Teaching an old dog new tricks (Full Version)

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smileforme50 -> Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 4:06:31 PM)

In another forum camille raised the question of whether she as a submissive could ever be a true master to a dog and train it properly. My somewhat warped path of logic brought up something I have wondered about for a long time.



I know I have a submissive personality. I have recognized it in myself since I was a child. I even wonder....and am exploring the possibility of being as slave. I have very little doubt about what my overriding personality and emotional makeup is.....I am definitely a follower, NOT a leader.


But..... I've also been alone and independent for 2/3 of my adult life, so I'm used to making all of my own decisions and doing what I want to do when I want to do it. So this makes me wonder how difficult it would be to give control to someone else.
...Not just the idea of submitting or surrendering, but also the fact that it could be simply be very difficult to break such long-standing habits..... And a very long-standing state of mind.


So I was wondering if there were many subs and slaves who first got into a power exchange relationship when they were older. Was it more difficult to let someone else have control than you expected? What was the most difficult part of it?



ExiledTyrant -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 5:06:45 PM)

smile, I could be less right, as usual, but I think you are approaching this a little akimbo. I understand that it is uncharted territory, in a sense, but I still think you are looking at this as surrendering to the unknown.

You could be the most submissive servile little subby sub sub that ever sub'd or ever will sub, meet me and the idea of surrender would make you throw up in your mouth a little bit. Conversely, you could meet Gauge face to face and fall to his feet. The examples are that I would be unable to draw out your submission and Gauge would make it ooze from you.

You shouldn't be looking for anyone to give your submission to, you should be looking for that D that inspires and makes it pour from you.

Jus sayin



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 5:10:52 PM)

[sm=goodpost.gif] ET. Well said.



NookieNotes -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 5:23:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

You shouldn't be looking for anyone to give your submission to, you should be looking for that D that inspires and makes it pour from you.


Yes. This ^^^^. Exactly.



smileforme50 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 5:40:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

smile, I could be less right, as usual, but I think you are approaching this a little akimbo. I understand that it is uncharted territory, in a sense, but I still think you are looking at this as surrendering to the unknown.

You could be the most submissive servile little subby sub sub that ever sub'd or ever will sub, meet me and the idea of surrender would make you throw up in your mouth a little bit. Conversely, you could meet Gauge face to face and fall to his feet. The examples are that I would be unable to draw out your submission and Gauge would make it ooze from you.

You shouldn't be looking for anyone to give your submission to, you should be looking for that D that inspires and makes it pour from you.

Jus sayin



I"m not looking for someone to give my submission to....I'm just wondering if the habits and frame of mind I have developed over the past 30+ years will make it impossible for ANYBODY to "make it pour from (me)"



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 5:48:03 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

smile, I could be less right, as usual, but I think you are approaching this a little akimbo. I understand that it is uncharted territory, in a sense, but I still think you are looking at this as surrendering to the unknown.

You could be the most submissive servile little subby sub sub that ever sub'd or ever will sub, meet me and the idea of surrender would make you throw up in your mouth a little bit. Conversely, you could meet Gauge face to face and fall to his feet. The examples are that I would be unable to draw out your submission and Gauge would make it ooze from you.

You shouldn't be looking for anyone to give your submission to, you should be looking for that D that inspires and makes it pour from you.

Jus sayin



I"m not looking for someone to give my submission to....I'm just wondering if the habits and frame of mind I have developed over the past 30+ years will make it impossible for ANYBODY to "make it pour from (me)"

When you meet the right D, you'll know it instinctively and just "melt". [:D]
If it is hard work for you, it's the wrong one for you.



kallisto -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 5:50:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

You shouldn't be looking for anyone to give your submission to, you should be looking for that D that inspires and makes it pour from you.





OMG ... this should be written in stone somewhere ...



ExiledTyrant -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 5:52:11 PM)

smile, do you have miniature people?



littleladybug -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 6:32:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50




I"m not looking for someone to give my submission to....I'm just wondering if the habits and frame of mind I have developed over the past 30+ years will make it impossible for ANYBODY to "make it pour from (me)"


Umm...I hear you on this.

Yup, I've felt the "he's the right one" thing...and then, once I think about it...I'm not so sure about giving up my independence. For me, 20+ years of being independent is a lot to overcome. Fortunately, I've met someone who understands this about me...





InHisHeart -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 7:04:08 PM)

I could't agree more with everything ET said. I was with my former Dom for 27 years, just about my whole adult life. When I met Master 7 years ago, I wasn't even looking for a Dom, I wasn't looking for a relationship of any kind. Before he and I started talking, I honestly didn't think I could ever be another Dom's submissive. I thought even if I met someone, I was too set in my past ways, the life I was so comfortable with, the life I was accustomed to that I wouldn't be able to adjust to the ways and lifestyle of another Dom and meet another's expectations. I thought for sure my D/s relationship days were over with until I met him.

In the beginning there were times when I would revert back to my old ways, there were times I would get very frustrated with myself. He was very patient, understanding, he didn't throw a ton of stuff on me all at once, he didn't expect perfection and he helped me be patient with myself. It didn't take long for this old dog to learn new tricks for the Dom that was right for me.



littleladybug -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 7:13:54 PM)

With all due respect, InHisHeart, there is a vast difference in what you are speaking about, and someone that has lived *independently* their entire adult life.

Personally, I think that this is a very real issue, that's not solved by someone saying, "when you meet the right person, you'll forget about all of this". I have lived on my own for about 20 years. Of everything that "being submissive" means to me, giving *that* up is the hardest. My day-to-day life has been dictated *by me*. From what I have in the fridge to the cable company that I subscribe to. While that might not seem like much to some...it's a big deal to me. Now, I have someone who is eager for me to move in...truth is, it scares me to death. Not moving in with him, per se... losing "my own place". Fortunately, I have met someone who is very understanding about this situation, and I believe that the OP needs that as well.



GoddessManko -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 7:45:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

With all due respect, InHisHeart, there is a vast difference in what you are speaking about, and someone that has lived *independently* their entire adult life.

Personally, I think that this is a very real issue, that's not solved by someone saying, "when you meet the right person, you'll forget about all of this". I have lived on my own for about 20 years. Of everything that "being submissive" means to me, giving *that* up is the hardest. My day-to-day life has been dictated *by me*. From what I have in the fridge to the cable company that I subscribe to. While that might not seem like much to some...it's a big deal to me. Now, I have someone who is eager for me to move in...truth is, it scares me to death. Not moving in with him, per se... losing "my own place". Fortunately, I have met someone who is very understanding about this situation, and I believe that the OP needs that as well.


You are right, that's pretty heavy. I think letting someone else make every decision would be... really hard for me, LOL. I was thinking of a lighter way to put this but I have to admit, I thought about it and it's so unpredictable it would be one of the biggest hurdles for me. Even if I was residing with someone else, making all the everyday decisions is so constant for me, even with my mother. She even listens to my stock advice before her broker's but hey, I gave up my activism so anything is possible. There's literally no one else who I felt comfortable giving up my business for, or my independence or trusted to manage everything day to day while I have blinders on (soft limit?). I try so hard not to offend people with this, but I think I would be very uneasy by such a thing, yes.
At least initially and no telling when I might think "OK, coast is clear. This is not going to be a total disaster." But I would say it's a bit more of a mental block, not to trivialize it but the good news is it is something you can overcome with the right amount and level of support. I'm thinking about myself in your shoes and yea, I have never let anyone just "take care of me" and think "oh yea, this is totally going to end well", LOL. It explains your strong will though. My sister has always had her husband who gives her the HBO package she wants so she has no idea. She thinks I get to "do what I want" which is true to some degree but she has that safe haven, that rock. I have always only had to rely on my own strength.
IHH is an amazing sub, really, and her long standing experience being happily coupled within a D/s dynamic explains it since she had two very long term guiding hands.



DesFIP -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 8:02:44 PM)

I was 48 when I met him. He just started taking control when he would see me having troubles. So although I had gone grocery shopping weekly, I still tended to get overwhelmed in certain aisles. Like picking the perfect cereal out of 100 choices. He didn't tend to try to micromanage stuff I obviously excelled at.

But even though you make all your own decisions now, there are things that you handle less than optimally. If he's better than you in those areas, then you should recognize that and be glad to yield authority over them to someone who can remove a source of stress.



sexyred1 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 9:20:45 PM)

I am independent, but would be very happy to let someone else lead.

It is not my independence that is the issue, but the lack of good, single, compatible men in my orbit.

I may need to find a new galaxy somewhere.



SeekingTrinity -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 9:34:06 PM)

~FRing it~

I'm a 41-year-old full-on alpha female to the core. I bow to no one and enjoy being an obstinate pain in the ass 99.999% of the time. I was dominant sexually and am very much dominant in all aspects of my life. I hate being told what to do, hate being vulnerable, and hate not being able to do what I want whenever the hell I want to do it. I don't have a submissive bone in my body.

However nearly three years ago, I met my soul mate. Or my match. Whichever you prefer [:)] Like me, he is alpha. Like me, he hates the same things I hate. Yet he inspires me to submit to him. He brings out a side of me that I never knew existed. I inspire him to submit to me. It was like we searched our whole lives for home...and found it in each other.

If it can happen for stubborn souls like my guy and I...it can happen for you IF you want it AND it's the right situation for you.



seekingreality -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/1/2014 10:21:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50


But..... I've also been alone and independent for 2/3 of my adult life, so I'm used to making all of my own decisions and doing what I want to do when I want to do it. So this makes me wonder how difficult it would be to give control to someone else.
...Not just the idea of submitting or surrendering, but also the fact that it could be simply be very difficult to break such long-standing habits..... And a very long-standing state of mind.


Like most things,the answer is "it depends." There are all sorts of sub-dom relationships. There are all sorts of levels of control. A dom might have complete say in one area of your life and zero say in other areas. Ultimately, you are the one who decides how much control you want to give up.

The idea of being a slave may well be very different than the reality of it. So the best thing to do is move slowly and figure out what works for you, rather than go into this with some firm idea of how things should/will be.



NookieNotes -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/2/2014 2:58:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I was 48 when I met him. He just started taking control when he would see me having troubles. So although I had gone grocery shopping weekly, I still tended to get overwhelmed in certain aisles. Like picking the perfect cereal out of 100 choices. He didn't tend to try to micromanage stuff I obviously excelled at.

But even though you make all your own decisions now, there are things that you handle less than optimally. If he's better than you in those areas, then you should recognize that and be glad to yield authority over them to someone who can remove a source of stress.


The parts I bolded are what a D/s relationship is all about.

Yes, there are things you will do just for his/her pleasure, but the majority of changes will be to add value to the life you already have, and grow you as a person.

And sex. Really effing amazing sex.

*grins*




ExiledTyrant -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/2/2014 4:26:13 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

With all due respect, InHisHeart, there is a vast difference in what you are speaking about, and someone that has lived *independently* their entire adult life.



Your perception is very askew. There was this TV show on years ago called M*A*S*H, and your statement here reminds me of S2 E9; Hawkeye and Trapper color the skin of a racist patient who demanded the right color blood while he is asleep.

The racist couldn't grasp that blood type was blood type because in his askew perception, the blood of a black person would "contaminate him". You are segregating walks of life, independent vs. coupled as black and white, and it is far from that. That is like never getting on a ship because the Titanic sank, ipso facto all ships sink.

InHisHeart's first dynamic was exactly like your "independence", because she chose a D that paralleled her life, wants, and needs. She was more free and independent than you, because she had a companion that neutralized angst and indecision, much like DesFip said. How often have you had no idea what you wanted for dinner and was later dissatisfied with the choice of chips and mindless TV, too late to make the bank, was late on a bill because there just isn't enough of you or enough hours in a day?

InHisHeart lived the life she wanted, the life she was happy in, content with, and found her serenity in... exactly like your "independence", and when that life was taken from her she was off balance and suspected that she wouldn't find that center of serenity agin. Lucky for her, He likes the same things that are in her fridge and He subscribes to her same cable company. Making a good choice in a partner takes away what, exactly?



littleladybug -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/2/2014 5:51:35 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


The racist couldn't grasp that blood type was blood type because in his askew perception, the blood of a black person would "contaminate him". You are segregating walks of life, independent vs. coupled as black and white, and it is far from that. That is like never getting on a ship because the Titanic sank, ipso facto all ships sink.


How exactly am I "segregating" things?

I was "coupled" for 8 years. I didn't live with him. This has nothing to do with "coupling", it has to do with living on one's own.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
InHisHeart's first dynamic was exactly like your "independence", because she chose a D that paralleled her life, wants, and needs.


Um, no.

I too chose a D who was what I wanted and needed. Thing is, I didn't live with him. There's the difference.


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
She was more free and independent than you, because she had a companion that neutralized angst and indecision, much like DesFip said. How often have you had no idea what you wanted for dinner and was later dissatisfied with the choice of chips and mindless TV, too late to make the bank, was late on a bill because there just isn't enough of you or enough hours in a day?


And, this is relevant to the OP, how?


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
InHisHeart lived the life she wanted, the life she was happy in, content with, and found her serenity in... exactly like your "independence", and when that life was taken from her she was off balance and suspected that she wouldn't find that center of serenity agin. Lucky for her, He likes the same things that are in her fridge and He subscribes to her same cable company. Making a good choice in a partner takes away what, exactly?



Again, you're mixing things here. My "independence" has nothing to do with not being in a relationship.




ExiledTyrant -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/2/2014 6:19:01 AM)

With all due respect (which is invariably followed by disrespect), I could pick this all apart for you and show you, but it will just become walls of quotes and dissection of quotes. You're stuck in your box, and that is okay Madam Barrister, live your life in any scope you wish, but do so sans broad sweeping generalizations that are mired in your personal perception of how things are.



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