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Why the hate on bi men? - 10/29/2014 6:01:30 PM

RockaRolla

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Despite the title, this isn't strictly about hate but stigmatization and lack of interest in bisexual male partners.

So, both of my partners are bisexual men. Both have reported that the very mention of them being attracted to other men, or having been with them in the past, was a turn off for otherwise prospective dates. And I've noticed that women don't seem to have the same... tolerance? for their male SOs being with other men. For guys and their bisexual female partners, it's quite the opposite!

Now, men's attraction to bi women and reasons thereof are well known to me. Women's aversion to bi men, not so much. Are they for similar reasons (that is, the fantasy or possibility of threesomes?) Male/male couplings do nothing for me, but they're free to pursue those if they wish and I don't need to get involved. And this says nothing about monogamous relationships in which outside partners are off the table from the start. In that case, what's the difference?

Perhaps there's a degree of sexism in the mentality that men downgrade themselves by having sex with men (or even being attracted to them.) But for some reason, this seems to persist even in circles that are more sexually permissive, or women who protest sexist attitudes against them.

Is there another reason for this attitude against bisexual men that I hadn't thought of? Or is this another symptom of sexism against men being more acceptable?

< Message edited by RockaRolla -- 10/29/2014 6:09:34 PM >

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/29/2014 6:04:50 PM

Marini

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I don't hate bisexual men at all, I just have zero interest in having a bisexual man as a partner.

I actually prefer men that are gay, over bisexual men.

I have met some of the most delicious gay men.
weeeeeeeeeeee

I see NO need to hate bisexual men or bisexual women.
To each their own.

< Message edited by Marini -- 10/29/2014 6:06:08 PM >

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/29/2014 6:05:30 PM

DesFIP

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My experience with bi men is that they are sexually bi, but romantically gay.
And that they are highly unlikely to be monogamous for 30 years at a time.

Since I'm monogamous, and long term relationship to me really does mean till death do us part, then why would I get involved with someone who was highly unlikely to be interested in those things?

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/29/2014 6:08:53 PM

DaddySatyr

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I've dated my fair share of bisexual ladies. They meld a lot better with my polyamorous lifestyle (for obvious reasons).

I have only ever known one that would date or was willing to even see two guys kiss (to varying degrees of intolerance). I have never gotten a definitive answer or even a preponderance as to why that is. It has always confused me, as well.

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/29/2014 6:24:53 PM

VeryMercurial

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,,

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 10/29/2014 6:26:36 PM >

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/29/2014 8:10:06 PM

shiftyw

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I've dated two bi guys, would again too.

I never had an issue with them being "romantically gay"
One was my most serious ex.
Personally, while I wouldn't say it was a turn on- but we almost had a M/M(he was a switch)/f threesome and I was more than willing, happy even, to engage in it when both men were also attracted to one another. It didn't work out, but I wouldn't have been bothered by it.

ETA- I also want to live in my fantasy world where I can be in a poly relationship that involves two dominant (towards me at least) men. This would really facilitate that for me. Throw in a girl for me to play with and I'd be in heaven.

< Message edited by shiftyw -- 10/29/2014 8:14:38 PM >

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/29/2014 8:55:42 PM

sexyred1

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I don't hate bi men. I just don't want to be with one.

I have friends who dated bi men and the men all turned out to be gay.

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/29/2014 9:00:19 PM

SlipSlidingAway

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I agree with the general consensus. As someone who married a bi guy, who later confessed to being gay, I think a large majority are actually gay. It's just more acceptable to be bi. And it lets them safely explore their homosexual tendencies while presenting a heterosexual union to the world at large. I now have ZERO interest in bi gentleman. My experience left me, and the child of that union, fairly screwed up for a long time.

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/29/2014 9:07:57 PM

RockaRolla

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I've got to say, I'm surprised at the consensus that bi men are typically gay. I guess my experience has been very atypical. Somehow I've been with quite a few bi guys who retained their taste for women.

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/29/2014 9:13:04 PM

shiftyw

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

I've got to say, I'm surprised at the consensus that bi men are typically gay. I guess my experience has been very atypical. Somehow I've been with quite a few bi guys who retained their taste for women.

Mine were both...bi
They don't change their orientation just based on who they end up with? I mean...they might be gay leaning...but if they identify as bi, they didn't "end up gay", they chose a male partner.

Rocka, my experience has been like yours.
I'm actually curious if perhaps since being gay was more widely accepted in my generation that perhaps less men my age feel the need to cover up their homosexuality by calling themselves bi? So perhaps now I'm running into more men who are actually bi...

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/29/2014 9:19:13 PM

RockaRolla

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

I've got to say, I'm surprised at the consensus that bi men are typically gay. I guess my experience has been very atypical. Somehow I've been with quite a few bi guys who retained their taste for women.

Mine were both...bi
They don't change their orientation just based on who they end up with? I mean...they might be gay leaning...but if they identify as bi, they didn't "end up gay", they chose a male partner.

Rocka, my experience has been like yours.
I'm actually curious if perhaps since being gay was more widely accepted in my generation that perhaps less men my age feel the need to cover up their homosexuality by calling themselves bi? So perhaps now I'm running into more men who are actually bi...

Possibly. I'm also thinking it could be due to me being completely OK with a bi boyfriend, so of course he'd go for someone of that mentality before a woman who gets squicked out by it.

Honestly, watching him fawn over a cute guy is kind of adorable.

(in reply to shiftyw)

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/29/2014 11:30:58 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Marini

I don't hate bisexual men at all, I just have zero interest in having a bisexual man as a partner.
<snip>

It's interesting to me that not long ago, there was a thread on "Switch Hatred" (which is still up on the front Ask a Switch Board). To the best of my recollection, posters unanimously expressed harboring no hatred against S/switches as a group. There may have been a poster who wasn't crazy about them, the inference being that many S/switches are confused about their orientation. Without any ill will whatsoever, I'd like to point out that there seem to be many bisexual males who are confused about their sexual orientation, and this makes them all the more undesirable as a partner prospect. (I have such limited exposure to bisexual females that I have no opinion there.)

RR & shifty, I would agree that there is a generational gap in terms of tolerance levels for male bisexuality. Younger women, like yourselves, might be more willing to consider having a bisexual male partner. Plus both of you are bisexual, and it would appear you have and have had partners who were not confused with their sexual orientation. I don't know where the cut-off point is or where women in their 30s fall in this spectrum, but straight women in their 40s (approximately) and up are not so tolerant of the idea of having a bisexual male partner.

Personally, I'm such an extremely possessive woman who's always owned my man's ass (more in a figurative than literal sense when I was vanilla :p) since I first had a boyfriend and made no bones about my jealous nature. I expect loyalty in all of my relationships, I value loyalty in my friendships, and in my world loyalty equates to fidelity in any intimate LTR. I wouldn't have it any other way, but that's just me--and I don't ever want to have to second-guess where my mate's loyalties lie, whether he is capable of straying or wanting to ever venture beyond our closed-loop dynamic of intimacy. I require complete and utter devotion, and this fiercely protective possessiveness is an integral part of my Dominant nature.

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/30/2014 12:00:05 AM

RockaRolla

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I feel like people are getting too hung up on the word "hate." It was admittedly a poor word choice on my part.

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/30/2014 4:44:50 AM

ashjor911

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this topic is not for me .. I think
I don't hate bi men .. or gay .. just don't want them to do anything with me .. the idea of 2 men making out or doing some sort of sex is a huge turn off for me

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/30/2014 4:56:55 AM

xgender

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Hmm... I call myself bi, though I'm romantically & sexually attracted to women, only sexually attracted to men. And I'm a switch - and have been for 30 years. It seems like personal experience plays into folks' opinions quite a bit. I guess in the end it's between 2 people (or 3 or 4) to decide upon...

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/30/2014 5:52:26 AM

freedomdwarf1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: Marini

I don't hate bisexual men at all, I just have zero interest in having a bisexual man as a partner.
<snip>

It's interesting to me that not long ago, there was a thread on "Switch Hatred" (which is still up on the front Ask a Switch Board). To the best of my recollection, posters unanimously expressed harboring no hatred against S/switches as a group. There may have been a poster who wasn't crazy about them, the inference being that many S/switches are confused about their orientation. Without any ill will whatsoever, I'd like to point out that there seem to be many bisexual males who are confused about their sexual orientation, and this makes them all the more undesirable as a partner prospect. (I have such limited exposure to bisexual females that I have no opinion there.)

RR & shifty, I would agree that there is a generational gap in terms of tolerance levels for male bisexuality. Younger women, like yourselves, might be more willing to consider having a bisexual male partner. Plus both of you are bisexual, and it would appear you have and have had partners who were not confused with their sexual orientation. I don't know where the cut-off point is or where women in their 30s fall in this spectrum, but straight women in their 40s (approximately) and up are not so tolerant of the idea of having a bisexual male partner.

Personally, I'm such an extremely possessive woman who's always owned my man's ass (more in a figurative than literal sense when I was vanilla :p) since I first had a boyfriend and made no bones about my jealous nature. I expect loyalty in all of my relationships, I value loyalty in my friendships, and in my world loyalty equates to fidelity in any intimate LTR. I wouldn't have it any other way, but that's just me--and I don't ever want to have to second-guess where my mate's loyalties lie, whether he is capable of straying or wanting to ever venture beyond our closed-loop dynamic of intimacy. I require complete and utter devotion, and this fiercely protective possessiveness is an integral part of my Dominant nature.

This jives with me a LOT!

This is very much my own lifestyle.
In my own dynamic, I am Dom while she is more 'neutral' and a tad like the 50's household.
But we are both very fiercely devoted to each other and expect the same even though there is no jealousy.
And being past my half-century already, I do find a generation gap when it comes to Bi and gay men.

In my many "play" years, if you were gay, that's fine; but with the general attitude of "don't come near me" while they slither around the room with their asses glued to the wall (my wife's ex is like this).

If you were Bi, you got the same treatment as if it was a disease you could catch.

In recent years, things have gotten better amongst the younger generations.
But a lot of the old fogies are still entrenched in old ideas and attitudes.... sadly.

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/30/2014 7:02:44 AM

MariaB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

I've got to say, I'm surprised at the consensus that bi men are typically gay. I guess my experience has been very atypical. Somehow I've been with quite a few bi guys who retained their taste for women.

I'm surprised too but then this thread is small and so I'm sure its not a general belief.

My husband is bi and I knew he was bi when I met him. That was one of the things that attracted me to him. He's not interested in an ongoing romance with another man, he just likes to dominate them sexually from time to time. Being the sick pup that I am, I find that a real turn on, especially if its power exchange with another dominant man

I certainly don't feel under any kind of threat regarding his bi-ness. He very clearly loves the ladies with an occasional incling for a guy.

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/30/2014 7:42:33 AM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

This jives with me a LOT!
This is very much my own lifestyle.
In my own dynamic, I am Dom while she is more 'neutral' and a tad like the 50's household.
But we are both very fiercely devoted to each other and expect the same even though there is no jealousy.
And being past my half-century already, I do find a generation gap when it comes to Bi and gay men.

In my many "play" years, if you were gay, that's fine; but with the general attitude of "don't come near me" while they slither around the room with their asses glued to the wall (my wife's ex is like this).
If you were Bi, you got the same treatment as if it was a disease you could catch.

In recent years, things have gotten better amongst the younger generations.
But a lot of the old fogies are still entrenched in old ideas and attitudes.... sadly.

My having 3 Scorpio planets has a lot to do with this (for those who keep up with that stuff), I believe.

In homage to being in that zodiac sign right this very moment:

Attachment (1)

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/30/2014 7:53:52 AM

littleladybug

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I have no "hate for bi men"-- just don't have the desire to be with one.

I can't say that there's any reason for it other than I simply do not find it sexually appealing. Just like lots of other things.

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RE: Why the hate on bi men? - 10/30/2014 8:22:08 AM

HalifaxSubRuthD

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i am one of those women who loves bisexual men...especially bi men of arab or african descent.

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