quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

O
If you would really rather have a response of "no thanks, not interested" instead of just being ignored (which is understandable)....I would hope that people would follow their own words and actually be satisfied with a simple "No thanks, not interested".

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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

If you would really rather have a response of "no thanks, not interested" instead of just being ignored (which is understandable)....I would hope that people would follow their own words and actually be satisfied with a simple "No thanks, not interested".

I don't believe many people really want a "thanks but no thanks" email. I think the OP was really just raging against the lack of interest he gets. And as I said earlier, he fantasizes that a "thanks but no thanks" email would be a gateway to further communication that would make the woman change her mind. But if all the women he writes to just wrote back "Thanks but no thanks" -- and it ended there -- I have no doubt he would be extremely irritated.

quote:

ORIGINAL: luvnsub

I began replying politely to each and every message I received. However, after numerous instances where my polite "thanjks but no thanks" reply was met with a snarky comeback, I don't bother to reply where the person has obvioiusly not read my profile, has triggered the spam filter, or is one or two words leading to a blank profile that tells me nothing about the other person.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
I had a bit of a learning curve here and did what hasn't been necessary for me to do on vanilla sites, and that is to put key words in my profile. I'm not sure this would dissuade Doms, but this little system of mine gets me very few rude messages anymore.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AlabamaPrincess

When I signed up for this site, I registered as a couple because I AM married, and my Sir might occasionally post here (although doubtful). That alone keeps the trolls away. That being said, when I was single and on different forums, I would get trolled, and usually ended up with the "thanks but no thanks" response to 99% of the messages. I still believe in courtesy, and who knows, maybe the OP is whining, maybe he's just being passive aggressive, or maybe he's a troll. Then again, maybe he's genuine (I didn't read his profile) and just wanted to put it out there and somehow everyone got caught up in over analyzing the details. Who knows, and who cares? The point I got by reading his post was....it seems that most people who put out there what they are looking for don't respond to those who might actually be what they're looking for (if that makes sense). Yes, I know we all get tired of the trolls, and assholes. I get it, simply because I've been there and done that just like everyone else. Personally, I don't read too much into what people type out on forums. I take it at face value, and move on. But who am I to say? I mean, I'm just a newbie on here, and maybe things are done differently. It was mentioned that many new folks stick around for a day or two then leave. I've tried to get on here every day and read a new post or even some of the longer ones, and quite honestly, if someone is new to the lifestyle or to forums, I can see why they'd leave. If they don't have a thick skin, or just have an honest question that wasn't phrased perfectly, I can see them leaving, just based on some of the responses I've read through. Call me what you want, my skin is thick. I just think he was making an observation, and maybe trying to get clarification simply because he is not a seasoned forum veteran. Yes, he came across as whiny, and maybe even forthright, but no one is innocent in making that mistake at least once.

*waits for the flamethrower*

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

O
If you would really rather have a response of "no thanks, not interested" instead of just being ignored (which is understandable)....I would hope that people would follow their own words and actually be satisfied with a simple "No thanks, not interested".

[/color]

I don't believe many people really want a "thanks but no thanks" email. I think the OP was really just raging against the lack of interest he gets. And as I said earlier, he fantasizes that a "thanks but no thanks" email would be a gateway to further communication that would make the woman change her mind. But if all the women he writes to just wrote back "Thanks but no thanks" -- and it ended there -- I have no doubt he would be extremely irritated.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: AlabamaPrincess

When I signed up for this site, I registered as a couple because I AM married, and my Sir might occasionally post here (although doubtful). That alone keeps the trolls away. That being said, when I was single and on different forums, I would get trolled, and usually ended up with the "thanks but no thanks" response to 99% of the messages. I still believe in courtesy, and who knows, maybe the OP is whining, maybe he's just being passive aggressive, or maybe he's a troll. Then again, maybe he's genuine (I didn't read his profile) and just wanted to put it out there and somehow everyone got caught up in over analyzing the details. Who knows, and who cares? The point I got by reading his post was....it seems that most people who put out there what they are looking for don't respond to those who might actually be what they're looking for (if that makes sense). Yes, I know we all get tired of the trolls, and assholes. I get it, simply because I've been there and done that just like everyone else. Personally, I don't read too much into what people type out on forums. I take it at face value, and move on. But who am I to say? I mean, I'm just a newbie on here, and maybe things are done differently. It was mentioned that many new folks stick around for a day or two then leave. I've tried to get on here every day and read a new post or even some of the longer ones, and quite honestly, if someone is new to the lifestyle or to forums, I can see why they'd leave. If they don't have a thick skin, or just have an honest question that wasn't phrased perfectly, I can see them leaving, just based on some of the responses I've read through. Call me what you want, my skin is thick. I just think he was making an observation, and maybe trying to get clarification simply because he is not a seasoned forum veteran. Yes, he came across as whiny, and maybe even forthright, but no one is innocent in making that mistake at least once.

*waits for the flamethrower*

quote:

ORIGINAL: Driverkitty

So you have an interest in finding a Heavy Sadist/Daddy Dom/Couple to serve/Transsexual Martian with green skin/Time Traveler from Galifrey. Great! I wish you all the luck in finding what you're looking for, I truly do. We should all be so lucky to find that which completes and satisfies us.

However, there's a problem. Why don't you answer messages that are offering that situation, or at least the potential of it?

Now, I know a lot of you are going to roll your eyes and probably aren't going to even read the rest of this post. You're going to dismiss it as the 'butthurt ramblings of a dom who's crying about being rejected'. And, to be fair, it does bother me a little that someone might write a decent message and go completely ignored. However, consider:

Let's say you post looking for a 'Daddy Dom, between 30 and 50, who will both spoil and keep a firm hand' Okay, fantastic. Such a guy writes you. And I'm not talking about the 'Hey, whore, come knee-walk over to your MASTER and suck my balls!' kind of messages - unless you're into that. I think most aren't, but you can find anything in this community.

I'm talking about the genuine person who writes and says, for example, 'Hello there, I am a XYZ (Daddy Dom in this instance) and I've been looking for someone into that. Let's talk about the possibility of exploring that together'. Someone who doesn't make any assumptions, doesn't right off the bat try to decide that you're already theirs (or they're already yours, in the case of an S-type writing to a D-type). I'm talking about the person who tries to be courteous, who doesn't go overboard in the beginning, who is willing to take their time and try to get to know you. Why not reply? And I'm NOT saying that all offers should be accepted. Just replied to. If you don't care for the person, just take a moment, have a little courtesy, and says 'Hey, I appreciate the message and attention, but I'm afraid you're too far away/a little older than I had in mind/I don't like men with red hair/prefer someone from Mars rather than Saturn.' It takes..what, 30-40 seconds? Is your time THAT infinitely precious?

If someone writes to you, and they are responding to something that YOU said YOU were looking for, in a manner that seems genuine and interested - well, of course you don't OWE them anything, not a response, not a looking over of their profile, not even a reading of their message. You can just move on and pretend it never happened. However, wouldn't it be courteous? We all complain about the nastiness in the BDSM community - how some people act like idiots, how some people Just Don't Get It, how we're fed up with pretenders and fakes and so on. So why contribute to it? In ignoring that well-meant, genuine message that was respond to what YOU said YOU wanted, you're furthering the lack of courtesy - it's no wonder that people GET so angry and hostile and start to try to push too much. They maybe start to think "Well, maybe being genuine and sincere is why I'm not getting responses, so I'll try another way'.

Instead of isolating, try educating. Girls, I understand that you get a zillion and one messages a day, I really do. I've seen my girl's inbox after only an hour. I've seen some of the crazy, insane crap that gets past your spam filters - and that's not the message I'm referring to. Those, sure, toss them without even looking. But if someone does approach and seems sincere, tell them what's up. Rejection is part of life, that's a fact, but is there really any reason to make it worse than it has to be? Just because you're in demand doesn't mean that you should treat people like non-entities. You CAN, of course, but that just means you're furthering the atmosphere of hostility and lack of courtesy that you yourself complain about.

And this goes for men and women. No one is immune here. If a message seems genuine, respond. It only takes a minute to write "Hey, thanks, but your approach was a little soft for me. Good luck'. Or 'I appreciate your message, but I am looking for something softer'. It might just be that the person who wrote thought YOU might appreciate the tone they were taking, even if it's not what they would usually extend. We all want to get others' attention - give them a second chance, maybe tell them what you had in mind - that might be what they were the whole time.

At any rate, thank you for reading - I know this is going to get a number of TL;DR comments, as well as 'So you got rejected, stop whining' replies - that just means you missed the point, and maybe should read again and think. It's all about courtesy - something that dominants flat-out demand, and submissives, by and large, I think appreciate. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all learn to embrace that?