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RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/4/2014 6:55:10 PM   
Sylph


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/26/2004
Status: offline 		I am another lifestyle Domme who agrees that service is not about your kink and fetishes, it is about resources at my command. Cleaning, cooking, waiting for the cable guy, that I can use. A good massage or foot rub, that I can use, coding help for my new app idea, I can use that, proofing my book, I can use that. Screening illustrator candidates,or mutual funds to weed out the chaff, I can use that. Playing your favorite fantasy by rote, fuck that. How about you kneel and I will tell you about my fantasy life?

Meeting me, talk to me like a human. The ex GF and I talked non kink for months. We lived happily together for a few years before life things caused us to part. I recently was in serious consideration with someone. We talked for a while,without kink. We mutually decided that we where to far apart on an issue to meet each others needs. Where we " time wasters" ... No,we where real people making cautious real life - well thought out- decisions regarding our life. You end up spending a lot of time with your sub / slave . I want someone who I can talk to and happily spend time with. Why would I want to live with someone any other way?

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/5/2014 1:20:04 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		~ FR ~
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

Yeah....I've noticed that this place has a somewhat older crowd complete with the older generations repressed ideas about female sexuality which make it quite sex negative compared to fetlife and the meatspaces I attend.
<snip>

Although you were addressing a specific poster about her previously sexually graphic profile pic, your reference to forum posters here being comparably "quite sex negative" gave me food for thought.

I haven't found the older-generational folk (myself included) on this site to be sex negative. We grew up in eras of "Letting It All Hang Out" or hedonistic NSA "Free Love" and it is precisely because of the pendulum swing to a more licentious pop culture that we have witnessed or personally experienced how damaging sexual irresponsibility and self-indulgence at the expense of others can be. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if any given young person's grandparent was a former, albeit reformed (maybe), experimental and/or communal hippie flower child from the '60s & early '70s.

Speaking for myself, I missed out on most of the *fun* and had to content myself with hearing my older sibling's or relatives' anecdotal accounts of their manifold adventures.

Please understand that many of us older, more mature women are instinctively protective of younger women (and of each other), and it isn't for the purpose of "slut-shaming," but to serve in a mentoring capacity. Far too many women are overly competitive with one another to take on much-needed mentoring roles. Who else is going to fill the gap?

To return to this discussion topic about Real Mistresses, I see Dominant women sending a blitz of mixed signals.
Either you're a sex-positive Domme seeking an intimate relationship with your submissive, or you aren't, in which case you are a sex-negative Domme who seeks a non-sexual service sub.

I didn't coin the terms "Lifestyle" Domme or "Sensual" Domme. Only because there isn't a better distinction do I refer to myself as a Sensual Domina/Lifestyle Domme.
There are lifestyle Dommes who require tribute. There are sensual sadists. Neither type of FemDom gives submissives a clear-cut idea of what type of D/s dynamic we are seeking in unequivocal terms.

Males tend to be more literal-minded and need everything spelled out for them. Please don't tell me otherwise, because I have yet to find an exception to this rule. Some men are just more or less argumentative than others. (Perhaps the same can be said for females, but that would be digressing.) If it didn't cause more confusion, I would simply call myself an Erotic Domme, but there would still be many who would misinterpret such a label.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/11/2014 3:46:44 AM   
missbrownjinx


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/11/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel


quote:

ORIGINAL: missbrownjinx
My profile photo seems to offend a lot of people's sensibilities. (I changed it by the way ) I also noticed in other threads there's a lot of sex-negative bias. E.g. a female poster who was told by more than one person that her journal entries were 'too sexual'. Lot of horseshit in my opinion.


Yeah....I've noticed that this place has a somewhat older crowd complete with the older generations repressed ideas about female sexuality which make it quite sex negative compared to fetlife and the meatspaces I attend.

That said I do like to be able to check up on my threads in public, which works fine as long as people follow the TOS and don't have graphic nudity as their profile picture. As for any/every picture thereafter, by all means I encourage graphic nudity.


Yes, and offending people is one of my favorite things to do. The TOS, well, I had no idea where to even look to find them. But I'm sure the resident prudes/photo police could have provided me a link.

My theory is that many of them are unattractive themselves and while lots of people love the sight of my big beautiful brown ass hovering over my sub's face while he attempted to reach it with his tongue (not touching it by the way), there is a small minority of keyboard warriors who feel privileged to attempt to 'shame' me. The only problem is, I have no shame.

The idea of divorcing kink from sex is ridiculous. My housework slave is getting his rocks off just as much as one whose balls I kick around with my heels. Physical contact is the only difference there.

What is a meatspace by the way? Sounds like something I'd like

(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/11/2014 6:14:57 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		"Meatspace" is a slang term for offline, where actual bodies meet instead of pixels.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to missbrownjinx)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/11/2014 11:51:09 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missbrownjinx

Yes, and offending people is one of my favorite things to do. The TOS, well, I had no idea where to even look to find them. But I'm sure the resident prudes/photo police could have provided me a link.


http://www.collarspace.com/personals/tos.htm

http://www.collarchat.com/tos.asp

The link is at the bottom of of every page. That I gave you the link does not make me a prude or part of the photo police, it simply means that I am showing you where they are.

If offending people is one of your favorite things to do, then why did you change your picture? Certainly it wasn't because of pressure from "prudes" was it?

quote:

My theory is that many of them are unattractive themselves


How attractive or unattractive a person is or is not has little to do with anything whatsoever. I assure you that I can appreciate people for who they are rather than what they look like. There are others out there that are similar. Or was this your way of insulting the ones that expressed an opinion about your graphic avatar?

quote:

and while lots of people love the sight of my big beautiful brown ass hovering over my sub's face while he attempted to reach it with his tongue (not touching it by the way)


That may be true that lots of people love that sight, I would say that there are an equal amount that do not. Look, if you think that it is just fine to hang your shit out in public and have your submissive try to give you a rectal exam, why not go to your local park and do it? Personally, I wouldn't give a fuck if you did that, but I am sure there are a few that would.

quote:

there is a small minority of keyboard warriors who feel privileged to attempt to 'shame' me.


My aren't you full of yourself. While you might think I am a keyboard warrior, I would gladly tell this to you to your face as well. This is how I am in person. What you don't understand, and it appears that you won't even try to understand, is that no one is trying to shame you. Listen, I think you completely missed the point of the objections, but that is OK, they are there for posterity sake for you to review at your leisure.

quote:

The only problem is, I have no shame.


I think you lack a little in the respect department too... but hey, that is one keyboard warrior's opinion, so you can dismiss that out of hand and miss that point too.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to missbrownjinx)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/11/2014 3:09:10 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
Please understand that many of us older, more mature women are instinctively protective of younger women (and of each other), and it isn't for the purpose of "slut-shaming," but to serve in a mentoring capacity. Far too many women are overly competitive with one another to take on much-needed mentoring roles. Who else is going to fill the gap?


I've certainly seen the protective and overprotective stuff going on around here as well. But I think I'm talking about something different, for example take this guy I randomly came across after reading your post: https://fetlife.com/users/535426/pictures/2934705 His profile pic is old guy cock and he's got nothing but pictures of his cock. Given the cultural norms of this community it's a given that he'd get heavily tarred and feathered, ridiculed and told that no one wants to see his cock around here. But on fetlife his cock pic got 33 loves and 25 positive comments.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/11/2014 3:33:56 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

I've certainly seen the protective and overprotective stuff going on around here as well. But I think I'm talking about something different, for example take this guy I randomly came across after reading your post: https://fetlife.com/users/535426/pictures/2934705 His profile pic is old guy cock and he's got nothing but pictures of his cock. Given the cultural norms of this community it's a given that he'd get heavily tarred and feathered, ridiculed and told that no one wants to see his cock around here. But on fetlife his cock pic got 33 loves and 25 positive comments.

Not an FL user and wouldn't want to see a random stranger's dicpics anyway.

With as many stolen pics floating around, there's no way to know whose pics are real.
(Dudes using main profile pics of male models; Gals who aren't even anatomically female, or guys posing as females...)

I take it nobody made any nasty remarks or that 25 of the other users were being nice & civil?
Which is great, unless this guy is into SPH, in which case he would want to get insulted.

Perhaps the 33 Loves were from other dudes? (presumably not his target group)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/12/2014 6:08:29 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
Not an FL user and wouldn't want to see a random stranger's dicpics anyway.

That's sort of my point, you've given about the nicest typical response that could be expected around here and comments would go down hill from that to outright cyber bullying.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
With as many stolen pics floating around, there's no way to know whose pics are real.
(Dudes using main profile pics of male models; Gals who aren't even anatomically female, or guys posing as females...)

Well sure, I expect there are the same identity issues as here but I don't think that's terribly applicable to my argument. I'm simply pointing out that there's a lot more in the way of positive attitudes toward overt sexuality there than here. In this particular example I'm comparing 50yr Dom cock (the most despised type of picture on this site) to 28yr Domme ass and pointing out the difference in reactions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
I take it nobody made any nasty remarks or that 25 of the other users were being nice & civil?
Which is great, unless this guy is into SPH, in which case he would want to get insulted.

Perhaps the 33 Loves were from other dudes? (presumably not his target group)

He's a 50 year old Dom with nothing but cock pics and I counted 3 guys and a cross dresser in the responses. The others appear to be women some of whom offered him blowjobs.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/12/2014 6:42:44 AM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		Wait the ass shot that is in her profile is what this is about?

Seriously?

Cause I think that picture is pretty tame.

I do find this community a bit more "sex negative" than others.

(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/12/2014 6:54:48 AM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

Wait the ass shot that is in her profile is what this is about?

Seriously?

Cause I think that picture is pretty tame.

I do find this community a bit more "sex negative" than others.



That's because they are sexually frustrated players and hide it by being above behavior and posting negatively about behaviors that are in fact the norm in the real BDSM community. It makes me laugh each time I see it. Then my head explodes and I grab the duct tape, logoff and go pull Tams hair and give her a big kiss of appreciation and jump on the CB1100 and go riding in the cool night air. It clears one's head and put's things back into proper prospective. Bye!

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/12/2014 2:24:06 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

Wait the ass shot that is in her profile is what this is about?

Seriously?

Cause I think that picture is pretty tame.

I do find this community a bit more "sex negative" than others.



No, it is not that picture. The picture she had was of someone's ass and someone else had a finger shoved into the asshole. That was her avatar.


_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/12/2014 2:26:08 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Dude, most of us run around here with our fingers up our asses.........what's the big deal?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/12/2014 2:30:56 PM   
Moderator3


Posts: 3289
Status: offline 		FR

Graphic avatars or primary pictures are deemed by the site to be inappropriate for 'the site' and many of the regulars know this and make comments due to this. Your other pictures may be more graphic. I cannot tell you how the pictures area works as moderator staff don't work there.

If you wish to continue to talk about this topic, please feel free to start another thread and we can return to the OP.

Thank you

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/12/2014 5:27:57 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: drewtoserve

Hi everyone. I have been on this site for a while and am having trouble finding a lifestyle mistress, not just someone whom says they are a mistress and only in it for the money. I am not cheap and take good care of the people around me but tome ("to me"), most of the please ("pleasure"?) I derive from serving a mistress is the fact that I am bringing HER pleasure. I'm looking for a Mistress who truly enjoys disciplining and humiliating! Someone who gets aroused by controlling and spanking, whipping or humiliating me. Giving myself to someone in that way is where I derive my pleaseure. ("pleasure").
Where are these beautiful ladies?


They left last Thursday....apparently you didn't get the memo.

(in reply to drewtoserve)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/12/2014 6:40:53 PM   
DominaElleArtist


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/12/2014
Status: offline 		Truly empowered alpha fem dommes are uncommon. Many of these wanna be's are just whiny bitches who found a clever way to get a hand out from lonely men. It's gross, it's pathetic, and it's sad all the way around. Good luck in your search! Genuine people who possess integrity and value honesty are not exactly the common denominator.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/13/2014 1:48:26 AM   
MissKittyDeVine


Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline 		It is my belief that people with integrity would respect the choices of others, and not bitch about something that differs from their own dynamic.

_____________________________

Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

(in reply to DominaElleArtist)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/13/2014 7:00:58 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: drewtoserve
Hi everyone. I have been on this site for a while and am having trouble finding a lifestyle mistress, not just someone whom says they are a mistress and only in it for the money. I am not cheap and take good care of the people around me but tome, most of the please I derive from serving a mistress is the fact that I am bringing HER pleasure. I'm looking for a Mistress who truly enjoys disciplining and humiliating! Someone who gets aroused by controlling and spanking, whipping or humiliating me. Giving myself to someone in that way is where I derive my pleaseure.
Where are these beautiful ladies?


That you're looking to actually have chemistry with the other person in the relationship is something which I feel like you shouldn't even have to justify with an explanation like this, it should just be a given.

Sounds like you're having trouble around here, you could:

a. Cast a wider net, fetlife is the other big kinky site and has people that don't belong to this site so *shrug* something to try.

b. Get out in the real world. Interacting and presenting yourself on the internet is a skillset unto itself, it could be that you're better at making the case for dating you in person than on the internet. In which case you'd be better served going to things like munches, clubs, parties and events. Fetlife will have a group for your area where you can find out about all the kinky stuff going on locally.

(in reply to drewtoserve)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/13/2014 12:41:14 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissKittyDeVine
It is my belief that people with integrity would respect the choices of others, and not bitch about something that differs from their own dynamic.


Integrity is I think the wrong word for what you're talking about, the word typically means something along the lines of consistently acting in accordance to ones principles. If ones principles involve imposing their sense of morality on others (which it has most places through most of human history) then integrity could well constitute bitching about something that differs from their own dynamic.

(in reply to MissKittyDeVine)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/15/2014 2:01:10 PM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: GotSteel


quote:

ORIGINAL: MissKittyDeVine
It is my belief that people with integrity would respect the choices of others, and not bitch about something that differs from their own dynamic.


Integrity is I think the wrong word for what you're talking about, the word typically means something along the lines of consistently acting in accordance to ones principles.

No it does not.

https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=integrity

quote:

in·teg·ri·ty/inˈtegritē/noun
noun: integrity
1.the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness."he is known to be a man of integrity"
synonyms:
honesty, probity, rectitude, honor, good character, principle(s), ethics, morals, righteousness, morality, virtue, decency, fairness, scrupulousness, sincerity, truthfulness, trustworthiness "I never doubted his integrity"

antonyms:dishonesty

2.the state of being whole and undivided."upholding territorial integrity and national sovereignty"

synonyms:
unity, unification, coherence, cohesion, togetherness, solidarity "the integrity of the federation"







If ones principles involve imposing their sense of morality on others (which it has most places through most of human history) then integrity could well constitute bitching about something that differs from their own dynamic.

As could bank robbing by this definition


< Message edited by thompsonx -- 8/15/2014 2:04:23 PM >

(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Real Mistresses? - 8/16/2014 4:47:09 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaElleArtist

Truly empowered alpha fem dommes are uncommon. Many of these wanna be's are just whiny bitches who found a clever way to get a hand out from lonely men. It's gross, it's pathetic, and it's sad all the way around. Good luck in your search! Genuine people who possess integrity and value honesty are not exactly the common denominator.


Meh, I can empathize with your disposition, however the word "bitch" as a noun used from one female to another does make me cringe. I don't know if true alpha femmes are uncommon, I never conducted a survey myself and for all I know those who profit from the lifestyle are also as Dominant as myself. What only bothers me is when the lifestyle is distorted to somehow be this unrealistic 24/7 Barbarella fantasy that NO ONE who is seeking a real D/s relationship would be able to actualize. Unlike the vanilla lifestyle, this lifestyle is primarily driven upon "sexual fantasies" and so within it we have subs who think the porn stars online= a real FLR or D/s dynamic which requires some level of re-education (which may or may not happen depending on the malleability of the sub and what he/she has been taught prior). Your position is part of what harms other Ds in their search for a D/s dynamic. Their views, input and disposition deemed invalid by you, and also possibly by other subs who respect your opine. I look forward to hearing more of your views though, cool avatar. :)

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to DominaElleArtist)
Profile   Post #: 60
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