Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 10:15:13 AM   
subbiedude


Posts: 50
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline 		Hello,

This is a bit lengthy, pardon me, but i had to write a bit detail just to give a perspective.

I need an advice or guidance from expirienced fellow kinksters. I am in a dillemma, my problem is this. I have been chatting with a dominant female for about more than 1.5 yrs now. she is from India & from chatting what i make out is, she is a very good person & kind. However I have never seen her, either a picture of her or in person nor i have heard her voice. She has also not seen me, as i have not shared my pic with her (I refrain from sharing my pic online due to safety concerns). She has not asked me to share my pic either.

I met her through one of the social network kink site. I was looking for a LTR, and she in her profile had mentioned that the right sub or sub of her type would end up in having an LTR with her. Thats when i plunged in & messaged her, thats how it all started.

She has this unique fetish for roleplay or reading erotic femdom stories, I used to cater to these fetish of hers over online & trying to make her happy. I tried to align & hone my skills of writing & imagnination just for her. Thats how i spent most of the time (More than a year & a half) when online with her. Most of the time she used to be happy & i used to feel satisfied, as i was making her happy.

Something which started as a fetish for her finally started to take different course for me. I started to get addicted to her, started to get feelings for her, first a crush & then a pure love towards her. I started to really love her more than myself. However even at this stage I had not seen or heard her voice. It was love at no sight at all !!!!

One day I confessed her, that I liked her, she was neither taken aback nor surprised, she was supportive of my feelings. I even went onto talk about marriage at one point (Very premature in hindsight I guess). She simply said she wanted me to continue entertaining her over online & in due time she would take it to next level & She will decide when it will happen.

This went on for quite a some time. One fine day I asked her to atleast meet me in a public place or cam chat (Even without a face) or mic chat over net. She simply refused saying that she will do it on her own terms & not under the terms of a sub. I conceded. Then again It went onto many more days & months, My feeling & urge, addiction, yearning towards her grew more & more during this course of time.

I badly wanted to see her or lets say curious to see her. However she declined my request repeatedly.I was curious to know about the person for whom i was spending my time & energy. But thats when our equation started to go worse, She was frustrated & blocked me. But since I was so addicted to her, it was difficult for me to take that.

I again somehow approached her, She was kind hearted enough to oblige my request. I requested her to let me be a friend, She was ok with that. She was more of a friend this time. Infact very good friend. but still no meeting nor seeing eachother.

With her consent I came to an agreement that i can go ahead and search for a suitable life partner for me. Post this i've spent lot of time trying to find a friend. However i miserably failed to find a suitable person. At this same point i was getting pressure to settle down in life from my parents also, but I didnt want to marry a vanilla person either. I was very frustrated, confused, Thats when i turned back to this friend again & I asked her for guidance.

She adviced me to not to marry vanilla person, keep on searching until i get a soulmate or I can come back again (She has good opinion about me as a person as she knows me very well after being chatting for so long). She said i can comeback again but this time, I have to give up all my control & truly submit to her. I agreed, but again I begged her to meet me just once in public place before i can fully give up my control to her. But again she simply refused.

I humbly told her that, I was afraid to fully give up my control, because i feel vulnerable and not safe. I told her, kindly meet me once in public place, so that i can feel i am in right place under right person. so that i can feel comfortable, But she simply said, "I dont have to prove myself".

Now after chatting with this person for quite a some time my heart says she is a good person, but since I have not seen her, my head says i should meet her atleast once before fully dedicating my time & energy towards her again. Its not like i am doubting her, its just i want to reinforce my belief that i am with right person.

Finally I have asked her to give me couple of days of time to decide abt my future for which she has agreed.

Now i request the fellow kinksters to advice me what should i do? I am confused....Help me guys....
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 10:19:13 AM   
KYsissy


Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline 		It could be she is exactly the the person your mind created, or it could be a guy in New Jersey.


_____________________________

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
Will Rogers, 1897-1935

(in reply to subbiedude)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 10:21:59 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		How can you "fully give up control" to a person you have never met, seen, or even talked to on the phone?

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to subbiedude)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 10:23:53 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Dude. You've spent eighteen months spinning your wheels. She's smart enough to know that there's no real future for you two. She was happy when it was just online stories and roleplay but knows there's nothing more.

She's supportive of you finding a flesh and blood woman. She's not at all possessive of you. She's insisting that it be on her timeline to slow things down and hope you find someone local.

Tell her the truth, that you value her friendship and her insight. That said, it's high time you found a Dominant woman that is available. I have no idea how hard that might be in India.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to subbiedude)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 10:24:57 AM   
subbiedude


Posts: 50
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline 		@KYsissy, This isnt a fictional story, Sorry. I've thought about that worst case scenario. But after chatting for so long, I strongly feel she is definetly a female & certainly an Indian, thats for sure.

(in reply to KYsissy)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 10:27:47 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

You are hung up and hooked on a figment of your own imagination. I think you are barking up the wrong tree and so long as you keep her in your life, I doubt highly a flesh and blood relationship could be formed with someone else. You couldn't devote yourself to her because you have devoted yourself to some online person (could be a man for all you know) that is never going to meet you in person.

It's time to move on

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 10:46:49 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		This is a fast reply.

If, after 18 months you have yet to exchange pictures, gotten on cam for a quick "Hello" or met in person, then I believe you already know what the right thing to do is going to be. You're being strung along and it could well be some guy from Jersey in his basement, I mean, who is to say it isn't?

I met my slut in person after exchanging two weeks worth of emails. I never would have waited 18 months.

What you are in love with or have feelings for is a fantasy that you have created in your head, I mean, after all, since you haven't seen her, she could be a supermodel for all you know, or she could be 2' 7" and 375 pounds. The point is that you are unlikely to find out because of her reticence to share pictures or even get on cam. Move on.

I know that you think this is what you want and who you want, but if she were even close to as interested as you are, you would have met already.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 10:50:26 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		Okay, assholes, why does it always come back to my basement in Jersey? Yes, I do scam for money, but sometimes it's just the entertainment value.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 10:52:20 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

Okay, assholes, why does it always come back to my basement in Jersey? Yes, I do scam for money, but sometimes it's just the entertainment value.


There is a single bare light bulb down there too... isn't there?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 10:55:50 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		No, you're dead wrong. Sometimes I cover it with a scarve when I am dancing to Goodbye Horses with muh weiner tucked between my legs. Take that Mr. SmartyPants

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 10:58:12 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

No, you're dead wrong. Sometimes I cover it with a scarve when I am dancing to Goodbye Horses with muh weiner tucked between my legs. Take that Mr. SmartyPants


Dats hot.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 11:00:15 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		Wot's hotter than that is I make the OP do it. It's part of the humilation kick.

Oops... wrong profile... let's pretend that I am just messing with everyone while I figure out which profile I was using to fuck with the OP.

< Message edited by ExiledTyrant -- 11/1/2014 11:01:26 AM >

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 11:00:19 AM   
subbiedude


Posts: 50
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your valuable advice & guidance.

I've thought about all the worst case scenarios suggested by you all guys. Two things really make me confused.

1. What if she is really genuine (I really hope she is, but i am not 100% sure as ive not met her for real) & is scared to come out, if thats the case, then if i let her go off, that would be a huge blow, after spending so much time & energy to get closer to her.everything goes in vain.
2. Its extremely difficult to find a kink partner in India, so the pessimism of not finding a partner in near future really makes me go weak on my knees.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 11:04:17 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbiedude

Thank you all for your valuable advice & guidance.

I've thought about all the worst case scenarios suggested by you all guys. Two things really make me confused.

1. What if she is really genuine (I really hope she is, but i am not 100% sure as ive not met her for real) & is scared to come out, if thats the case, then if i let her go off, that would be a huge blow, after spending so much time & energy to get closer to her.everything goes in vain.
2. Its extremely difficult to find a kink partner in India, so the pessimism of not finding a partner in near future really makes me go weak on my knees.


Lemme get this strait. You're from a country with thousands of years of female repression, supression, and a bunch of "sion's" that don't even translate into English and you cannot find one single bitch that's pissed off at the world? I don't think you're trying very hard.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to subbiedude)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 11:12:59 AM   
amativedame


Posts: 331
Joined: 9/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbiedude

Thank you all for your valuable advice & guidance.

I've thought about all the worst case scenarios suggested by you all guys. Two things really make me confused.

1. What if she is really genuine (I really hope she is, but i am not 100% sure as ive not met her for real) & is scared to come out, if thats the case, then if i let her go off, that would be a huge blow, after spending so much time & energy to get closer to her.everything goes in vain.
2. Its extremely difficult to find a kink partner in India, so the pessimism of not finding a partner in near future really makes me go weak on my knees.


What is she is 100% fake and you have not only spent so much time and energy to get closer, and then spend even more of an effort for nothing? Are you okay with that? Is pouring more of yourself into something that may not turn into something or eventually turn into her blocking you again and pushing you away again worth it?

Even if she IS real, she has made it clear from what you say that she never wants it to go beyond what it is. This is why she blocked you, told you to marry vanilla and refuses to meet. If you commit to her.. what you have is all you are going to have.

Is that really enough to keep you happy? I can understand being pessimistic that you may not find something, but is that really worse than settling on what you have?

_____________________________

Always remember that great love and great achievements both involve great risk.

(in reply to subbiedude)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 11:17:59 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbiedude

1. What if she is really genuine (I really hope she is, but i am not 100% sure as ive not met her for real) & is scared to come out, if thats the case, then if i let her go off, that would be a huge blow, after spending so much time & energy to get closer to her.everything goes in vain.



You mean she might be agoraphobic? It's possible, but if this relationship is anywhere close to a real relationship, I think she would have floated that little tidbit out there to explain why she won't meet you in person. Even so, if she won't even get on cam with just her face, the red flags have got to be raised after 18 months of this. No talking on the phone, over Skype, or something... she has kept you at arms length. What you are asking is not unreasonable, but she is treating it like it is.

quote:

2. Its extremely difficult to find a kink partner in India, so the pessimism of not finding a partner in near future really makes me go weak on my knees.


Better to be desperate to find a partner than to invest time with someone who could be a guy waxing his carrot with everything you say. 18 months is a long time, and by now there should be certain things that should have happened, you should have talked on the phone, gone on camera, or met in person. Something.






_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to subbiedude)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 11:18:58 AM   
subbiedude


Posts: 50
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: subbiedude

Thank you all for your valuable advice & guidance.

I've thought about all the worst case scenarios suggested by you all guys. Two things really make me confused.

1. What if she is really genuine (I really hope she is, but i am not 100% sure as ive not met her for real) & is scared to come out, if thats the case, then if i let her go off, that would be a huge blow, after spending so much time & energy to get closer to her.everything goes in vain.
2. Its extremely difficult to find a kink partner in India, so the pessimism of not finding a partner in near future really makes me go weak on my knees.


Lemme get this strait. You're from a country with thousands of years of female repression, supression, and a bunch of "sion's" that don't even translate into English and you cannot find one single bitch that's pissed off at the world? I don't think you're trying very hard.


Well my dear friend, you have no idea of what youre talking about. I am not looking for some pissed off women. I am not looking for a women who can boss me around for rest of my life. I am looking for a wife who is also my mistress & goddess who has similar interest in BDSM, there is a huge difference between the two.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 11:19:06 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		FR~

He asked this question, or something similar, in Feb 2013: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4387348/mpage_1/tm.htm

He has spent the better part of 18 months spinning his wheels.
He has been truly sucked in.

And, FWIW, given the nature of how the 'relationship' has been over that time, I honestly think the 'she' is a HE!!


To the OP: how did you let this go on for sooo long??
Most people would have sussed this out within a few emails or exchanges and certainly withing a week or two.
Sheeesh! You must be extremely naive or just a dumb clutz, or both.


_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 11:23:30 AM   
Moderator3


Posts: 3289
Status: offline 		FR

I know its tempting, but we are in General BDSM. Please remember the guidelines in this section. Snark is okay. Name calling or any variance of it, isn't allowed.

Thank you

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please - 11/1/2014 11:27:28 AM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline 		Catfish

http://www.mtv.com/shows/catfish/video/full-episodes/

After you've watched a few of them, you realise that many people online pretend to be something they're not, even with romantic partners, for many years. Unfortunately, your story suggests the same.

(in reply to Moderator3)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109