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i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/6/2014 6:14:37 PM

cody1345

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im nice i say my name i dont say anything rude an im getting no where any advice?

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/6/2014 6:21:36 PM

SMgirl66

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well your asking for cute ladies, most woman would not see themselves as cute so therefore i for one would not reply you may want to be a little more specific about what you like to do. hope this helps

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/6/2014 6:27:50 PM

camille65

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From: Austin Texas
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I find your profile to be one that just wouldn't grab my interest. You don't say anything about yourself, all you say is that you don't know what to say lol. That is understandable to a point, it can be hard to formulate what you're seeking but it really does help to have more information.

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/6/2014 6:29:57 PM

BossyKitten

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Your grammar is crappy. Writing well shows intelligence which nearly everyone likes. Also are you messaging local women who are looking for what you're offering or are you sending messages to any female you can find? Sure the shotgun approach works 1 time in 100, but if you're looking for a quality relationship then it's not the way to go. Also, other than saying you give your name you don't mention anything else about your messages. I'm guessing the women you're messaging aren't too impressed by your profile either. It's a pet peeve of many ladies to see the "just ask" or "ask me anything", it smacks of laziness and not giving a shit, neither of which convey being someone worth playing with.

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/6/2014 7:01:40 PM

DaddySatyr

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From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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I don't know exactly what your messages say (I've never received one and that's NOT an invitation) but if it runs parallel to your profile, I would give it a miss, also.

I strongly suggest you give some thought to making something of a profile. You're not under any time constraints (except those of your own making). You can be at your leisure to write something that will grab a lady's attention.

Unless you're ONLY looking for play partners, don't focus on kink stuff. You're asking for a lady to become yours to do with as you wish. Why should she? Put that on your profile.

Remember that you're dealing with ladies; not blow-up dolls. They need to know what kind of person you are and that you are not a "typical man" since a lot of them will have some negative history with men.

Michael

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/6/2014 7:14:55 PM

Ladytisha

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Scrap what you wrote in your profile and start over. Really put thought into what you seek, are you seeking local or are you willing to relocate.

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/6/2014 7:41:33 PM

SeekingTrinity

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~FRing it~

Haven't read your profile, so no clue what you identify as and what you are looking for. If you are a male submissive, you are one of many fish in a pond with precious few female dominant anglers. It's not always true that if you build it (as in posting a profile), they will come. To be honest, this particular medium is a more difficult way to connect with someone in general anyway. All you can do is keep trying and hope for the best.

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/7/2014 4:14:37 AM

searching4mysir

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FR

Your profile isn't really doing you any favors. It says nothing about who you are as a person or what you are looking for. Profiles are about marketing. You are the product "for sale" and your profile says nothing about that.

Why don't you give us an example of the last intro email you sent (leaving the name of the person you sent it to off, of course). We can't help fix what we don't see.

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/7/2014 6:38:30 AM

FieryOpal

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You're only 24 in Ontario, B.C., and you say you're only "looking to play." Gee, I wonder why female submissives aren't jumping on your messages. Ask yourself this, if you were on a vanilla dating site, how many "girls" would be taking you seriously? There, at least, you could go up in ages somewhat. Here, you'd be hard pressed to find an older submissive willing to consider a Dom who can't possibly have much experience, if any. Then you have a wishy-washy sounding "i dont know what to say," with a lowercase "i" in your skimpy profile.

What little bit of info about you there is screams inexperienced newbie who just wants to get laid, or is hoping that kinky means fast & loose = easy b.j. You essentially have nothing to offer and are competing with a multitude of older, more experienced Doms. Less than vanilla boyfriend material, less than a reciprocating fuckbuddy. Like what the other posters are saying, you have non-existent appeal the way things stand, without even an interesting personality shining through.

What do you have going for you? Is there anything of substance you can say about yourself? Are you a young man with prospects, what was your major in college or are you still in college, are you gainfully employed (being set on a career path is immaterial because you aren't seeking a girlfriend), what kind of a Dominant are you? Why should any "girl" put herself in your hands, for limited NSA Topping, who has any sense? If you were a "girl," would you find yourself and your profile an attractive proposition? You are fighting an uphill battle as it is (age & inexperience, short stature, location, no relationship value).

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/7/2014 7:45:15 AM

DarkSteven

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im nice i say my name i dont say anything rude an im getting no where any advice?

The Internet is largely a written medium. Bluntly, you need to learn to write. As in, write with an idea to eliciting a response. Because now, you're simply sending out messages without thinking what will interest a woman.

1. Your post omits punctuation and capitalization. Your profile does as well. The impression is that you're lazy.
2. You say your name? Why would you expect that to do anything?

Now, let's look at some of the women in this thread, and how to approach each one based on profiles. Go for vanilla interests, and think about which ones you'd like to talk about.

SMgirl66 - her profile is almost 100% geared toward kink. Yet she says she wants a mental connection. It would be tough to send her a first message that's vanilla - I would try "I see you've been here a bit more than a month. How's the site working for you?" or "Your kinks seem pretty hard core. You obviously learned them in more than the month you've been here. Was it another site, or did you attend events in person?"

camille65 - pretend she's available (her profile says she's not). Her profile text gives nothing to go on, but her journal entries do. Try "I loved the epilator story! Please write more." or "You talk about cockroaches and how hot Texas is. What keeps you there?" or "You say in 2009 that you're new to Texas summers. Where did you move from?"

BossyKitten - her profile is a treasure trove. It starts off with a pic of a tiger, and explains why she considers herself like a big cat. Then she talks about her love for animals. Then she lists all her vanilla interests, and each one has a match in her Lives For/Loves/Likes list. If you can't strike up a decent conversation with her about something, you're just not trying. That said, her profile is so well written that I get a feel for her - she likes alone time and one-on-one time, and nature. She's also meticulous about her spelling and filling out forms. cody, you strike me as the kind who would like to watch TV and maybe go out a lot. I think that you and BossyKitten would make a poor match and for that reason I wouldn't bother messaging her if I were you - I suspect you two would not be able to even have a decent discussion.

LadyTisha - her main pic shows her reading a newspaper. Her Lives For includes newspapers. She closes her profile with a quote from Henry Miller, who was a porn writer before porn was even a genre. (95% of people my age wouldn't know who he is. The fact that she does even though she's more than 20 years younger than me, tells me that she reads the classics and older books.) I'd write her with, "Hi. I notice that you read Miller. My favorite authors are PG Wodehouse, James Lee Burke, and Donald Westlake. What are some of your other favorites?"

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/7/2014 8:09:40 AM

bounty44

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I wonder if you all are missing the point maybe; of course I could be taking this wrongly, but it's possible the OP is referring to getting women to write back, as opposed to just seeing his profile & taking the initiative to write him?

I used to be on collarme years ago---left disgusted, am back here now for a few weeks and am experiencing close to the same thing. I've had just a handful of women who I have not messaged first, look at my profile---the point being, its less what you have written in your profile, and more what you send in your first message.

So the real battle it seems is two fold---one is in getting women just to open your message to begin with, and then the other is in writing something that leads to/encourages a reply. I quite seriously am finding the odds about 1:200.

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/7/2014 8:19:32 AM

KinkyCakes

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I think they are getting the point, but most women will go take a look at a guy's profile when they receive a message from them in order to evaluate whether or not they wish to respond, so they're giving him advice about his profile because most women that look at it are not going to feel it worthwhile to respond.

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/7/2014 9:06:35 AM

SweetForDaddy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bounty44

I wonder if you all are missing the point maybe; of course I could be taking this wrongly, but it's possible the OP is referring to getting women to write back, as opposed to just seeing his profile & taking the initiative to write him?

I used to be on collarme years ago---left disgusted, am back here now for a few weeks and am experiencing close to the same thing. I've had just a handful of women who I have not messaged first, look at my profile---the point being, its less what you have written in your profile, and more what you send in your first message.

So the real battle it seems is two fold---one is in getting women just to open your message to begin with, and then the other is in writing something that leads to/encourages a reply. I quite seriously am finding the odds about 1:200.

I don't really spend much time looking at profiles but if I get a message from someone and its a message I want to respond to then I will look at the senders profile before I do. I do think profiles matter and they do affect how I respond to messages.

To the OP, I think you need to change your profile a little bit, look around at other profiles that catch your eye for positive reasons and don't copy them but think about what caught your eye, how they are set out, how easy they are to read, the use of grammar, the content and how you could make yours more interesting and easier to read. You don't have to write anything long, just add a bit of information about yourself. What you enjoy doing in your day to day life, what you are looking for in a person. Try to keep the information you put in it positive.

When you do write a message to someone, try to make it specific to that person. You wanted to write to that person for a reason, why? Tell them why (that may not get a very positive response if you are only writing because you think they have nice boobs or something). I don't think it has to be in the form of a question, saying "how are you?" probably isn't going to get a response. You just need to show you are interested in the person, find something in their profile that you might have something in common with them over and talk to them about it.

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/7/2014 10:14:40 AM

smartsub10

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I get a boatload of messages along the lines of "Hi, I'm (insert name), how are you?" I immediately delete them without opening. Also, 99% of the time the message is misspelled or has atrocious grammar.

If your messages are similar, you're going to have to polish up your grammar and writing skills. I read your profile and rolled my eyes. It's an uninteresting run-on sentence.

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/7/2014 10:30:49 AM

GotSteel

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Ok cupid has crunched a lot of data and come up with advise on the sort of things to say and not to say in a first message, I think it's definitely worth reading: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/7/2014 2:02:07 PM

FieryOpal

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@DarkSteven, excellent advice if OP can make the effort. FYI on sayings, that's touch and go. No offense, but Henry Miller and Anaïs Nin are way down on my list of authors, and more likely to turn me off to somebody (a man specifically, for a woman it doesn't matter). Steinbeck, Sinclair Lewis and F. Scott Fitzgerald are safer bets, IMHO.

@bounty44 and @KinkyCakes,

and welcome back. I agree with you KC, but I also wondered for a fleeting second, bounty, whether OP couldn't figure out how to get gals to message him first, per his wording.

@ SweetForDaddy, it's almost like a broken record (to guys)--personalize, personalize, personalize your message, for crying out loud.

@smartsub10, you get names? I just get the "Hi"s and "How are you?" Sometimes "May I speak?" and "Can we chat?"

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

Ok cupid has crunched a lot of data and come up with advise on the sort of things to say and not to say in a first message, I think it's definitely worth reading: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/

Most of this was informative, GS, but I have to take exception to a few things.
-- "Yo" and "Howdy" definitely register on my negatives (red) bar.
-- Also howTF does mentioning zombies get an over 40% success rate? They left off zombie + apocalypse.

-- "Please" being a negative 22%? Depends on how it's used, as in "Please write me back" (sounds like pleading, but that suits me fine), but I don't think "Please feel free to ask…." comes across as anything short of having good manners. Subliminally, let's examine this--it's asking for you (recipient) to please a stranger (sender). Why should you? In that vein, I can see where a "please" request might be offputting.

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/7/2014 2:15:37 PM

DesFIP

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I'd prefer howdy to yo.
I can see the zombie thing if you're a twentysomething. It's not sexual, it shows what you enjoy, and that you don't take life that seriously. It's light-hearted fun.

Now, I'm not a Walking Dead or Z Nation or whatever zombie game the kids use on XBox fan. But all of my kids would view this as something they have in common.

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/7/2014 2:43:07 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'd prefer howdy to yo.
I can see the zombie thing if you're a twentysomething. It's not sexual, it shows what you enjoy, and that you don't take life that seriously. It's light-hearted fun.

Now, I'm not a Walking Dead or Z Nation or whatever zombie game the kids use on XBox fan. But all of my kids would view this as something they have in common.

Oh, I also prefer Howdy to Yo as the lesser offensive greeting! Yo (a hair under 33%, 1% over line into green positives) and Holla (just squeezed into the red negatives, but still has a 31% rating) in a first contact message are so much more juvenile than a Howdy. (Not really into cowboys or country*-sounding colloquialisms) <* Unsure if the redn--- word is allowed on this site.>

No, I don't get into zombie videogames or shows either. My teenager & his friends really do (plus some of our Gen-X/Gen-Y relatives, a few of their dads and/or uncles), though.

I only saw "World War Z" because Brad Pitt starred in that movie!
But what I don't get Des, is why on earth would you start off your intro message listing what videogames or computer games you're into, unless you know from her profile that the woman is a gamer? Or zombie shows unless she has listed those as being among her favorites?

[Edited for initially mixing up Holla w/Hola@34%]

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 12/7/2014 3:09:09 PM >

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/7/2014 4:24:46 PM

GotSteel

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So like we were talking about before different sites have different demographics, okcupid is made by nerds so I'd expect we make up a stronger demographic there than on say christian mingle. As such what gets hits might be a touch skewed and you're right that context matters.

I think the things to take away from that article are:

1. netspeak = fail

2. Showing your compatible uniqueness and personality is more likely to get a response than a lifeless form letter.

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RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/7/2014 5:10:48 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

So like we were talking about before different sites have different demographics, okcupid is made by nerds so I'd expect we make up a stronger demographic there than on say christian mingle. As such what gets hits might be a touch skewed and you're right that context matters.

I think the things to take away from that article are:

1. netspeak = fail

2. Showing your compatible uniqueness and personality is more likely to get a response than a lifeless form letter.

You consider a group of entrepreneurial Harvard grads to be nerds? Ones who allow a kink subculture to flourish on their dating site? Pretty damn ingenious, to me. I daresay there are more of us lighter D/s types out there in the general population than there are hard-core BDSMers. What I like to do is to swap screen names and then compare their OkC profile with their CS profile. OkC gives me a more fleshed-out version, plus facial pics, to work with, then CS will show me their inconsistencies or else another aspect of themselves (whether by info contained, and by what is omitted). Then I can tie all of this in with their messaging content.

Btw, I've heard of plentyoffish, but never bothered to check out that site. And I concur with your conclusions about netspeak failing (as does textspeak when not actually texting), and the ineffectiveness of boiler-plated form letters (or one-word/sentence intros).

I've never tried a Christian dating site, although I am Christian, so can't comment on Christianmingle from firsthand experience. But...my best girlfriend at the time (who'd been celibate for many years) did meet a churchgoing man to whom she got engaged. Within a year, she'd bought the wedding dress and made plans when she discovered that he had another girlfriend. I think there are men who go on these Christian sites just to find "virtuous" ladies who are looking to save themselves for their (next) husband. Or else these guys were just hypocrites to begin with, religious convictions aside.

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