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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/22/2014 1:45:38 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

How and why wouldn't the Internet have this information and gone apeshit over it?


I can give you three reasons real quick: Pfizer, Merck, GSK.


How do they not stand to gain from buying and selling a cure for it?

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/22/2014 1:48:33 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		There's more money in treating it rather than curing it.

ETA:

Smoking is a very hot issue, not because it is more dangerous than alcohol, but because tobacco users survive to become long term patients. Post cancer diagnosis tobacco user can live decades, spending tons of medicare dollars on healthcare. Alcoholics die, they do not persist, hang on, endure, and rarely live long enough to receive a liver. Alcohol is bigger money than tobacco with little or no tax dollar medical care.

< Message edited by ExiledTyrant -- 9/22/2014 1:53:28 PM >

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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/22/2014 2:42:33 PM   
samdarella


Posts: 222
Joined: 8/23/2010
Status: offline 		This thread is both funny and sad to me. It appears to me that some people are not well informed and also feel that the world owes them something. Yes STDs are to be taken seriously. But casual banter and a few emails is not serious yet. Yes I believe everyone has a moral obligation to disclose STDs early in a relationship (before sex is an absolute) so that the other person can make an informed decision to see where things go or to split. I personally made it easier for anyone to disclose such pertinent info when it looked like we might get to the meeting in person stage. I asked them "do you have any medical conditions that I should know about?" And I didn't just mean STDs. Diabetes, heart disease, any medical conditions. They wouldn't be a deal breaker, but i would adjust my play. I wouldn't get tied up by someone with a serious heart condition because it would just suck to have them have a heart attack in front of me and i can't help them. Then i am stuck looking at a dead person for who knows how long until i can manage to get loose or someone misses one of us and comes to check. If they have diabetes, i would not get completely lost in the play to a point that i didn't notice that their profuse sweating didn't equal the amount of effort put forth, maybe we should stop to check their sugar. For the tops you might want to know such things about your bottom also. Be a bummer explaining to the police that you thought the noises she was making was because she was enjoying you beating the fuck out of her. Or that you thought it was subspace when it was a stroke or diabetic coma. I have IBS, which i can mostly control by what i eat. But Master either uses quick releases if on the cross, or ties me a little less completely so that if i have to say Master i might need the bathroom He will get me loose pretty quick. Of course we also have knives everywhere and the EMS scissors if it is a real emergency. Costs a lot less to buy new rope than to have the shit stains cleaned out of the carpet. Now you are probably thinking TMI there. Just thought i would share my medical status with total strangers.

I completely understand that if you have made it this long without any STDs you would want to keep it that way. But as someone mentioned, you might be safer with someone that knows they have something than those that don't. Over 90% of all people have been exposed to HSV-1. Many just don't know it. Valtrex does reduce the likelihood of transmission of herpes. Most people that have had it for awhile know before they get an outbreak. Yes the virus can shed even without any symptoms. But someone that has had it awhile probably has their immune system keeping the virus in hiding as long as they stay healthy. That's why its not known to be curable. The virus hides in the CNS where the antivirals can't reach it. While hiding, the virus isn't spreading. The cure for it involves luring the virus out so that the person has an outbreak, then the antivirals and the immune system kill it. Of course some will stay hiding, so it has to be repeated multiple times until all are gone. I have only read about it, I don't know anyone that has been cured. But medically it makes sense. Hepatitis C can be cured now also. It depends on which genotype the person has. It takes months of a combo of antivirals and interferon but it can be completely eliminated from the body. Might feel like hammered hell while being treated, but everything has a price. Eight years ago when i did a research paper on the HPV vaccine, i learned that there were 110 genotypes of that virus. Most of them are harmless and the immune system eliminates them without the person ever knowing they were exposed. Back then the statistics were like 92% of sexually active people had been exposed. The testing for HPV usually only detects the 4 most common genotypes known to cause disease. These are the same 4 that the common vaccine protects against.

It's kind of funny to me that some people get all in an uproar about someone having these medical conditions. Much more dangerous, and a much more hardy virus is Hepatitis B. While it can be spread sexually, most get it from being exposed to the virus from blood or a contact surface that has had blood on it. So if you ever had someones blood on your hands and you had a tiny little cut, you could have gotten it. (True of Hep C and HIV also but those it takes more copies of the virus to cause a healthy person to catch the disease and they don't live as long outside of the body). The good news is that there is a vaccine for Hepatitis B. I got the vaccine for A while I was at it. Every day that you leave your little bubble of a home, you risk catching a disease or dying. Driving to work with your neighbor as a passenger and you get in a car accident and they bleed on you, you risk exposure. I went to a dentist that stuck his finger with the needle he was using to give me novocaine. Potential exposure (we both got tested and all was good except i wouldn't let him do any dental work on me. If you can't keep your fingers out of the way of the needle, I'm not trusting my tongue near the drill).

So to me living life is a risk. Knowing the risk gives me the right to make an informed decision to continue on with a relationship. But I'm not going to miss out on possibly something special and still probably be safe with proper precautions. At least it is a risk i have chosen to take. Not like going to the movies and have some pscho open fire, and if i am not personally shot, the blood spray from the person in front of me gets me. Or going to the emergency room to get stitches and someone there coughs on me and i wind up with TB.

I'm not dissing those that choose not to take a risk with a disease. You live your life your way, i'm just sharing how i live mine. I will however call you names and put the voodoo hex on your ass if you think that someone that has or has had an STD should be treated like a leper and not worthy of a conversation.



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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/22/2014 3:13:26 PM   
subrosaDom


Posts: 724
Joined: 2/16/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

Definitely not directed at anyone, but something I thought of as I was reading this thread. I'm speaking from only an experience of testing people for HIV. But I think this is good to keep in mind. You could go with your partner today to get tested. The test works by detecting the presence of antibodies. Seroconversion takes time though. Your partner could test clean for HIV at the test with you, but still be infected with HIV from an unprotected sex encounter that occurred within the window period while antibody level was still too low to be picked up by the test. I can't begin to tell you how many folks came in to get tested for HIV or Hep C because of something that happened the night before. I will test them, but if it's negative...I have to explain that they need to come back and be retested in a few months. Sadly the follow up test in a few months can end up positive.

I guess what I'm saying is please don't be lulled into a false sense of security with a test result.

I don't think someone should have to disclose in their profile that they have an STD, but I believe they have an obligation to disclose this to a potential sexual partner.


It also depends on the test. I knew the DNA test was quick while the standard test was not. So I looked it up (http://www.hiv.va.gov/patient/faqs/DNA-HIV-test-accuracy.asp) -- HIV DNA test takes 7-10 days, call it 14 to be safe, and the standard antibody test takes 3-6 months.

The point being that you want the HIV DNA test. Which leads to the second problem. It's so sensitive it has problems with false positives. So the fact is that if you're negative after 14 days on HIV DNA, you're almost certainly in the clear. If you're positive, then you'll need retesting to be sure. If you do not belong to a group likely to get HIV (e.g., gay men having unprotected anal sex, drug users sharing needles, etc.), the odds may be decent you don't have it. But unless you are officially cleared, you have an absolute moral obligation to act as though you do. Note: This is not a prejudicial statement. It's Bayes's Theorem, statistical fact. It's counterintuitive but if anyone is interested I can write a relatively brief explanation of why it's true.


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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/22/2014 3:18:38 PM   
MariaB


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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

It makes sense when I see people literally putting on their profile for all of the internet land to see that they are seeking someone who is positive for herpes type two. As stated earlier, not a requirement, and they would still be part of everyday society, so that is extremely exaggerated on your part.
It would just be an alternative where they can eliminate the guesswork as far as finding someone amazing who also happens to be infected. Far less dramatic than you made it sound.


What is extremely exaggerated? and how do you know its less dramatic than I made it sound. Have you ever had to tell a wide audience that you have an STD?... STD's carry stigma, they always have and they always will. People with HIV will often say, I wish it was cancer because at least I could share it without a deep sense of shame. People who contract STD's are often embarrassed to talk about it, even with close friends and family. People are cruel on the web; can you imagine the sort of hate mail from some of the trolls here?...I stand by everything I said... NO, they should not feel under any pressure to talk about their STD status on their profile.

quote:


You are braver than myself, I hate taking unnecessary risks.


Let me just say that I'm hugely risk aware.

If you understand how a disease works you don't have to take unnecessary risks. If I'm informed and knowledgeable I'm actually going to take far fewer risks than the man and woman who decide not to get fully screened before getting down and dirty. Whilst I can't drink his blood in a vodka shot, which is something Steve and me did after our joint screening, it doesn't mean we would remain for ever celibate and it certainly doesn't mean...just give it time... I'm going to contract that disease.





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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/22/2014 3:24:07 PM   
FieryOpal


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From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

~FR
I'd like to see some financial records, employment history, stock portfolio, and bank account statements as well. I mean, we deserve an informed opinion.

Jus sayin

LOL...
Funny, but there's a element of truth to this. Before a person uproots her/his life and runs off to relocate or gets involved with some(on-line)body who needs to relocate to them (and possibly move into your house), it would be advisable to make certain that this person is who s/he says s/he is.

I had a friend (of a friend) who met a guy in cyberspace. She ended up relocating to him down in Florida. Turns out the house he was living in still had his estranged wife's name on it. (One of many lies was that he was already divorced.) He wasn't able to buy her out, and signed the house over to his soon-to-be-ex-wife. They had 60-90 days to get out, living off of this woman's income and meagre savings. Luckily, she came to her senses. She told us later that she would have stuck things out with him (financially and so forth) IF she hadn't caught him in so many lies and realized that she had made a huge mistake by trusting him at his word only.

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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/22/2014 3:29:27 PM   
thishereboi


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

Post #4


she said she berated her and accused her of being judgmental. Now depending on tone I could see that as lashing out but I don't see it as throwing a tantrum.

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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/22/2014 3:42:36 PM   
MistressRage


Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Upstate New York
Status: offline 		I think it's a personal decision. With that being said, I would want to know up front rather than later.

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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/22/2014 3:44:17 PM   
subrosaDom


Posts: 724
Joined: 2/16/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

~FR

I'd like to see some financial records, employment history, stock portfolio, and bank account statements as well. I mean, we deserve an informed opinion.

Jus sayin


Actually, I prefer a transfer of the stock portfolio

Rinse and repeat.

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The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.

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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/22/2014 5:44:52 PM   
GoddessManko


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From: Dante's Inferno
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

What is extremely exaggerated? and how do you know its less dramatic than I made it sound. Have you ever had to tell a wide audience that you have an STD?... STD's carry stigma, they always have and they always will. People with HIV will often say, I wish it was cancer because at least I could share it without a deep sense of shame. People who contract STD's are often embarrassed to talk about it, even with close friends and family. People are cruel on the web; can you imagine the sort of hate mail from some of the trolls here?...I stand by everything I said... NO, they should not feel under any pressure to talk about their STD status on their profile.


I never said anything alternative to what you are stating so your emotional state is as usual for me in regards to most responses, bewildering.
I, myself stated they carry a stigma, I don't give a fuck honestly who has an STD unless it's my partner and some people CHOOSE to state it on their profile. MY suggestion (pay attention and piece it together) is that they go to a site geared for what THEY STATE OPENLY AND WILLINGLY seeking instead of searching through countless misses and having to deal with said stigma.
If you're going to attack something I said, ATTACK SOMETHING I SAID.
quote:



Let me just say that I'm hugely risk aware.

If you understand how a disease works you don't have to take unnecessary risks. If I'm informed and knowledgeable I'm actually going to take far fewer risks than the man and woman who decide not to get fully screened before getting down and dirty. Whilst I can't drink his blood in a vodka shot, which is something Steve and me did after our joint screening, it doesn't mean we would remain for ever celibate and it certainly doesn't mean...just give it time... I'm going to contract that disease.


That's awesome, you do what you want with your body and I do what I want with mine and not give a shit what each other are doing. Works for you? GREAT!

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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/23/2014 12:26:08 AM   
ivone57


Posts: 279
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		any kind of std is a killer for me ...

yes someone should post on their profile that they have something that way if someone is interested they have all the facts...

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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/23/2014 12:59:59 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

I never said anything alternative to what you are stating so your emotional state is as usual for me in regards to most responses, bewildering.

I, myself stated they carry a stigma, I don't give a fuck honestly who has an STD unless it's my partner and some people CHOOSE to state it on their profile. MY suggestion (pay attention and piece it together) is that they go to a site geared for what THEY STATE OPENLY AND WILLINGLY seeking instead of searching through countless misses and having to deal with said stigma.
If you're going to attack something I said, ATTACK SOMETHING I SAID.



Wow, talk about angry!! calm down lady its just a debate.

OK...You quoted me and accused me of exaggerating before accusing me of being over dramatic (which I asked you about but that question remains unanswered) and now you accuse me of being in an emotional state. You also used a little sarcasm when you said, "You are braver than myself, I hate taking unnecessary risks." Which clearly interprets as, I do take unnecessary risks.

The caps of anger, the personal insults and the accusations from you accusing me of attacking you. (I was debating a topic for christs sake) You are sooo angry I can feel the heat from here. Calm the fuck down and go and have a word with yourself.


< Message edited by MariaB -- 9/23/2014 1:03:16 AM >

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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/23/2014 1:13:27 AM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bravHrt1950

I posted this question because I was engaged in conversation with a woman on CM for over 2 weeks we had a lot in common and we really hit it off.
When I schedules finally allowed for us to set up a meet she casually mentioned that she had herpes but quickly followed up with
"but it should not be a problem since I have not had a break out recently". I felt like a horse had kicked me in my chest.
When I told her that changed things considerably for me, she berated me for wasting her time and being ignorant of the facts concerning herpes. She accused me
of being judgmental and narrow minded and said that I had a bigger risk of getting hit by lightning than I did from catching herpes from her.
My position was then and is now that HONESTY is what we all seek her and that information was important enough to have been disclosed in our very first conversation
I could have decided then if I wanted to !. take the risk and @. invest myself in a potential relationship.
She of course disagreed.


My opinion, if it wasn't such a "big deal" then why did she tell you at all? She knew exactly what she was doing, getting you hooked and thinking after you were invested that you would over look it.

I'm glad you stuck to your guns, if that's not your think she shouldn't try to trick you into it.


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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/23/2014 1:16:14 AM   
DrkJourney


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quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart

I don't think it's necessary to disclose that information on a profile but I think it should be told as soon as they start communicating through private message.


totally agree

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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/23/2014 1:16:56 AM   
Content4Now


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quote:

ORIGINAL: bravHrt1950

If a person post a profile on CM and they have herpes should they make that disclosure in their profile?


IMO, not on their profile.
However, I do believe in honesty, so disclosing such information quickly, before attatchments are made, is the right thing to do.

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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/23/2014 5:17:56 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		~FR cuz it's trendy.

I hate to be an asshole... wait, I hate being a liar more, so I'm going to be an asshole and sprinkle this topic with some perspective.

A STD is just as much of a deal breaker as:

Drug abuse: unless you are junkie.
Alcohol abuse: unless you are a drunk.
Pets: if you are allergic.
CF carrier: if you are also a CF carrier.
Special needs family members: Unless you understand special needs children/family members.
Impoverished: Unless that shit doesn't matter to you.
Wealthy: Unless that shit does't matter to you.
Disabled: unless that shit doesn't matter to you.

We all have facets of attraction and compatibility and they are relatively unique to us... yep, unique. The odds are so remote that you are going to find the perfect mirror of your interests it is beyond calculation, unless you're Hup... Hup could calculate the odds.

Nevertheless, finding someone that you are extremely compatible with is very likely. We all understand human nature, people destroy that which they do not understand. They tear down, pick apart, overreact, shut down, poke their fingers in their ears and scream LA-LA-LA-LA. We see it here everyday. No matter how well you try to explain your position on a topic, some asshole is going to try to destroy your position because they do not understand or it is so far outside their comfort zone they are on a mission to fuck with you.

All we can do is put out there what we are looking for and as we make a connection, we attempt to strengthen that connection through discourse. We peel away the layers of mystery and unknown one Cmail, Email, Text, Phone call at a time, we either get on deck with learned compatibility or we hit the "deal breaker" and get a broadside blowing us out of the water.

I am an asshole. It is my way or the highway, sayo-fucking-nara, I'm taking my toys and going home if it is not my way. I do not do anything that I do not want to do, I draw hard lines and with me you're playing baseball, three strikes and you're fucking out, pack your shit and go home. It would be in my best interest to suppress all of that and spring it on some chick once I have stuck a hook in her so deep she's willing to risk it. However, me being forthcoming about this, curbs the odds of her saying, "Well, maybe I can be X" or "He'll change X given enough time". That is strike out thinking, because I will not accept less than X and there is no amount of time that will change me.

Jus sayin

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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/23/2014 5:52:44 AM   
ivone57


Posts: 279
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		well I again think they should post it on their profile so that whomever is talking to them knows already and doesn't spend weeks talking to them and getting to know them only to be crushed.... but that's my opinion....

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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/23/2014 6:31:50 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ivone57

well I again think they should post it on their profile so that whomever is talking to them knows already and doesn't spend weeks talking to them and getting to know them only to be crushed.... but that's my opinion....


Do you have any allergies, genetic anomalies, health concerns,. Your profile is surprisingly blank for some one looking for so much disclosure. Are you a BBW due to a medical condition, self control issue, or just comfortable?

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To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/23/2014 7:56:12 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		On the other hand, if you do disclose it on your profile, then you don't have to worry about potential partners rejecting you after you get emotionally attached.

The corollary here is if you have minor children. If you do disclose that, then you risk getting illegal mail from creeps who want to 'train' them with you.

If you don't disclose that, then when you do mention it, you risk getting attacked for lying by omission, because in the creep's eye you can't be a 'real' sub if you can't drop to your knees because you're helping with math homework.

No matter how you do it, someone will take offense. Since I dislike rejection, personally I disclosed a lot when looking because people who would have rejected me didn't first start talking to me and then told me no way. They refused to write me to begin with, and that fits my personality better.

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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/23/2014 8:16:03 AM   
Bhruic


Posts: 985
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From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bravHrt1950

If a person post a profile on CM and they have herpes should they make that disclosure in their profile?



I don't think there is any moral obligation to disclose it in one's profile, but they certainly should if they intend to meet anyone.

The stickier question is... if you know someone has a sexually transmittable disease, are you obligated, or do you have the right, to out them?

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