RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means (I think)

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RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 2:00:51 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia
<snip>
Femdoms are from Mars. I'm not.
...
You think like you're from mars. I clearly can't think the way you do.

I think I understand, from your description, how you think - but we take the exact same inputs - and we get different outputs.

It's: Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars
Perhaps your differing output has something to do with getting your lines crossed? Or your signals jammed?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia

So, femdom really does contain:
- Licking of bare feet
- Heels (really high)

No, no, no, no. Foot fetishists are easy money to a for-hire Domme, non-sexual for the Domme. Even then, there are fin-Dommes who aren't into foot worship.
There are a few, but there's only one lifestyle Domme friend I have who's into getting her feet attended to. I'm not, and neither are the others I know.
As for high heels, that's touch & go. Some enjoy wearing them, some will only do platforms, some don't. I won't go higher than a 4-inch heel on my leather boots on the occasions when I feel like wearing them.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Galacia)

Post #: 61

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 2:36:33 AM

Galacia

Posts: 60
Joined: 7/22/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
But your OP wasn't asking IF a video COULD show a realistic portrayal, you were asking if the porn that's out there in the market today is a realistic portrayal of FLR relationships/sexual encounters.

Good point.
I initially had simply assumed that a movie could be realistic, just as a youtube DIY could show a realistic car repair.
So, initially, my goal was to figure out which "events" portrayed were more representative of what happens.

Meanwhile, the Femdoms here started saying porn wouldn't convey feelings.
Feelings?
Huh?

Who asked about conveying feelings?
No movie conveys feelings (or at least no low-budget movie does, unless it's by one hellova director or marketing team).
Nobody expects that out of run-of-the-mill free porn anyway.
What I was looking for was "things". Stuff done. Clothes worn. Toys used.
Not feelings.

Note: I do realize exactly how that sounds. You're from Mars. I'm not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
The actions themselves are unrealistic because, again, it's all about the viewer consuming the porn and not about what actually feels good or is fun.

I think I do realize the disconnect here.
As I said in my example, I'd equate that INIX youtube video with the despised category of cock tease.
Now, I won't speak for other men ... maybe they like their cock being teased ... but I don't.
I don't mind spending days to please a woman, but if all she's doing is teasing me with snippets here and vignettes there, screw it.
I'd rather not even bother.

So, I think we think differently.
Our goals are different.

What, to you, might be a sensual mind provoking event, could just the same be, to me, a frustratingly teasing waste of my time and effort.

Maybe I'm the only guy out there who thinks that, but, I'm not being dishonest in what I write (although I am writing without an output filter as I can type as quickly as I can speak or think).

quote:

ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
Never in my life have I had someone go down on me in the way I've seen in happen in porn.

You know, that's a funny statement, to me, because, I've had a lot of blowjobs in my life.
How many? Dunno. Let's figure on a thousand.

And you know what?
I've seen it all the time in porn.

Yup. I've seen the same exact blow job. To be sure, I've seen better blowjobs. Oh, have I seen better, where the gal goes deeeeeep, and stays there. Where the teasing lasts only a few seconds before she gets on to the real meat of the matter. Where she swallows, willingly, gulping, and smiling, and she stays on it, albeit slowed down to a crawl at that point, but keeps it in her mouth till it goes fully flaccid. And, I've seen worse. Those where her mouth barely leaves the head of the shaft ... where she uses her hand as a substitute for effort ... where her second hand isn't doing anything useful ... and she closes her eyes, never looking up ... and where she mechanically bobs on the head until he's about to cum, and then she moves away at the exact crucial moment she's supposed to keep her head there (that's like lifting up the landing gear at the exact moment the plane is about to hit the runway!)

Point is, I think blowjob videos run the gamut, from the same thing that happens in real life, to muuuuch better, and to much worse.
Again, we see the same input, but different conclusions.

You think like you're from Mars. I don't.
(There's a pattern forming here).

quote:

ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
There's some basis in reality, yes, but over all I think what happens in real bedrooms around the world is quite different than what's happening on the screen.

You know, if I were to watch my neighbor screwing around in their boudoir, and then I were to compare that to the first fuck video I see on the net, I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the two.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
As to apparel, I think that's probably the most unrealistic part. I've not known a single Domme who wears fetish gear on a regular basis.

I don't disagree with you there.
I've had about as many women in my life as I am aged in years (keeping to that golden rule for men).
And, sure, some of them (perhaps most) dressed as sexily as they are in some of the porn videos.
But, you might note that, in the porn videos I randomly found for pegging, I think only one (maybe two) had fetish gear on.

In fact, while I'm sure about half the Femdom porn videos (give or take) have fetish gear on the ladies, of the porn I've watched, probably less than something like 10% did. I go for the realistic stuff. The documentaries, if you will, as you can tell from every one of my selections.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
There's not much selection for male sub clothing, but of the ones that porn shows (ex dressing like a "sissy" or being diapered or encased in a latex suit) they are all the fetishes that are the hardest for male subs to get a Domme interested in in real life. Hence the glut of latex/sissy/whatever porn, because very few women are into that in reality.

Thank you for answering that question.
I'm not into that myself, but I still had wondered.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
To me a documentary or biography can be realistic, but not a movie or a novel.

You're the first person to mention "documentary" (I think), and, if I stop, pause, think, ponder ... I wonder if what you call a porn video, I would consider a porn documentary?

It's not exactly a documentary, if I were to "get off" on it, but, other than that, the purpose of watching it is to figure out what "it" is.
Specifically, how "it" is done, what toys are used for "it", and what clothes to wear while doing "it", etc.

So, in a way, I'm really asking whether the porn documentaries (of the type that I linked to in prior posts) are realistically showing the acts that occur during a typical Femdom encounter. (I was never looking for feelings to be portrayed.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
If we're all saying the same thing, does it not then follow that there's some truth to what we're saying?

Absolutely not.
If you all said that XXX people all looked alike, would that make it the truth?
More to the point, you're all likely saying 35 degrees is hot, and I'm saying it's cold.

We could wax prolific for fifteen posts, about how you all think 35 degrees is hot, while I'm logically insisting that it's downright chilly.
Only after we start trying to understand each other would we realize you're talking Celsius while I'm talking Fahrenheit.

Same input. Different outputs.
Why?
Because you base your assessment on feelings.
I base mine on actions.

Your assessment is based on how it makes you feel.
Mine is based on what it is that I know how to do.

You're from Mars. I'm not.
We think differently.

That doesn't make you right.
In fact, < warning ... blunt > it makes you all sound pretty stupid. I"m sorry to say that so bluntly. It's like you're all racists. Some people mentioned they wouldn't even bother looking at the short videos I linked to, which, I feel, were pretty representative of the "documentary" genre, now that that word was brought to my attention.

Notice that I watched every video that was suggested, even downloading an hour and a half film, watched it, and commented on it, based on what the requester asked me to assess.

Also notice that I responded to the voice of reason, who had kindly responded to all 40 questions (even though some were tongue in cheek), and that I went to the trouble to find a 'documentary' video of each style.

No. The fact that most Femdom's almost universally decry Femdom porn just makes them appear closed minded.
But, in reality, they're not as dumb as they sound.

They're just from Mars. And it's clear, by now, that these Femdom videos are not written and directed by Martians.
(And, yes, I know of the book, Men are from Mars, Women from Venus ... I read it way way long ago. I'm not really making a play on that -- I'm just using Mars as an example of a different planet.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
If every Domme here can watch a FemDom porno (or several) and go "Nope, that's not even close to what goes on inside my bedroom" then I'd hazard a guess that what's going on in FemDom porn isn't going on in real FLR's

If I showed a youtube video of the inside of an electric engine, a rotary engine, a piston engine, and a jet turbine engine (without telling them which was which), would those very same people be able to distinguish which one was representative of the one inside the car they drive every single day?

Maybe. But maybe not.
If I showed those videos to any of "my" buddies, would every single one of them figure it out in the first two seconds.
Probably.

I'd hazard a guess that the inside of a jet turbine engine has no appeal for most Domme's, while probably there are extremely few guys here who couldn't tell the difference in a flash.

While I hesitate to speak for all men, or even any other man than myself (because a sycophant will ALWAYS pop up, saying the contrary), I, for one, am interested in the mechanics. And, my OP was all about mechanics.

Now, I don't "own" this thread, so it goes where you (the collective you) want it to go.
You want it to go toward FEELINGS. I understand. I really do.
NOTE: I didn't understand this until, oh, I don't know, about the 3rd page, but I now understand this.

Feelings ... vs ... mechanics.

You're saying porn (any and all porn) doesn't convey feelings.
I'm not disagreeing. I never asked about feelings.
I was asking about mechanics.

And, I think a hellova lot of the videos I listed (probably) convey the mechanics damn well.
I don't know that for a fact from experience, but, heck, ... even the marketing video had the heels and licking of the feet in it, in very prominent positions, which was no accident (nothing in a well marketed production is by accident).

quote:

ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
After watching those videos

You get kudos, at least from me, for NOT having a racist's closed mind!
I do appreciate your taking the time to watch the examples.
It shows you are open minded, and able to understand other people.
Thanks (some here aren't, which is why I call that out).

quote:

ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
it highlighted that you and I have different definitions of "porn" because I don't consider an actual couple filming themselves having sex as being porn.

That's a very very very very important statement!
In fact, that one statement tells me where the disconnect lies.

I consider porn to be EXACTLY that!
Porn is (to me, of course) a documentary of sex between, let's say, two people.

Any porn that isn't, is just plain silly.
Hmmmm... we're getting somewhere here ...

Porn is, (again, I'm only speaking for me because I know what the sycophants will say to succor the ladies), by definition, at least mostly, simply a documentary of, say, two people, fucking.

The only difference between two people fucking, and porn of two people fucking, is the lighting, and the guy always puts his right arm behind his back and tilts to the side so you can actually see him entering her (although the camera man has the all important job to zoom in at the thrusting). And, any porn that pans to the guys face is CUT! STOP IT RIGHT THERE. I don't want to see the guy's face! What is wrong with you? I'd fire the director. (Or move on to another porn documentary.)
No, this isn't about feelings. It's about sex. S-E-X. Pure and simple. It's mechanics 101.

So, I see now, what "I" mean by "realism" has nothing to do with what "YOU" (the collective you) mean by that very same word.

You're speaking about realism of feelings.
I'm only speaking about realism of actions.

Two very different things, they are.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
To me porn is something produced by a company with paid actors who are following a script, otherwise it's just exhibitionism.

Now, we're on common ground here with respect to scripts.
Now, I love Mood Pictures. I really do. And I deplore Kink.com, and can't despise them enough.
And, in the middle, I really have a love/hate relationship with Queensnake. Oh, it pisses me off to no end.

You wanna know why?

Mood Pictures: They spank. They spank hard. The girls get red. They even bleed. Oooooh. That gives me a good feeling. I do as DarkSteven here, and I skip the plot. I don't care if the girls got caught smoking or stealing or masturbating. I don't give a hoot, why they're getting spanked and caned. I just want to SEE them squirm and turn red as they get spanked and caned. And the videography is pretty good, perhaps not as good as Kink.com, but damn good.

Kink.com: I can't even describe it, it's such utter crap. I guess the best I can say is the videography is fantastic. The lighting superb. The gals are gorgeous and there are lots of them. The building is ornate and elegant. The equipment professional. But the entire damn show is utter crap. Unbelievable utter garbage. I can tell just by looking at the freeze frame and I've learned (from clicking on hundreds of them over time, and even now, accidentally getting them via a re-direct), Kink.com isn't worth watching.

Queensnake: How do I describe Queensnake? They do the greatest of pain things, yeah, and innovative. I mean, pepper? Lots and lots of pepper! Deliciously squirming, nay, literally fluttering vibrating quivering thighs of luscious fat all for my viewing pleasure. And they don't stop there. Nettles. Needles. Sewing kits. Pins. Clamps. Ground up glass beads. Electricity. Rubber bands. Paint ball guns and BBs. You name it, they've shoved it into a pussy. But, c'mon. Remember that Wendy's commercial, Where's the beef? Well, where's the sex? None. Zip. Nada. Not one fucking sex scene. Literally. If it wasn't for all the naked quivering flesh, I'd never have been able to sit through the first few hundred of those films.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
So, to me porn is always unrealistic where as a couple being exhibitionistic can definitely be realistic (though if they're role playing or doing a theatrical scene then it can still be unrealistic because they're both just playing a part).

That sentence, I could have written.
So, I think we're understanding each other. (well, the "me" and the global "you" are the "we).

quote:

ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
There's a reason all the regular couples fucking are just themselves uploading to free sites, they're getting off on people watching them, they're not trying to make money so they're not catering to the fantasies of submissive men.

You know, I have no idea HOW those videos get into those aggregate sites.
The hour-long Mood Pictures ones come and go, so, I suspect someone pays for it, and then uploads them (although I never bothered to check).
The queensnake are almost all a minute or two long, and stay forever, so you have no doubt this is a clever marketing ploy to get people interested in their stuff. The ones that are longer (like a half hour or so), don't last, so, it's pretty clear they're spamming the market with their trailers.

Same with the ubiquitous Kink.com utter garbage. They are a few minutes long, and worse yet, they bounce around like that INXA marketing video we just watched. They're nothing but cock teases and they don't even do a good job at that. The plot is so utterly unbelievable that even I can't fall for it, as much as I'd want to. They re-use the same models over and over and over and over again, such that I can tell when the models have had a boob job, or just got back from having a baby.

Now, those three aren't the only porn on the aggregator sites. No. There are tens of thousands (each category is usually lists how many films they have and they usually have listed something like 30 or 50 thousand for each category). Granted there are duplicates (which can best be found by sorting by length) but it's safe to say that in a dozen lifetimes, you couldn't watch all the free porn out there.

So, I'm sure SOMEONE is paying for this stuff, just as someone must be clicking on spam and buying their little blue pills and penis extension gimmicks, but it's not me. (I wouldn't pay a Findom in a thousand years either, and, I operate under the principle that if a lady is only online, she's a guy.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MauiDreams
So I will say that for at least some of those videos you were exposed to a realistic view of what it was like for that particular man to be pegged

Thank you for understanding.
Now you can read my first post, and understand from what context it was made!

I had asked (essentially):
- What do femdom acts consist of?

I had never asked:
- What does Femdom feel like?

In closing, I think we (that may only be me) made a lot of headway in this thread.

(in reply to MauiDreams)

Post #: 62

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 3:28:51 AM

Galacia

Posts: 60
Joined: 7/22/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
There's your problem, fella. FemDom porn contamination, which you seem to be trying to justify is a Sex Ed pursuit of yours rather than the sheer titillation factor fueling the perpetual wank engine.

That might be true.
I'm more horny now than I ever was.
Probably think about sex fifty to two hundred times a day.
I need to taking up knitting, or crochet, or whatever people do to keep their mind off of sex.
:)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
I have yet to see one single snippet where some form of humiliation or another isn't depicted.

Well, you haven't seen enough porn then.

While male-sub humiliation abounds, just take a look at the documentaries that I recently posted.
The male being pegged in some of them were treated pretty respectfully, if you ask me.

I think you're just watching the wrong porn.
For example, I already told you what I think of kink.com. I used to like insex, long ago, before it was sold off, but it's far too fake for me to bother with either. It's in the same category as kink.com, except it's not anywhere near as polished.

I like to watch, as we've come to realize, documentaries of two people, preferably amateurs, having their sexual fun together in the bedroom. I watch what they do, how they do it, and what equipment they use. Lest you think me altruistic, I do get off on the women's bodies. I really do (let's not let that ever go unheeded, as it's the primary focus, after all).

Now, let's look at that *other* porn. The stuff you've been watching. Let's see. There are five young gals, and three naked old fat men (just like me). The girls are in miniskirts, with no panties perhaps, and heels. They giggle. They spit. They laugh. They hit the men all wrong. Jeezus. Doesn't anyone teach them not to hit the kidneys? They spank knees. They crush cocks. I don't get it because they either break all the safety rules, or they're just too stupid to even learn them, as simple as they are. Their collars don't have slide stops. Their whip tips cut into flesh. Nothing is done right. Absolutely nothing.

Least of all the plot.
You can just about forget the plot.
That's the male-sub-humiliation porn I think you're talking about.

Forget about it.
It's utter crap.

No, that's the wrong porn. The ones with a silly plot.
The porn I like to watch, we'll call documentary porn.
Two people (usually of the same age, thereabouts) doing pretty basic "things" to each other.

Now that's realistic porn!
It's the same as if I had put a camera in my neighbor's bedroom.
Two people, doing their thing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
Perhaps you don't see certain activities as humiliating, since you've undoubtedly become numbed to the shock value of these scripted and/or improvisational scenes.

When I'm looking to get off, I find (in a split second), what we've come to call "documentary porn".
I can tell in a split second, if a freeze frame is that kink.com-style crap, so I only see the style you seem to be talking about if the freeze frame fooled me (it happens).

However, if I'm looking to better understand a genre (and, we all know, there are scores upon scores of different genres, from MILF to CBT to CFNM to LBFM to your run-of-the-mill BDSM, etc.), then I run into all that crap that you are talking about.

What I've (all too slowly) come to realize are a few disjoint but somewhat related observations:
1. Femdom's look to video to convey feelings (e.g., a depiction of how it feels)
2. I look to video to display facts (e.g., a documentary of what happens)
---
3. Femdom's appear to be looking at the wrong porn (if Kink.com is in their repertoir, it's definitely the wrong porn)
4. I'm looking mostly at the home-made boudoir documentaries between two loving couples
---
5. When I'm looking to get off, I go and find a documentary that appeals to me (it better include a naked woman dammit!)
6. When I'm looking to learn, that's when I run into the same videos Femdon's are aware of in item #3 which
---
Conclusion:
#6 is the same porn as #3 where the conclusion is universally that it's utter garbage (we all seem to agree)
#5 is the same as #2 but it's not at all #1 (so, on this, we will always disagree, because our objectives differ)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
How do I know this? Porn addicts, like any other type of addict, crave stronger and more intense (provocative or outrageous) doses to achieve the same *high* as they used to get.

This may very well be true.
Thought provoking.
Cause for concern.
But, likely true nonetheless.

Essentially, I'm turning ever so inexorably toward Femdom porn, which is something I had NEVER considered before, as that stronger and longer-lasting high...

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
Naïve much? This girl you hired is going to admit to you that she learned how to mimic FemDom BDSM scenes from watching porn?

I didn't hire her, and I wouldn't be ashamed to admit that had I hired her.
I met her on Craigslist. She was totally free. We spent a few weeks before getting to meet, and then we got together.
She is still mailing and calling me, but, truth be told, I get the feeling she "is" after my money.
She loved the fact I live on acres of land, huge pool, fantastic view, etc., which costs millions, and she can't even afford to buy a car.
Did I know all that in the beginning? Nope.
Did she say it all outright? Nope.
So I just dumped her.
Yeah, not elegant.
I don't have the heart (guts?) to tell her she's only after me for my money.

But, guess what. Most women are after me for my money.
So, it's nothing new, for me.

Anyway, I never came here to talk about that.
I didn't hire her. I didn't pay her. I only advertised on CL, and she answered (among others).
I picked her.
She was the wrong pick (she was gorgeous though, so, no hard feelings here).

Anyway, I'm back to square one (with another ad on CL as CM sucks compared to CL - hope the mods forgive me, when it comes to meeting women).

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
All porn is over the top, fantastical and has very little to do with how real life couples interact with each other on a day to day basis.

But wait.
What do you think about what we've started referring to as "documentary porn".
The main difference between documentary porn and real sex is that there is a cameraman in the room trying to keep his shadow out of the picture and his reflection out of the closet mirror and his camera up close to her pussy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
My question to you is, why do you have such a vested interest in proving that porn is realistic?

If I were black, and I kept hearing all the Femdoms saying all blacks are, whatever, wouldn't you expect me to object?

I can just click a forum we all know well, and ask a single question in that forum of something like "I saw this or that in a Femdom porn video, what do you think about it", and the (bigoted) answer that will invariably come back will be "porn is unrealistic, get a life, get off of porn, get a girlfriend, etc., all but the first of which would likely be true.

Porn, at least the documentary porn I've listed for your viewing pleasure, is most likely realistic.
Certainly blowjob documentary porn is realistic. So is fucking porn. So is any porn that I already know well, such as spanking documentaries, and caning documentaries, and bondage documentaries (and so on)

The porn I don't know well, which, after all, is the topic of this thread, is Femdom porn.
Turns out, as it must, the Femdom porn documentaries are almost certainly realistic.

But, you'll almost never see a Femdom say that.
You know why.
I don't really want to be so blunt as to tell it to you directly.
But they are, well, what they are rhymes with cupid.
Plain and simple.

They're close minded porn bigots.
However, let you feel I can only insult their intelligence (or demonstrated lack thereof), it's not really their fault.

a) They're (the Femdom's we speak of, in general) are looking at the wrong porn, and, worse yet,
b) They're looking for different things from that porn.

Of course, they're doomed to fail, which is why they decry all porn as unrealistic.

But, what they're doing, in effect, is saying:
STATEMENT: All cooking videos are unrealistic
WHY? Because none of them give you the FLAVOR of the food!

No wonder they decry all cooking videos.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 63

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 4:36:09 AM

Galacia

Posts: 60
Joined: 7/22/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
It's: Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars
Perhaps your differing output has something to do with getting your lines crossed? Or your signals jammed?

Heh heh ...

Believe it or not, that single mis-statement above embodies everything that is this thread.
It took me a long time to understand how you (the collective you) think.
And, you clearly don't understand how I think (at least in this example).

Just as many Femdoms may assume all porn is unrealistic, without even realizing that a huge class of porn is what we've come to call documentary porn (witness the samples that I had cited), you clearly assumed (quite wrongly) that I was making a play on the book title (of which I am familiar, and where I first learned that men act like rubber bands).

In fact, I was using Mars as indicating a thought process for female Dommes so foreign as to not belong on this planet (e.g., a Martian way of thinking). I was not equating that to men. In fact, I specifically said repeatedly I speak for no man other than myself. So, it was the Martians, and me. Plural, to singular. Women, to man. (Had I actually wanted to play on the title, which is women to men, not women to man, I likely would have said something akin to "Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus", instead of, "Women are from Mars, I'm not").

What I had meant, clearly, is that you (women, plural) think differently than I do (me, singular).

(BTW, neither is right, neither is wrong - it's all good ... we have the same inputs ... yet different outputs).
I'm just trying to figure out why, and, I think I've figured much of it out in the last four or five posts.

I don't fault you, by the way for this very minor faux pas. Not in the least. This is, after all, a TEXT conversation, essentially between strangers, so you would have no idea how well read I am or whether I was an illiterate buffoon. It's common and natural for incorrect assumptions to be made which merely require prompt correction.

But, this insignificant miscommunication is actually a LESSON for us, of the following ... which I've learned in this thread (thank you all, quite sincerely).

This is my current assessment of the situation, where we make a distinction between the kink.com style porn (let's call it "plot porn" for lack of a better category) and documentary porn (which, as we've explained, is merely what would happen in your bedroom, but with a camera in the room):

Given plot porn and documentary porn, Femdoms, as a rule,
a. appear to disparage most (if not all) plot-style Femdom videos
b. without realizing there are two types of videos
c. but, even so, they might be asking for the unrealistic outcome of feelings (emotions)
d. which neither video can realistically produce.

This set of statements may begin to explain why Femdoms, almost universally agree on a common assessment of Femdom porn, which, we now know, was likely made considering only the worst of the two types (i.e., only on plot porn), yet, even if they had considered the other type (i.e., documentary porn), they would have had an unrealistic expectation that the video provoke deep feelings (emotions), which, realistically, they can't provide.

Hence, they decry all Femdom videos (and rightly so, given this presumed thought process).
In short, they're looking for the wrong thing, and only considering half the porn out there to find it (yet, the other half doesn't provide it either).

No wonder almost all Femdoms decry almost all Femdom porn!

It would be the same as if we lump cooking self-help videos into two categories, cooking-show videos and step-by-step recipe videos.

Given cooking videos and recipe videos, great chefs, as a rule,
a. might disparage most (if not all) cooking show videos
b. without realizing there are two types of videos
c. but, even so, they might ask for the unrealistic outcome of taste (i.e., sweet, salt, sour, bitter, & umami)
d. which neither video can realistically produce.

This has been an enlightening conversation, and, I finally understand, I think, what is going on.
No wonder we struggle to communicate.
My thought process is so unlike yours, it's as if you're from Mars, and I'm not.

Back to the Femdom porn videos ...
a. I deplore what I call the plot-style porn videos (they're just too idiotic to take seriously)
b. But I realize there are (at least) two types of porn videos
c. Where I expect to obtain realistic ideas and physical titillation from the documentary style porn videos,
d. And where I do not expect any emtional stimulation from either type of video.

I can see now, why (a) I'm happier with (documentary style) porn than most Femdoms appear to be with porn, in general, and (b) why I feel documentary style porn is, and can be realistic, while most Femdoms didn't at first, agree with that key premise.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 64

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 4:56:36 AM

Galacia

Posts: 60
Joined: 7/22/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia
But they are, well, what they are rhymes with cupid.

I wish to apologize for this statement.

It was unfiltered, and part of my stream of consciousness. But I should have filtered it out.

I have struggled to understand why Femdoms universally decry Femdom porn as patently unrealistic; yet, I can clearly observe that some Femdoms aren't even aware of half the porn out there ... which are in a class we've come to call documentary porn. Worse yet, some Femdoms have gone so far as to state, in effect, that they know what's in the porn I cited, even without bothering to view it (which is an ironic reverse twist of Justic Stewart's famous assertion).

It isn't that they rhyme with cupid. It's not that at all.
It's not even that they're closed minded (I referred to it as being bigoted against Femdom porn).

It's simply they are expecting something different, and they're only considering half the picture, yet, even if they considered the whole picture, they'd not find what they're expecting (for the most part).

Meanwhile, I'm expecting mere Femdom recipes, if you will, and I'm specifically not expecting a cooking-show video that provides a taste of the food. I just want to know what spices I need in my toy bag, what tools I use to bake the cake, and how the cake is made (e.g., at what temperature and for how long).

Hope this helps us better understand each other. Gnite.

(in reply to Galacia)

Post #: 65

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 5:44:28 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia

-snips

Who asked about conveying feelings?
No movie conveys feelings (or at least no low-budget movie does, unless it's by one hellova director or marketing team).
Nobody expects that out of run-of-the-mill free porn anyway.
What I was looking for was "things". Stuff done. Clothes worn. Toys used.
Not feelings.

-snip-

Yup. I've seen the same exact blow job. To be sure, I've seen better blowjobs. Oh, have I seen better, where the gal goes deeeeeep, and stays there. Where the teasing lasts only a few seconds before she gets on to the real meat of the matter. Where she swallows, willingly, gulping, and smiling, and she stays on it, albeit slowed down to a crawl at that point, but keeps it in her mouth till it goes fully flaccid. And, I've seen worse. Those where her mouth barely leaves the head of the shaft ... where she uses her hand as a substitute for effort ... where her second hand isn't doing anything useful ... and she closes her eyes, never looking up ... and where she mechanically bobs on the head until he's about to cum, and then she moves away at the exact crucial moment she's supposed to keep her head there (that's like lifting up the landing gear at the exact moment the plane is about to hit the runway!)

Point is, I think blowjob videos run the gamut, from the same thing that happens in real life, to muuuuch better, and to much worse.
Again, we see the same input, but different conclusions.

-snip-

Stuff done. Clothes worn. Toys used. All of those things are useful for play ideas and technique. But they deemphasize relationships. This bothers me because, if you want to"land" a lifestyle femdom (to use a fishing term), the relationship is the bait you need to use to entice her. The one thing that sub men should be focusing on, isn't even present in porn.

My premise was (and is) that the interpersonal dynamics were different between porn and RL. For example, the hot lady, perfect figure and flawlessly made up, boinking the pizza delivery boy.

1. Women all ready for insta-play with no social niceties first. Basically, the stuff that happens after meeting, awkwardness, a grasping sense for compatibility, etc. - without all those preliminaries.
2. Bad boy/girl. Someone being "punished" oddly. As I've said, porn punishment is done for its own sake, while in my experience it's done only within the context of a relationship and represents a small aspect of the relationship itself. (I'm not expressing myself well here.)

Basically, porn takes the relationship between two (or more), and edits out everything except the sexy times.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Galacia)

Post #: 66

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 7:06:05 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Actually, I've commented sometimes on how unrealistic almost all spanking vids are. They all are based on a punishment premise, and begin with a reason that the spankee has been bad and must be punished. But the physical spanking itself is pretty accurate.

That said, spanking is a physical activity. Femdom is a relationship. Even if the physical activities are correct, the context is not.

A hijack - why SHOULD porn be accurate? I have seen vanilla movies like Little Shop of Horrors, Frankenstein, Peter Pan, Spy Kids, The Princess Bride, Eating Raoul, The Naked Gun, etc., that nobody would expect real life to be similar to. Why should porn be realistic when other movies aren't?

Very true. Reality is the person sitting across from you. Most people are trying to escape that.....

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 67

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 7:50:22 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia
...Just as many Femdoms may assume all porn is unrealistic...

Because, generally, that would be a true statement.
Unfortunately, it is not what you want to hear and cannot understand.

You are trying to make a link between porn and reality and justify the reasoning.
In the real world, the twain shall never meet outside of a scene.
Real life isn't like porn in any way - not as depicted in books and film.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia
I have struggled to understand why Femdoms universally decry Femdom porn as patently unrealistic; yet, I can clearly observe that some Femdoms aren't even aware of half the porn out there ... which are in a class we've come to call documentary porn.

Who's the "we"???
It's you, not the rest of us!

No such thing as "documentary porn". They are two mutually exclusive words.

Documentary
1 : being or consisting of documents : contained or certified in writing
2 : of, relating to, or employing documentation in literature or art; broadly : FACTUAL, OBJECTIVE

Pornography
1 : the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement
2 : material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement
3 : the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction

A documentary is factual and objective; porn is pure fantasy designed to create a sexual arousal.
Your views are quite contradictory and all ass-backwards fucked up.
This is why you are so seriously confused by it all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia
Meanwhile, I'm expecting mere Femdom recipes, if you will, and I'm specifically not expecting a cooking-show video that provides a taste of the food. I just want to know what spices I need in my toy bag, what tools I use to bake the cake, and how the cake is made (e.g., at what temperature and for how long).

Quite simply: every person, femdomme or otherwise, will be individual and different and expect different things.
You cannot categorize any particular activity with a simple broad brush approach.
Hence, every cake recipe is different and will produce different results.
Even the same recipe will give different results when baked with different temperatures and length of time.
You are viewing the cake as simply "cake" without any qualifying identifiers; and then expecting to get a Madeira or Victoria sponge or Cinnamon whirls from the same mixture.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia
No wonder we struggle to communicate.
My thought process is so unlike yours, it's as if you're from Mars, and I'm not.

Actually, it's you that are from Mars and not understanding.
Most of the rest of us understand it all quite well.
And that is why we (collectively) can offer real advice to people like you who don't know and/or understand.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia
...I'm just trying to figure out why...

You are simply screwed up and mixing two completely different subjects together.
This is why you are having extreme difficulty in understanding - it's all mixed up in your head.

Porn is fantasy. Period. It is not a documentary of any sort; and it's not real.
That is the first thing you need to differentiate.
After that, it becomes fairly simple.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Galacia)

Post #: 68

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 7:56:18 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

True, but if you're using porn as a guide to how to get and maintain a healthy relationship, then that's the problem.

Galacia: going back to your engine metaphor. You asking women about what they like to do is like you asking people who don't even know how to check their oil how to change a timing belt. I don't do car repairs, not even simple ones. The Man's an engineer, he rebuilds his own cars and mine. So when he sends me in to get brake pads, I'm totally confused. Are the ceramic ones going to give me 10,000 miles more than the gold? What about the difference between gold and silver? If there isn't any really clear way for me to understand why one is better than the other, I can't make a decision about it.

I'm sure he knows the difference, but I never will.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 69

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 8:25:34 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia

- Ah heels!!!!!!!
CUT!

It ends with heels?????

Oh my!...oh my... just oh my.

So, femdom really does contain:
- Licking of bare feet
- Heels (really high)

I knew it!
:)

You see what you want to see. Probably a victim of too much porn? And what is REALLY important or erotic to *you*? There aren't heels, "really high," that's just a chair shot at a weird angle. The man sitting at it was the one getting his nails done at the start, by a sweet normal looking woman.

It's not that women are from another planet (or femdoms in this case). It's that we're sensual, emotional, intimate creatures and it translates into the way we do BDSM in most affection-based, non-money, non "catering to sub so he will shut up/leave me alone/like me more and god let's get this over with it's lame."

Most men in vanilla situations know this also. If they relate to women as an object for sex, they are going to be lonely and/or creepy. If they relate to women as emotional, sensual, intimate members of the opposite sex and approach them *without self indulgence* (ie, "this act turns me on! this one too! how about this one! Oh my fetishes, my fetishes - enough about me, what do YOU think about my fetishes?"

A lot of subs fake some odd semblance of emotional or sensual intimacy with a femdom but he still oozes his desire for his kink. From watching too much porn. Where it's just the acts.

My kinky girlfriend and I were in our chatroom with about 10 subs and we have it set up so she and I talk and they all just listen and type. A lot of the times we end up on some tangent laughing or talking about something non kinky. All of a sudden I mentioned "strapon" and then the guys started typing like mad, like they woke up. I asked my friend, "isn't this like that old Farside cartoon" -- the one with when you talk to a dog, what does it hear? "blah blah blah blah fido blah blah blah blah go for a ride blah blah blah."

(cartoon here: http://bullseyecommunications.wordpress.com/2011/06/25/improve-your-communications-with-clients-prospects-and-puppies/far-side-cartoon-what-dogs-hear-v1/)

When talking to kinky subs who watch too much porn, you can say, "I was reading a really interesting book the other day about philosophy of mind, I think I might start reading more and more of those because I don't know, it totally resonates with me, maybe I need to set down the strap on and get some culture." What subs here: "blah blah blah blah blah STRAP ON."

Granted, this was in a forum where the subs expected titillation. But still, it points to the fact that a large number of men don't know how to relate sensually, intelligently, romantically with a woman who happens to be femdom -- unless it's all about the fetish. THIS is what porn teaches them. And it's not realistic.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Galacia)

Post #: 70

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 8:38:30 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

True, but if you're using porn as a guide to how to get and maintain a healthy relationship, then that's the problem.

Well put. I can and have used porn as a guide to techniques. I would never use porn as a guide to relationships or, for that matter, how to approach a woman.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 71

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 8:40:20 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Fixed it for ya, cb....

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Very true. Reality is the person sitting across from you. Most [socially inept, emotionally stunted adult males] are trying to escape that.....

OP, before I took a look at your profile, I assumed you weren't much different than the scores of middle-aged male "subs" who contact me with their laundry list of (oftentimes absurd and/or sl-tty) kinks & fetishes, leading with said kinks & fetishes. (Luckily they aren't all like this, and a few do act like *real* gentlemen.<breathes sigh of relief>)

But I see that you are a married bisexual Dom who notes "Lately, the only 'sex' I get is porn. Are you in a similar situation?"
Gee, I wonder why that is?

What I would like to know, if you would be so kind, is why aren't you listing yourself as a Switch given your current obsession with FemDom porn?

To not do so strikes me as inherently dishonest, IMHO, and if you're not getting any from your wife, then you are obviously not in an open marriage.
You don't have to answer this, but why not fix what's really wrong with your life instead of escaping in your dissatisfaction and malcontent to your porn-filled fantasy world?

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 72

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 8:40:20 AM

FriendlyMuppet

Posts: 171
Joined: 11/16/2010
From: Corpus Christi, Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

A lot of subs fake some odd semblance of emotional or sensual intimacy with a femdom but he still oozes his desire for his kink. From watching too much porn. Where it's just the acts.

My kinky girlfriend and I were in our chatroom with about 10 subs and we have it set up so she and I talk and they all just listen and type. A lot of the times we end up on some tangent laughing or talking about something non kinky. All of a sudden I mentioned "strapon" and then the guys started typing like mad, like they woke up. I asked my friend, "isn't this like that old Farside cartoon" -- the one with when you talk to a dog, what does it hear? "blah blah blah blah fido blah blah blah blah go for a ride blah blah blah."

(cartoon here: http://bullseyecommunications.wordpress.com/2011/06/25/improve-your-communications-with-clients-prospects-and-puppies/far-side-cartoon-what-dogs-hear-v1/)

When talking to kinky subs who watch too much porn, you can say, "I was reading a really interesting book the other day about philosophy of mind, I think I might start reading more and more of those because I don't know, it totally resonates with me, maybe I need to set down the strap on and get some culture." What subs here: "blah blah blah blah blah STRAP ON."

Granted, this was in a forum where the subs expected titillation. But still, it points to the fact that a large number of men don't know how to relate sensually, intelligently, romantically with a woman who happens to be femdom -- unless it's all about the fetish. THIS is what porn teaches them. And it's not realistic.

Akasha

I'm sorry, all I read from your entire post was "strap on".

:)

_____________________________

My Novels:
The Cell's Door: http://amzn.to/19I6VA1
Forced to Serve: http://amzn.to/108DByv

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 73

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 8:45:00 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Stuff done. Clothes worn. Toys used. All of those things are useful for play ideas and technique. But they deemphasize relationships. This bothers me because, if you want to"land" a lifestyle femdom (to use a fishing term), the relationship is the bait you need to use to entice her. The one thing that sub men should be focusing on, isn't even present in porn.

My premise was (and is) that the interpersonal dynamics were different between porn and RL. For example, the hot lady, perfect figure and flawlessly made up, boinking the pizza delivery boy.

1. Women all ready for insta-play with no social niceties first. Basically, the stuff that happens after meeting, awkwardness, a grasping sense for compatibility, etc. - without all those preliminaries.
2. Bad boy/girl. Someone being "punished" oddly. As I've said, porn punishment is done for its own sake, while in my experience it's done only within the context of a relationship and represents a small aspect of the relationship itself. (I'm not expressing myself well here.)

Basically, porn takes the relationship between two (or more), and edits out everything except the sexy times.

I can't speak for all femdoms (have to say this every time).

But again, what DarkSteven points out isn't just that porn takes out the relationship except for the sexy times; it also completely ignores the fact that there is a sensual or sexual chemistry that exists between two people that requires that a submissive be intuitive about how he surrenders to his partner.

Femdom porn neglects that dominant women have needs. It is not depicted. At all.

Subs wrongly think, "oh her need is to shove her big black dildo in my ass and feel super powerful and cool and stuff" or "her need is to feel hot and sexy because I am a worm groveling" or "her need is to get a big cocked dude to fuck her while I watch and then eat her out." All of the man's perceptions of her needs are also...wait for it....based on porn. Could not be further from the truth.

A woman that got into femdom just because she was born that way is different from a woman going through the acts (like the lady he met on Craigslist who was getting her freak on to see if she can attract and land a big fish, it would seem). And we are all very different. I was dominating guys as soon as I was old enough to kiss. My mom was picking me up and dropping me off from 'dates' and I was tying up high school boys with their thin 80s tie. NOTHING sexual happened. The groundwork was being laid.

What needs to exist for me to consider a guy worth dominating is chemistry that requires him to be present without self indulgence. Men who watch too much porn are inevitably oozing with self indulgence. Like out of every pore of their body. They are ruined. If I met a guy who told me on our coffee date that he did this vast analyses of 1,000 porn videos and now really understands femdom, I would say, "Check please!" and get the hell out. A fine specimen is a guy who has never seen ANY femdom porn.

Porn does not show how a man manuevers the courting process to get into her head and find out what arouses her femdom psyche. Just like vanilla porn does NOT teach you to be a good lover. "hell I saw this super-pussy-licking technique in porn and it got me so hard and I am SURE ladies will love it." Meanwhile he tries it out on the lady he is courting and she hates it, but he is not paying attention to her body language at all, just going to town and having a TON of fun. Again, self indulgence.

Sub men who watch too much porn are bored with the process. They are impatient. They think it should be easy. "I am so obedient!" "I can take 50 floggings!" or "You can fuck me with the biggest strap on, I have prepared my ass for you ladies!" - no, no and no. We could give two shits. How are YOU going to relate to me as a woman and a femdom and engage desire for me to want to dominate you?

Unlike porn, dominant women don't just blindly go out into the wild looking for a man, any man, to dominate. Our urges are not indiscriminate, like the urges of many sub men. Our urges ignite when we connect and there is chemistry, and then we engage (often) slowly and get a sense of his responsiveness and capability. If he's so porn-minded that he's pushing his agenda thinking, sadly, he is being "helpful" then he's shown the door (in my case).

Most cases of "porn indulgence" are irreversible.

It requires a shrewd sense of courting/insight/intuition from a sub to unravel and understand the dominant woman before him. Through conversation (and guess what, it's not like sexy talk, it's mental talk) and subtle trial and error and reading her body language and listening to feedback. A skilled lover* can maneuver through this process with ease and it's all part of the build up. A not-so-skilled lover has to be coached along the way. A porn-infected man just keeps trying different things he saw in porn hoping one will work.

Akasha

*I use the word 'lover' even though many bdsm exchanges do not include intercourse

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 74

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 9:16:12 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

AAkasha, I love what you just posted, and I couldn't agree with you more. There are guys I could simply care less about dominating sexually because they simply aren't worth my time and attention. (Putting someone in his place is only cursory and does not comprise a D/s relationship dynamic to me.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FriendlyMuppet

I'm sorry, all I read from your entire post was "strap on".
:)

Granted, *spoken* tongue-in-cheek (or maybe not?), but this is precisely why I don't list "strap-on" anywhere in my profile, not even under Tolerates [doing].

Why? Because I have no desire to do ass play with an ass, and this and any other intimate activity is insignificant to me outside of a committed, intimate relationship.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to FriendlyMuppet)

Post #: 75

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 9:19:08 AM

Galacia

Posts: 60
Joined: 7/22/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Stuff done. Clothes worn. Toys used. All of those things are useful for play ideas and technique. But they deemphasize relationships.

The question wasn't about relationships, per se.
To be sure, EVERY question posed to a Femdom-aware group, inevitably, turns into a relationship question, even when it is the furthest thing from a relationship question.

You see, this thread was NEVER about relationships.
It was, as you said, asking about stuff done, clothes worn, toys used.

And, the porn was just brought into the OP as a humorous way to show I had done my 'what stuff" homework, e.g., look for a moment at this femdom porn..
That clearly Femdom documentary porn shows a bit about "what stuff" is done.

While that example is likely rare (in fact, it didn't even make my list in the OP, IIRC), something like this documentary porn example did make the top-ten list in the OP.

Both of those are probably realistic (for people into that stuff, of course), while this strapon the size of the Washington Monument documentary porn, I suspect, might be not realistic at all.

The question was merely of realism with respect to "what stuff" is done...

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
This bothers me because, if you want to"land" a lifestyle femdom (to use a fishing term), the relationship is the bait you need to use to entice her. The one thing that sub men should be focusing on, isn't even present in porn.

There is a lot of bait in interpersonal relationships, just as there is in contract negotiation and litigation.
I wasn't asking about the bait.
I'm also not looking to land a lifestyle femdom
I'm just curious about 'what stuff happens' in a lifestyle femdom relationship ... and no ... I don't want to hear relationship because I know that. I want to hear what I don't know. Which is 'stuff done, clothes worn, toy's used', etc.

I wonder if I wasn't clear in my OP?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
My premise was (and is) that the interpersonal dynamics were different between porn and RL. For example, the hot lady, perfect figure and flawlessly made up, boinking the pizza delivery boy.

I agree with you so much that I disagree. There is no "interpersonal dynamic" in porn. None. Zip. Nada. Anyone looking for it there has the IQ a fern, because it's just not there. (Never was, never will be.)

As you know, by now, there are (at least) two general categories of what we found out there on porn sites:
a) What we've called plot porn (pizza guy delivers to hot chicks who blow him as he sticks his cock up through the pie)
b) What we've come to call documentary porn (couple films their sensual lovemaking & puts it up on the web - here's a dildo one)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
1. Women all ready for insta-play ...
2. Bad boy/girl. Someone being "punished" oddly.

Again, I agree with you so much that it may sound like we disagree.
There is no relationship in plot porn.
The relationship in most doc porn is often apparent, but still, it's just watching someone else "doing stuff", "wearing clothes", and "using toys", which is exactly what I was asking about in the OP.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Basically, porn takes the relationship between two (or more), and edits out everything except the sexy times.

I never brought relationship into this thread, did I?
Because if I did, it was never my intention.
This thread (started out, is supposed to be) all about what stuff is done, what toys are used, and what clothes are worn during Femdom activities (of which I have precious little experience, and likely will remain so as it is simply a cerebral curiosity).

Anyone who thinks they can get relationship information from a porn video lives on a different planet than this one.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 76

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 9:32:50 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Stuff done. Clothes worn. Toys used. All of those things are useful for play ideas and technique. But they deemphasize relationships.

The question wasn't about relationships, per se.
To be sure, EVERY question posed to a Femdom-aware group, inevitably, turns into a relationship question, even when it is the furthest thing from a relationship question.

You see, this thread was NEVER about relationships.
It was, as you said, asking about stuff done, clothes worn, toys used.

And, the porn was just brought into the OP as a humorous way to show I had done my 'what stuff" homework, e.g., look for a moment at this femdom porn..
That clearly Femdom documentary porn shows a bit about "what stuff" is done.

While that example is likely rare (in fact, it didn't even make my list in the OP, IIRC), something like this documentary porn example did make the top-ten list in the OP.

Both of those are probably realistic (for people into that stuff, of course), while this strapon the size of the Washington Monument documentary porn, I suspect, might be not realistic at all.

The question was merely of realism with respect to "what stuff" is done...

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
This bothers me because, if you want to"land" a lifestyle femdom (to use a fishing term), the relationship is the bait you need to use to entice her. The one thing that sub men should be focusing on, isn't even present in porn.

There is a lot of bait in interpersonal relationships, just as there is in contract negotiation and litigation.
I wasn't asking about the bait.
I'm also not looking to land a lifestyle femdom
I'm just curious about 'what stuff happens' in a lifestyle femdom relationship ... and no ... I don't want to hear relationship because I know that. I want to hear what I don't know. Which is 'stuff done, clothes worn, toy's used', etc.

I wonder if I wasn't clear in my OP?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
My premise was (and is) that the interpersonal dynamics were different between porn and RL. For example, the hot lady, perfect figure and flawlessly made up, boinking the pizza delivery boy.

I agree with you so much that I disagree. There is no "interpersonal dynamic" in porn. None. Zip. Nada. Anyone looking for it there has the IQ a fern, because it's just not there. (Never was, never will be.)

As you know, by now, there are (at least) two general categories of what we found out there on porn sites:
a) What we've called plot porn (pizza guy delivers to hot chicks who blow him as he sticks his cock up through the pie)
b) What we've come to call documentary porn (couple films their sensual lovemaking & puts it up on the web - here's a dildo one)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
1. Women all ready for insta-play ...
2. Bad boy/girl. Someone being "punished" oddly.

Again, I agree with you so much that it may sound like we disagree.
There is no relationship in plot porn.
The relationship in most doc porn is often apparent, but still, it's just watching someone else "doing stuff", "wearing clothes", and "using toys", which is exactly what I was asking about in the OP.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Basically, porn takes the relationship between two (or more), and edits out everything except the sexy times.

I never brought relationship into this thread, did I?
Because if I did, it was never my intention.
This thread (started out, is supposed to be) all about what stuff is done, what toys are used, and what clothes are worn during Femdom activities (of which I have precious little experience, and likely will remain so as it is simply a cerebral curiosity).

Anyone who thinks they can get relationship information from a porn video lives on a different planet than this one.

Here's the thing. In "real" femdom BDSM exchanges, the relationship is the foundation of everything -- from simple chemistry to full blown romantic love. You asked what is missing in porn. THAT is what is missing. That's why femdom porn is woefully unrealistic. And it gives sub men the impression they can go straight into acts and merely "endure" to be considered a hot property. That the "work" involved is non existent - except the work on enduring a bigger strapon or knowing how to beg and act foolish.

The end game? You can't create realistic femdom porn. The nature of porn is that it's immediate gratification for men, their target audience. So it doesn't exist. What does exist is a lot of instant gratification full of sex/kink acts for men who think if they can mimic what they see in it, they will be able to attract a partner.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Galacia)

Post #: 77

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 9:42:07 AM

Galacia

Posts: 60
Joined: 7/22/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
Very true. Reality is the person sitting across from you. Most people are trying to escape that.....

If they're not kinky, you aren't going to convince them to be kinky. Period.
But that's the topic of a relationship thread, which this isn't.

On topic, do you think this famous (classic strapon) femdom porn, titled, "Mistress A, A brutal Femdom" is at all "realistic" with respect to "stuff done", "toys used", "clothes worn"?

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 78

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 9:46:31 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia
And, the porn was just brought into the OP as a humorous way to show I had done my 'what stuff" homework...

Nope. Not homework - just more porn.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia
The question was merely of realism with respect to "what stuff" is done...

There is no realism in porn. Period.
Cut the cake any which way you like - it's all just porn.

Porn is just there for fantasy.
It has no other purpose except to empty your wallet and get your rocks off.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia
I'm just curious about 'what stuff happens' in a lifestyle femdom relationship ... and no ... I don't want to hear relationship because I know that. I want to hear what I don't know. Which is 'stuff done, clothes worn, toy's used', etc.

Femdomme isn't like a dictionary with a set of words laid out in a set way with a set agenda.
Just like any other aspect of BDSM or kink or vanilla - everyone is different.
You are attempting to pigeon-hole everything and everyone into pre-defined boxes.
Real life ain't that. This is essentially what you need to grasp and comprehend.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia
As you know, by now, there are (at least) two general categories of what we found out there on porn sites:
a) What we've called plot porn (pizza guy delivers to hot chicks who blow him as he sticks his cock up through the pie)
b) What we've come to call documentary porn (couple films their sensual lovemaking & puts it up on the web - here's a dildo one)

Again, who's the "we" in this?? It really is only you!!

a) is porn. Not "plot porn" or any other spin you like to put on it - it's just run-of-the-mill porn.
b) not 'documentary porn' - just the equivalent of a selfie as a video. Not 'porn' as such.

You really are trying hard to quantify different types of porn into different little boxes to re-write your perception of reality. Then you wonder why you can't grasp the real reality and get confused and don't understand.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Galacia
Anyone who thinks they can get relationship information from a porn video lives on a different planet than this one.

This is about the only bit of truth you've uttered on this thread.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Galacia)

Post #: 79

RE: A comprehensive survey of what femdom really means ... - 7/24/2014 10:17:53 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Did I miss anything?

You missed girl on girl femdom action; by the looks of it, most women are either bi, bi-curious, or lesbian.

(in reply to Galacia)

Post #: 80

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