RE: Yep, It's Too Much to Ask a Woman to be Your Fetish/Kink Delivery System

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RE: Yep, It's Too Much to Ask a Woman to be Your Fetish... - 11/30/2014 5:54:55 PM

RockaRolla

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And books, and music videos, etc.

But honestly, I think the problem is less that works of fiction portray stalking and more that people use them as examples for how to live in the real world.

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RE: Yep, It's Too Much to Ask a Woman to be Your Fetish... - 11/30/2014 6:25:15 PM

shiftyw

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(adam levine is still hot tho...)

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RE: Yep, It's Too Much to Ask a Woman to be Your Fetish... - 11/30/2014 7:07:49 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

(adam levine is still hot tho...)

Ahem. As am I.

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RE: Yep, It's Too Much to Ask a Woman to be Your Fetish... - 11/30/2014 7:16:19 PM

shiftyw

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

(adam levine is still hot tho...)

Ahem. As am I.

obviously.

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RE: Yep, It's Too Much to Ask a Woman to be Your Fetish... - 11/30/2014 8:09:03 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

I think that men have been socialized into thinking that "persistence pays off," and that if they just keep trying and persisting, the woman will eventually change her mind.

So thinking about this, have you noticed that romance movies often glorify stalking?

The formula for Romantic Drama is,
#1 All About True Love, NOT LUST
Boys Gets Girl
One or Both Have Doubts or a Hindrance To Their Love
Boy Effs Up/Takes Girl For Granted and/or Hesitates
Boy Loses Girl (She may already be engaged to another.)
Boy Realizes He Can't Live Without Girl
His Love Emboldens Him (so that)
Boy Becomes a Fool For Love
(is willing to make any sacrifice, and is not ashamed to proclaim it to the world)
Boy Wins Back Girl's Heart
They Live Happily Ever After.
#Le Fin#

The formula for a Romantic Comedy can have more twists but essentially follows the same pattern.
Sometimes it's the Girl who has to win back the Boy's heart, once she realizes the jock/celebrity/entrepreneur-millionaire she dumped him for, is the wrong man for her and could never love her like the Boy could love her, the way that she needs to be loved.

On a side note, men who have my permission to stalk me:

Jude Law
Brad Pitt
Johnny Depp
John Cusack (That's who I thought your pic was of, at first glance.)
Jason Statham (I can overlook a shaven head, just with him.)
Leonardo diCaprio (I'll overlook age gap here.)
Sting
Bono (maybe, maybe not--depends)
Someone who shall remain nameless

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RE: Yep, It's Too Much to Ask a Woman to be Your Fetish... - 12/1/2014 7:20:26 AM

Zonie63

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Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

I think that men have been socialized into thinking that "persistence pays off," and that if they just keep trying and persisting, the woman will eventually change her mind.

So thinking about this, have you noticed that romance movies often glorify stalking?

The formula for Romantic Drama is,
#1 All About True Love, NOT LUST
Boys Gets Girl
One or Both Have Doubts or a Hindrance To Their Love
Boy Effs Up/Takes Girl For Granted and/or Hesitates
Boy Loses Girl (She may already be engaged to another.)
Boy Realizes He Can't Live Without Girl
His Love Emboldens Him (so that)
Boy Becomes a Fool For Love
(is willing to make any sacrifice, and is not ashamed to proclaim it to the world)
Boy Wins Back Girl's Heart
They Live Happily Ever After.
#Le Fin#

Sometimes, the line between love and lust can get a bit muddied. If the implied message in these movies is that it's okay to stalk for love but not lust, then it may send a confusing mixed message to the public.

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RE: Yep, It's Too Much to Ask a Woman to be Your Fetish... - 12/1/2014 7:51:19 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

I think that men have been socialized into thinking that "persistence pays off," and that if they just keep trying and persisting, the woman will eventually change her mind.

So thinking about this, have you noticed that romance movies often glorify stalking?

The formula for Romantic Drama is,
#1 All About True Love, NOT LUST
Boys Gets Girl
One or Both Have Doubts or a Hindrance To Their Love
Boy Effs Up/Takes Girl For Granted and/or Hesitates
Boy Loses Girl (She may already be engaged to another.)
Boy Realizes He Can't Live Without Girl
His Love Emboldens Him (so that)
Boy Becomes a Fool For Love
(is willing to make any sacrifice, and is not ashamed to proclaim it to the world)
Boy Wins Back Girl's Heart
They Live Happily Ever After.
#Le Fin#

Sometimes, the line between love and lust can get a bit muddied. If the implied message in these movies is that it's okay to stalk for love but not lust, then it may send a confusing mixed message to the public.

I think it already does, at least to some minds already muddled.

Robert John Bardo: stalked Rebecca Schaeffer (My Sister Sam) for 3 years until the object of his "undying love" kissed him off by doing a love scene. At that point, he went to her apartment and killed her.

John Hinkley: Stalked Jodi Foster and then attempted to kill Ronald Reagan to "prove" his love for her.

Now then, granted that these are two cases in which the "object of affection" had no relationship with the stalker other than, perhaps, actor to fan. But what about real life? These movies make it all
romantic but, then again:

Lisa Nowak, the NASA astronaut who allegedly drove
900 miles (reportedly wearing an adult diaper!) to
attack a woman who was dating her ex.

And a few months before, a young Belgian skydiver allegedly sabotaged her friend's parachute after learning
that the friend had had an affair with her boyfriend, ultimately leading to the friend's death.

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RE: Yep, It's Too Much to Ask a Woman to be Your Fetish... - 12/1/2014 7:59:54 AM

FieryOpal

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From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

Sometimes, the line between love and lust can get a bit muddied. If the implied message in these movies is that it's okay to stalk for love but not lust, then it may send a confusing mixed message to the public.

It really is a sad statement for society at large when we can no longer distinguish between romantic love and romance-positive lust, as opposed to sexual harassment, stalking, and inappropriate conduct in the form of non-consensual behavior.

This isn't always directed by males to females either. To a lesser extent (numbers-wise), females have done the same. Males prey upon other males, sometimes in the name of brotherhood. Females prey upon other females, sometimes in the name of sisterhood.

I am truly sympathetic to anybody who has been made to feel sexually objectified who didn't want to be sexually objectified. Those survivors of traumatic victimization. Or worse.

Even with D/s-BDSM, many cannot make the distinction that a submissive is submissive to whom s/he chooses, not submissive to everybody.

There are Dominants, and I don't exclude myself from this group either, who either intentionally or unintentionally try to dominate others without a clear-cut green-light signal of mutual consensuality.
Only by internal checks & balances and holding to standards of personal integrity, can (inappropriate) vanilla bossiness, the desire to control, exploit and/or manipulate others, can we hold ourselves at bay and act in a civil manner towards one another without becoming bullies.
Nor is this bullying culture or counterculture confined to just those with Dominant personalities. It is a part of having a[n animalistic] pack mentality, Alpha thru Omega, and a near-Omega can be just as if not more vicious than the others in pecking order.

This age of immature self-entitlement and obsessive-compulsive self-gratification isn't new either. (The Me-Me-Me generations) It tears at the fabric of society and heralds the collapse of civilizations. There is nothing new under the sun.
[/rant]

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Yep, It's Too Much to Ask a Woman to be Your Fetish... - 12/1/2014 6:39:51 PM

Zonie63

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Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

Sometimes, the line between love and lust can get a bit muddied. If the implied message in these movies is that it's okay to stalk for love but not lust, then it may send a confusing mixed message to the public.

It really is a sad statement for society at large when we can no longer distinguish between romantic love and romance-positive lust, as opposed to sexual harassment, stalking, and inappropriate conduct in the form of non-consensual behavior.

Actually, that movie is a bit dated anyway, although I'm not sure that movies have gotten any better in this regard. Still, when you think about it, playing a boom box outside someone's window late at night would be inappropriate conduct in the real world. It wouldn't really matter if it was love or lust. However, I think that love probably creates a higher level of insanity, whereas lust just connotes something physical or biological without emotional complications. Love leads to jealousy and fear of losing what one loves, which can bring about the stalking, harassment, and other inappropriate conduct.

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RE: Yep, It's Too Much to Ask a Woman to be Your Fetish... - 12/1/2014 8:51:44 PM

FieryOpal

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From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

Actually, that movie is a bit dated anyway, although I'm not sure that movies have gotten any better in this regard. Still, when you think about it, playing a boom box outside someone's window late at night would be inappropriate conduct in the real world. It wouldn't really matter if it was love or lust. However, I think that love probably creates a higher level of insanity, whereas lust just connotes something physical or biological without emotional complications. Love leads to jealousy and fear of losing what one loves, which can bring about the stalking, harassment, and other inappropriate conduct.

Erm, I'm not even thinking of that movie, which was probably a romantic comedy I don't recall having seen. (I mistook the actor for John Cusack.) Any sort of comedy genre operates outside the boundaries of socially accepted norms or is a parody of provocative behavior. There was one I can't think of the name, where a college guy tries to intercept a letter he regrets having mailed to his girlfriend, then goes cross-country to try to intercept it. Again, not your classic romance tale, but a romantic comedy adventure where boy undertakes a mission for love, encounters mishaps, and then eventually succeeds.

"The Notebook" is a modern-day classic romance, with its own individual twist.

Classic romantic themes are not about control and destructive forms of jealousy, or imposing one's will upon another--which is antithetical to romantic love. Darker stories are the exception.

Psychologically disturbed persons will act out regardless of whether romantic rejection is involved. Their biggest trigger is perceiving that they are being disrespected, like in the workplace or at school. Romantic rejection can be one of many factors which feed into an anti-social person's delusions. You can't compare someone going postal or resorting to violence as anything other than a psychotic break from reality (which isn't to say that they have a bona fide legal insanity defense).

"One is very crazy when in love." - Sigmund Freud

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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