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RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 11:19:49 AM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

Well. I hate to say it, but truth be told I've seen much of this in the club with the exception of the giggling girls and maybe a few other examples. Not all the Femdoms but certainly it happens quite a lot, and these ladies are very visual in their scenes. So, I'm not sure what that means but I'm sure it happens in the club, more or less, more some nights and less others. I know this about women, they do not admit what they do in front of other women, very much so here on the forum, eh?. So, maybe you ladies do protest too much? Anyone brave enough to admit how highly creatively sexual you are and that real life porn is not a bad thing and women like it too, yes I'm talking about the stuff of great and imaginative scenes, those of you who do scenes I mean.

Not to discount your own eyewitness account, the types of "Dommes" you have seen doing public play may have been Tops. Public role-playing, whether by Dominant or by Top, can take on a more theatrical flair than in the privacy of our own homes.

I wouldn't base my entire assessment of M/f dynamics based on what I've seen for myself going on at a fetish party or Dungeon environment.
If I did, I would assume all Doms are poly leather Doms, and that all femsubs like to run around stark naked in front of others, either of which is simply not true.
In fact, seeing what others do during BDSM play does not represent what comprises a serious D/s relationship between couples.
But I suspect you already know that, since you and your lady are a D/s couple yourselves.


Well, actually there's not much difference in my public and private scene except for intercourse and candles and the OP is not discussing everyday activities in my or your life as a Dom. He is discussing scenes at home or in public and does not expect you to be walking around the house or going to work in your scene uniform, nor do I in mine, so the his question needs to be answered in the context of scenes and if we are not theatrical in our scenes then it is not a great scene in private or public.

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(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 11:28:16 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		snorts, yes we know you know ALLLLL about femdom and femdom porn Art... oh and femdom s n how they play. in private and in clubs.


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(in reply to Arturas)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 1:41:47 PM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		Sounds like your run of the mill sexually frustrated dom to me.

(in reply to Galacia)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 2:11:50 PM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

snorts, yes we know you know ALLLLL about femdom and femdom porn Art... oh and femdom s n how they play. in private and in clubs.



I'm pretty sure I never said that, but I do know when the Op is posting his list that since he is not an idiot he is not discussing how you have breakfast with your sub, he is instead using this list to understand what femdoms might do when playing with their subs and this implies a scene, however small it might be, at home or elsewhere. I can only post the femdom activities I see and also draw some parallel with what I and other male Doms do. So, why the snark?

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(in reply to Lucylastic)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 4:05:34 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia

OK. So I finally figured out what femdom really means (or, um, at least I think I did).

Based on my comprehensive search of the scientific literature (ok, ok, all I did was watch porn videos on the web), femdom apparently means (in no particular order yet):
  • A lot of sniffing and licking of feet
  • Way more kicking of the balls than kissing and fondling them
  • Wearing of a black face mask, and getting slapped (or kicked) in the face, repeatedly
  • Having smoke blown in your face, and your mouth used as an ashtray
  • Speaking of tongues, there's precious little booby and pussy licking (surprisingly)
  • The tongue is mostly used for feet (and butts) < == yes, both kinds of butts
  • Did I mention a lot of sniffing and licking of women's feet?
  • Whipping of buttocks and a lot of kicking and squeezing of sensitive balls
  • Not much face sitting - must be more work than blowing smoke in someone's face
  • There's something about high heels being pushed into balls and walking on people's back that I don't understand
  • Some ureter penetration (sounds) and a lot of strapon butt fucking
  • Licking of shoes, and cum dribbles, and creampie cleanup, and, in general, licking of any spilled fluid
  • Training on all fours, with collars and leashes
  • Girls in tag teams, doing, well, I'm not sure what - but they laugh a lot - and hit the guy a few times - and then giggle anew
  • Spit. What's with all this spit? They spit to lube the dildo, ok, but there's a lot of spitting into mouths
  • Kneeing men in the balls is second only to kicking them in teams of girls
  • There are some service-related tasks, like doing the dishes, but not enough really to call it out as a genre
  • There are a few nipple twists and ruined orgasmic CFNM handjobs, but not really enough to call it out
  • Every once in a while, you see a guy obediently sitting there getting repeatedly kicked in the face
  • Most of the time, it's just the femdom sitting on a couch with the submissive kneeling or otherwise acting as a foot stool
  • There are a few cuckold scenes, mostly where the guys cleans up after another guy has done his business
  • It's amazing how HUGE some of those dildoes are though! Whew!
  • There is some small-penis humiliation but most of the guys have tiny penises to start with (no long john silvers here)
  • There are a few female-to-female femdom activities, but they don't seem to be any different, so I don't call them out
  • There were a few fucking machines, but, you just know they're all staged since men build this stuff mostly
  • I'd say more than half the women look bored in these films, and many look at the camera - so horror upon horror - they're staged
  • There is a lot less cross-dressing sissy-boy barbie doll stuff than I would have thought big girls would wish to do
  • There is some pony play, and barking pet stuff, but not a whole lot of animal training overall
  • There is a lot of licking the bottom of dirty shoes, and, surprisingly, a ton of six-inch heels being polished with the male tongue
  • There are some hanging of heavy weights, locked in stocks, and other contraptional stuff, most of which you know men designed
  • There's a hellova lot more scatting and pissing than there is kissing, which is one of the more surprising observations
  • In fact, there's almost no kissing whatsoever. No cuddling. No soft caresses (that don't end up in orgasm denial anyway)
  • The number of blowjobs is so low as to be statistically insignificant (the men are often told to jack themselves off)
  • The main words spoken by the men is "Yes Mistress" or "Thank you Mistress", and, well, not much else by way of scripting
  • It's hard to summarize the blather by the women ... mostly it's "lick my feet, bitch" type stuff
  • There's a lot of smelling of people's used shoes ... which is second only to the licking of feet for some odd reason
  • There's some electro play, but not a whole lot of it (mostly wrapped around a cock and balls)
  • There are many cock cages and leashes around cocks and balls and a few wooden spoon spankings of cocks
  • There's certainly not a whole lot of (any?) kissing, cuddling, and, in general, teddy-bear loving going on.
  • And, last, but not least, apparently there's a lot of sniffing and licking of smelly toes and feet going on in femdom land!

    Overall, the women look disinterested, for the most part, unimaginative, less concerned with their own orgasm than one would think, and vastly focused on what happens to their little tiny feet!

    However, I do admit, that's just a survey of femdom porn videos.
    What about real life (of which I know nothing)?

    Is this list of what I've seen is in any way representative of real femdom life (or is it just porn marketing fantasy)?
    Did I miss anything?
    Or is this list femdom BDSM business as usual?



    • That's rather intense.

    Should probably check in to autism.

    < Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 7/23/2014 4:06:19 PM >

    (in reply to Galacia)
    Profile   Post #: 45
    RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 5:33:59 PM   
    PeonForHer


    Posts: 19612
    Joined: 9/27/2008
    Status: offline
    quote:

    First are very sensual, realistic depictions of power exchange. See "Punish Me"


    You used a plural, there. Are there any others? I'm damned if I can find any.

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    (in reply to AAkasha)
    Profile   Post #: 46
    RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 6:00:48 PM   
    PeonForHer


    Posts: 19612
    Joined: 9/27/2008
    Status: offline
    quote:

    Let's assume for one moment that straight males who are fetishists, kinky bottoms, masochists, and even a sprinkling of actual submissives are watching FemDom porn because they want to see aggressively kinky women. In their minds, this is what a Dominant female represents. Cruel indifference to your own hidden, festering desires.

    Why do these men see her as aggressive, sadistic, depraved to a certain extent, all wrapped up in a kinky fetish-gear package?
    Because they are afraid of their own submissive urges. And/or their sexual desires and longings.


    I'm not entirely convinced by that. For one thing, for me, 'cruel indifference' and 'aggressiion' don't belong together. The former is somewhat emotionless - and, no argument, there's a *ton* of that in femdom porn. But 'aggressive' femdom porn? I don't think I've ever seen any. Not in the sense of a woman who takes a man, ravishes him, bites him hungrily, gouges him with her nails, even kisses him hard ... Hot instead of cool, that is. At bottom I suspect that in some basic sense femdom porn producers still haven't quite grasped the idea of 'female-active'.

    I'm not sure, either, about the male fantasy of a woman forcing a man being the result of his need to absolve himself of his guilty feelings (beyond my usual objection that it whisks us into the inherently woolly and speculative world of the unconscious and Freudian psychoanalysis). Of course, it was frequently said about women who wanted men to 'ravish' them, (rape-but-not-rape, etc.) that this fantasy was borne of a fear of their, the women's, own libido. In response there was the simple 'cigar-is-just-a-cigar argument' of: hell, it is *so horny* when a man turns all animal-lust on a woman. Well, heads up, the reverse is pretty damned true, too.

    Jeez. It'd be great to see femdom porn in which the woman stops posing around in her gift-wrapping of fetish gear, forgets to curl one eyebrow coolly - stops being so 'ladylike', basically - and *just gets on with it*.



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    (in reply to FieryOpal)
    Profile   Post #: 47
    RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 6:11:26 PM   
    Galacia


    Posts: 60
    Joined: 7/22/2013
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia
    I'm taking the liberty of adding numbers to this list, to avoid endless quote boxes as I reply.


    Wow! I appreciate that you cared enough about the topic to truly take "comprehensive" to heart!
    Kudos to you for actually providing a Mistress' opinion of each of the stated reputed Femdom activities.

    For the purpose of a graspable summary, and to provide examples, I took the liberty of formatting my questions with your answers into a Q&A format, edited for brevity (removing a bit of the initial redundancy), and, adding (after the fact) a quick example of each (certainly not the best example, but an example nonetheless):
    ---
    ATTEMPT AT A COMPREHENSIVE LIST OF THE MOST COMMON FEMDOM ACTIVITIES PORTRAYED IN RELATED PORN VIDEOS:
    (the goal is to assess the degree of correlation with reality):
    ---
    Q1. A lot of sniffing and licking of feet
    Link to an example.
    A1) Only for people who have a foot fetish, or have some other need that needs to be met.
    ---
    Q2. Way more kicking of the balls than kissing and fondling them
    Link to an example.
    A2) Um, way more fondling than ouchies. And...no kicking the nuts at all.
    ---
    Q3. Wearing of a black face mask, and getting slapped (or kicked) in the face, repeatedly
    Link to an example.
    A3) No black face mask. Sometimes a blindfold but that's all. I like face slapping...
    ---
    Q4. Having smoke blown in your face, and your mouth used as an ashtray
    Link to an example.
    A4) Ex-smoker. I'm more likely to tap the ashes onto his dick/scrotum than into his mouth.
    ---
    Q5. There's precious little booby and pussy licking (surprisingly)
    Link to an example.
    A5) I like to have a big mouth full of my breast sucked inside my lover's mouth. Pussy licking? Yes, I almost smother him and get most of his face wet.
    ---
    Q8. Whipping of buttocks and a lot of kicking and squeezing of sensitive balls
    Link to an example.
    A8) Yes, no, and yes. If that's what I'm in the mood for.
    ---
    Q9. Face sitting must be more work than blowing smoke in someone's face
    Link to an example.
    A9) Blowing smoke in someone's face is easy. Lowering a big fat ass onto someone's face takes more control.
    ---
    Q10. High heels being pushed into balls and walking on people's back
    Link to an example.
    A10) I wasn't into that. One small oops would skewer someone and send them to the hospital.
    ---
    Q11. Some ureter penetration (sounds) and a lot of strapon butt fucking
    Link to an example.
    A11) Guilty as charged. (wide evil grin). I don't hurt him; I made him LOVE IT.
    ---
    Q12. Licking of any spilled fluid
    Link to an example.
    A12) I'm not into any of that. Except...if anyone mentions one teeny little time about how yummy their cum is or that OTHER women swallow.
    ---
    Q13. Training on all fours, with collars and leashes
    Link to an example.
    A13) Um, yep. And don't forget the large metal doggie bowl, The cages. And possible some newspapers. It's all good.
    ---
    Q14. Girls in tag teams, where they laugh a lot - and hit the guy a few times.
    Link to an example.
    A14) Nope. No giggling tag team.
    ---
    Q15. Spit. What's with all this spit?
    Link to an example.
    A15) No spitting, except for the rare occasions when I spit on his dick because it's annoying me
    ---
    Q16. Kneeing men in the balls is second only to kicking them in teams of girls
    Link to an example.
    A16) Never done it, never seen it in real time.
    ---
    Q17. Service-related tasks, like doing the dishes.
    Link to an example.
    A17) Being service oriented is indeed valid. (It floats my boat.)
    ---
    Q18. Nipple twists and ruined orgasmic CFNM handjobs.
    Classic Link to an example.
    A18) I like/live CFNM with my slave (he wears clothing only when we go outside) which I do a hell of a lot more than nipple twisting and ruined orgasms.
    ---
    Q19. A guy obediently sitting there getting repeatedly kicked in the face
    Link to an example.
    A19) I'm not into that.
    ---
    Q20. Femdom sitting on a couch with the submissive kneeling or otherwise acting as a foot stool
    Link to an example.
    A20) That's me. I'm on the couch watching tv and I may or may not be making use of him for my own personal convenience.
    ---
    Q21. Cuckold scenes, mostly where the guys cleans up after another guy has done his business
    Link to an example.
    A21) I'm not into cuckolding. I want just one fluid bonded person in my life at a time.
    ---
    Q22. HUGE dildos. Whew!
    Link to an example.
    A22) Um, yep, there are some HUGE dildos out there. Many are in our primary dungeon.
    ---
    Q23. Small-penis humiliation
    Link to an example.
    A23) I sometimes am into that too, but I enjoy the taunting aspect...
    ---
    Q24. Female-to-female femdom activities.
    Link to an example.
    A24) I've topped or co-topped females. An ass is an ass, a back is a back, a butthole is a butthole.
    ---
    Q25. Fucking machines.
    Link to an example.
    A25) We own a fucking machine. I tried it out on myself once and didn't enjoy it, but bo goes totally nuts.
    ---
    Q26. The women look bored in these films.
    Link to an example.
    A26) They are "actresses" and their acting sucked.
    ---
    Q27. Cross-dressing sissy-boy barbie doll stuff.
    Link to an example.
    A27) More guys are into dressing femme than there are women who get off on dressing them up.
    ---
    Q28. Pony play, and barking pet stuff.
    Link to an example.
    A28) Someone wrote the script, and I'm guessing that it's a vanilla who is trying to recreate some fantasies.
    ---
    Q29. Licking the bottom of dirty shoes & six-inch heels..
    Link to an example.
    A29) For the guys who have a major shoe licking fetish.
    ---
    Q30. Hanging of heavy weights, locked in stocks.
    Link to an example.
    A30) Yes. And about men building all of this stuff... Why should I break a nail building this stuff to use on men.
    ---
    Q31. Scatting and pissing.
    Link to an example.
    A31) I'm not into scat. Pissing...eh...if the animal in me feels the need to mark my territory, yes.
    ---
    Q32. No kissing. No cuddling. No soft caresses.
    Link to an example.
    A32) They're movies made to give men wank fodder. Most horney guys would rather watch an action movie than a "chick flick". This probably carries over into BDSM porn. Many of us have loving relationships with lots of cuddling and kisses and hugs.
    ---
    Q33. Blowjobs.
    Link to an example.
    A33) I love giving blowjobs (as long as cum hits outside of my mouth).
    ---
    Q34. "Yes Mistress" or "Thank you Mistress".
    Link to an example.
    A34) "Yes, Mistress" etc., are common, both within scenes and in our common ordinary life together.
    ---
    Q35. Blather by the women ... mostly it's "lick my feet, bitch" type stuff
    Link to an example.
    A35) I don't blather. Unless I'm having a panic attack from some trigger that got pushed. Btw, are BDSM porn movies supposed to have good dialogue?
    ---
    Q36. Smelling people's used shoes.
    Link to an example.
    A36) I've been approached by countless guys who wanted to sniff/lick/whatever my dirty feet or dirty shoes. Freshly cleaned feet weren't a turn on for them, they expected to lick up some toe jam and all kinds of ick.
    ---
    Q37. Electro play (mostly wrapped around a cock and balls)
    Link to an example.
    A37) Yes, we're into that.
    ---
    Q38. There are many cock cages and leashes around cocks and balls and a few wooden spoon spankings of cocks
    Link to an example.
    A38) Um, yep. It's all fun if you're into that kind of thing.
    ---
    Overall, it's hard to succinctly summarize, but, I think you've underscored that, perhaps, those who deprecate femdom porn simply (a) aren't interested in the concept, and (b) make too sweeping of a judgement (sort of like what racists say about entire groups of people), not realizing that there is some good stuff (i.e., realistic) and some not-so-good (i.e., for this purpose, unrealistic of the real world).

    < Message edited by Galacia -- 7/23/2014 6:15:21 PM >

    (in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)
    Profile   Post #: 48
    RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 6:19:52 PM   
    Galacia


    Posts: 60
    Joined: 7/22/2013
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
    They don't say the way to a man's heart (feeling nature) is through his stomach for nothing.


    Personally, I had always felt that very old expression, admonished by wise and aged mothers, was a statement that, contrary to the point of this thread, admitted that sex gets them when they're in their twenties, but to keep them even while they're in their fifties and sixties and seventies (especially when twenty-year old babes abound), takes catering to more of their needs than just sex.

    Food is a fine need to cater to!

    But, I digress ...

    (in reply to FieryOpal)
    Profile   Post #: 49
    RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 6:24:15 PM   
    Galacia


    Posts: 60
    Joined: 7/22/2013
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Arturas
    Anyone brave enough to admit how highly creatively sexual you are and that real life porn is not a bad thing and women like it too


    Truth be told, I've had one Femdom experience, and, well, she didn't giggle one bit.
    It was all about her. Which was fine by me.
    And, again, truth be told, she was far (far) younger than I, and, guess what?
    She did (some of) the exact same things I saw in some of those videos.
    And, I responded in some of the exact same ways.

    Now, being a mechanically inclined person, I gravitate to the "toys" and "things", so, mostly that's what I'm talking about. She did allow me to cuddle against her thigh when it was all done, running her hands through my hair, but, lest I digress, my point in revealing this tale is that, while I find some femdom porn "realistic", I already know that Mistresses find it wholly unlike reality.

    I did ask that young lady, who professed to never have watched porn, and, as she was in her early twenties, I believed it as I hadn't watched any at that age either (although I certainly looked at girly magazines if they came my way).

    (in reply to Arturas)
    Profile   Post #: 50
    RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 6:34:55 PM   
    Galacia


    Posts: 60
    Joined: 7/22/2013
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: AAkasha
    Yes, same film.


    I had forgotten to mention, last night, just before going off to sleep after watching that film in its entirety, that the film did invoke very sensual feelings, but in a very strange way.

    For one, the tides were turned: Here was an older woman who admonishes the boy not to lie and say she is "shöen", while, prior to that, her very first word when she told him to strip was an involuntary, "shöen".

    You see, he was the "beautiful" one, with the smooth skin and backside, and she had, what they referred to as "the belly" (as did one of the younger girls the boy lay in bed with); so the movie made it very clear his attraction to the older woman wasn't at all physical, it was mental.

    In addition, he did all he could to get her attention (most notably staying in the kneeling position as she drove away, a smile very slowly etching across her face, for the first time in the movie, at his submissiveness).

    Thereafter, they built quickly upon the sexual tension, where he maneuvers her into punishing him (for stealing or for now showing up to a meeting), and even bring the husband (unwittingly) into the affair, by her opening her bedroom window, and basically putting on a show for the boy, whom she knew to be watching outside.

    Perhaps the most subtle moment, for me, was tying together the early argument about hot pepper in the food, where the wife couldn't get her way, and neither did the husband, so, they compromised by splitting up the meal, one with pepper, the other without.

    Yet, it slowly dawned on me afterward, that the very last scene of the movie, perhaps, was a realization by the husband, the he too, could be submissive to his wife, and enjoy it, as he baked and served her a meal, as she watched, with very subtle, but superior satisfaction.

    QUESTION: Did I interpret that odd ending the way you might have?

    (in reply to Galacia)
    Profile   Post #: 51
    RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 6:47:18 PM   
    Galacia


    Posts: 60
    Joined: 7/22/2013
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
    As DarkSteven has already pointed out about spanking, BDSM films tend to center around punishment dynamics, very often humiliation AND punishment dynamics. This was the impression I had gotten many, many years ago. That ALL BDSM sprung from a basis of humiliation, punishment, and sado-masochism.


    I can tell you that, lately, I've seen a lot of pornographic movies (hundreds, and maybe even thousands, over the past decade) keyworded to BDSM (and lately, to Femdom), and I can emphatically affirm that some movies are centered around that punishment dynamic, but an absolutely huge number aren't (at all) what DarkSteven said he felt them to be.

    Of course, we'd have to know which movies each of us is talking about to be sure, but it seems to me that there is at least a hint of what racists would call "pre judging" going on here, when I often hear the (I think possibly incorrect) statement "Femdom porn is unrealistic!"

    I think that it's more likely that some Femdom movies portray realistic events, while others don't.
    Given most porn is low-budget to start with, perhaps the realistic ones are only about 10% or so of the total; but what I'm trying to better understand why (many/most/all?) Femdom'ists seemingly instantly, out of hand, decry them as unrealistic, having themselves seen only a few.

    Just as we all know, and deplore, the expression "all XXX look alike" (substitute your favorite ethnicity), just the same, all Femdom porn doesn't look alike, yet, it's often stated as if that's a bona fide fact.

    Is it?

    My premise is that non-Femdom porn is sometimes realistic, and sometimes not, so, why wouldn't Femdom porn follow similar numbers?

    Note: I do take note that Maledom porn is by males for males, both of whom are "in the know", while Femdom porn, as was argued, is by Males for males, neither of whom are in the know, so, that may be the only reason Femdom porn is almost universally decried (even as we know that other porn is sometimes realistic).

    (in reply to FieryOpal)
    Profile   Post #: 52
    RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 6:56:06 PM   
    Galacia


    Posts: 60
    Joined: 7/22/2013
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

    Galacia, I'm not sure what you're asking of me. The last video, The Burning Sting of the Cane, was physically realistic for a punishment caning. But since it had no interpersonal dynamics, it lacked the elements I consider unrealistic.


    Aha! I'm sorry that I only just now saw your response (I had spent a few hours on the long detailed response to CynthiaWVirginia, aka
    The Voice of Reason).

    Your answer tells me far more than the few words you used to tell it!
    Because, it turns out, for exactly the same reason racism is wrong, the common Femdom'ists' assumption that "All Femdom porn looks alike" is (almost certainly) patently untrue!

    The reason it all looks alike is (likely) the exact same reason that all XXXX people look alike to racists!

    What I was showing you, and you agreed, was that some (in this case spanking/caning) porn is realistic!
    Of course it is!

    My assumption is that Femdom porn follows the same mold, but, unfortunately, I personally can't be the judge of that, simply because of my lack of experience (I have plenty of maledom experience, which is why I had expected you to answer the way you did).

    So, my premise is slowly morphing to wondering (still without firm proof), if the Femdom'ists' statements that "Femdom porn is unrealistic", is actually a jaundiced view of the real situation.

    Only the true Femdom'ists, know for sure, which is why I have to ask the question.

    (in reply to DarkSteven)
    Profile   Post #: 53
    RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 7:02:41 PM   
    Galacia


    Posts: 60
    Joined: 7/22/2013
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
    Jeez. It'd be great to see femdom porn in which the woman stops posing around in her gift-wrapping of fetish gear, forgets to curl one eyebrow coolly - stops being so 'ladylike', basically - and *just gets on with it*.


    Just mention a particular "scene" that you feel is realistic, and I will find (in minutes) a video showing that scene, realistically, I believe (but I can't be the judge, since my experience is elsewhere in D/s space).

    I'm slowly coming to the realization of two, it turns out, very different realities:
    a) I'm learning what Femdom entails (and yes, Virginia, I believe you can find it in porn), and,
    b) I'm realizing that the Femdom'ists who say you can't, might not be altogether correct.

    So, test my assumption.

    Don't ask for a scene with peanut butter, but ask for a realistic scene, and I'll dig one up, and we can all analyze it for realism, with respect to what it is that Femdom'ists' do (note the verb here of 'doing', as I don't expect zero-budge films to be as thought provoking as, say, the hour-and-a-half-long Punish Me, was.)

    (in reply to PeonForHer)
    Profile   Post #: 54
    RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 7:24:42 PM   
    MauiDreams


    Posts: 9
    Joined: 6/9/2014
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Galacia


    quote:

    ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

    Galacia, I'm not sure what you're asking of me. The last video, The Burning Sting of the Cane, was physically realistic for a punishment caning. But since it had no interpersonal dynamics, it lacked the elements I consider unrealistic.


    Aha! I'm sorry that I only just now saw your response (I had spent a few hours on the long detailed response to CynthiaWVirginia, aka
    The Voice of Reason).

    Your answer tells me far more than the few words you used to tell it!
    Because, it turns out, for exactly the same reason racism is wrong, the common Femdom'ists' assumption that "All Femdom porn looks alike" is (almost certainly) patently untrue!

    The reason it all looks alike is (likely) the exact same reason that all XXXX people look alike to racists!

    What I was showing you, and you agreed, was that some (in this case spanking/caning) porn is realistic!
    Of course it is!

    My assumption is that Femdom porn follows the same mold, but, unfortunately, I personally can't be the judge of that, simply because of my lack of experience (I have plenty of maledom experience, which is why I had expected you to answer the way you did).

    So, my premise is slowly morphing to wondering (still without firm proof), if the Femdom'ists' statements that "Femdom porn is unrealistic", is actually a jaundiced view of the real situation.

    Only the true Femdom'ists, know for sure, which is why I have to ask the question.


    Where have any of the Dommes here said that "all FemDom porn looks alike"? That's not even remotely what any of us are saying. What we are (apparently unsuccessfully) trying to convey to you is that FemDom porn does not show what a female led relationship looks like any more than vanilla porn shows what a vanilla relationship is like. Sure, some of the implements are the same or some of the activities but that still doesn't make it "realistic". Though I think the main issue is that you think ANY porn at all is realistic, because it's not. THAT'S WHY IT'S PORN. People do not seek out realistic people having realistic sex, they seek out fantasies that they find hot. I'm wondering if maybe it's just that you have a different definition of "realistic"? Because you seem to be saying that because FemDom porn has, say, pegging and because some dominant women do indeed peg their subs this automatically means that pegging porn is realistic. Where as many of the women here are of the mindset that just because sometimes people do the things you see in porn in real life, that doesn't make it a "realistic" demonstration...if only for the reason that these are two paid actors using a script and who aren't doing this for their own personal enjoyment. There's also the fact that very few dominant women have sex or engage in scenes the way that it happens in FemDom porn, again, just like vanilla couples very rarely have sex that looks like footage from "Big Boob Addicts" (or whatever, take your pick of the vast array of vanilla porn out there). Heck, I've been to many BDSM clubs in my time and they were full of M/f couples doing scenes and never did I see anything that looked like a scene from "The Upper Floor". All porn is over the top, fantastical and has very little to do with how real life couples interact with each other on a day to day basis. My question to you is, why do you have such a vested interest in proving that porn is realistic? Are you upset that your sex life doesn't look like a porno and want concrete proof for the woman (or women) in your life that they should indeed be fucking you like a porn star or something? Seriously, what's behind all of this?

    (in reply to Galacia)
    Profile   Post #: 55
    RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 9:34:33 PM   
    Galacia


    Posts: 60
    Joined: 7/22/2013
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
    Where have any of the Dommes here said that "all FemDom porn looks alike"? That's not even remotely what any of us are saying.


    I was using those words, figuratively, because I was fitting it into the "all XXX look alike" analogy to make a point that the sentiment is potentially naive, in that I have done my homework enough to know that very many Femdomists' universally deprecate Femdom porn as "unrealistic".
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
    What we are (apparently unsuccessfully) trying to convey to you is that FemDom porn does not show what a female led relationship looks like any more than vanilla porn shows what a vanilla relationship is like.

    Nor would a war film actually show what a real battle is truly like .

    Very many have tried, where few have succeeded, with most of those having a budget with zeros on the millions of dollars), perhaps with the notable exception of "Das Boot"

    So, it's even very difficult, without a budget of a hundred million dollars, to really show what any XXX relationship is truly like (insert any type of relationship you wish for the variable).

    But, what a war film can accurately show, even in a low budget film, are:
    - A realistic portrayal of the weapons used,
    - A realistic rendition of the uniforms worn,
    - A realistic portrayal of the actions of warmaking,
    etc.

    Given that, I must ask, why can't a low-budget Femdom video show:
    - A realistic portrayal of the toys used,
    - A realistic rendition of the apparel worn,
    - A realistic portrayal of the actions of Femdom'ing
    etc.

    If it can't be shown, then why not?
    Why can't a Femdom movie realistically portray itself?

    Note: I don't know the answer. But that is the question if it's true that most Femdom porn isn't realistic.

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
    Sure, some of the implements are the same or some of the activities but that still doesn't make it "realistic".


    OK. I think we are nudging closer to the crux of the discussion.
    It may be that my idea of realistic is unrealistic; but, for all I know at this point, it may be that your idea of realistic is unrealistic.

    We both aren't talking the same realism, it seems.
    But, since I am inexperienced at being Femdom'd, I don't have enough information to answer that question on my own.

    So, let's go back to the war movie example, because we all are likely on relatively common ground there.

    Some of us (not me) have actually been "in" a war, but, trust me, far fewer people than those who enlisted actually "fought" in a battle!

    (By fighting, I mean literally that they killed someone, and that they were very nearly killed themselves (or wounded). I'm not talking about the vast majority of rear echelon soldiers. I'm talking infantry. In foxholes. Real foxholes. Filled to the brim with mud, because, war is mud. Soldiers with the 1,000-yard stare. I'm talking soldiers who have taken aim at another human being, and who find they derive no joy from the task.

    Now, do you really think *any* movie can realistically show what that person truly feels, night after miserable night, awaiting imminent death and/or capture, as they curl in the mud, always soaking wet, a stinking hungry cold mass of quivering scared flesh?

    The answer is, without many millions of dollars and really good plots and directors, almost certainly not.

    Sure, they can show the "actions", they can say the "words", they can blow up stuff, but, to expect that any war movie will show the true "relationship", the gut feelings, the desire, the heat and hurt of their relationships to themselves, to their brothers in arms, to their enemy, is pretty unrealistic, don't you think?

    I'm sure a bunch of you will tell me that this war movie or that war movie is very "realistic", but, if you do, I'm going to ask "you", essentially, what Normal Schwarzkopf snapped at this particularly obnoxious journalist when Normal rhetorically asked: "Son, have you ever been in a minefield?"

    So, let's be realistic here.
    (Almost) No movie, Femdom or otherwise, is going to meet the realism test that I just outlined above.
    But, that's NOT the realism test that I'm asking about.

    Since I, myself, have almost no experience in being Femdom'd, I'm simply asking about the realism of:
    - Things (e.g., dildo gags, hoods, heels, etc.)
    - Actions (e.g., pegging, licking, serving, etc.)
    - Apparel (e.g., naked, sissy dress, cock cages, etc.)
    etc.

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
    Though I think the main issue is that you think ANY porn at all is realistic, because it's not. THAT'S WHY IT'S PORN. People do not seek out realistic people having realistic sex, they seek out fantasies that they find hot.


    If I changed "porn" to "war" or to "love" or to "insanity", etc., do you really believe ANY movie is capable of meeting those exacting standards?

    If you find any movie that does meet your realism standards, let me know what it is, and, I'll watch it, as I can find anything on the net, if it's on the net. But, we'll have to look at the budget of that realistic film, and then, realistically compare with the budget of the films I show below, which I ask you whether they are realistic, or not (since I don't, myself, know).

    Let's take mountain climbing, for example, where I've read Krakauers' "Into Thin Air". Was that book realistic? (I don't know, because I have never climbed Mount Everest, but only one who has climbed Mount Everest is qualified to answer that question.)

    Along that line, if you propose a movie that you feel is realistic, we'll have to read a review from someone who actually knows (e.g., if it's a movie about climbing Mount Everest, where your lungs are literally frothing out of your mouth with each breath as you slowly die at twenty breaths per inexorable step, by step, by step ... I'd want to see what a real climber, who has climbed the mountain, has to say about the assessment of realism (as, yet again, I wouldn't know).

    In summary, do you think that you just might be holding the bar a tad high to think that any movie could be realistic with respect to a complex relationship dynamic, especially one which very few of us have actually ever experienced?

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
    I'm wondering if maybe it's just that you have a different definition of "realistic"?


    I'm wondering exactly the same thing, of the folks here. :)

    Actually, as the OP, I bear a certain responsibility for ensuring we're all talking about the same thing in the discussion.
    In fact, it's my fault, if I haven't correctly defined what I mean by 'realistic' (and maybe there's a better word we can all use).

    I tried, with DarkSteven, whom I know to be a voice of reason (if he does cater a bit to the womenfolk! :) ... to first show him spanking/caning movies that I, myself, felt were probably not realistic, and then, I showed him ones that I felt might actually be realistic.

    I don't want to put words in his mouth, but, he seemed to understand the difference between the two categories.
    I believe the same differences exist with Femdom porn (but that's only my intuition, because I'm not qualified to say so).

    But we need to understand what each of us means by "realism".
    Especially since Femdom'ists are so vocally united in their opinions (surprise, surprise). :)

    Only when we can agree on what it is that we're talking about, can we begin to learn from each other.

    I, for my part, have certainly done *some* homework. I knew, very well, before I typed a single letter into this thread, what "most" Femdom'ists' inherently thought about Femdom porn. I am not naive. Yet, I am almost wholly lacking in experience at that level, and, well, I am curious about the subject! (embarrassing as it is to publicly admit).

    If I wasn't interested, I wouldn't care about the answer.
    And, I wouldn't be trying to learn.
    And, yeah, duh, go out and do it, would be a "typical" response, which, is sort of like saying, "go out and fly an airplane" so you can feel what it's like in the flesh. It's not always as simple as that for everyone.

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
    Because you seem to be saying that because FemDom porn has, say, pegging and because some dominant women do indeed peg their subs this automatically means that pegging porn is realistic.


    Let's try to get somewhere concrete on mutual understanding of what 'realistic' actually means.

    Even if I did understand Femdom'ing, I still couldn't answer your very good question without looking at a specific "pegging" porn example, simply because, I personally, have never done "pegging".

    So, let's do the same exercise we did with Caning/Spanking (which I do have experience with), that we did with DarkSteven...

    Take these arbitrary examples, found randomly simply by googling for "femdom pegging porn video" just now:
    - 2-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example (with the woman calling the man a slave)
    - 3-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example (including the birds)
    - 4-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example
    - 5-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example (with included handjob)
    - 6-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example (with black and white artistry)
    - 8-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example (with a red and black paddle & matching blindfold in addition to the dildo)
    - 10-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example (with interracial dynamics involved)
    - 12-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example (with a nice riding crop)
    etc.

    Admittedly, the dialog "bend over deary", "oh baby", "oh fuck", "auugh, feels so good" , and "thank you Mistress" is a bit trite, but, I watched every single one of those "educational" videos (someone had to), and, well, I still don't know if I was just exposed to a realistic idea or not of what it's like to be pegged.

    So, I must ask those who have been peged.

    Do any of those almost randomly chosen videos meet the realism bar of:
    - Things used (e.g., dildo gags, hoods, heels, etc.)
    - Actions performed (e.g., pegging, licking, serving, etc.)
    - Apparel worn (e.g., naked, sissy dress, cock cages, etc.)
    etc.

    (in reply to MauiDreams)
    Profile   Post #: 56
    RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 10:01:55 PM   
    AAkasha


    Posts: 4429
    Joined: 11/27/2004
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Galacia


    quote:

    ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
    Jeez. It'd be great to see femdom porn in which the woman stops posing around in her gift-wrapping of fetish gear, forgets to curl one eyebrow coolly - stops being so 'ladylike', basically - and *just gets on with it*.


    Just mention a particular "scene" that you feel is realistic, and I will find (in minutes) a video showing that scene, realistically, I believe (but I can't be the judge, since my experience is elsewhere in D/s space).

    I'm slowly coming to the realization of two, it turns out, very different realities:
    a) I'm learning what Femdom entails (and yes, Virginia, I believe you can find it in porn), and,
    b) I'm realizing that the Femdom'ists who say you can't, might not be altogether correct.

    So, test my assumption.

    Don't ask for a scene with peanut butter, but ask for a realistic scene, and I'll dig one up, and we can all analyze it for realism, with respect to what it is that Femdom'ists' do (note the verb here of 'doing', as I don't expect zero-budge films to be as thought provoking as, say, the hour-and-a-half-long Punish Me, was.)




    I don't even have to look at the clips you have been fishing up (nor do I want to) to tell you that actual, sensual, intimate, loving, affectionate S&M (yes, pain with affection) cannot be captured in 99.9999999 % of femdom "porn" *(if any). I can't speak to "scenes" that casual kinky friends do that are fairly structured or at play parties or whatnot. Those might take on some similarities.

    The act of sensual dominance between people with erotic attraction and affection for one another to me contains something totally void from any kind of porn.

    It's deep, intense kisses that turn from loving to cruel at a moment's notice. It's fingers intertwined in his hair, first affectionate than tightening until his breath comes out in a whimper, and kissing him hard to capture that breath. It's having a man fuck me missionary style while I shove my fingers into his mouth treating him like an object to look at, or force his head away at the chin and say for no reason, "Don't you fucking look at me, keep fucking."

    It's having him fumble through making love while wearing an inflatable gag that gets bigger and bigger, so his breathing his labored and I can listen to it, mixed with his whimpers that sound like desperation, while he's about to cum.

    When it comes to strapons, or spanking, or dildos, or humiliation, or crawling, it's seamless and sensual, with my lips always very close to his skin, my fingers always feeling his hipbones which fascinate me, even if to just peel down the lace of highly inappropriate underwear that looks so good on his lean frame. If he's bound and blindfolded in an upright chair, it's me straddling his body very slowly and sensually, taking as much time as I want to enjoy his parted lips and the way he breathes.

    There is no "Yes Mistress! No Mistress!" and obnoxious whip cracking, unless we're being campy and playful. We fluidly move "in and out" of "scenes" without noting a stop and a start time, and it's always hotly sensual and very cruel yet affectionate.

    The one thing that can never be captured in any het femdom porn I have seen is surrender without self indulgence (lathering it on), or dominance that is a caricature of control - whether it be the outfits, the poses, the tone of voice or the language.

    In this INXS music video, there are mere flashes of what real BDSM looks like in my femdom world. Just flashes.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zvV96CatDE

    You see it in a flash at 2:59 in the way he struggles, it's the fingers forced into his mouth and then licked off at 3:25. It's the movement of his hips at 3:45.

    Anything you find in femdom porn is developed to cater to the male fantasy. It looks nothing like real life, except when real life is using porn as a backdrop to "play" and perhaps the parties are not sensually intimate, but still you don't see the chemistry that bonds two people together and makes it work - the affection, the shared intimacy, the friendship and the comfort with each other. Good bdsm is like dancing.

    Akasha






    _____________________________

    Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
    Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

    (in reply to Galacia)
    Profile   Post #: 57
    RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 10:30:57 PM   
    MauiDreams


    Posts: 9
    Joined: 6/9/2014
    Status: offline     		"Given that, I must ask, why can't a low-budget Femdom video show:
    - A realistic portrayal of the toys used,
    - A realistic rendition of the apparel worn,
    - A realistic portrayal of the actions of Femdom'ing
    etc.

    If it can't be shown, then why not?
    Why can't a Femdom movie realistically portray itself?"

    But your OP wasn't asking IF a video COULD show a realistic portrayal, you were asking if the porn that's out there in the market today is a realistic portrayal of FLR relationships/sexual encounters. Two very different things. Yes, FemDom porn COULD be realistic if it showed a FemDom couple acting how they always do but it's not because there is very little market for realism.

    "Since I, myself, have almost no experience in being Femdom'd, I'm simply asking about the realism of:
    - Things (e.g., dildo gags, hoods, heels, etc.)
    - Actions (e.g., pegging, licking, serving, etc.)
    - Apparel (e.g., naked, sissy dress, cock cages, etc.)
    etc."

    As has been said previously, there are some Dommes who use some of the equipment that's shown in porn though the ladies who have a fully equipped dungeon are few and far between. The actions themselves are unrealistic because, again, it's all about the viewer consuming the porn and not about what actually feels good or is fun. Never in my life have I had someone go down on me in the way I've seen in happen in porn. There's some basis in reality, yes, but over all I think what happens in real bedrooms around the world is quite different than what's happening on the screen. As to apparel, I think that's probably the most unrealistic part. I've not known a single Domme who wears fetish gear on a regular basis. There's not much selection for male sub clothing, but of the ones that porn shows (ex dressing like a "sissy" or being diapered or encased in a latex suit) they are all the fetishes that are the hardest for male subs to get a Domme interested in in real life. Hence the glut of latex/sissy/whatever porn, because very few women are into that in reality.

    "If I changed "porn" to "war" or to "love" or to "insanity", etc., do you really believe ANY movie is capable of meeting those exacting standards?"

    No, not a one. Movies and books are by definition unrealistic because they don't take place in the real world/the here and now. They're meant to evoke certain emotions and get you empathizing with the characters, which may make you feel like you know something about the situations they're going through but that doesn't make it realistic. To me a documentary or biography can be realistic, but not a movie or a novel.

    "But we need to understand what each of us means by "realism".
    Especially since Femdom'ists are so vocally united in their opinions (surprise, surprise). :)"

    If we're all saying the same thing, does it not then follow that there's some truth to what we're saying? If every Domme here can watch a FemDom porno (or several) and go "Nope, that's not even close to what goes on inside my bedroom" then I'd hazard a guess that what's going on in FemDom porn isn't going on in real FLR's (whether that's because of the activities themselves or because of the emotions or intent behind the actions, if us real life ladies don't do it like the pornos then by definition the pornos are unrealistic).

    "So, let's do the same exercise we did with Caning/Spanking (which I do have experience with), that we did with DarkSteven...

    Take these arbitrary examples, found randomly simply by googling for "femdom pegging porn video" just now:
    - 2-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example (with the woman calling the man a slave)
    - 3-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example (including the birds)
    - 4-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example
    - 5-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example (with included handjob)
    - 6-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example (with black and white artistry)
    - 8-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example (with a red and black paddle & matching blindfold in addition to the dildo)
    - 10-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example (with interracial dynamics involved)
    - 12-minute Femdom Pegging Porn example (with a nice riding crop)
    etc.

    Admittedly, the dialog "bend over deary", "oh baby", "oh fuck", "auugh, feels so good" , and "thank you Mistress" is a bit trite, but, I watched every single one of those "educational" videos (someone had to), and, well, I still don't know if I was just exposed to a realistic idea or not of what it's like to be pegged.

    So, I must ask those who have been pegged.

    Do any of those almost randomly chosen videos meet the realism bar of:
    - Things used (e.g., dildo gags, hoods, heels, etc.)
    - Actions performed (e.g., pegging, licking, serving, etc.)
    - Apparel worn (e.g., naked, sissy dress, cock cages, etc.)
    etc."

    After watching those videos I do get a better sense of what you're talking about when you say "realistic", so thanks for that. Though it highlighted that you and I have different definitions of "porn" because I don't consider an actual couple filming themselves having sex as being porn. To me porn is something produced by a company with paid actors who are following a script, otherwise it's just exhibitionism. So, to me porn is always unrealistic where as a couple being exhibitionistic can definitely be realistic (though if they're role playing or doing a theatrical scene then it can still be unrealistic because they're both just playing a part). There's a reason all the regular couples fucking are just themselves uploading to free sites, they're getting off on people watching them, they're not trying to make money so they're not catering to the fantasies of submissive men. If they were doing so then it would be unrealistic because by definition fantasies aren't reality. So I will say that for at least some of those videos you were exposed to a realistic view of what it was like for that particular man to be pegged, but certainly not a realistic view of what it would be like for every man.

    < Message edited by MauiDreams -- 7/23/2014 10:40:09 PM >

    (in reply to Galacia)
    Profile   Post #: 58
    RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/23/2014 10:47:46 PM   
    FieryOpal


    Posts: 2821
    Joined: 12/8/2013
    From: Maryland
    Status: offline     		There's your problem, fella. FemDom porn contamination, which you seem to be trying to justify is a Sex Ed pursuit of yours rather than the sheer titillation factor fueling the perpetual wank engine.

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Galacia

    I can tell you that, lately, I've seen a lot of pornographic movies (hundreds, and maybe even thousands, over the past decade) keyworded to BDSM (and lately, to Femdom), and I can emphatically affirm that some movies are centered around that punishment dynamic, but an absolutely huge number aren't (at all) what DarkSteven said he felt them to be.
    <snip>

    When I spoke of a punishment dynamic, the oft-used term is humiliation & punishment, similar to how B&D or S&M get paired together.
    You cannot tell me that these tens of thousands of hours you've logged watching porn hasn't been replete with male sub humiliation.
    Whether you view it as mock-humiliation, mock-taunting (combined with T&D), mock-punishment (being "forced") or just plain funishment, I have yet to see one single snippet where some form of humiliation or another isn't depicted.
    Perhaps you don't see certain activities as humiliating, since you've undoubtedly become numbed to the shock value of these scripted and/or improvisational scenes.
    How do I know this? Porn addicts, like any other type of addict, crave stronger and more intense (provocative or outrageous) doses to achieve the same *high* as they used to get.

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Galacia

    Truth be told, I've had one Femdom experience, and, well, she didn't giggle one bit.
    It was all about her. Which was fine by me.
    And, again, truth be told, she was far (far) younger than I, and, guess what?
    She did (some of) the exact same things I saw in some of those videos.
    And, I responded in some of the exact same ways.

    Now, being a mechanically inclined person, I gravitate to the "toys" and "things", so, mostly that's what I'm talking about. She did allow me to cuddle against her thigh when it was all done, running her hands through my hair, but, lest I digress, my point in revealing this tale is that, while I find some femdom porn "realistic", I already know that Mistresses find it wholly unlike reality.

    I did ask that young lady, who professed to never have watched porn, and, as she was in her early twenties,...

    Naïve much? This girl you hired is going to admit to you that she learned how to mimic FemDom BDSM scenes from watching porn? Perhaps not actively, although male subs send us links of what they're into all the time--and I don't consider that I watch porn either. From what I've heard goes on in some of these FemDom chatrooms sounds an awful lot to me like these cyber-Dommes got many of their ideas from FemDom porn. They are catering to the same market demographic.

    Which boils down to this:

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
    <snip>
    All porn is over the top, fantastical and has very little to do with how real life couples interact with each other on a day to day basis. My question to you is, why do you have such a vested interest in proving that porn is realistic? Are you upset that your sex life doesn't look like a porno and want concrete proof for the woman (or women) in your life that they should indeed be fucking you like a porn star or something? Seriously, what's behind all of this?


    _____________________________

    Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
    There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

    (in reply to Galacia)
    Profile   Post #: 59
    RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 1:11:14 AM   
    Galacia


    Posts: 60
    Joined: 7/22/2013
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: AAkasha
    The act of sensual dominance between people with erotic attraction and affection for one another to me contains something totally void from any kind of porn.


    Do you ever watch youtube videos on how to fix a car?

    Fact is, there is a lot to be learned by watching other people "do" things. You can find a youtube video depicting almost every car repair out there, and, I, for one, have followed hundreds. I've learned a LOT from them.

    Every one was realistic, in that, they provided:
    - A realistic portrayal of the tools needed
    - A realistic rendition of the diagnostic steps to follow
    - A realistic portrayal of the actions of removing and replacing the parts

    And, guess what? Not a single DIY video gave me any emotional thrill whatsoever.
    Yet, every one was very realistic.

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: AAkasha
    It's deep, intense kisses that turn from loving to cruel at a moment's notice.


    Ah, now we're getting somewhere!
    You won't get that in a youtube DIY automotive repair video!

    In fact, it would be a hellova film that portrayed that kind of feeling and emotion and sensuality.
    Might cost upwards of 20 (low budget) to 50 million dollars (medium budget) to make.
    And even then, it would be a financial gamble.

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: AAkasha
    When it comes to strapons, or spanking, or dildos, or humiliation, or crawling, it's seamless and sensual, with my lips always very close to his skin,


    Again, very sensual.
    And never going to be captured in a low-budget film, of any genre.
    Unless the director is really good!

    But, all that emotion and sensuality wouldn't help me one bit to understand what is is that is Femdom!
    (Yes, I know how naive that sentence sounds ... but read the next sentence before you pass judgement.)

    It's like watching a car-repair video and the guy gleefully jumps up and down all happy that he has fixed his car.
    Beads of sweat trickle together down his cheeks ... his arms are all sensually twitching ... the car is purring like a fondled kitten.
    I'd be watching this, in the video ... and waiting for the facts ... but no ... it's filled with this guy smiling and happily slapping other people on the back, gulping down the celebratory beer with gusto, foam spilling out of the neck of the bottle, shaking hands with his buddies, likewise all caked in sweat, and basically emotionally crying torrents of tears of joy ... but not a damn thing in the video would tell me about how he fixed the car!

    All I'd know, in the end, is how happy he was.
    I'd have learned absolutely nothing (other than it must feel damn good to fix a car).

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: AAkasha
    The one thing that can never be captured in any het femdom porn I have seen is surrender without self indulgence (lathering it on), or dominance that is a caricature of control - whether it be the outfits, the poses, the tone of voice or the language.


    OK. I think I get it.
    It took me a while, I do admit.

    Femdoms are from Mars. I'm not.

    In this INXS music video, there are mere flashes of what real BDSM looks like in my femdom world.
    Heh heh heh ... for a moment there, you had me fooled as I saw an ad first.
    (I have my computer set up to ignore all advertisements, but it's not set that way for youtube.)
    - kids drive away
    - kids whispering
    - kids sneak up on family
    - water sprinkler
    - snappy music
    - oh ... I see ... man doing gal's hair
    - gal doing gal's fingernails
    - man happens to be "all wrapped up"
    - man lies on ground
    - gal slinks around like a cat
    - hey! No fair. Licking of feet!
    - fast pace ... (not so sure about guys on couch)
    - ooooh ... she slices off his shirt with scissors
    - Lots of tongue on nipples ... muscles rippling ... she's pretty hot herself...
    - (wondering about the little kids ... kind of ruins the mood)
    - she's working her way down his pants as he writhes sensually
    - he's on his back, hands on his crotch ... she's pretty near too ... (a bit too much like a vodka ad all the symbolism)
    - ok ... getting dizzy now ... flashes of uh? I'm not sure ... but he's kind of tied up ... she's kind of on top
    - Ah heels!!!!!!!
    CUT!

    It ends with heels?????

    Oh my!...oh my... just oh my.

    So, femdom really does contain:
    - Licking of bare feet
    - Heels (really high)

    I knew it!
    :)

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: AAkasha
    You see it in a flash at 2:59 in the way he struggles, it's the fingers forced into his mouth and then licked off at 3:25. It's the movement of his hips at 3:45.

    It all happened so fast, while I was typing in real time.
    I didn't see the hands in his mouth - but you can see what I saw by what I had typed above.

    I see how it evokes a feeling.
    Funny thing. It's sensual.

    It's like a vodka commercial. Or a really well done car commercial. Or, better yet, it's like a commercial for a TV show where they show the lady half naked sensuously for a few seconds, so, you cancel your weekly outing with the boys to watch this steamy show, and, well, every single damn time it starts to get to the shots they showed in the trailer, they cut out for a commercial.

    When they return from that commercial, they are already onto another scene. Then, they get sexy again, and again, it was just a cock tease. A lousy stinkin' stupid cock tease. And I fell for it. I wasted my time. Yet again.

    After a while, you stop falling for those cock teases. I want to see pussy dammit. And tits, yes, big small or however DarkSteven like them, I want to see tits dammit. This cock tease stuff is for the birds!

    I guess I'm realizing, I come from a different planet.
    On the planet I come from, we don't watch teasing videos which show almost how you can maybe possibly fix a car, with shots of the bolts just about to go into the correct hole, and then we cut away to another shot. No, on the videos that I watch on my planet, we screw the damn bolts into the engine. Nice and tight. And we show every single step of that process of removing and attaching and removing and attaching each bolt, one by one, torquing them down, ever so tightly, until you can practically hear them squeak with the tremendous tension our testosterone fueled muscles can thrust with the torque wrench.

    Ah! Whew! Now it's time for a cigarette!

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: AAkasha
    Anything you find in femdom porn is developed to cater to the male fantasy. It looks nothing like real life


    Actually, I think you meant it "feels" nothing like real life.
    Because I don't know *anyone* who has the kind of babe doing the kind of things that were in that professional marketing video (and I wouldn't expect it, because marketing is, after all, dissemination of a fantasy in and of itself).

    In summary, I learned a LOT from your one post.
    Mainly, I think it can be summarized that you think verrrrrrrry differently than I do.
    You think like you're from mars. I clearly can't think the way you do.

    I think I understand, from your description, how you think - but we take the exact same inputs - and we get different outputs.







    (in reply to AAkasha)
    Profile   Post #: 60
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