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Asexuality - 11/4/2014 2:01:20 AM   
gurotrash


Posts: 11
Joined: 10/23/2014
Status: offline 		Hello!

Without anyone having to take the trouble to go to my profile, I'm a Psychology enthusiast with some research background, at that, ahaha.

I've done a bit of digging into various communities, but I'm curious on a personal level; what does everyone here feel about asexual spectrum individuals in this community of kinksters? Please do be as candid as possible for my curiosity's sake! Although delicately worded responses are, of course, in favor of those marginalized members, so I do encourage those. Personal and mental distress may occur given any response regardless of my introduction to the subject in this forum, so do be wary, as I'd suggest those susceptible members would be.

Without further ado, however!

Autochorissexualism as a term heavily applies to this community, especially in the case of asexual spectrum individuals but also in the cases of other identities. The idea is that one's sexuality does not necessarily need to relate to oneself, e.g. the idea that one would find the bruising of an individual stimulating, but not in the case of oneself or one's potential (or lack thereof) partners. This is the meat of what I'd like to discuss, if possible. While asexuality is generally a disregarded community, as per my observation (which is flawed, of course), this specific intersection is of interest and I do anticipate the opinions of anyone who deigns to respond. This will be a great boon to not only my curiosity, but also potentially to future research projects, so please do respond to one's heart's content! Thank Y/you very much!
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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 2:10:43 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I have no clue what half your words mean.

Generally speaking, if someone is asexual, that means nothing to me. There are literally billions of people in this world that I will never have sex with, and an individual's asexuality is nothing more than an additional reason.

However, if there's a woman that Tasha and I are interested in, then her asexuality is a plus. It means that she will be accepting of our ground rule that we reserve sex as an activity between us. It makes life simpler if she's content with nonsexual play and cuddles, and no more.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 2:20:36 AM   
gurotrash


Posts: 11
Joined: 10/23/2014
Status: offline 		Oh, that's a good springboard, actually. Thank You!

An asexual spectrum can range from anywhere that one is entirely sexually uninterested, thereby not a member of this community, to one's interest only in specific forms of sex, e.g. bondage or otherwise (ranging from anything to anything; that might entertain such ranges as blowjobs to amputation, even, it depends on the individual), to one's interest only in certain partners, e.g. the acceptance of kink based on personal interest. This includes the idea of autochorissexualism, with the term defined as being a detachment of oneself to the sexual spectrum. It's the idea that one might be attracted to the idea of someone being attracted in at least any of the aforementioned ways to anyone else, but not necessarily with the involvement of themselves. Essentially, it's detached sexuality, with specifics involved or not, depending. The key point of it is that oneself is not involved in one's sexual identity.

And, do pardon my forwardness, that identity sounds more alike to demisexuality. =) Demisexuality is a part of the asexual spectrum, and includes the reaction only to specific individuals, as perhaps even based on personal interaction. Sexuality is growing as a field, both socially and academically, mostly respectively (olololol). It's certainly an investment in one's time and engagement, though, but also exponentially appreciated by such communities!

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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 3:03:19 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hello gurotrash, welcome to these boards.

Unlike the spanking world, I don't believe we have a high number of asexuals within this community but I could be wrong. I suppose we are less likely to meet an ace on here or in the wider world of D/s and BDSM than the spanking communities which seem to have more than their fair share.

Now if you were researching lithromatics, I would say there are plenty here, specifically amongst male submissives, but you're not.

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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 3:27:06 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		I'm back because I'm curious!

I'm not well up on asexuals but I would like to ask you a question; a lot of female dominants don't want anything sexual with a male submissive. Some are happy to involve them in BDSM activities and D/s, others just enjoy the submissive side of the man (I say "man" because dominant women are more likely to be sexually active with female submissives they scene or dominate with). Male dominants tend to be the opposite. Most like a full on sexual relationship with their female submissive but some men are happy to involve themselves in BDSM activities with male subs, only without the sex. There are of course many reasons why some women and men don't go down the sexual route; the main one being, they already have a primary partner but what about those who don't have primary partners...are they more likely to be "asexual" ?



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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 4:16:21 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		First of all, tone it down. We like to think that language is a science, but it is more of an art and you are channeling a very mechanical Picasso.

I do not think you are going to have much luck finding input on asexuality here. What you may find, and I suspect it is what you are really looking for, is a lot of detailed information about sexual fetishism.

Perhaps the closest you're going to get to "asexuality" is how D/s satisifies non-sexual wants and needs. Objectification has a small sexual role for me, but it is intwined with my primal nature. At no point in time would a /s think that she is only a sexual object to me, but she will always know that she can and will be used as one. My objectification of her goes much deeper than sexual objectification; I like to hike and camp and will use her as all manner of furniture in such a setting... but it is for practical application and not so much objectification for the sake of objectification. I couldn't say if she is getting sexual gratification from being objectified as furniture, but I'm pretty sure she is when being used as the helpless object of my lust.

I have of yet to hear of a member on this side receive pure sexual gratification from sadism or masochism, but it could be present. Mostly thier Sado/Maso is a "part" of their sexuality and not the entirity of their sexuality.

Jus sayin

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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 7:25:10 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
There are of course many reasons why some women and men don't go down the sexual route; the main one being, they already have a primary partner but what about those who don't have primary partners...are they more likely to be "asexual" ?


Uhm,I have been chaste by choice most of my adult life. My sexuality might be a bit confusing. The same way some people are turned on by learning or vaccines. I get very turned on from even just thinking about the power exchange. However control of oneself I believe is the starting point to control of others. I have beliefs and protocols that help me wade through things.
I am not "asexual" meaning, having no interest in sex, in fact, I love porn, the kinkier the better.
I am demisexual, meaning I will only engage very specific individuals in a sexual manner, or even in a kinky manner in real time. I can count my partners on one hand and hope for it to remain that way. I am bisexual/sapiosexual meaning I am attracted to men, women and the androgynous. And I am also hypersexual, meaning I doubt there is any amount of sex that would satisfy me should I go down that route. I do enjoy "sex" itself though. And I hope to have lots of it with my companion. So long term chastity would not work for me.
It used to but now wanting a more adult relationship. Bored with travel, people, food, been there, done that. New chapter.
I do think he'll have more luck with the long term chastity subs or finsubs, they literally live their sexuality very singularly and their thrill is from not having sex at all. They will probably have a relationship with an online entity for as long as time allows.
He might also get further insight on asexuality from someone much older who simply values companionship IMO. But there's my be his interest genuine or of the trolling nature.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 11/4/2014 7:32:06 AM >

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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 9:11:56 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you GoddessManko, to an extent I understand where you are coming from. I for example, get very turned on by the thought of power exchange. I also get turned on by watching others within a power exchange role, providing they are really good at it. Like you, I am very particular with whom I engage in sexual encounters with. Whilst I used to go to clubs and play with lots of submissives, I never went down sexual routes with them. It was the same when I was a pro Domme. I suppose what a lot of that none sexual dominance gave me was some hot images that were mine to keep. I have to say though, when I haven't been in a sexual relationship with someone, I tend to lose the desire to dominate people on a random basis; so if I were to go to a BDSM club as a single female, you would tend to find me sitting in the lounge and just generally catching up with others rather than on the play room floor.

It was my belief, though I'm probably wrong, that "asexual people" could have sex and still be "asexual". That an "asexual" person is someone who isn't attracted to someone on a sexual level but can still enjoy the function of sex. For example, a person can have a sexual libido and still be asexual because libido is merely a biological function and not a sexual attraction.


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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 11:54:08 AM   
starkem


Posts: 159
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I love to masturbate.  I don't do it every day, but I enjoy.  I am not sure where this fits on the a sexuality or demsexuality spectrum.

My conclusion of the male friends I have encountered (non sexual encounter) has me thinking that I am outside of the anticipated norm of sexual partners (of heterosexuality expectations) in this regard.  I have had less than 6 partners (being generous as to what constitutes sex per se).  Incidentally, they have been all famale.  A look at my profile will show you that I have elected bisexual identification because I find it liberating and closer to an identification (sexually); then I won't be accused of lying to someone.  However, it is really not my experience.

Still it remains that I have last had sex about 7 to 8 years ago (i lose count now...maybe longer) involving vaginal penetration of a female.  In the interim, about 4 to 5 years ago,  I licked some vag of a woman that said she has never had an orgasm.  I was sexually turned on without an erection, but aroused mentaly by the fact that I was doing my part for science.  Asexuality, bisexuality, and heterosexuality and homosexuality are all relative terms in context.  

Now, heretofore, you add even more complex social categorizations to my palette.  There's is no fault or blame for that.  I am, however, wondering if psychology, psychic mysticism and prophetic meanderings of various people will ever admit or conclude that human sexuality has no end, or can not be exhausted in terms of categories.  I see you are open to the personal experience of the subject.  Therefore, I present to you, simply, that it is too complicated to put experiences into categories.  For the sake of science I do understand the endeavor of those seeking data and/or understanding of such phenomena.

In earnest you will find that the mind is hidden purposely, and can not be surmised by merely what a person is doing of a sexual nature.  Some wish to say and think that their respective hold on sexual identity and gender classification is all inclusive and solidified.  I think it changes constantly by virtue of nurturing circumstances even though the foundation has leanings towards what is most desired and favorable to the individual (nature).

Now I have sat here and confused myself and this panel with ambiguity and perplexity as to meaning and terms.  I found your inquiry to be inspiring enough to engage, but quite perplexing to pinpoint a relative grasp.  Not to worry, it is not your fault.  I am clearly in over my head with regards to your terminology and thereby it's ultimate purpose.

You ever try to match wits with a doctor who is trying to bring you parallel to his conveyance by bridging the gap to his academic or medical training but you are still not getting there because you have different references of experience to his prognosis and limited academia.  I end up all confused.  

Nevertheless, I still consider myself asexual by default for lack of opportunity (not desired declaration), and for a myriad of reasons.  I still desire sexual intimacy in my mind and heart.  I just haven't found the persons to which my sexual would willingly manifest at this point.  One for the books, doc.  LOL. I don't expect anyone to understand -much less accept- because it would be considerably unfair on my part.  I am complex and I am other.

(in reply to MariaB)
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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 12:06:10 PM   
starkem


Posts: 159
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Short answer: to my own perspective, I am asexual as i have concluded by my own unique experiences. From the perspective of others that may wish to invalidate my experiences, I am at least bisexual - with homosexual repressed tendacies. . I don't think either assertion are inherently flawed assessment -just different in method of analysis.

Someone please call Dr. Phil.

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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 1:32:43 PM   
xgender


Posts: 78
Joined: 10/18/2014
From: A psych ward east of the Mississippi
Status: offline 		I have been learning about asexuality because a dear friend has recently come out. Like being transgender, asexuality has many sub headings. Some address: extent of sexuality if any, romantic attraction if any and sex of choice if any. So, for instance, hetero-romantic would indicate a person who is attracted to the opposite sex, but only in a romantic and not a sexual sense. I'm also learning that asexual people are often just that - asexual. What I mean is that they are not people who are afraid of sex, or haven't met the right person yet, etc. That's about ti for me. Starkem, I agree that it evolves, as I would have laughed at the thought of me being bi 10 years ago...

< Message edited by xgender -- 11/4/2014 1:33:18 PM >

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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 1:41:15 PM   
starkem


Posts: 159
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Yes xgender I do understand.

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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 3:51:46 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I am what I've heard of others describe as demisexual. Meaning I am not sexually attracted to other people while in a healthy relationship.

As far as having your sexuality linked to specific things. I'd describe that as a fetish. Almost entirely a male thing. Women rarely have true fetishes where they must have a specific object for them to become aroused.

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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 4:34:33 PM   
starkem


Posts: 159
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I'm sorry, I had to look this up from a non-clinical standpoint, because I was grasping the concept fully. I will share the wiki version (I know, I know...shut up) and see if others want to add to this simpler definition.

A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It's more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships. The term demisexual comes from the orientation being "halfway between" sexual and asexual. Nevertheless, this term does not mean that demisexuals have an incomplete or half-sexuality, nor does it mean that sexual attraction without emotional connection is required for a complete sexuality. In general, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender; however, when a demisexual is emotionally connected to someone else (whether the feelings are romantic love or deep friendship), the demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the specific partner or partners.
When describing demisexuality as an orientation to sexuals, sexuals often mistake it as an admirable choice rather than an innate orientation. Demisexuals are not choosing to abstain; they simply lack sexual attraction until a close relationship is formed.
According to one hypothetical model, a person who identifies as a demisexual does not experience primary sexual attraction but does experience secondary sexual attraction. In this model, primary sexual attraction is based on outward qualities such as a person's looks, clothes, or personality while secondary sexual attraction is attraction stemming from a connection, usually romantic, or from status or how closely the person is in relationship to the other.
Though factors such as looks and personality do not affect primary sexual attraction for demisexuals (since demisexuals do not experience primary sexual attraction), such factors may affect romantic attraction, as with any other orientation.
"Demisexual" is sometimes out under the gray-A umbrella. Demisexuality differs from gray-asexuality in that demisexuality is a specific sexual orientation in between "sexual" and "asexual", whereas "gray-A" is a highly unspecific catch-all used for anything between sexual and asexual that does not fit.
Demisexuality may make forming romantic or sexual relationships more difficult for some people. Demisexuals often make first impressions with sexuals of being "just friends", which may make them sexually value the relationship less.
Demis may also append a gender orientation to the label, as in "Demi-heterosexual".

By the way, after reading this, I am more akin grey-A area. I think I still have some romanticism left in personality. However, the emotional scars won't allow me to give that to just one person anymore. I want love everybody freely rather than committed to on person. When one balloon pops, I have several others. When I want Asian cuisine, I don't want to have to ask permission. Quite a narcissistic perception when viewed from those who prefer monogamy, sharing, loyalty and devotion. Yet, I have morphed -at least psychology- into this non-feasible reality. I am older, uglier and introverted. A hot mess if you will with health problems arising. There will be Neo-FreeLove paradigm for me although I wish to embrace it and interrelationships of openness. Very ironic that I will never reach the Kingdom I seek.

Hi. You are into ______. Sure, why not I try and experience that. Like the demisexual though, let's have something that brings us together beside sex. I treasure your friendship more than my cum. I can jerk off for that. Yet, don't try to call me everyday either. I don't like to be regimented into anything. Flow withit. Most people want assurance. I must be grey-A because I no longer wish for that experience. I respect all the experience, but I no longer require these.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 4:47:12 PM   
MissToYouRedux


Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

...
(I say "man" because dominant women are more likely to be sexually active with female submissives they scene or dominate with).
...



A bit off topic, but just have to say that glittering generality doesn't apply to straight women.

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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 5:09:34 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Women rarely have true fetishes where they must have a specific object for them to become aroused.

Knives.
All I have to do is look at a knife, imagine it on my skin, cutting the skin...and WOW....intensely erotic and arousing images begin to flow through the mind


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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 5:26:12 PM   
starkem


Posts: 159
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I'm trying to get to the point of some tantric centered space where I can actually feel eroticism without touching. Your imagination is interesting in that way.

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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 6:10:12 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I prefer to define myself as a wild fowl. Swans, Canada geese, etc form monogamous pairs unlike primate species.

Irish, I'm like that with rope. However I don't require bondage to be aroused. It's certainly going to spark arousal most of the time but I can become aroused without it. A true fetishist requires the fetish object every time. Obviously there are some things that all of us prefer, but prefer or enjoy is not the same as without it you never are aroused. So if you are capable of being aroused in the absence of knives, then you don't qualify as far as I can tell.

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RE: Asexuality - 11/4/2014 7:20:49 PM   
starkem


Posts: 159
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Autochorissexualism referenced by the OP.

I think I want to switch to this one now, because I want to witness a caning, but I don't want to be caned or administer the cane. Maybe I would direct the participants to my liking.

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RE: Asexuality - 11/5/2014 12:50:44 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissToYouRedux


quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

...
(I say "man" because dominant women are more likely to be sexually active with female submissives they scene or dominate with).
...



A bit off topic, but just have to say that glittering generality doesn't apply to straight women.


That is why I said "more likely"...not a glittering generality at all.


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