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ORIGINAL: FightingChains

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ORIGINAL: SweetlySadistic1

I'm all for women controlling our own sexuality but, if I were a cuckoldress, it would be on my terms and not for the man's fantasy fulfillment.

I've noticed a lot of dom/mes say this, and I wonder why fulfilling a sub's fantasy is such a bad thing. I mean, there's a difference between being a fetish delivery system and being considerate of your sub's desires. Sooner or later, if a sub isn't getting his/her desires met, I'm gonna bet he or she will leave eventually. They still have needs too.

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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

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ORIGINAL: FightingChains
I've noticed a lot of dom/mes say this, and I wonder why fulfilling a sub's fantasy is such a bad thing. I mean, there's a difference between being a fetish delivery system and being considerate of your sub's desires. Sooner or later, if a sub isn't getting his/her desires met, I'm gonna bet he or she will leave eventually. They still have needs too.

I don't think it's a D's job to indulge a sub's whim, no. Then there is a major role reversal there.
Just because I like a kink does not mean I'm here to fulfill it for any sub who indulges or enjoys the same. It just makes no sense really.
You might say you like feet, but maybe I prefer putting you through CBT, I like to FEEL like I'm the one in control and not being coerced, this is a huge deal to me.
Edited to add: (Personal perspective)

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha
<snip>
I can't tell you how many times I have engaged with a sub with a name like "FootworshipSissyForAssLick" and I tell him, "Look, I'm not looking for a foot worshiper, a sissy, or ass licking right now," and he says, "Oh! No, that's just my name, honestly, those fetishes don't matter, I just want to submit. I swear!"

Two interactions later, he's hinting at his fantasies, asking what I think.
<snip>

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ORIGINAL: FightingChains

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ORIGINAL: SweetlySadistic1

I'm all for women controlling our own sexuality but, if I were a cuckoldress, it would be on my terms and not for the man's fantasy fulfillment.

I've noticed a lot of dom/mes say this, and I wonder why fulfilling a sub's fantasy is such a bad thing. I mean, there's a difference between being a fetish delivery system and being considerate of your sub's desires. Sooner or later, if a sub isn't getting his/her desires met, I'm gonna bet he or she will leave eventually. They still have needs too.

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ORIGINAL: SweetlySadistic1
But when it comes to my sexuality, I'm the one in control of it. I'm not going to go out and get sexual with some dude to fulfill someone else's fantasy, no matter how much I care for him, even if I care deeply. That is what I'm driving at here.

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ORIGINAL: SubGuy4Life
Wow I never thought I would be getting this kind of response. I greatly appreciate all the thought provoking ideas raised here. I do want to apologize if I did sound preachy or like I was forcing my thoughts onto other people. (Can someone spank me and we call it even?)

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ORIGINAL: SubGuy4Life
I am new to all this and wanted to post my thoughts so that someone else could hear them and tell me if I was crazy or not. I guess after reading everything I have some unrealistic ideas, it's ok I mean hey I learned something, mission accomplished. I also learned that there many different types of people out there and everyone has there own idea of what is right for them. Just because we have different kinks doesn't make someone wrong, just different, and frankly I am glad we are all different or this world would be a boring place. I know on a personal level I have some self evaluation to do, because as it has been mentioned many times, my ideas are a little misguided. On e again I am learning. (So please don't spank me too hard it's my first day on the job). I guess I don't really know what I will like until I experience many different things. I have a preconceived idea of cuckolding that is wrong and probably way off of reality. Unfortunately that isn't something I will know the answer to until I have experienced it. I may even hate it after it has a happened. I guess that is a part of life and finding our own path. I am willing to bet that everyone reading this started out with a preconceived idea of how they thought things would go. As we learn and grow our beliefs and ideas change into what they are today.
You I am a little drunk and afraid I am sounding preachy again so I will stop. I really do not want to offend anyone, and if I am please tell me what I am doing wrong so I can learn. Thank you all for your time and I look forward to reading this continuing discussion.
Thank you all once again,
B

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ORIGINAL: FightingChains

You're using words like misguided, wrong, etc.

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ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

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ORIGINAL: FightingChains

You're using words like misguided, wrong, etc.

And that in itself will cause me, and others here, to jump to conclusions. People do things the way that they do them. Saying that others are doing them wrong, especially when you have no experience in how it's done, isn't looked upon with favor generally.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

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ORIGINAL: FightingChains

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ORIGINAL: SweetlySadistic1

I'm all for women controlling our own sexuality but, if I were a cuckoldress, it would be on my terms and not for the man's fantasy fulfillment.

I've noticed a lot of dom/mes say this, and I wonder why fulfilling a sub's fantasy is such a bad thing. I mean, there's a difference between being a fetish delivery system and being considerate of your sub's desires. Sooner or later, if a sub isn't getting his/her desires met, I'm gonna bet he or she will leave eventually. They still have needs too.

I'm a femdom, and I have a fantasy. My fantasy is to coerce a man into surrendering his comfort, pride and freedom for my arousal. Any compromise of that and guess what - I am not serving my own dominant desires. I'm just servicing him.

The solution? I match up best with men who get off on surrender. Not on fetishes. Men who have fetishes should seek out women with THOSE fetishes. Plenty of subs honestly get off on surrender to a woman's cruel urges and not knowing or having control is their kink.

For those others, they are responsible to be HONEST about their expectations.

I can't tell you how many times I have engaged with a sub with a name like "FootworshipSissyForAssLick" and I tell him, "Look, I'm not looking for a foot worshiper, a sissy, or ass licking right now," and he says, "Oh! No, that's just my name, honestly, those fetishes don't matter, I just want to submit. I swear!"

Two interactions later, he's hinting at his fantasies, asking what I think.

My first 5+ years were dominating vanilla guys because I didn't know any better. It was all about seduction. Getting them to surrender by enticing them with my arousal, how wet it made me. Then they got off on the helplessness and adrenalin and a pseudo sub was created. Best of all there was NO expectations, topping from the bottom, sulking when I didn't finger his asshole or make him suck a dildo. It was, "I don't necessarily like what you make me do, but god do I love what it does to you."

There are subs like that. They are gems.

Akasha

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But the suggestion that a sub is supposed to just be a fetish delivery device for a dominant is as short sighted as the idea that a dom should be one too. What a sub wants and needs still matters. It's just not a sub deciding if and when those wants and needs get met.

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ORIGINAL: Manko

A lot of what you say makes no sense to me, apologies. If I decide to have my sub leave behind his own desires and adopt my own then he truly is MY sub, otherwise I have no use for him and wouldn't want him anyway. I don't get why you think I should even bother to engage if the sub isn't about the surrender Aakasha suggested or that I should stop being who I am for his sake.

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ORIGINAL: Manko

It is all about the control factor so why surrender that because I'm worried my pet may run away if my entire life and existence circumvents it? Like Aakasha, I have also engaged with vanilla men, they enjoy the way my eyes light up. :)

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ORIGINAL: FightingChains

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ORIGINAL: Manko

A lot of what you say makes no sense to me, apologies. If I decide to have my sub leave behind his own desires and adopt my own then he truly is MY sub, otherwise I have no use for him and wouldn't want him anyway. I don't get why you think I should even bother to engage if the sub isn't about the surrender Aakasha suggested or that I should stop being who I am for his sake.

That's because you're pathetic and self absorbed, and you conflate dominance with being the only important person on the face of planet earth.

At some point every human being has needs. When you start neglecting them, depression and suicide ensues. But really, you don't care anyway, do you? Because it's all about you...

Pathetic. Your complete absurdity and utter self-absorption bewilder me.

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ORIGINAL: Manko

It is all about the control factor so why surrender that because I'm worried my pet may run away if my entire life and existence circumvents it? Like Aakasha, I have also engaged with vanilla men, they enjoy the way my eyes light up. :)

Ah... I don't know... because if you completely destroy someone's soul you're the one responsible? Some of us aren't in it just to please ourselves, you imbecile. We actually care about the person we love and dominate, or submit to.

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ORIGINAL: FightingChains

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ORIGINAL: Manko

A lot of what you say makes no sense to me, apologies. If I decide to have my sub leave behind his own desires and adopt my own then he truly is MY sub, otherwise I have no use for him and wouldn't want him anyway. I don't get why you think I should even bother to engage if the sub isn't about the surrender Aakasha suggested or that I should stop being who I am for his sake.

That's because you're pathetic and self absorbed, and you conflate dominance with being the only important person on the face of planet earth.

At some point every human being has needs. When you start neglecting them, depression and suicide ensues. But really, you don't care anyway, do you? Because it's all about you...

Pathetic. Your complete absurdity and utter self-absorption bewilder me.

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ORIGINAL: Manko

It is all about the control factor so why surrender that because I'm worried my pet may run away if my entire life and existence circumvents it? Like Aakasha, I have also engaged with vanilla men, they enjoy the way my eyes light up. :)

Ah... I don't know... because if you completely destroy someone's soul you're the one responsible? Some of us aren't in it just to please ourselves, you imbecile. We actually care about the person we love and dominate, or submit to.

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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Little reality check faceless entity on the internet. You don't know me, nor are you a sub, my sub or have engaged with anyone I have played with to ask their thoughts on the matter. Ergo your opinions of me are as meaningless as the man offering them. Just an FYI.
Also honey, my IQ may not be genius but it's 123, I'm pretty sure I'm not an "imbecile", LOL.

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ORIGINAL: FightingChains

Nor do I disagree with anything you say, Aakasha

But I needed, as a semi-dominant one in everyday life, to lose control of some things at home. I was burnt out. My fantasies at the time centred always on losing control, and instead of my partner doing that, he sat back and let me take the reigns and watched me almost run myself into the ground. I needed to lose control, and if I didn't, I would almost fall apart. I was too depressed and overburdened, and my mind was begging to lose control. In such situations, I think it's fair for my partner to actually back off, think about what I need, and stave off my impending suicide by simply taking control. People have needs. This was my point, and any dominant worth a grain of salt needs to step back, realise that, and remember that when they do things.

Say you use a sub for a bit and you see him just getting so depressed with what you are doing to him it's unhealthy, even risking his safety. You didn't realise going all-out and using him in ways he couldn't handle, and now he's as suicidal as I was. You, as a dominant, have a responsibility to keep it SSC, or at the very least RACK, and realise this is pushing the boundary on safety and sanity and you're starting to destroy the guy unless you back off and know your sub well enough. I'm not saying that this will generally happen, but come on, we each have at least a responsibility to keep sanity, and making sure a guy you care about is content and not suicidal is important.

As for Manko, it's not harsh, it's observant. She has consistently spoken down to so many members of this site, especially males. She needs to get the massive chip off her shoulder and realise that she isn't a 'goddess', she's a pathetic spoilt brat. I make no apologies for pulling her up on thinking just because she's a 'dominant' that she all she ever really should care about is herself. Her selfishness extends even beyond her attitude to her subs but to the world at large, that she is the only one that matters. And that, quite simply, is pathetic and self absorbed.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I can't imagine being in any kind of relationship (especially kinky or power exchange) where very honest communication did not play a daily role, especially after "playtime" whether it be an hour or a day later (depending on when the sub felt like talking). Issues like the ones you discuss are not power exchange based, but relationship based.

It comes down to compatibility. What I am saying is subs need to be honest. If they have a fetish, find a partner with that fetish. My fetish is for surrender. But I am also not in that mode 24/7 -- however, I do not kink on command or deliver fetishes if my sub is acting needy as shit or being passive aggressive -- great way to make me NEVER want to dominate him again.

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: SubGuy4Life

Hello all,
This is my first post and although I have been on the collarme website for awhile I am now trying to become a more active member, I am however a novice and apologize if I offend anyone.

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I have developed a deep craving/need to be a cuckold, but not the fake cuckold crap that comes up in a quick google search.

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I am seeking a Goddess to love and be loved by.

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Are there real Women out there that enjoy/want to be a cuckoldress

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I am not a cross dresser, sissy, nor do I consider myself gay in the slightest fashion.

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How do I get past the stereotypical crap that is associated to find a Mistress that is looking for similar things and not the fake money grabbing people on here? Is my idea even real or has it been also warped by the fake crap, ie maybe I am looking for something that isn't real. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, or at least to know there are like minded people like me.

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ORIGINAL: FightingChains

I've said it before and I'll say it again. You are pathetic. You treat people like dirt. You are one of those few people in life who truly deserves a reality check cos you seriously need one. I don't care whether you give a damn about what I say, someone has to tell self absorbed children to get over themselves. I don't expect you to listen to a word I say because from your perspective the only person who matters on earth is you. But take it as you will.