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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/23/2014 7:32:38 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bravHrt1950

If a person post a profile on CM and they have herpes should they make that disclosure in their profile?



"posted" (comma).

(in reply to bravHrt1950)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/28/2014 2:45:52 AM   
L8bloomer


Posts: 480
Joined: 6/1/2008
From: Your imagination
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

When my son was 13, his doctor informed us about the series of 3 shots that should be taken by adolescents nowadays to guard against HPV-related diseases.
I gave my son the option of choosing whether he wanted to proceed with this now or later on. Brave and astute boy that he is, he elected to safeguard himself and his future girlfriends ahead of time.


You do realize that Gardisil only protects against a few strains and not all. As the saying goes, forewarned is forearmed. 😉

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Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/29/2014 7:32:14 AM   
ivone57


Posts: 279
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		tough question... lets turn it around if someone has hiv should they disclose it... of course... I think any std should be disclosed that way the reading party has a choice to say hi or move on... I would not like to invest time in someone that has an std only to find out after feelings are brought into the circle and find out... what a let down....

herpes is not the end of the end BUT I don't want that choice taken away from me in having the knowledge of it being a part of my life.... ain't right....

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Property of WhipHer

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RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/29/2014 6:22:49 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bravHrt1950

If a person post a profile on CM and they have herpes should they make that disclosure in their profile?



Uh.....yeah.

(This is brain surgery?)

(in reply to bravHrt1950)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/29/2014 6:40:43 PM   
subforrtuse


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/4/2014
Status: offline 		I wait to disclose for at least a few exchanges. I do some volunteer work so it isn't like a search of my full name wouldn't reveal it anyway. I actually haven't met anyone on this site and if I never do fine. I will say for the folks who it brings up terror having done advocacy I can tell you that for every couple people that know it there is someone who does not know. That bisexual men are an extremely high risk because on the whole they feel more stigmatized or did at some point and it leads to riskier behavior in MANY not ALL. I can tell you the person who has it and is suppressed is 1/25th as infectious as someone who isn't taking medication and suppressed. I can tell you that a condom is around 98 percent effective on the low end and that evening unprotected sex it is zero/sum game so might be the first time or the 150th time. It is not transmitted even in infected unsuppressed people far less of the time than it is if it wasn't. I can tell you in a Swiss study of hetero sexual couple s where the partner was suppressed and one negative after a two year period no one had caught the virus and it wasn't safe sex, also hiv couples are being told to conceive naturally in that situation if they desire it is such a low ris,,,they just aren't sure how low..i said low not no. Also and this is sad and selfish and wromh but something like 30 percent of those with hiv have had sex without telling a partner. Myself, I disclose in part by email because the flipside is sometimes people break up and more than once someone has made the claim they weren't told to cause someone trouble....This is a site with sex being the goal for many and more than a few being comfortable BB the riskiest person isn't the one who discloses and practices safe sex it is the one who says they are negative because they feel good or had a test five years ago and has no idea they have 50k virus per ml of blood in them vs 0 for someone suppressed.... and those are about avg numbers people can be highly infectious ands have hundreds of thousands of virus per ML. If you are a bisexual or gay man and have had a fe partners I would bet one was positive the infection rate in that group. As to herpes the infection rate in urban areas is 4 in 10 and u need a blood test to know....I know because I don't have that one. 9 in 10 people with herpes don't know it......b that isn't a bunch of opinions but what the science says....stats do the math over 1 million cases 2 percent of the population is gay or bi and 60 percent of new infections.....there is an extremely high rate of infection in gay/bi men STATS:http://www.aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/hiv-aids-101/statistics/ http://carm.org/statistics-percentage-population-hiv-infected This number is not a solid one but gives you an idea of your risk if you are a gay ore bi man having unprotected sex or sex with one http://healthland.time.com/2010/09/26/study-20-of-homosexual-men-are-hiv-positive-but-only-half-know-it/ None of that was opinion I didn't say when someone should disclose or how just that I do it by email so no one can claim otherwise because people both don't disclose or get mad at Ex's and claim they weren't told be safe :) and you cant get hiv from a spanking :) and my cheeks turn a nice shade of red ;) excuse any garbled grammar it is an LD

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/29/2014 6:50:01 PM   
subforrtuse


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/4/2014
Status: offline 		real bad grammar sorry reread but it won't edit right ib my bowser...the gist is if you are scared of hiv assume everyone has it or risk catching it. If you are safe and someone doesn't know or sadly puts their orgasm ahead of your choice you are safe....if you are safe. People who use condoms pretty much cant get hiv unless one shreds which in my life has never happened and I would suspect would have to do with not putting it on right. Also more condoms or a vaginal and male condom create a high risk of failure because of latex on latex friction

(in reply to subforrtuse)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Should a person disclose... - 9/30/2014 5:45:06 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: L8bloomer
You do realize that Gardisil only protects against a few strains and not all. As the saying goes, forewarned is forearmed. 😉


The four strains most likely to cause it though.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Should a person disclose... - 10/1/2014 4:52:26 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subforrtuse

real bad grammar sorry reread but it won't edit right ib my bowser...the gist is if you are scared of hiv assume everyone has it or risk catching it. If you are safe and someone doesn't know or sadly puts their orgasm ahead of your choice you are safe....if you are safe. People who use condoms pretty much cant get hiv unless one shreds which in my life has never happened and I would suspect would have to do with not putting it on right. Also more condoms or a vaginal and male condom create a high risk of failure because of latex on latex friction



Thank you subforrtuse, I understood your post and I appreciate what you wrote.

I'm a trained piercer and as such I follow universal precautions and protect myself accordingly. Why should it be any different with a new sexual partner or a partner I wish to play with?. Though I would expect disclosure from a none sexual play partner, good sense tells me that many, even if they were fully aware, would be hasty about revealing it. Others simply don't know they are infected.


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RE: Should a person disclose... - 10/2/2014 1:28:29 AM   
AnnaOphelia


Posts: 69
Joined: 9/2/2014
Status: offline 		You should disclose whatever you may hAve.

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Should a person disclose... - 10/2/2014 4:10:30 AM   
CaptR


Posts: 425
Joined: 4/25/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

fr

On the profile? No. Medical information is private and personal. I don't think people need to wear a metaphorical leper's bell. Likewise I wouldn't expect someone to disclose it in the first conversation when you're still a total stranger.

It should be disclosed at the point it becomes relevant to the other person. So, at the point where it seems like sex is a possibility and/or a relationship is about to form. That way you have the option to walk away. Two weeks of talking online and planning to meet in person sounds about right, to me.

You're well within your rights to end your interactions with her, but I don't think she has done anything wrong. She disclosed to you before you were at any risk and two weeks of online contact isn't a significant time or emotional investment. Any number of deal breakers could surface long after the two week mark.


This I agree with whole heartedly. A person is entitled to their privacy medical or otherwise in public as long as social contact does not put anyone at risk. Any issues can be discussed in private at an appropriate time BEFORE exposing a potential partner to something that could impact their wellbeing.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Should a person disclose... - 10/2/2014 10:10:43 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptR

This I agree with whole heartedly. A person is entitled to their privacy medical or otherwise in public as long as social contact does not put anyone at risk. Any issues can be discussed in private at an appropriate time BEFORE exposing a potential partner to something that could impact their wellbeing.

As much as I would like to agree with yours and AthenaSurrenders' position on this matter, that in general medical information is private, I believe that it is advisable to be as up front about any potentially transmittable disease as possible. By the time you wait until you've decided whether or not a person is somebody you would want to meet as a candidate for dating, this factor needs to be brought to light BEFOREHAND. I would prefer to know ASAP, not after I've already begun a correspondence with somebody.

If not disclosed in the profile, then no later than the second message or mode of remote contact, and definitely well in advance of making arrangements to meet.

By the same token, if a man has ED or is taking Cialis daily in order to get it up, he'd better not wait until our meet & greet to casually mention this. I've had this happen to me twice and I was royally pissed off. I was polite and still finished our intro meeting date, but had to inquire of them, What would make you presume that this wouldn't matter? Come on, there's no excuse for acting ignorant like that.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to CaptR)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Should a person disclose... - 10/2/2014 11:16:00 AM   
CaptR


Posts: 425
Joined: 4/25/2012
Status: offline 		You've basically agreed with everything I stated. Beforehand, before it impacts a potential partner I don't see much of a difference there except the way we choose to word things. The only difference being you've placed a timeline YOU feel is appropriate in which you're comfortable receiving info. For myself I would choose a time that is comfortable for the person giving that info and respecting that they did reveal their status as long as it was done before I was put at risk. Imagine yourself in their shoes trying to deal with the social stigma in search of a mate. As for the person you encountered may he have had medical issues as well? Did you have enough empathy in you to ask or did you just get pissed, be superficially polite and send him packing because he didn't confirm to your idea of an appropriate time of disclosure BEFORE becoming physically involved with you. He may have been impolite but I don't think HE'S ignorant.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Should a person disclose... - 10/2/2014 1:37:10 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		This is where people get into misunderstandings, by making unsubstantiated presumptions, myself included. Having said that, it was your implied (whether you meant it this way and if not, then my inferred) caveat "as long as social contact does not put anyone at risk." In my opinion, waiting until then isn't acceptable; others not named FieryOpal can do as they please. I am not one to hurriedly meet-screen prospective candidates in person. On average, I spend at least two to three weeks minimum exchanging messages with a male sub, assuming that we have the option to meet sooner and that two weeks wasn't the soonest available date.

I am a sapiosexual and I must establish a mental connection first, and without that intellectually stimulating verbal (written, linguistic) rapport, nothing is going to get off the ground with me regardless. Others may do things differently and not want to invest as much time on line before meeting somebody. You speak of empathy and I have tons of it, but you know what? I don't owe anybody a pity fuck, much less an equal opportunity fuck. (Not that that is what a mere first introductory meeting would lead to! But I do CFNM-Clothed Female Naked Male inspections usually right after having determined that we have sexual chemistry.) I would prefer that before I start wasting my time fantasizing about or getting attached to a person, that for both of our sakes, it would be better to nip things in the bud in advance. That's all.

Why prolong unfruitful endeavors unnecessarily? I for one have to streamline my personal affairs, and it's highly unfair to lead another person on out of insecurity and fear of rejection. As for the gentlemen in question, we had already discussed the full scope of embarking upon an intimate relationship, including BDSM compatibility and limits, and they either chose to sidestep the issue or make off-the-wall assumptions about Dommes' preferring artificial intercourse (with a dildo or vibrator perhaps) to natural intercourse or that they could get by with performing oral worship. I make exclusive commitments in my FLRs and do not keep a stable of multiple subs as one-trick ponies. This was also blatantly clear. Not only that, I was very specific about how T&D with me required feedback in the form of erection responses.

Perhaps this has never been your experience, but there are people who lead others on in the hopes that once they've gotten their foot in the door, certain requirements will be overlooked (age, misleadingly old photos, height, weight or physical fitness level, marital status, location, actual availability and accessibility, etc.). Would it be fair for someone with PTSD or who is prone to having panic attacks to not disclose this in a timely manner either? Your definition of timely and mine may vary, but it's hardly worth quibbling over in the context of this discussion.

I hope this didn't sound defensive, but I detected a defensive reaction on your part which I feel was uncalled for.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to CaptR)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Should a person disclose... - 10/2/2014 2:05:00 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		I have a screaming case of chiggers. Just contracted those little bastards the other day. Deal breaker?

fukin autocorrect...

< Message edited by ExiledTyrant -- 10/2/2014 2:07:09 PM >

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To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Should a person disclose... - 10/2/2014 3:12:16 PM   
CaptR


Posts: 425
Joined: 4/25/2012
Status: offline 		No there was no defensive tone to my reply other than that of my position regarding the feelings of those who may be under the burden of some privately kept information. I'm sorry for your experiences in dealing with less than forthright persons. I've been fortunate to have dealt with those who have been upfront about any issues and although some have fully disclosed during m & g's I've been able to take the info in stride and appreciate the insecurities that may have caused them to wait to tell me in person.
You state our definition of timing is hardly worth quibbling about when it seems you are making it the crux of the discussion. That you invest weeks in interviewing prospective partners it would make sense to me any and all "deal breakers" for you would be discussed through direct query and not dependent on "timely disclosure" on the part of your prospect. If they aren't comfortable disclosing that info give them the opportunity to excuse themselves from further discussion with you dignity intact. Instead of publicly branding them as ignorant when you didn't ask the right questions beforehand. If they are blatantly lying to you that's another issue all together.
IMO your reply discounted the right to privacy and passing personal information on to someone who's character isn't known nor is how they will handle or what they will do with that info. Allow them the courtesy to make a judgment call as well.
The OP asked if HSV should be disclosed in public on profile. My answer is sill a resounding "No." The ramifications of that can exceed the confines of this site. It could effect them professionally and socially with detrimental consequences. Last I checked social media isn't that private.
And to our esteemed blue headed friend your chiggers shouldn't be an issue. Once you've bathed what's left is the bites and you alone get to suffer the effects of running around the farm in your birthday suit. I spent many a day scratching my balls raw and applying chigger bite lotion (yes there was such a salve) made up of alcohol and clear fingernail polish. My grandmother had a cure for every ill, bite and broken bone. All those unsightly red bumps may put the girls off but they're not contagious :-) take two oral antihistamines and call a sub to scratch that itch in the morning.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Should a person disclose... - 10/2/2014 11:26:39 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		[Tried to post this earlier at 20:30 when both CC & CS sites were down.] ~ FR ~ [Reply & Quote links aren't loading]

I find it curious that you wouldn't think that any man out there in the dating market would not be acutely aware that having ED would be an automatic (pre-)deal breaker for just about every woman I know. There are always exceptions, of course. For a man to presume otherwise would be an ignorant position for him to take. No, I wouldn't expect for him to disclose this in his profile, but it would be unequivocally disingenuous of him not to make this fact known within his first 1-3 communiqués. I don't suppose you have a frame of reference for this, but women are not ordinarily in the habit of asking outright of every suitable-appearing man she comes in contact with whether he can still get it up or does he have any sexual performance issues he would like to apprise us of.

Whether a woman is Dominant or not, I think I can safely say that most of us prefer to get to know a man first as a person and for him to do the same before getting into an in-depth discussion of what our kinks and fetishes are. On this site there's an Interests List which is helpful to refer to (if it's been filled out), and one can tailor one's own checklist of sorts. It also depends on where your priorities lie and whether you seek a (D/s) LTR or more of an FWB-type BDSM play partner. It's important to me to be compatible on multiple levels, so I may take as long as a week developing a rapport with a sub before bringing up sex-related topics, with the exception of (verbally) screening them for virility right off the bat. Obviously, none of that would be an issue when dealing with females from a physiological standpoint.

As for some of your other points, fair enough, CaptR. I do have to take some responsibility for not being as blunt and direct as I should have nearly two years ago. After losing my husband, I was so rusty and clueless when it came to re-entering the dating scene. Believe me since those fiascos, I have no problem asking if the equipment is in proper working order and can the male sub perform in bed (because lots of them can't for various reasons beyond oral servicing and/or were kept in chastity for prolonged periods of time over the years by their former Mistress). Unlike myself, there are Dommes who don't allow the usual kinds of penetrative sex acts. (As a matter of fact, I was just told earlier today by a male sub that his last Mistress would occasionally permit him to use a strap-on on her or wear a dildo gag because she was of the opinion that subs were not worthy of having intercourse with.)

It's a tough call, but I've scanned many profiles, mostly on vanilla dating sites, where STDs such as herpes and marital status (open marriage, poly, separated) are openly disclosed, and I always appreciate that person's candor. I wouldn't hold it against anyone for guarding their privacy from the public, but as I mentioned previously, the sooner a person puts the more pressing potential deal breakers out there on the table, the better, whatever they might be. Relationship status, for example, is one of those cogent things where both parties need to be on the same page from the very start without a doubt. Issues like that and what type of relationship we're interested in pursuing fall into the category of what I call pre-deal breakers.

Btw, nasty images of skin-burrowing chiggers and crab lice are squicking me out as I type , so thanks guys. [/sarcasm font]

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to CaptR)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Should a person disclose... - 10/3/2014 8:52:52 AM   
CaptR


Posts: 425
Joined: 4/25/2012
Status: offline 		FO, your repeated query as to whether or not I hold a unique perspective of the subject matter at hand is very thinly disguised. No, I do not but can be sympathetic to those that do. Once again we are in agreement on disclosure during private conversation. As for those who publicly announce their status it is obviously a personal choice and I applaud their comfort and honesty relating that to prospective partners up front but that's not for everyone. Regarding your loss however late, you have our condolences.
On to chiggers. It's widely believed they burrow into your skin. They do not, instead the larvae bite injecting a fluid which the body reacts to by sometimes hardening around them. They feed for a few days then drop off. If you shower shortly after exposure they wash off rather easily and are usually scratched off at the first sign of itching. Those that aren't and get a bite in will cause you to itch. Antihistamines can help relieve the discomfort. My experience using calamine lotion only proves it makes a decent sunscreen for the little shits. Now, this is where I have unique, first hand knowledge and experience and again I'm very sympathetic to those afflicted. Even covertly scratching ones privates in public be you male or female always raises an eyebrow and guarantees a vacant seat next to you at the dinner party.
Nods to the mods and apologies for going off topic.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Should a person disclose... - 10/3/2014 2:41:29 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subforrtuse

real bad grammar sorry reread but it won't edit right ib my bowser...the gist is if you are scared of hiv assume everyone has it or risk catching it. If you are safe and someone doesn't know or sadly puts their orgasm ahead of your choice you are safe....if you are safe. People who use condoms pretty much cant get hiv unless one shreds which in my life has never happened and I would suspect would have to do with not putting it on right. Also more condoms or a vaginal and male condom create a high risk of failure because of latex on latex friction




(Actually it would be "Very bad grammar".....)

(in reply to subforrtuse)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Should a person disclose... - 10/10/2014 10:00:57 AM   
SweetnStormySub


Posts: 74
Joined: 4/21/2012
From: Buckeye State
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

How and why wouldn't the Internet have this information and gone apeshit over it?


As a medical professional, I would opine it's because it's not an accurate statement.

(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Should a person disclose... - 10/10/2014 9:30:07 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Capt R, if you really believe that a person will be more impacted by disclosing on social media that they have HPV then that they are sadistic, I'm surprised. More importantly, unless you use your real name and a face pic here, it is highly unlikely that your mother, boss or pastor will magically discover what gets you off.

There's a reason we use screen names. It affords us needed privacy. As such, I don't see why stating that you have a health problem is more of a concern then stating your fetishes.

You may want to wait some time before disclosing that you have borderline personality disorder, but for some of us, these are immediate deal breakers. And it may surprise you to know that most of us don't go around asking if a person has warts, if they are have schizo-affective disorder, if they have ED, if they are confined to a wheelchair or are legally blind. We put the onus of disclosure on the other person. We don't ask five hundred questions to find out if they have something that we don't want to deal with.

Not mentioning it and blaming the other person for not asking about it is akin to lying by omission in my book. YMMV.
And out of curiosity, do you feel the same if they don't mention that they're married and their spouse doesn't know, or do you also feel the other person should be asking about that?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to SweetnStormySub)
Profile   Post #: 100
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