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RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/24/2014 5:27:35 PM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
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Because despite your initial perception, you are NOT what they are looking for.

Back when I was looking I got messages on a daily basis from people who may or may not have read my profile, and I determined that they were not for me. I repeat, this was daily. None of those guys save for one really hit the mark.

Yes, I could've included answering those messages in my daily ritual, but here's the kicker: I tried. On more than one occasion I decided to start being "nice" and "polite"and start telling these guys that "sorry, but I'm not interested."

NONE of them took it gracefully. None of them responded with "OK cool, good luck." Many of them demanded explanations. Some of them begged me to reconsider. A few turned hostile. One guy in particular made up a new account to impersonate me and encouraged strange men to contact me under the promise of sexual favors. I woke up the next morning to an inbox full of demands for blowjobs I'd apparently promised them.

After that kind of aggravation you give up on being "nice," because it becomes a part time job that's never repaid and only serves to stress you out.

But let me guess, you're a NICE guy. You would never dream of doing that to someone because you're so nice. Therefore, you deserve a response. But how is she supposed to know that when you're among the floods of guys like the above? The better option for her is to keep herself safe and not respond.

Remember, she's only giving the bare bones of what you're looking for. Just because you're a Daddy Dom in your 30s doesn't mean you're the one. You're a dime a dozen, and if your thinking was correct she would've been snatched up a long time ago.

(in reply to Driverkitty)

Post #: 41

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/25/2014 6:45:17 AM

Domnotlooking

Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
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If you're complaining that women won't show you the courtesy of telling you you're too old or too far away, that strongly implies that you are writing to many women who are too young and too far away.

They probably said as much in their profiles.

First rule of sales: don't flog a dead prospect, go look for a live one.

The other day while waiting for a plane, I skimmed the personals section here for the first time in a long time. If I were looking, there would be at most 6 women suitable to approach. My collar chat drama would play out fast.

I suspect that guys who complain about getting dissed a lot are approaching too many women who are not realistically prospective partners.

And when a million other guys do the same, then the era of the polite note has been shitcanned for good.

Even though it doesn't make for a "better world".

(in reply to sloguy02246)

Post #: 42

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/25/2014 8:18:33 AM

Bhruic

Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
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Deleted on account of redundancy. But I'll still say, as others have, that the OP's complaint has nothing to do with lack of courtesy on another's part.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 10/25/2014 8:28:44 AM >

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Post #: 43

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/25/2014 10:06:04 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
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I literally just had this happen to me. Guy writes me asking if I'm wanting a secretary. (Read my profile, what do you think I want)
I never answered. He follows up with the usual "you're rude and this is why ppl treat you bad" (not even sure what that means...).
In my experiences, if you just read you might find out why you didn't get a response. Now I know in some instances that might not be the case, they may have just not been interested. No one owes you an explanation. Just move on.

_____________________________

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The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to Bhruic)

Post #: 44

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/25/2014 11:47:55 AM

YouName

Posts: 271
Joined: 10/22/2014
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There's obviously an issue here that Irish pointed to. People, for some reason, dismiss internet relations as inferior to real life ones.
I don't, which is why I deny way too many Facebook requests and have basically stoped using my account.

Obviously if someone said Hi to you in a bar or on an evenent you wouldn't ignore them. Then again, I don't really get why there are more ladies than gents online on these dating sites.
Well I have my thoughts but this ain't the place for that anyway.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 45

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/25/2014 12:06:59 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Driverkitty
Now, I know a lot of you are going to roll your eyes and probably aren't going to even read the rest of this post. You're going to dismiss it as the 'butthurt ramblings of a dom who's crying about being rejected'.

I see it more as responsibility-avoidance. You are engaging in behavior that is unsuccessful, and, rather than look inside yourself and determine what you are doing wrong and then fixing it, you are placing responsibility on people outside yourself, and saying that it is because of them that you are not succeeding.

That kind of analysis is only correct when dealing with political oppression, or a similar situation. You aren't facing that here. The cold reality is that your online game is mediocre, or bad, and if you want to get some young kinky pussy you are going to have to step it up.

"Lack of courtesy" is just a code word for, "I am unwilling to put in the work to surpass my limitations."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Driverkitty)

Post #: 46

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/25/2014 12:28:42 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Driverkitty
Now, I know a lot of you are going to roll your eyes and probably aren't going to even read the rest of this post. You're going to dismiss it as the 'butthurt ramblings of a dom who's crying about being rejected'.

I see it more as responsibility-avoidance. You are engaging in behavior that is unsuccessful, and, rather than look inside yourself and determine what you are doing wrong and then fixing it, you are placing responsibility on people outside yourself, and saying that it is because of them that you are not succeeding.

That kind of analysis is only correct when dealing with political oppression, or a similar situation. You aren't facing that here. The cold reality is that your online game is mediocre, or bad, and if you want to get some young kinky pussy you are going to have to step it up.

"Lack of courtesy" is just a code word for, "I am unwilling to put in the work to surpass my limitations."

Beautifully put, Red. I agree completely. You phrased it well.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 47

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/25/2014 9:54:33 PM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
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Women have learned not to reply if they are not interested because they then get mail from men being butthurt in return.

(in reply to Driverkitty)

Post #: 48

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/25/2014 11:26:56 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YouName

There's obviously an issue here that Irish pointed to. People, for some reason, dismiss internet relations as inferior to real life ones.
I don't, which is why I deny way too many Facebook requests and have basically stoped using my account.

Obviously if someone said Hi to you in a bar or on an evenent you wouldn't ignore them. Then again, I don't really get why there are more ladies than gents online on these dating sites.
Well I have my thoughts but this ain't the place for that anyway.

Actually, there are more males than females on dating sites from what I've seen and from what I've heard, although with vanilla, the numbers are more evenly distributed (about male60:40female).
As for paid sites, expect that many members aren't current and that their profiles are inactive (such as mine at Match & eHarmony, where I didn't renew earlier this year).
Expect to run across loads of fake female profiles on sex-oriented sites. For some guys, this is a wank hobby of theirs.

I don't know what the Dom(&Switch) ratio is to female subs(&switches) here or on other sex sites, but there are usually far less females on those kinds than there are males.
As for Domme to male sub ratio here on CS, I'm guestimating that it runs about 1:30.
Have no clue about Fet, and kinkytoo is too young & small to give an accurate picture.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel

Women have learned not to reply if they are not interested because they then get mail from men being butthurt in return.

So true, but I was raised like YouName apparently was to acknowledge others even if they are total strangers. This is why having key word(s) contained in your profile is a way of giving advance notice that you don't respond to messages which don't include it/them. (I make an exception for fellow forum posters.) It weeds out a good many frivolous users who don't warrant a response. I will say, though, that even if somebody gets routed into my Bulk Mail (per filters I've set), as long as his message has those key words, I'll get around to responding with a TBNT-Thanks But No Thanks (while pointing out that his message went into Bulk because he doesn't match the criteria specified in my profile).

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to YouName)

Post #: 49

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/26/2014 9:13:50 AM

Bhruic

Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YouName

There's obviously an issue here that Irish pointed to. People, for some reason, dismiss internet relations as inferior to real life ones.

Some do... Others just recognize that on-line relationships are just different from real life ones, with different rules. The OP discovered one of those different rules.

Lots of people don't like unsolicited advances from people in whom they aren't interested in real life either.

_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to YouName)

Post #: 50

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/26/2014 9:17:34 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
I don't know what the Dom(&Switch) ratio is to female subs(&switches) here or on other sex sites, but there are usually far less females on those kinds than there are males.

There's an interesting breakdown here:

http://www.quora.com/What-is-the-male-female-ratio-on-big-five-dating-websites-Match-com-eHarmony-PlentyofFish-Zoosk-and-OKCupid

Key points: the exact ratio isn't so important, rather what is important is ratio within age catergories (is there an imbalance within areas of mutual dateability). And, in general, yes. There are "too many" younger men and older women.

I don't know about kink sites, but the conventional wisdom certainly would include "too many" couples and "not enough" female unicorns.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 51

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/26/2014 11:42:40 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic

quote:

ORIGINAL: YouName

There's obviously an issue here that Irish pointed to. People, for some reason, dismiss internet relations as inferior to real life ones.

Some do... Others just recognize that on-line relationships are just different from real life ones, with different rules. The OP discovered one of those different rules.

Lots of people don't like unsolicited advances from people in whom they aren't interested in real life either

This is a good and overlooked point. A woman's presence on this site does not in fact obligate her any more than does her presence in a public place. But try telling that to men on the profile side

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
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(in reply to Bhruic)

Post #: 52

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/26/2014 11:53:06 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

There's obviously an issue here that Irish pointed to. People, for some reason, dismiss internet relations as inferior to real life ones.

Really?
And please tell me, where I said that?

There are quite a few people online that I converse with, have never met in real life, yet I listen to them and even sometimes ask their advice.
They are not inferior in any way shape or form.

They do however, have one thing going for them that 99% of the people online don't have.

They don't whine and cry like a 2yr old being denied candy simply because someone does not talk to them.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to YouName)

Post #: 53

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/26/2014 12:04:57 PM

YouName

Posts: 271
Joined: 10/22/2014
Status: offline

Meh, I talk to random people in various social situations. People are from my perspective much too caged into their own social stratas.

But people like me have an easy time finding each other. So it's all good.

Btw Irish you shouldn't give your 2 year old candybars, that's much too early.
Try some sweet pudding or something. But probably none of them if you don't like hearing them cry.

< Message edited by YouName -- 10/26/2014 12:07:08 PM >

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 54

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/26/2014 12:18:02 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

For me, it's really simple:

Unless the profile specifically states that the lady is not looking at this time, I assume that she is. I read the profile and if I think there's enough common ground, I send a message.

If after a week (or so), there is no response, I put as little user note (they can't see it) to remind myself that I may be dealing with a rude individual or that I may be responded to at a later date as part of their "back-up" plan. I pay it no more mind until ... a month or so later, when I finally get a reply ... has anyone every really watched a cat toy with a mouse?

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to YouName)

Post #: 55

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/26/2014 1:04:32 PM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

For me, it's really simple:

Unless the profile specifically states that the lady is not looking at this time, I assume that she is. I read the profile and if I think there's enough common ground, I send a message.

If after a week (or so), there is no response, I put as little user note (they can't see it) to remind myself that I may be dealing with a rude individual...

In light of the other reasons given in this thread, must it be out of rudeness?
(Yes, I see your other justification, which I honestly feel is more rude than "just not for me." But I take issue with seeing people as back-up plans anyway.)

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 56

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/26/2014 1:25:28 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If a strange guy comes up to me in a bar, my reaction is to ignore him. Because if I say "go away" he's going to become belligerent. Ignoring him makes him slink away.

Same online. If I respond to a strange guy with a "not interested" the nicest come back I've ever gotten is "your (sic) too fat to fuck". The worst was a multi page serial killer fantasy explaining exactly how he planned to slowly knife me until I finally died.

As far as the op, his profile says he isn't really looking for a unicorn, and then he explains how he wants someone willing to fit totally into his/their life without having any needs of her own.

Unicorn hunters are rarely successful and blaming it on the unicorn is pretty stupid.

It's now bow season here, and a friend's son asked me if he could go wild turkey hunting. He won't get one because they're really hard to shoot. If he whines about how the turkeys didn't obligingly pose on a stump for hours, I'd give him a Gibbs slap. But at 24 he's a lot smarter than the op.

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(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 57

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/26/2014 1:28:45 PM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

In light of the other reasons given in this thread, must it be out of rudeness?
(Yes, I see your other justification, which I honestly feel is more rude than "just not for me." But I take issue with seeing people as back-up plans anyway.)

Well, to answer your question: I realize that my opinions are mine alone but ...

If a lady has been online in that (roughly) week's time and hasn't found the time to answer (what I usually send is) a well thought-out and well presented e-mail, then, in my book, there is some rudeness, there. At the very least, there's enough of an "issue" there for me to no longer consider that person suitable for me.

I have messaged ladies on this site and when they feel that there is not enough of a match in their mind but they are courteous enough to send a reply, that reply is met with courtesy, in return. I understand it isn't always like that, here but if we all lived down to the lowest common denominators of others, this would be a sad world, indeed.

I haven't ever started a thread to complain about the lack of courtesy but I do see it as saying something about the person to whom I've sent a message (in my eyes, anyway).

ETA: I respond to ALL messages; except for obvious scammers or rude, asshole-ish, un-solicited comments from the dungeon morons.

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 10/26/2014 1:32:52 PM >

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 58

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/26/2014 1:30:06 PM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

As far as the op, his profile says he isn't really looking for a unicorn, and then he explains how he wants someone willing to fit totally into his/their life without having any needs of her own.

Unicorn hunters are rarely successful and blaming it on the unicorn is pretty stupid.

It's now bow season here, and a friend's son asked me if he could go wild turkey hunting. He won't get one because they're really hard to shoot. If he whines about how the turkeys didn't obligingly pose on a stump for hours, I'd give him a Gibbs slap. But at 24 he's a lot smarter than the op.

In fairness to the OP, that wasn't the impression I got from his profile. He at least acknowledges the possibility that the third won't feel the same for both of them (though asks that both partners are treated with respect) and admits his ideal relationship is just that. That puts him ahead of the standard "why can't we find our unicorn?" hunters.

Granted I see the photos have changed since I last glanced the profile, and the version I just read may or may not be the same version you read.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 59

RE: The Death Of Courtesy - 10/26/2014 2:12:50 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
For me, it's really simple:

Unless the profile specifically states that the lady is not looking at this time, I assume that she is.

You know what they say about assume.

Just because it doesn't explicitly state that she isn't looking doesn't mean she is. Any more than you can assume the age stated is correct. Because many times people just don't update their profiles.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 60

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