 4:42:58 PM

alandraofMists

Posts: 187
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

The need for pain play is a release and strength for me. This is something I wrote a while back to describe to myself and to my Lord why I had this need for play.

Play, physical pain in the play helps me keep balance in my emotions and daily life. At the start of the play, i take the part of me that is my core (spirit) whatever you wish to call it. This is not my mind, or emotions it is my being *my being is what i am, not how He has shaped me or what He has taught me, it is the basis of me and can never be changed, only added to. *

it moves from my body and my mind, and it seems like to move deep into the earth where my power base is, this is the base that i draw my strength and patience from to do my daily tasks and help me
through my daily life struggles. In this power base there is a section that holds all the stresses and negative emotions that have built up in my life.

The pain in play brings out my crying, sobbing, and general crying out. My reactions and the energy flowing off me during the play is me releasing the negative stresses and emotions and taking in and storing the energy that gives me strength and balance in my daily life.

The power that i am talking about is the power that is given off by the Top and bottom during play, the power of each strike, and the power that my body makes or absorbs when taking those strikes, some strikes i can only absorb a little and have to push the rest of the power away from me, either it is to strong or not the right type of power needed.

So really in a way my body is like a lightening rod for the power to come into, my mind is off watching and sometimes participating *grins* in the play. my being (core) is at my power base making sure everything is all right there *my power base is the safest place that i know of* and connecting my body to my power base is this conduit that transfers the power to the base and the negative is let out of it.

When my power base is getting to the point of being filled with only negative, my emotions and my life suffer greatly, i am sad and depressed about my life and my life at times has no meaning or reason. Everything is out of control and i don't have the ability to bring things into focus or straighten them out.

Pain play helps me to focus and bring out the best in me. It is not the only way I have to help me focus but it is the best way I have found. The effects are longer lasting and more deeply felt than any other way.

I have posted this once before on another thread… but feel that this very much answers my thoughts on this question.

Knight’s alandra

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 27

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/10/2006 5:05:13 PM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

It is like an ache that is just in the back of your mind, a little craving that sits there, especially if there has been any great time between heavy play.

How it makes me feel is a bit more complicated. It makes me feel grounded, centered and focused. There is nothing else that matters in the moment exept Him and I, the primal almost feral way He looks at me. I can let go of all the external things that are in the front of my mind, the little petty stresses. I can scream and cry, releasing the toxic build up of stress that I collect from work. I feel alive. I feel important and loved.

After pain play I feel more connected to my life, more relaxed and definatly happier.. I have only ever played with one person and the level we have played at has created a certian level of intimacy and trust. Some of the most powerful and enlightening moments of my life have come out of heavy play and the most endearing afterwords in the quiet words spoken speak volumes in just a sentence.

denika

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 28

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/10/2006 5:42:37 PM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Alandra, it is nice to see you here. I am more familiar with the posts of your sister in bondage Kyra. A wonderfully expressive piece, thank you for adding it to this thread.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to alandraofMists)

Post #: 29

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/10/2006 8:42:21 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Yes, I have seen the need in the subs/slaves and their cries for
release are joy to My ears. Some use pain as a catharsis, and
are exhausted and happy afterwards. They are relieved of
blocked emotional energy. They are grateful and very submissive
following the Scene.

A few are more physical in their response. They want to experience
the intense pain and will beg for it. Once the Scene is done, they quickly
resume their normal behavior and are less submissive, not more so.

Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

Have any of the dominants out there seen this desire in their subs/slaves and the deepening in their responsivenessor their submission or service afterwards?

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 30

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/10/2006 9:25:04 PM

sweetbbwsub31

Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

I want to ask all the subbies and slaves to describe something for me. Jali started a similar thread and it had a few good answers but i think i am looking for (if it is possible) more definitive ones.

Can any of you describe the overwhelming screaming need that is both physical and mental to feel your owner or Dom/Domme whip or hurt you in some fashion?

Can you put into words how it makes you feel? I do not mean the subspace or the sexual response; i mean the deeper seated sometimes unfathomable emotive response.

Do you find afterwards that is makes you softer, more pliable, does it somehow intensify your feelings of love or submission?

If it does can you explain why and how?

Have any of the dominants out there seen this desire in their subs/slaves and the deepening in their responsivenessor their submission or service afterwards?

This is a great question and it seems that there are a lot of common answers. You have a lot of great responses.

I would just like to add that it makes me feel complete. If I don't have it I miss it. It throws me off balance. I am clear, centered and ready to conquer anything after coming down from a good spanking. (that is just what does it for me most) It brings me to another world and deeper and deeper into bliss with every strike.

And yes, my submission is so much stronger. My Sir could do anything to me when I am in that state.

sub tara

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 31

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/10/2006 9:31:45 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr
Yes and can post an old Gihbrahn quote the spoke to my soul, of why that is.

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. …

The author is Kahlil Gibran and the quote is from his wonderful book The Prophet. It’s an absolutely beautiful book; perhaps a ‘must have’ for every library! Thank you so much, Caretakr.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChainedExistence

At times I can feel driven but unfocused, excitable, quick to emotional outbursts, overly chatty, I stop sleeping well, I start to feel more augumentative and take things more personally, little issues seem to take on huge importance.
When Master decides to whip me, I become quiet and focused. Everything centers on the moment at hand. Whether I laugh, or cry, space or not, there comes an internal shift in how I react. Of course, it renews my bond with Master, and makes me feel very sensual and loving. There are other benefits I notice later: I accomplish things more readily, I am calmer, more even-tempered. I am more logical, more the peacekeeper, and able to look at little things as the little things they are. My parents used to joke that sometimes a kid just needed a spanking for no reason..and maybe there's something to that. It seems to purge all the negativity out of me. I feel softer, more feminine, more submissive....sigh....makes me wish for it all the more intensely.

ChainedExistence… thank you so much for your post! It is just like that for me, too; and I most definitely become more focused…which of course benefits the rest of my daily life. LMBO…erin, it IS very much like a defragging, isn’t it? LOL

In spite of this…I am not a pain-slut (as I fondly call them). While I will stand willingly until I am literally beaten bloody, it is not the pain, but the submission that sends me. Padriag put it eloquently with his post the other day on “Service with Substance”:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

I've never considered myself a sadist, though I can be very sadistic at times. But its not their pain I get off on. Its that a submissive is willing to suffer for me to please me, for my pleasure, that does it for me. Because again that is a very strong message of submission.

Yes, it's submission that sends me...more so than does the pain. I hope that makes sense. Like pita said "Those are the feelings that make me crave the hurt."

beverly

< Message edited by Bearlee -- 7/10/2006 9:36:21 PM >

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 32

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/10/2006 11:33:32 PM

OTKkindaGirl

Posts: 447
Joined: 12/26/2005
From: NW Arkansas
Status: offline

fortunate for masochistic me, i am collared to a sadist.

the level and intensity of my emotions really does hinge on what implement he uses. i don't know why this is but it just is. pain is pleasure for me regardless what he uses, i will eventually have an orgasm... i cannot help it and i don't understand it.

paddles tend to make me squirm but are the quickest to get me to subspace, i block out everything and hear nothing but my breathing.

a heavy flogger i find sensual no matter how slow or fast and honestly is my favorite.

a light braided flogger is more intense and biting and commands my full attention where no other thought is allowed in, it seems to tap into helping me release the days worries and lifes little fears to simply escape the realities and bind me into the here and right freakin' now moment! reality bites.

the crop or cane either one, bring out the hidden emotions that i keep under control at all times. i guess the harsher the implement the more justified i feel in my emotions as secret as i keep them. do i express these emotions outwardly, no. i embrace them and hold on to them until they no longer exist during such punishments as these. enduring this type of pain, helps me to release the hidden harshness of life with nobody ever knowing the negativity within my being.

that is why it is a release for me emotionally, it is screaming to be let out and each tool has it's purpose in my mind. each one represents different levels of release for me, and though i do orgasm from them i also do cry. sometimes from guilt over the hidden emotions that have been subconscious and sometimes from feeling wonderfully purged. am i more at peace and more compliant afterwards, oh yes! there is definitely a sense of balancing within myself that i am sure all "good girls" identify with. the emotional release is pleasure after all, is it not? and yes, truly there is no greater feeling than wrapping yourself at ones feet and knowing that they understand and appreciate all that you have given of yourself.

i do feel more love and devotion after such times because of the enormity and intesity of the intimate situation. it takes a lot of trust to have such an exchange. i know that it is as hard and as tiring on him as it is on me and to endure and share that with him is sublime. it makes me feel more devoted because he always seems to know exactly what i need.

_____________________________

~~ lil darlin' ~~
hope

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 33

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/11/2006 12:24:34 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I read something tonight (right now I forget where, but think it was my local newspaper), that said spanking releases/produces more Oxytocin into a person's body - and Oxytocin accounts for feelings that "all is right with the world" and can usually make people more pliable, agreeable and peaceful.

Oxytocin, it said, is released/produced when people have sex, and when mothers breastfeed children and also, apparently, after spankings (but the article was in relation to why some parents spank children: Because it makes them more amenable to behaving the way they want them to behave, I guess). If I had the paper, I'd reprint it here (but I threw it out - I am a compulsive neat freak).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/11/2006 12:26:34 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to litleone8620)

Post #: 34

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/11/2006 12:27:52 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I read something tonight (right now I forget where, but think it was my local newspaper, that said spanking releases/produces more Oxytocin into a person's body - and Oxytocin accounts for feelings that "all is right with the world" and can usually make people more pliable, agreeable and peaceful.

Oxytocin, it said, is released/produced when people have sex, and when mothers breastfeed children and also, apparently, after spankings (but the article was in relation to why some parents spank children: Because it makes them more amenable to behaving the way they want them to behave, I guess). If I had the paper, I'd reprint it here (but I threw it out - I am a compulsive neat freak).

- Susan

- Susan

Pain can be love, I never doubted that, from the first time my hand reddened an ass.

And you never look back to monents like that, except fondly.

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/11/2006 12:28:11 AM >

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 35

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/11/2006 12:45:08 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Well at first I thought I was a weirdo because I even thought about it. But then I discovered other people had these feelings, too. And apparently, there is scientific proof re: Why it can feel so good.

I still question whether I'd feel just as good if I was in an horrific car accident, and feeling pain due to that - so I still have to believe emotions associated w/a painful experience have something to do with it, too (the article did not mention this aspect at all).

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 36

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/11/2006 1:03:35 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

Can any of you describe the overwhelming screaming need that is both physical and mental to feel your owner or Dom/Domme whip or hurt you in some fashion?

Outside pain doesn't hurt so much nor last so long as inside pain. It's temporary, superficial, heals quickly and makes you live when the inside feels as if it's died. It brings the tears and if you are fortunate those can help wash away the dirt and the invisible scars left behind by the remembered and forgotten past. Sometimes you scrub and scrub until you are raw and bleeding and just can't seem to get clean then someone who loves you picks up a whip ... and they start to kiss you with it .. and the more they kiss you and the more welts and bruises which rise on the skin.. the less the ones on the inside can effect you, and they are hidden away until the next time you feel overwhelmed by them.

With enough bathing in pain, you can discover that you have finally healed inside. There are no more scars. No more threats to your peace. No more destructive, chaotic thoughts and you have become the person you were meant to be .. living to your potential .. not making excuses for the past or needing them for the future. Neither forgiving nor blaming what brought you to that place where it became a need.. but appreciating it when it became a desire .. one which you could, without regret, give away knowing that no harm would come to you for it. When you have shed enough tears to fill the oceans and to salt the Earth .. when you believe there are none left to give .. that you have dried up .. the pain can make you believe again .. if in nothing else, your own humanity.

I would wish for it to always be a desire .. and never a need .. had I a wish.

Celeste

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 7/11/2006 1:07:05 AM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 37

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/11/2006 1:17:37 AM

subjected2006

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline

yess
the need to connect
pure and simple and beautifully basic
see me
feel me touch me

_____________________________

a rose is a rose..

(in reply to Slipstreme)

Post #: 38

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/11/2006 2:22:36 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

To me, it is often less romantic, though that may be becouse we have not yet begun doing things that are more elaborate. Usualy it go somthing like this.

Outch, this hurt, and that is not as fun as the fantasy pain i conjure up in my little sessions whit my vibrator, though it is kind of nice for i feel more submissive, but outch. And then a calm and some pride after the session have ended. Though one time i enterd a deep meditaion stage, and i have considerd using pain in occult ritual.

(in reply to subjected2006)

Post #: 39

RE: Pain and emotional responses in subs/slaves. - 7/11/2006 3:12:10 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Celeste...absolutely beautifully expressed.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 40

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